Name: Best Open Mic Stories | The Adam Friedland Show
Uploaded: 2024-02-03T13:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Best Open Mic Stories | The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Best Open Mic Stories | The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-03. Transcript available.

Let's go around and say our favorite jokes that we saw open micers from, you
know, 10
years ago when we were starting comedies, what's the best one you remember?
Yeah, that's a good question because you remember, you more remember a lot of
the bad
stuff, a lot of the bad people, the people that made you go, what the fuck am I
doing
with my life?
No, that's why I mean bad.
I don't mean the best joke.
I remember personalities.
I mean the worst jokes that make us laugh.
I'm trying to think back to like, I remember this one guy, this one guy one
time, he gets
on stage and he goes, yeah, my wife's really into law and order SVU, you know?
So when I try to seduce her, I go, boom, boom, get into the bed, boom, boom,
take off all
your clothes, it was really, it was like really shitty.
I don't know, I've never seen that guy again.
It doesn't even remotely approach comedy.
No, no, no.
I'm about to fuck you.
Stabler right there.
Yeah.
Boom, boom, get into the bed.
'Cause he's doing the law and order thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know, I know.
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
He's like dancing around.
Yeah.
And he was wearing a t-shirt that was like tucked in with a belt.
This is a, this guy, there's this guy in D.C. who's really funny, who like, we
had like
a, funny moms actually started in D.C. and it was like at a bar, it was like
full hipster
era.
You know, like plastic glasses, like Zooey Deschanel type of girls, you know.
It was like, you know, a white room, you know, and we booked, there was like a
big like urban
comedy scene in D.C. and like, we booked this guy that was our favorite, this
was like our
friend.
And he was like a, he's like crushing, like, 'cause it's like all these like
white people
that are like wanna seem cool, you know, like, he's like, oh, she looked like
she got the
pink areola's over here and they're all like, ha ha ha.
You know, like, he's doing a great job.
Is it Rolla?
It was Rolla, yeah.
In the middle of his set, he goes, nah, but seriously y'all, gay sex is
disgusting.
And the room goes silent.
It went silent.
And we were all in the back of the room dying.
He's like, how you gonna have sex in a bathroom?
Yeah, they like show too much of who they are.
Yeah, nah, but the real gay sex is disgusting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's the best.
We loved Rolla.
Yeah.
He's like always up here.
I see him at the stands sometimes.
Oh yeah, I think he's back in D.C.
Yeah.
I did a contest in Jersey one time and I got like second place.
And the guy I lost to did a closing bit about how like, yeah, you know that
when you try
to like fuck your girl and she's asleep and he like gets onto the, he like
mounts the stool
and starts doing like snoring noises and he's like, he's like frosting while he's
going
like everyone's like going nuts.
You're business about raping your wife while she's asleep.
While she's passed out.
Yeah.
Everyone's like, I was like, I just lost the fucking competition.
I'm just lost.
One time I was like back, like visiting my folks in Vegas and I like, like, you
know,
Googled like where they're open mics.
I went to a mic at a strip club.
Yeah.
And there was a guy that clearly worked at the Star Trek experience on the
strip.
Yeah.
And he like came still in his alien, like, you know, like, like, you know,
detailed alien,
like, like rubber head and stuff.
And like, and he did a whole set about like, you know, like, yeah, it's, you
know, so they,
they got these illegal aliens coming in.
He's like, I'm an alien.
Everyone's complaining about these goddamn illegal aliens.
He did like a whole set of things.
And, uh, it bombed.
I was the only one laughing.
I thought it was pretty good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it was just like, uh, bizarre.
Yeah.
I'd never, uh.
I don't remember.
At a mic too.
At a strip club.
Do you remember Barbara Todish?
Wait.
She, she's, she's passed away.
Yeah.
Thank God.
But she was just this like insane woman.
Was she the one that got naked?
Maybe.
She was older.
But she would just come in and just do these insane rants.
But then we found out that she was a professor at like Bloomfield College in
Jersey.
She was like a college professor.
They used to have that naked comedy show at the Creek.
Yeah.
Dude, I went in there one time.
And it was really insane when you see someone bombing.
