Name: Traveling to Israel in 2024! | The Adam Friedland Show
Uploaded: 2024-10-07T14:00:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Traveling to Israel in 2024! | The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Traveling to Israel in 2024! | The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-07. Transcript available.

Oh
I wonder can I talk about this real quick or do we got to talk about go go go
go?
So I was going to Israel
Like I was like six years ago to see Leo
Is that where he is? I want to meet up with him. Yes on the the Israel Jordan
border. Well, they do a lot
There are a lot of pedophiles
Calling Israeli guys
Yo, this music is ass
Not fucking it's really cool
They're losing LMFAO shit music they have the worst taste I've cousins there
They're like have you heard imagine dragons? Oh, yeah, they're behind those are
the guys doing the genocide and behind
It's like it. That's the argument that it is. It's not behind. It's bad taste.
Yeah, it's bad taste
Well, the truth is it's the same music that Palestinians listen to if they both
realize that they both like
LMFAO
Maybe they could make these they could come together
They both like I'm sexy and I know it so I I thought I was gonna have this big
Jewish awakening when I went to Israel
what the fuck and I don't know what I was thinking, but I
um
Have you ever been before? Yeah
Have you ever been so
Yeah
So like yes yes yes yes yes yeah
Plenty of times
I feel like Nick would go and then like give a class to like Palestinian kids
like you would go
No, he wouldn't
No, I should not go comedy
He teach about the rule of three give a podcasting class to fucking he's like
set up punch tag
There was a guy there was a comedian in New York that tried to like get me to
go
I remember that guy
Yeah, dude
He was nuts
There was this guy this guy Ari that was like he would do comedy, but he was
like he was the guy that was like always trying to do a million things
He hated Nick
Yeah, well no
He was very nice to me initially because he was like
He was like
He was always trying to he was in like Kurt's circle kind of and Kurt was like
in my corner
So he would like, you know, he put me on some shitty bar show one time I met
the guy one time
But he would like share articles that I had written
And then one time I wrote one article making fun of I guess some settlers
murdered a 14 year old American boy
Oh, and you teased them
And I made an article making fun of like how the State Department would be like,
you know
Um, you know, not really there's no accountability for that, you know, it's
like
And he's like immediately sharing he's like this guy's an anti semi he's tagging
the comedy seller
He's like where's your article about how bad the Palestinians are and I'm like
what the fuck are you talking about?
Like, you know, and I didn't even I wasn't even like engaging in an argument
with him, but you know this guy's like, you know tagging all this stuff
And I was like bro. Just chill out eventually calm down
He was but he wanted you to go to Israel with him after that
He was like I'm putting on you know
He's like I think you know, he's like I'm bringing comics out there
And he got a couple of them to go with but I was like, ah, you know, I don't
know my schedule
I don't know my car. It went on one of those trips for real. Yeah. Yeah, wait,
so what happened when you were there?
So, you know when you when you fly allow like you don't just get to like check
in like through the kiosk
You have to like go you get question. You have to yes, you get questions. Yeah,
my dad fuck
Oh, thank you
Did you get to get prison?
No, I'm good. I'm clean. You gangster that be funny guy. You got you got Riker's
herpes. Yeah, yeah
If you snuck this in in your ass, it's a talk show when I get some of that.
Yeah, you guys can share. Did you make that in the toilet?
Yeah, toilet toilet toilet vape water. You got this at the commissary? Yeah, I'm
trying to make toilet GameCube
So you you go up and talk to the agent, right? And then you know, they're not
in question before so they
She's you know, she goes, um, you know, first time going to Israel. I'm like,
yeah, she's like, why are you going?
I'm like, I'm gonna go. I had a cousin who was living. I want to blow up a bus
stop. No, I'm just kidding
So I'm going there for prostitutes. She goes that you speak Hebrew, right? I go
I go no and she goes up
But you could read it, right? And I go no
And she goes but you understand it. I'm like if I can't speak it and I can't
read it
You know, what what the fuck do you think?
And I said that to the I didn't say what I was like if I can't speak it and I
can't read it you think I know then you went real
More equal. Yeah
I go I go I speak more Yiddish than Hebrew. Yeah
Yeah, and she goes all right talk to me in Yiddish. I go like you want me to
tell you like kiss my ass and Yiddish
I was like that's and then she's like, what's your favorite prayer?
And uh, what was my I had I did have a favorite prayer
The Shema right and she goes she goes say it right now. I'm like there's like
200 people behind me
I'm not gonna say the Shema right now
I fuck with Shema heavy and I love it
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, whenever I'm in trouble I still and then she goes
Do you know is there do you know anybody else in the Middle East?
So you were just going by yourself just going by myself. Oh, okay. She goes do
you know anybody else in the Middle East?
And you're like look, I don't know
And I go I go my buddy my Pat my buddy. He's Palestinian
He has family over there. Well the worst answer. Mm-hmm. I was like I didn't
know I was like I might go see us or air of
Yeah, and she goes she like completely every she's just like she's like where
do they live in Palestine? And you know
I think I was like I think area B like that's right. So she's like, okay stay
here and then she goes
and gets I guess her supervisor and
Who's one of the Harry Potter characters?
