Name: 80 For Brady | Nick Mullen & Jordan Jensen on The Adam Friedland Show
Uploaded: 2024-03-10T13:00:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '80 For Brady | Nick Mullen & Jordan Jensen on The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '80 For Brady | Nick Mullen & Jordan Jensen on The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-10. Transcript available.

I would love to, this is a sincere, let's gas Caroline up as much as possible.
Any 75-year-old doing anything, that's awesome.
Yeah.
You know what's funny?
I watched 80 for Brady the other night.
I hate Joe Biden.
Not because I'm like a Republican or anything.
It's just like, something about him just sucks.
And then I realized I'm just being ageist.
Because I watched 80 for Brady, I'm like, oh, this is what's going on in his
mind.
What's 80 for Brady?
The movie about the four 80-year-old women that want to fuck Tom Brady.
And then one of them thinks she has cancer.
So she's like, well, I have to spend a lot of our money to go see the Super
Bowl.
Wait, is it real or is it fake?
It's based on a true story about four women who are over 80 that watch the
Patriots.
But they didn't fucking ever go to the Super Bowl.
There's just, it was like a local news story about like, look at these old ass
women watching
the TV.
And they're like, they love the Patriots.
And they made them feature-length.
They had a group called Over 80 for Brady.
And then they, Tom Brady, when he was going to retire, he produced this movie.
I don't know if he was the one that optioned it and turned it into a screenplay.
But it came out like, what, two years ago?
Tom Brady produced his own movie about old people wanting to fuck him?
Yes.
That's insane.
Well, it was funny.
I was watching it.
I was watching it with my girlfriend.
And then, and then, and she was completely unreceptive to this argument.
Sometimes I forget that I'm not podcasting when I'm sitting there.
But it's like, just imagine a movie called like, called like Horny for Taylor.
And it's four 85-year-old men that are like, we only have one chance left to
get pussy off
Taylor Swift.
And they all sit around watching Taylor Swift.
Jerking off.
They're like, look how good her titties look.
And it's supposed to be heartwarming.
Imagine that.
It's heartwarming?
Yeah, it's heartwarming.
I mean, I did, I teared up.
No, you did not.
No, I did, yeah.
At what part?
Dude, I feel like the gum surgery like broke the, like broke the dam has been
like loosened.
Because I hadn't cried since Fast and Furious 6.
That was like 10 years ago.
What is going on, Fast and Furious 6?
Well, Paul Walker died in real life.
Yeah.
And at the end of the movie, you know, like, he's like, I swear if I see you
again.
You know, the song's playing and they're driving, and then the cars go
different ways.
And, like, Vin Diesel drives into the next movie, and Paul Walker drives to
heaven.
And they had to, like, they put his face on, they, like, photoshopped his face
on, like, a different guy.
It's like, not even, it's like, goodbye, dude.
And you're just sobbing for the first time in 20 years.
I cried in the theater.
But that was, no, I was, like, 25 at the time.
And I hadn't cried, you know.
And I had, like, family members die, friends die.
And I tried.
I would, like, get, I would, like, and it wouldn't happen.
And then, yeah, just that week with the gum surgery and stuff, because it was,
like, I feel like.
And 80-year-olds being like, we're going to go gang bang.
Well, I feel like I've been backed up.
Because what happened, I think, when I was 26, things started to change.
Things started to take off.
And then, because my perspective at the time is I'd been in comedy for 10 years,
and I did the things you're supposed to do.
And when I moved to New York, I moved to New York feeling like I already failed
at comedy.
I kind of just wanted to live in New York.
And then, like, there would be little things here and there.
But, like, when Cometown started to take off, I, like, tensed up.
Because it's like, okay, I've got to hold on to this.
Oh, yeah.
And then, like, I think that that.
And then, you know, other things, like becoming a public figure, that's weird.
And then you just, like, I feel like I became, like, very emotionally reserved.
And then, yeah, just having, like, the week off and getting the gum surgery was,
like, the first time I, like.
Because I haven't had a physical in a decade.
I haven't, like, I hadn't got my teeth cleaned in, like, four years.
I think it's that you have a girlfriend that you like who's cool.
Well, somebody that, like, yeah, to, like, just be vulnerable and then somebody,
like.
Because, I mean, I've been in other relationships.
I mean, certainly, like, having support, I guess.
It's, like, tangible.
I did not think I was going to like her.
And then she walked up to me and I took a bite of a tiny mini candy.
And I was, like, eating it.
And she was, like, looking at it like this.
And I was, like, do you want the other half?
And she was, like, yeah, can I?
And I was, like, 100%.
And I was, like, okay, I'm all in on this.
But, anyways, yeah, no, I did tear up at the part in 80 for Brady where you
think that
Lily Tomlin has cancer.
But this is the bullshit.
First of all, fuck this movie.
It's funny, whatever.
I don't want to shit on it too hard.
Because it is good as a movie.
Nobody is going to come after you for shitting on it.
Nobody will see it.
I don't know who wrote it.
Morally, it could be a friend.
I don't know.
Tom Brady, it sounds like.
Yeah, well, but morally, it's, like, it's these creepy old women that want to
fuck somebody
a quarter of their age.
Yeah.
Tom Brady is basically a child.
Yeah.
And if we're, like, all things equal, Tom Brady as a, what is he, 38?
What do you got to be?
Something like that.
40.
40 years old.
Okay, then you think that's an adult.
But these women are 80, right?
Right.
So they're basically Subway Jared in this situation.
Yeah, yeah, I agree.
