Name: John Kirby: The White House's Evil Dummy | Tim Dillon on The Adam Friedland Show
Uploaded: 2024-06-02T14:30:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'John Kirby: The White House's Evil Dummy | Tim Dillon on The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'John Kirby: The White House's Evil Dummy | Tim Dillon on The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-02. Transcript available.

the biggest thing out of canada in the last 10 years is jordan peterson that's
right
yeah that's right who's done irreparable harm it's just who's just really you
know
can we blame countries for stuff like that because we get probably not we can
blame countries that
had nothing to do with 9-11 for 9-11 we did a 40 uh we did a 14 year war yeah
the country that
didn't do 9-11 for 9-11 yeah we should be able to bomb canada because of jordan
peterson
that might be extreme yeah but it could be it should be on the table okay yeah
you know what
i mean you should at least that's where the state department would answer it he
goes of course
yeah right it's on the table look at what we've done yeah it would be hilarious
if there were videos
of just canadian children being melted well and john perby being like that's
that's tough business
okay that's that's the way in business things are tough this is what happens i
you know i don't like
it i it's it's not it wouldn't be my first choice no of course not of course
not it wouldn't be my
first choice and i take offense to the question yeah i don't like that question
yeah you never love the
question yeah um i have you ever sucked a cock yes or no uh no okay i don't
like i don't like the way
you're asking that okay that's tough yes that is the way we would characterize
like that is the way
he would perfect i'm trying to figure out what it's tough business something's
wrong with john kirby
and i know i don't know what he's like he's like a reanimated doll yeah i don't
know why he's out
there remember the goosebumps book about the dummy yes yes he's the guy that's
him he's that rl stein
yeah he's that goosebumps dummy yeah that guy is i don't know why i don't know
what's going on over
there that he's even up front for this like i don't know who apparently there's
drama behind the
scenes between him and john luke picard yeah she's like that's that's my job to
go out there
and do obama mannerisms yeah that's what i do it's i love that too that some of
the democrats are still
trying to do the obama well i also feel like john kirby is finding out what's
going on in real time
like i don't feel like anyone tells him yeah i think he's not i feel like he's
using his face to try
and hold his eyeballs into his head i feel like nobody gives him like the the
nobody gives him the
talking points before he goes out he's just kind of like yeah yeah and he's
gonna react in real
time to the horrors that's what it is he's doing fucking w's mannerism yeah
that's how long he's
been around that he's like he's like that's just that's just what that's just
that's tough cookies
you know 40 children beheaded that's fucking that's the way the cookie crumbles
it's the cost of doing
business you sir you like cookies yeah now you're gonna say just because the
cookie crumbles we're
gonna say we're not gonna eat cookies anymore i mean that's come on you know
and i never forgotten
what hamas did on on october 7th yeah that's the important thing that's the
that's the meaningful
question sir you fucked my wife yeah he's like hey are we going to talk about
october 7th because
that seems more important yeah than anything i may have fucked or not fucked to
your wife which not
saying we did they were kids at a music festival yeah how about that yeah no i
i um because he was an
obama administration guy he wasn't like a a w administration no he's just there
he's a guy that he
lives in the pipes and they bring him out and he doesn't quite know why he's
doing this yeah it's
a very undignified job to deal with the press yeah it's not a track like anyone
really well it's just
a launching pad to like get a job on fox news or any of these places yeah right
it's all it is right
it's nobody wants it it's like half the time you're getting just roasted in
front of everyone like
they pick you out all these guys shit on you you look like an idiot all the
time yeah so it's a tough
gig unless you want to go right from that to like and no one's hiring john kirby
like no one there's
never going to be like the john kirby show yeah late night tonight it's like
you know the news hour
with john kirb no one's going to hire him right so he knows that he's just
going to die after this yeah
he's just kind of being like he's like a fool but he's not press secretary he's
like the pentagon
spokesman no which is worse yeah right what the pentagon spokesman's job is to
come out and then
like figure out like some reason like he's which seems like so yeah it's a
losing proposition it's
a losing proposition but the pentagon one is the worst no the pentagon's the
worst because he's got
he's got the whole national security apparatus that he has to answer for he has
to answer for what
everybody's doing at all times yeah and he doesn't even know yeah and he no one
cares about letting
him know but he's particularly bad at it because he'll like feign like like
pathos sometimes yeah and
it's like just don't do that i don't know you desperately need like someone who
is that's had
their soul surgically taken out of their body it makes you kind of miss those
just evil no you need
neocons you need an evil guy like a paul wolfowitz or any of those guys exactly
yeah who used to just
go listen fuck them fuck them listen richard pearl remember those guys yeah
they'd go yeah it seems
like you guys just burned everyone in mostly go and you know what they died
faster than they would
have if they had starved yeah it's like those are your options you want you
want i just almost fell
back that would have been a great moment yeah had i said something about richard
pearl and then died
you're down so we turn the cameras down you're in a sweatshop and drags me to
hell he just grabs
he grabs my face right that's the end of the episode it's paul wolfowitz and
richard pearl
just grabbed me to hell and i sucked them both off yeah but the thing about
these jewish neocon
no yeah yeah um but it's uh no it's weird now because feigning humanity is such
a they're not
they're incapable of doing it a mashup of john kirby responding to the rafa
thing oh yeah and then also
him like pretending to get choked up over ukraine he's like yeah yeah he's like
when you see some of
these images this is my favorite thing because it's like is this water i can
drink uh yeah okay it's
hard for actors to even do that but you're not an actor you're an you're an
evil person part of an
evil empire that's right and we can see you're not crying no you're darth vader
we can see if you were
better you'd be there's no tears coming out of your face there's no tears in
his body right this is a
guy yeah he's like he's covered in spiders under his suit and they've they've
desiccated yeah he
john kirby's like big regret in his life is that he's not like in the genocide
room yeah but he's
like on the outside of it like having the chat about it uh-huh yeah he wants
people to not know
who he is he wants to be the guy the whole point of those guys is people figure
out what a monster
you are after you've died yeah that was the whole thing about the national
security state the whole
thing was like we got to deal with the media when i'm on my deathbed this sad
everyone i did it the
sad part is all of those guys could have just been beloved author tom clancy
that's right nobody hates
because nobody hates tom because he was never in the military that's right
because he never held a
government that's right he was just some some pardon me for saying it but who
liked the military time
that's right that's all he was that's the best case scenario and that's what he'll
say on his death
pad john kirby will look at some nurse or someone he just grew up and he goes i
could have been who
just like i could have just been a guy that liked 24 hours on a clock but i got
involved and i had that
job with charade pardue we had to go out uh tell everybody why this rafa thing
works yeah uh mr kirby
you you shit yourself earlier today hey that's none of your business okay i i
find it hard to believe
that none of you have shit your pants either now you look at these young men in
the ukraine they're
never going to get a chance to shit themselves yeah right i saw i saw a video
of a of a ukrainian
man who sharded and it
you