Name: Rob Schneider on Working on SNL & the Lost Steven Seagal Episode
Uploaded: 2024-10-29T20:15:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rob Schneider on Working on SNL & the Lost Steven Seagal Episode' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rob Schneider on Working on SNL & the Lost Steven Seagal Episode' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-29. Transcript available.

Were you the first of your friends to get "SNL"?
Yeah.
And you were hired as a writer or you were hired as a cast member?
Writer.
But I knew that the...
But you were kind of...
What was that?
I knew I was going to get in there.
I knew this was my ticket.
Do you remember your audition?
Yeah.
I fucking auditioned in the Melrose and I knew Lorne Michaels was there.
And I crushed, you know.
The next day he wanted to meet with me and I was like...
But I got a gig and he'd understand that I got a gig.
I'm making $75 in San Diego and I got to go do my gig.
On the way down there I literally like...
I was pissing my pants going...
Did I just make the biggest fuck up of my life?
I shouldn't...
That's a little bit of a big dick move.
Then I had to audition again and then I was nervous.
Shithouse nervous here.
Yeah, because you don't get laughs, right?
You don't get laughs, but they just want to see if you'll crack or not.
Because it's a lot of pressure.
It's scary.
They don't want a guy cracking.
Yeah, yeah.
And then...
Because I remember Jay Leno, I drove him around in my car, you know.
Because he was doing some gig and my manager at the time, you know.
Yeah.
He said, "You'll drive Jay and he'll pick up...
You'll learn something."
Yeah, yeah.
And I did.
Have you ever given Roadhead before?
Yeah.
Let me suck your dick.
And Jay was like, "You know any good Chinese restaurants?"
I said, "I know the best Chinese restaurants, sir."
So I went and he said, "Come on in here.
I don't want to eat by myself."
And then you get information.
The greats would give you information if you're a young comic.
Everyone says that out of that whole crew in the late 70s, he was the best at
the store.
I got to open for him because he was such a nice guy.
Honestly, a fucking incredibly nice guy.
And gives you information that you needed.
What did he tell you?
How much time you have?
He said, "You're a comedian?"
I went, "Yes, Mr. Leno."
I said, "How much time you got?"
I said, "How much time you got?"
I said, "About eight minutes."
Good.
You know, most people, you ask, "How much time you got?"
"How much time you got?"
"I got two hours."
"I can do two hours."
I said, "Who wants to hear two hours of comedy material?"
You know, you got five minutes of kills everywhere, everywhere you go.
You know, everywhere, every time out, you have nothing.
All you need is 20 minutes to become a star in L.A.
And truthfully, Spade, Sandler, Rock, and me, we had 20 minutes.
Monster.
And you were the first, like, right away hit star out of your friends at SNL,
too.
Yeah, for sure.
What was your first big kid?
Absolutely.
What was your first big character?
Oh, no, I did copy machine guy.
But I did, like, the weed guy, and I was like--
You did the weed guy, the naked guy, too.
Naked guy, which the first one was funny, the second one wasn't as funny.
I remember arguing with Al Franken about, like, "Do you have to do that fucking
character again?"
Uh-huh.
They only did four wild and crazy guys.
Really?
Four!
That was it.
That was enough to be legends forever.
But anyway--
You did Hitler?
Yeah, I did a one-legged, a three-legged Hitler.
Three-legged Hitler.
Which I think is creative.
That's good.
I feel like everyone complains, and they're like, "SNL used to be good," but it's
kind of always--
Oh, fuck that.
It's always like that.
I remember-- no, no, no, SNL goes--
People always say that.
I remember nothing but how much everyone hated us at the time.
That's all you remember, like, "It was way funnier!"
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Murray was there.
Of course it was.
It's Bill fucking Murray.
Of course it's funnier.
People always complain about SNL.
And it's like, "I don't want to be one of those guys that complains now."
Did you meet Bill Murray?
Yeah.
He was a dickhead to you, no?
I would say that, like, Bill Murray, my interpretation of it was Bill Murray
was concerned--
I'm speaking for him now, which I shouldn't--
with that Chris Farley was going down the same route that his dear friend Belushi
did.
Oh, that's what it was about.
And so there was an anger there, and I don't blame him, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
So, I mean, that's my kind interpretation of it.
Who did he hate the worst, though?
You know, but I just don't--
He hated Sandman?
We didn't write a good-- we did not write a great material for him.
Yeah.
And I think, you know, for someone who's a fucking incredible legend, one of
the funniest guys
to ever live, I think he deserved better than what we gave him that week.
Uh-huh.
I mean, he's the funniest guy.
You would pay to see him eat lunch.
Were you a cast member during the Seagal episode?
Yeah.
Wait, can you tell--
I got along great with him.
Can you tell us about--
Because he's a lunatic.
You can't find it anywhere.
No, I got along great with him, and everybody said he was a lunatic, and I just,
like, well, so what?
But you can't find--
I like lunatics.
They've erased the episode from the internet.
You can't find it anywhere.
You can't.
But so fucking what?
You know, I was there--
Was it as bad as people say it was?
I don't think I've ever seen it.
It was like, Jim Downey's a genius.
And Jim Downey said, like, you know, he didn't know what to talk to him about.
And he said, you know, he just said there was this thing in the post about how,
like,
the mob was in charge of getting rid of toxic waste.
And it was on the post, you know, front page news.
And the next day, Seagal comes into the studio and goes, I've just heard that
the mob is burning off toxic waste in the city.
Because he had already told that story so many times, he forgot where the story
originated, you know?
It was a good episode.
I've heard that it was the absolute worst episode of SNL of all time.
No, I mean, I don't-- I don't-- I don't judge it that way.
You don't remember.
I just think, like, it's an experience, you know?
Sometimes, like, when I was there--
Nick and I are obsessed with Seagal.
Well, he's such a-- you know, me too.
Yeah.
I did a movie for the Wayan brothers.
And Keenan Ivory Wayans-- I said, Keenan, oh, I know you were.
Which one?
It was, like, Little Man.
Little Man, I've seen it.
And by the way, the Wayans are great.
I've seen it, yeah.
They're fucking awesome.
Hard-working.
I watched White Chicks recently.
It's fantastic.
That holds up.
So anyway, they hired me for whatever.
They called me up, and I never worked with them.
I said, I'll work with you in a minute.
So I'm doing it, and I said, you've got to give me a story about Seagal.
Yeah.
And he told me-- he said, well, let me think about it.
And then he came back, and he said, well, Seagal was friends with the Dalai Lama,
and the Dalai Lama made him a deity, a god, basically.
Seagal made him, like, an honorary thing.
And so, and then he came back the next week, and he was Keenan telling me a
story.
And he said, well, you know, I feel differently.
I feel like I can, I know my place in the world now.
Like, I feel like I can make a difference.
And like, now, it's all coming into place, how I can have a positive impact on
the world
now.
And I feel that this has been given to me, this gift.
And now it's up to me what I do with the gift.
And I'm finding my pleasure.
And then somebody comes up and I say, hey, Steven, yeah, your ex-wife called,
and she can't bring the kids over this weekend.
He's like, you tell that fucking cunt.
If she doesn't bring the kids over, I'll rip her fucking head off.
And he's like, you know, to tell that out of school is not very gracious of me.