Name: A Segment about Buses | Ryan Donahue on The Adam Friedland Show
Uploaded: 2024-03-27T13:30:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Segment about Buses | Ryan Donahue on The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Segment about Buses | Ryan Donahue on The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-27. Transcript available.

and this I got another bone to pick
we're putting Ian Finance
on the kill him
I want him dead
but Ari on notice because
he tells me we're getting a tour bus
and I'm like alright well here's where my hotel is
he's like yeah we're picking up the bus now
we'll be at the Improv in an hour
I'm like okay well here's where I am
and I didn't want to ask for it but it's like
I had to call Lyft to where the bus was
and the bus has wheels
the bus has fucking wheels on it
I don't yeah come on
what the fuck is the point of having a tour bus
so they can stop in front of the place where you were
and a door that opened would allow you in
yeah exactly
didn't happen
I had to take a Lyft
a car to a car
and then I had a Lyft driver who I think
may be the dumbest person I've ever met
what made you think that?
the things that he was saying
I get in the car and we're driving
he says nothing
first of all he's got an empty lidocaine
patch
like packet on the backseat
his back there
just well just to let you know
I'm on drugs
I'm driving the car
wait lighter
lidocaine
what the fuck is that?
it's a painkiller
but it's a patch
it's like you put it on
no it's like a numbing thing
it's like icy hot
isn't it?
I thought there was some sort of
narcotic element to it
so he's a drug addict
he's a drug addict
he's on heavy drugs
schedule one
so he picks me up
he's got that just on the backseat
just out in the open
his back diaper
yeah terrible
fucked up on Lyft okay
and then we drive like 10 minutes
and then he goes
he's like
he's like
man
North Carolina's big man
I shit
I was like what?
what do you mean
what do you mean
North Carolina?
he wanted you to ask him
where he was from
what do you mean
he's like
I thought Georgia was big
but North Carolina's big
he's from Georgia
I guess he is from Georgia
and then I
you know
but I did inquire
and then he goes
nah nah
I'm from Jersey
and I said
okay
and I didn't understand
like where this was going
he wanted to tell you his story
wow
yeah
and what was his story
did you ask?
he did not have his story
he said he's driving from New Jersey
he was not supposed to be
in North Carolina
he was driving from Jersey
oh he picked up a Lyft
in the middle of a road trip
yeah
that's bleak
high on lidocaine
yeah
wow
did he drive you to the bus though?
uh yes
the front of the improv
he dropped me off there
and then I saw the tour bus
and then you would think
that that would be cool
because I was like
man I'm on the road
by myself
I wish I was on a tour bus
with other comics
right
and then you see the bus
and you're like
oh this is terrible
was it a big bus?
I mean it's as big as a bus gets
but it's still just a fucking bus
yeah but was it
it's like bunk beds
the bunk beds in the bus?
you're just a mobile
Chinese person basically
you're just living in
in a tenement
yeah
was there like
a little kitchen?
I didn't see a kitchen
no
no
I just saw the beds
and I was like
oh this seems like
it would not be
you walked in
they're probably
they're in that bus right now
I guarantee the tour
is still going on
you walked in
you were like
actually this is lame
you said to them
you think 4 or 5 p.m.
they're in the bus?
yeah
oh yeah
or it's parked out
in front of somewhere
really?
they've parked the bus
in whatever town they're in
and then they're taking lifts
to Jason's Deli
or wherever they're going
they don't drive the bus everywhere?
I
they didn't pick you up
they didn't pick me up
and I don't
I would imagine
that that bus
it's probably a union bus driver
so he's like
I just go to the place
oh those guys
don't make them work
and I'm locking myself
in the bathroom
and shitting for 36 hours
do you have to have
a union bus driver
to have a tour bus?
I think you have to have
a CDL guy
because it's over
you can't just have
a friend?
no you need
a commercial driver's license
were there any girls
on the bus?
no
zero girls
zero girls
that's why the bus sucked
yeah
if it was bunk beds
and all chicks
you'd be like actually
just the women
that follow
hello ladies
bus ladies
are the coolest
yeah
they don't even like comedy
they're not
they just like buses
they like buses
they like buses
they're like
I love getting fucked
on a bus
I don't care who
it is
if you got a bus
my pussy is open
for business
I'm busing
I remember
when I saw
Dumb and Dumber
as a kid
getting really sad
when they
give the Swedish
bikini models
directions
instead of getting in
yeah
I didn't even like
know what fucking
was at that time
and you knew
they missed an opportunity
to have some bus ladies
go to the bus
sexy girls
oh yeah
sexy girls
and bus ladies
are all very sexy
I know a lady
who used to have
sex on a bus
Rosa Parks
sure
she's a bus lady
she's the only bus lady
I can think of
what about the girls
from the bang bus
bang
oh yeah
those are bus ladies
I used to also get sad
at the end of
the bang bus
it's crazy that her name
was Rosa Parks
but she rode
to the bus
and she drives
yeah
it rules
and the bus
yeah it drives
right
her name should have been
Rosa Driveway
right
hasn't you know how that works
Rosa Highway
Passage
sounds like an ace
Seinfeld
it's weird that you park
on the Rosa Parks
her name
there was a bus driver
Rosa Driveway
that's right
yeah right
in my hometown
there was a bus driver
lady who was
drinking on the
yob all the time
she was a booze bag
driving elementary
school kids
which I mean
is honestly
a pretty cool way
to liven things up
for you
Miss Frizzle
it's Miss Swizzle
did she give a pussy
she didn't give anybody
any pussy
no
really
no she was very selfish
so she was a tease
she was a huge tease
because I'm like
you're a bus lady
what are we doing
in middle school
my bus driver
her titties
they were like
hot titties
did she drive
old lady's titties
they were basically
she was basically
driving with them
I always thought
that was stupid
that the bus
has a giant wheel
like a giant
steering wheel
like you don't need
a big wheel
yeah
why isn't it just
a regular
fucking steering wheel
I don't understand
well because the bus
is big
yeah I know
but that's what I mean
it's a big bus
it's stupid though
it's like
you think you should
have a little wheel
it's like they invented
buses and the guy
who made the steering wheel
was like
wouldn't this be funny
you know what I mean
like get it
the bus is big
and the wheel is big
also
the tires are big
but that makes sense
because that goes
on the outside
the steering wheel
doesn't need a big
wheel
it doesn't make sense
yeah
yeah
yeah