Name: Encounters with the Homeless | The Adam Friedland Show
Uploaded: 2024-01-13T13:00:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Encounters with the Homeless | The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Encounters with the Homeless | The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-13. Transcript available.

I just bought a homeless guy a sandwich because he's standing outside of Dunkin
Donuts doing
the thing where they like hold the door. Oh that thing. And then you're like
well now I have to
fucking buy you a sandwich. Which I don't really mind doing. It's like can't
you just ask for a
fucking sandwich? Well how many sandwiches is like netting him every day? I don't
know. I think
you're it's probably one person. I don't I just don't like the door holding for
me because then
it's like then you're like and then people see it and then what like oh like
this guy thinks he's the
mayor. Oh I didn't know we were in a doorman. Right it's like it's well it's
just like this it's I
don't like the uh yeah just being like treated like uh like just ask for a
sandwich. Yeah. You know
what I mean? There's one guy I really don't like and it's mean of me but he's a
stutterer in my
neighborhood and he makes you really wait till the end of the spiel and the
first time he gets you
and you're sitting there and he's like and and and and and then you're like
okay but then the second
third time he stops you to give you the spiel you're like I I like I just don't
have time I don't
have patience for this for your thing. Well my problem isn't a lack of patience.
I just you just hate
homeless people. No I don't hate homeless people. I don't like it takes too
long. I don't like I give
him a dollar. I don't like the the optics of a homeless person holding a door
for me. I try to
give him the dollar at the beginning of the stuttering spiel and then he's like
no let me finish
and it's just like just take the fucking dollar. Yeah. Right like I it's just
like I've heard the
but you don't have anything important going on. Yes I do. Part of the the the
human connection I guess
that's part of it too. It's like you know you give the guy a dollar let him
speak treat him like a
person. When the homeless guy holds the door for you he's already like creating
some kind of uh
social rift. I'm your butler. Right exactly. And you say you say thank you
Alfred. No I try to grab
the door before they can. Oh so you try to wrestle the doorway. Well I'll fake
them out because they
don't they won't do it. They'll only do it if you if they think you're going to
do it. What you have
to do is you have to walk. I'll walk. I'll start walking past and right as I
get past the door I'll
like swing in and get in there and then we fight over it. We fight over the
door. That seems like
worthwhile. Yeah. What I would do. Because if you get it before they do guess
who's not getting a
sandwich. So. The hungry man. Yeah right. The starving man. This fucking
homeless guy. Yeah. Yeah. What I
would do. Nice try pal. My fake out move is that I would then uh work for him.
I would treat him
like my boss. You know. Wait wait next to him when the next lady is coming into
Dunkin Donuts and say
like uh pardon me Skip like you you mind if I get this one you know. What I
what I'm going to start
doing is dress up like a homeless person myself. Uh huh. And uh get a spot
across the street from the
Dunkin Donuts and get maybe like a 35 foot uh sort of hook and when I see
people coming down. Like a
shepherd. Because I can see the whole street where he can only see in front of
the door. I see somebody
coming down the street. I know they're going to Dunkin Donuts before he does. I
open the door before
he can. Uh huh. So they come by and uh then I there's a little pulley on there
and there's like a
with a hook and it says tip please. And then the person comes out and then they
put the tip in there.
That homeless guy's standing next to the door and then I close the door. So I
can just steal his entire
business from across the street with my giant hook. Uh huh. You make like
probably $35,000 a year doing
that. Probably. I remember the local news used to do that. Yeah. This homeless
man makes $200,000.
Yeah. This homeless man is the richest man in the world. Yeah. We went to see
how much money they
actually make. That is one of the funniest categories of local news stories.
Yeah. Yeah. The homeless guy
makes too much money. Yeah. We brought our camera crew to the middle of this
intersection to harass a
homeless guy. Yeah. And the guy clearly is just saying he makes that much money.
But he his underpants
are made out of newspaper. Anti-panhandling laws have got to be like the
funniest. They're like it's this
whole system where you have to make money to pay your rent all this fucking
bullshit nobody wants to do
and then if someone has the idea of just being like hey can you just give me
money they're like oh no
you can't do that. No. That's cheating. No. Yeah you're not allowed to do that.
No. Yeah. Yeah you can't
just ask you can't do that. Especially because if you're crazy you have to live
outside. That's the
system in society. Is that we make the crazy people go outside. Right. Like
take it out. Take it out on
the streets. Yeah. And then once they're outside then we tell them that no one's
they're not allowed
to ask for help from anyone. Yeah. It's quite mean.