And then the movie, I mean, it is a comedy, but, like, all that's happening the
entire
time is they go to the Super Bowl and they're surprising everyone because they're
just better
at everything than everyone.
Like, one of them is, like, oh, she eats edibles and then winds up in a poker
game with Patton
Oswalt and Guy Fieri and stuff.
She's in this poker game and she's just, like, oh, she's beat.
They don't think she's going to win, but she's beating all of them at poker.
She's the best at poker.
And then there's a game where you throw a football and the other old lady is,
like,
beating this, like, athletic, you know, young man.
And then there's a hot wings eating contest.
And Sally Field is, oh, she's eating the hot wings.
Nobody else can eat the hot wings except her.
It's just, like...
Sally Field, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is devastating.
So it's the same idea over and over again.
It's, like, people are going to under...
Oh, this 80-year-old woman can't do anything.
It's, like, oh, she's the best at the monster truck rally that we have.
She's the best.
And then eventually they go into the, I guess, like, the coordinator's box or
whatever.
And then they're, like, calling the plays themselves.
And they're the reason that they won the Super Bowl in 2017.
It's the Patriots winning.
And one of them has cancer, but she doesn't really...
She doesn't even have cancer.
That's the premise of the movie is, like, it starts off...
First of all, it's, like, the first 15...
Like, the whole first act occurs in just a living room.
And they keep jumping back and forth in time because they're, like,
let's just bang this all out in one day.
Yeah.
Right?
So we'll do a couple of costume changes.
But so they're sitting there and, you know, it starts off.
They're already watching the Patriots.
And it's, like, how did this start?
And it's, like, it was 10 years ago.
I was finishing up my chemotherapy.
And the TV got stuck.
And they couldn't, like, turn, change the channel.
The remote stopped working.
And they're, like, oh, football, turn it off.
Turn it off.
We need to watch a woman getting murdered.
You know, like, whatever they needed to see.
And then Tom Brady comes on the TV and they're, like,
let's suck his penis, you know.
And then they're just lusting after him.
And then they get into football from the lusting, you know.
Okay.
And then so this is 10 years later.
And then they're watching it.
And then there's, like, a contest to win tickets to the Super Bowl.
And, like, Lily Tomlin plays the one who had cancer.
She's, like, what if we went to the Super Bowl?
And then she buys tickets.
And then there's a contest.
But she buys the tickets and tells her friends she won the tickets.
Unbeknownst to them, she's gotten more, like, tests, more medical screening.
And she got a letter from the oncology, like, center.
And I'm, like, enthralled.
I'm, like, and then what?
She got a letter from the oncology center.
And they've been trying to call her, but she doesn't want to pick up the phone.
Because it could be bad.
Tom Brady.
Well, it could be bad news.
Oh.
So she won't open the letter from the oncology center.
She hasn't told her friends.
And so then, like, you know, you kind of get the sense.
Like, they present you with the idea that this woman knows her cancer has
returned.
She's going to die.
She can't go through the chemo again.
She just wants to take her friends out for one kind of, like, last hurrah
memorable experience.
That's very sweet.
But then you watch all this.
And then eventually they're, like, why wouldn't you just open the letter?
She's, like, I'm worried it would be something bad.
And I don't know.
And they're, like, and at this point they've lost the tickets and they've got
to find the tickets again.
And then they finally get in and they're in the skybox.
And then they're the reason that they win the Super Bowl.
And then at the end, it's, like, oh, and she doesn't even have cancer.
And it's, like, well, no, now you have to die.
Because, like, all.
You fucked a kid.
Even cancer aside, you're 85 years old.
You've already gotten more.
It's time to die.
You have to die.
I'm not watching a movie about old people.
You've already gotten more than most people.
Does one of them die?
One of them dies.
In the.
No.
In the.
None of them die.
Sally Field.
Sally Field.
Her character is married.
Her character is married to Bob Balaban in the movie.
And then they're, like, oh, look how boring Bob Balaban is.
Meanwhile, she's 75 years old.
You know, it's, like.
Likely her husband would be dead.
Yeah, well, you know, because he's, like, he's, like, can you give me notes on
my paper that I wrote or whatever.
He wants notes.
And she's, like, I don't have time for this, you know.
Meanwhile, her husband is a fully functioning 80-year-old just writing books.
Right.
So she won't give him notes on the books.
She goes.
And then she's, like, trying to cheat on him.
With Tom Brady?
Uh, no.
It's kind of, like, she wants to get better at flirting, I guess.
It's, like, it's a way to get this joke in there about, like, nagging or
something.
I don't know.
At a certain point, something happened.
Either someone called or I had diarrhea.
But I left.
I went to the bathroom.
And I missed a chunk of it.
But they're in an Uber ride.
And she's, like, I never got a chance to flirt.
And then she tries hitting on the Uber driver.
She's, like, oh, you have a nice head.
She says that to him.
You have a nice head.
Imagine if you tried to do this with me with the movie Face Off.
What described the movie Face Off?
Verbatim.
Well, Face Off is a masterpiece.
It really is.
You told me about it and I watched it.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
See, I don't even remember that.
Yeah, I love Face Off.
And then I rewatched.
You remember what the joke was that the old lady said in the Uber, but you can't
remember.
Conversations I've had.
Oh, I thought you meant you don't remember the movie Face Off.
No, I remember the movie Face Off.
I don't remember any podcast I've ever done, ever.
Yeah, yeah.
It's a blur.
But you can picture movies.
Of course.
Start to finish.
Because it's a story.
It's not just some stupid fucking conversation I'm supposed to have.
Yeah.