Yeah.
You see like a girl naked also bombing.
Dude.
Yeah.
It's revolving.
It's like the saddest thing in the world.
It's like watching a snuff film.
I forget who.
What is that?
Someone did the naked roast and they pulled their jokes out of their pussy.
That's funny.
That's funny.
That's funny.
I went in there one time and it just had an odor.
Yeah.
And I was like, I gotta get out of here.
Were you wearing a trench coat?
Was it the creek?
I was wearing gray sweatpants, tight.
Yeah.
Really?
Yes.
You had the dick print out.
Got the dick print.
You were like, oh, Ian Fidans dropped in.
Hey, y'all.
Dude, I forget.
Ian, do you want to get naked and do some time?
Ian, do you want to maybe get up there and show the crowd your asshole?
I would do my patented, how does a gay hypnotist make you suck his dick?
You did as Ron White?
You're getting very sleepy.
Oh.
Because your dick's like a clock.
Not mine.
Mine is inside of my body, actually.
Yours is digital.
It's a turtle.
I've got what they call a turtle.
Dude, I forget the comics act, but when I first started, I got booked at some
bar show
in Delaware at some bar called McGillicuddy's or something, down in Middletown,
Delaware.
And the guy that booked me was like, hey, you're doing five minutes, don't go a
minute
over, and don't do that bit where you sing.
No one likes it.
And I was like, oh, okay.
And so I opened with it, and I made eye contact with him the whole time, and it
bombed so
bad.
There was a MILF that came to the show that I was like texting with.
I love MILF.
And she's like, I can't wait to hang out afterwards, blah, blah.
And she called her ex, and he came and picked her up.
They got back together.
I bombed so bad.
I sweat through my shirt.
I got off after three minutes.
You brought a family back together.
You did so bad at comedy.
I helped.
I helped.
That's pretty good.
And the headliner went on, and his name was The Coach.
And he wore a jockstrap on his head for a half hour.
He did coach as if he was like a football coach, but he talked like this.
And then afterwards, he sold signed jockstraps, and he made so much money.
And I was like, I'll get it.
This is never going to make it.
Yeah.
I did some Giggling Jersey a long time ago.
And one of the comics was shit-talking some other Jersey headliner.
And he was like, yeah, that guy's such a hack.
He comes out of a giant Chinese food container.
Imagine bringing that with you, folded up in your car, I guess.
And you come out of it.
Put it under your arm.
What's that giant Chinese food container doing on its stage?
What was the joke, though, when he came out?
I don't know.
Special delivery.
That's pretty good.
He pops out.
Yeah.
There was a guy named Bill Chang, who I used to have to drive an hour to do a
guest spot
in the back of an Italian restaurant.
And I had to build the stage and put all the chairs out and then give comment
cards out afterwards,
after bombing.
Yeah, it's so sad when you show up for a gig and somebody's working the door or
something,
and then they're the host.
That's what we did for barking.
Yeah.
Did you ever bark?
Yeah.
When you would just lie to people and be like, "There's some great comics on
this show."
Tina Fey's going to be in there.
"Come in the basement.
You get a free drink."
From NBC, Comedy Central.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then you have to go up and be like--
When you've seen the Fey on stage?
Yeah.
And then you have to go up and be like, "Remember me?"
Yeah.
And you're trapped.
You know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And this guy, every weekend, he was like the headliner, and he would close, and
his act
was the same time the whole time, and he faked a Chinese accent.
And he was like, "I'm up for an acting role."
And I got it, but then I got fired when I had to do the line.
You know the famous line I had to do.
"Stelra!"
And I was like, "This is the best thing I have ever seen."
"Streetcar" of course.
"Streetcar" of course.
"Marlon Brando."
Yep.
Yeah, pretty good.
Every weekend.
And he has no digital footprint.
I cannot find this man.
Oh, really?
And I don't know if he existed or not.
Isn't that crazy?
Yeah, these people had, I think, decent careers, because they were able to just
do local stuff.
Like regional guys.
Yeah, yeah.
Regional guys, yeah.
They've got to be driving a lot for that, you know, on the road.
Like big VFW hall guys.
Yeah.
Yeah.