And he's like, what's your friend's name?
And so he flies in and he goes bring the chance cube
I thought we were done it the blue guy said I could go
The blue elephant guy said I was good. So I was good to go
Yeah, he comes over and he's like what synagogue do you go to in the synagogue?
I went to was reform synagogue and our rabbi. She's like people call her a self-hating
Jew
They they like they don't like her you was a girl rabbi
two girl rabbis and
So there he doesn't like that
Of course not and then he goes what's you know, he goes what's your friend's
name. I tell my friend's name
He goes when's the last time you saw your friend and it just so happened that
we had just ran an ultra marathon together
Oh, I thought you were gonna say we were celebrating on 9/11 on the rooftops
So he's like they're like, oh you are Israel
Yeah, okay
Of course
So everything I'm saying is this he's like he's like ultra marathon. How long
was the marathon?
And I was like 37 miles. He's like so you ran 37 miles with a Palestinian
Right next to you. I was like, yeah
And he's like, can I see the last
Your tech I see your text messages
With with him and I opened it up and I totally forgot this but his
The last thing he sent me was like
Like a political propaganda joke about Netanyahu
Uh-huh. Oh God, so they're like leave your bag give us your bags and I can give
us give us your phone and they're like
We're gonna walk you to the gate and so I was you're already in the country at
this point or I know
Yeah, right and I'm like I have my phone. I got to call my mom and they're like
all right here. We'll give you your phone
They're like do not move from here
We will come get you so I call my mom and I'm like what the fuck is going on
here?
Let me talk to them. She's like no, this is good. It's safe. Put me on the
phone
So she she's like you should feel safe. I'm like no my I don't want to go. I
don't want to go now. I want to I want to leave
so dude the plane starts to board and
Nobody is is coming up to me and I see the lady and I'm like yo you guys said
you're gonna come talk to me and
She's like yeah, just wait wait and I just go listen. I don't really want to go
Do you think I could get my money back?
And then she was like no absolutely no refund
No refund
That's the worst form of terrorism
You ask for a refund?
You idiot
And then they come get me and they fucking they bring me into this little room
And I had to get down in my underwear
Dude, I have a story after this. Yeah, and
Yeah, I had two phones on me. I forgot one was a work phone
So they were like we're giving you one phone
You could have one phone
But we're taking everything else your your luggage all that and you'll you'll
get it when you when you get to
Tel Aviv
So they walk me to my seat on the plane like this just doesn't look
Yeah, good that again this doesn't look good at all and
And I I go can I have a phone charger at least something is a 12-hour flight
and he goes
The the stewardess will give you one and then I asked the stewardess for a
charger and she just she literally just laughed in my face
So then
I'm sitting next to the smelliest Orthodox guy in the world
Yeah, for so his wife was here first
He had to move because she can't sit next to another man
Well, by the time I landed I was like Jesus crazy these fucking Jews, you know
what I mean?
They really they're so rude, bro. My computer didn't work right for the
Orthodox are so rude weeks
It was oh you have malware on your computer right now. It is cool. They're
listening
Those guys in Israel. They're like they won't they they're trying to change the
law so that they can be drafted
Yeah, and they can't really do it and they won't get those guys to sign up so
they're just blocking traffic and stuff
And it's like these guys fucking rock
Oh, they're the guys who don't want to be in you know what they do in Williamsburg?
They're doing that in Israel to stifle the war effort basically only because
they like traffic
It's it's over reported those guys are not the they're not freedom fighting
those guys
I know they're not freedom fighting, but they're protesting because they just
don't want to do anything
No, because they get paid by the government to be Orthodox
Okay, but they also don't they also don't want to do it. They don't want to do
anything. They don't want to do anything
So it's not like oh this is a genocide. It's like what do you mean I have to go
to work? No
Yeah, right
Which is the funniest which is the best way to protest
I was in when I was 18 I went to a lot which is the southernmost city in Israel,
right?
And it's there's it's right next to the sort of the tombstone of right next to
the Egypt border and a lot of wider types
It's right on the Red Sea and it's right next to it's right next to Egypt and
it's right next to Jordan, right?
Egyptian side there's a casino and so I got tanked with my friends were like
wasted and I had my passport with me and they were like
Let's go over the border. Let's go to the casino. Let's go gamble, right? So I'm
like that sounds fucking sick
So I go I'm like a fucking 18 year old. I don't have that much money, right?
Right, so I lose my whatever $40 immediately and my casino suck man
Yeah, and it hurts my feelings that I used to have $40. So they're like
whatever let's go back over the border
Like we suck at gambling and the at the border there were my passport was from
when I was 15 and I had like long hair
I look like a teenage lesbian and I had like shorter hair was 18 at that point
and they were like this is you in picture
This is you and I was like, yeah, it's me. I know I got a haircut, but I swear
it's like this is me and they were like, okay, come into room and
They made you yet. They thought I gangstered something. Oh, they went in your
booty hole. They were the call cough. Oh
They inspected butthole. Goddamn great guys. I met a lot of good guys
*music*