Name: Mia Khalifa On Having Autism
Uploaded: 2025-10-03T13:13:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mia Khalifa On Having Autism' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mia Khalifa On Having Autism' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-03. Transcript available.

you make six million dollars a month no so say no that's that's crazy i wouldn't
be here if i did
you wouldn't be here absolutely not you would never see me again i would be a
ghost you would
never see me again what would you be doing if you had like a billy building a
moat a moat i would
buy a sports team if you had six million you think you can buy a sports team
with no a billy
if i had a billy yeah oh yeah i'd build a moat i'd build a moat where in florida
florida no
that's a marsh i do do you have like a you would you put like a you know sharks
and stuff in there
no i'd put crocodiles those are way more realistic oh that's kind of uh in this
day and age a little
tough i would buy a sports team what what's what what sport i would buy like a
shit soccer team and
do like what uh what the guy from it's always sunny and ryan reynolds have done
what they have a soccer
team they have a soccer team and then the whole town likes them and they do
shots with the welsh
guys in the town oh you just want friends
a lot of friends yeah that's what i'm saying you want more that's what it
sounds like you want your
best friend
well samantha samantha hi samantha's your best what's like what's your guys
vibe as a as a crew
you and samantha me and samantha well you know you do face masks we actually
see each other like
once a year that's like she lives in boston oh come on i see my friends all the
time they just
they just happen to be my employees she knows more about me than anyone else i
talk to her more than
anybody else really yeah yeah i well i don't know i i was trying to think like
actually it's kind of an
interesting question is like for you to have gained success for such a short
amount of time doing
something and then walking away on your own terms is there any like comparison
in sports art literature
like uh film it's it actually it sounds like an inch like uh it would be there
would be an easy answer
and it's taken me two weeks to figure it out there's got to be a one and done
try i think i i found the
answer yeah who no no you have to go okay hold on hold on you know sports too
yeah but it's not i
i won't say that it is or isn't sports jordan and baseball he's still he stunk
at baseball also he
left because of gambling and he killed his father yeah okay he killed his
father it doesn't matter
did he fact check that that makes him the goat okay wait think let's let's i
want you to guess
because it's very it's tough and it can't be trying to think of a director who's
only made one film
it can't be oh so james dean like made like three movies hansen hansen they
couldn't dreck crap okay
and they didn't walk away from music they probably could they just became
tracy chapman yeah yeah how many albums yeah how many one not even one was it
just a single
she didn't just make fast car she's a raveler she did that one what else did
she do i'll look it up
right now on the ipad i don't think that's right there is okay there is one
sports comp but i don't
think it works perfectly who jim brown maybe oh my god he just left to be a
civil rights icon
same and an actor okay i want i want you to okay here's the clue it's it's in
literature
oh who wrote one but no it's oh it's one of the one of the oh homer
homer wrote the ilia oh fuck he did too and yeah that shit is like mad long too
that's not
that's not a couple months it doesn't have to be a couple months but it has to
be like a short
amount of time we don't know how fast he wrote it are you going to interview
him
homer okay it's one of the best books ever you we all read it in school we all
read it in school
yeah we did it's got a great uh message wait 96 to present she's been making
albums
tracy chapman has nine albums you're lying on her ass lying on freaking tracy's
ass
wait then why is why did she come out of retirement for that for that
performance
what do you mean retirement not retirement but it was like her first like you
know it was a big
deal because like she had gone away and she didn't like she left the public eye
yeah it was a big deal
that she came back she left your eye because you didn't i just stopped looking
i closed my eyes
keep up with her those eye doctors man i'm telling you okay it's it's a book we
all read i'd say
probably ninth grade ninth grade i wrote we were at catcher in the rye we read
okay no jd salinger
has men salinger went crazy he didn't walk away that was no but he also has
many franny and zoe is
that's just as that's f scott fitzgerald oh shit no it's not yes it is oh fuck
is is it yeah no it's
not it is that salinger who oh shit it's salinger yeah so f fitzgerald made fitzgerald
he did great
gatsby which is the great american novel but he did four books and 20 years of
uh of uh making
doing books so it doesn't count but you're close you're in the week you're so
close right now it's
not of mice and men i read that last week and i know that what what do you
think about that one lenny
i'm going i'm going through all of let lenny i just want to pet the bunnies oh
my god yeah so scary
he didn't know his own strength i know poor guy no tell me tell me well you're
so close
think about it's a great lesson for kids to have oh um um uh the one about the
dystopian
not oh the giver no come on we're close we're right there the alchemist no what
is it okay
tell me please i'll tell you a character okay boo oh my god wait no she wrote
multiple books
no boo radley one and done she only wrote to kill a mockingbird and then they
released a second one
a couple years ago but people are like that's half fake oh i enjoyed it because
i love to kill you're
harper lee yeah harper lee you're one of the greatest artists of all time i'm
harper lee you're harper lee
i'm harper lee you're kind of harper lee i'm harper lee or you're vince young
university of texas but
i'll take either actually no but he washed out in the league it doesn't count i
didn't wash out in
the league what so like in terms of your career currently like um do you feel
fulfilled in your
career like what are your like uh motivations moving forward like do you want
to make a movie you
like movies i do what kind of movie you want to make like a harry potter song
what's your number one movie my number one movie of all time
uh-huh
train spotting come on actually come on vertigo actually
okay not number one ever though yeah okay number one ever and the only reason i'm
not saying it is
because it sounds way too like way too new but it
ask her oppenheimer ever i saw it 12 times in imax 70 millimeter oh that's 12 i
traveled to three
different states that's 36 uh hours yeah for and that doesn't include streaming
and regular imax
that's your best ever ever but it's because i'm autistic and was obsessed with
the enola gay as a
kid you have autism yeah yeah everyone it's always everywhere it's a spectrum
no i don't think i am
it's like no one's fully straight no i don't think i'm autistic at all oh i cry
everything
yeah yeah but when it came around like six years ago autism yeah because of the
vaccine it just
dropped just kidding it used to be called rude i'm dead remember rude do you
remember rude they
rebranded remember rude yeah now something they changed their logo like jaguar
it'd be a fucking
dickhead they're like he's just he's so autistic and i'm like i don't care what
am i i need to read
the dsm2 i'm not a doctor you could be an eye doctor if you tried though it's
not a real doctor
we exactly talked about this before the episode don't stop trolling me they're
just glasses sellers
all right do you have a prescription in yours what do you think i am a freaking
liar my integrity is
is all i have the audience trusts me more than they trust anyone in the news
media these days you're a
journalist no i'm not a journalist do you think about like what you would have
done had like uh had
you like just gone to college yeah all the time i'd be in the fucking guts of
the smithsonian museum
yeah like in the basement in the yeah like like uh dusting a dinosaur bone or
something no because you
need to be an archaeologist for that i would be filing things away no i have no
interest in that i have
interest in you would have been a file data collection and filing yeah oh you
are autistic yeah
proper autism that sounds like the shit the suckiest thing ever no no are you
kidding you get to work in
the basement no one gets to talk to you there's no windows it's a dream that
sounds really scary no it's
amazing i used to have to do filing do you know how many colors the smithsonian
has in their possession
that don't exist anymore now what what what was that question how many colors
the smithsonian
they are in possession of 150 colors that are no longer in existence the human
head weighs 15 pounds
have you seen jerry mcguire 16 and a half okay jerry mcguire that kid isn't jerry
mcguire show me the
money yeah of course oh i've seen that i've seen that sports but i thought you
were calling me
autistic so i assumed right no the little kid goes like here man had to raise
15 pounds was that
stewart little it was stewart little yeah yeah i remember the movie it was the
mouse yeah it was a
mouse no it was that kid with the glasses yeah i you know i hate that i know i
know the face jonathan
lifnicki i hate him i got that wow what a pull great pull train spotting not a
good movie
train spotting is a phenomenal movie no no is your issue with danny boyle or
with great acting
it's just mess it's just a mess so it's good art oh no i can't read i don't i
don't know yeah the
glasses are fake no no i do with uh listening oh okay so train spotting you can
well you probably
could but it's written it's written phonetically in the scottish accent so it's
amazing and there's a
there's like a key in the back with for all of the scottish slang so it's a lot
of work so like
have you ever read house of leaves where you have to like turn the book around
as you're reading it
and like is it yeah there's like some pages that are like written around the
corner yeah who wrote that
i can't remember i've never read that not harper lee you kind of are harper lee
you should change your
bio the harper lee are you kidding i am going to rest on that laurel for the
rest of my life i kind
of think like maybe it's it's kind of dope i love that i love to kill a mockingbird
um yeah i love it
too i mean that's i've kind of modeled myself after uh boo radley in my career
boo after after boo okay