Name: Zohran Mamdani LOVES Soccer
Uploaded: 2025-12-14T14:00:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Zohran Mamdani LOVES Soccer' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Zohran Mamdani LOVES Soccer' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-14. Transcript available.

In Mexico, too.
Yes, that's what I was going to say.
Their Latin fan base is crazy.
It's Dallas and the Raiders.
Yeah.
America's team.
They should kind of stop liking the Cowboys, then, if it's America's team.
We've been pretty mean to Mexico for a while.
You know, I hadn't thought about that, the moral conundrum of being a Hispanic
Cowboys fan.
It's strange.
Yeah, and honestly, you know, they should probably just embrace the Kansas City
Chiefs.
I know a guy who has a, he used to, like, help out with the show.
He has a tattoo on his ass, and it's a Dallas Cowboys star and a Palestine flag.
And I was like, that's the only one in the world.
That's the only one, and it's on his ass, too.
Why'd you fire him?
I didn't fire him.
No, he was, like, a freelance kind of guy.
Why didn't you bring him back?
I don't know.
He lives in Jersey.
He's a good guy.
I like him a lot.
He's a documentarian.
He's a documentarian with a Cowboys tattoo on his ass?
No, he's not showing the people in the documentary his ass.
No, I got that, but it just seems like a highbrow job.
And maybe a...
I don't know.
You're saying he's stupid?
No, I'm not saying he's stupid.
A Jersey Cowboys fan, that has to be the worst kind of guy.
Well, so I agree.
And I also now, when people, if I meet people, and they don't know me, and they're
like,
oh, you know, who's your team?
Uh-huh.
I have to preface it with, well, I'm born and raised in Kansas City.
Yeah.
Or else they'll think, like, oh, you're a Chiefs fan living in New York?
You're just a frontrunner.
No one does that, though, even though you guys are good.
No one does it.
You know that.
You know that.
Well, we...
They're just not...
I don't know.
We took on, you know, all of the Swift, Taylor Swift fans.
Yeah.
Yeah, it sucks.
Now you have to pretend it's not baby music?
Because of your fucking tight end?
You have to, like, be like...
I mean, I...
You love shaking off?
No, you want to see some guy get his head knocked off?
You're not there for fucking shaking off.
Dude, I wish I could talk about this stuff on TV.
Why don't you?
I'm on the...
I do long form Jewish style late night talk.
I don't know what the fuck this is.
The cute thing about the kid radio station.
Yeah.
I was a very precocious kid myself.
And when I was four, I think, I was at a part...
Like, a parent's party with my parents.
And I would talk to parents.
Yeah.
I did the same thing.
And there were some people from the Raiders front office.
And I, like, was yelling at them, like, badgering them that they had a fiery
art shell.
So...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think I heard my dad say it, you know?
When I was ten, I happened to...
Like, I was somewhere and...
My...
One of my mom's friends said, hey, that guy is the president of the Miami Dolphins.
Uh-huh.
And I...
What's his name?
Palinga?
No, I think it was...
I think it...
I don't really remember.
What is it?
Wayne Huizenga.
Huizenga.
Who it was at the time.
Yeah.
And I walked over to him and I was like, I just want to let you know, hiring
Jimmy Johnson
is the greatest move you've ever made.
Fuck it.
Of course.
Right.
Like...
Of course, bro.
And so, yeah.
So, like, it's very similar to...
Yeah, at ten, you're like, yo, he's leaving the Canes and he's coming to the
big leagues.
Well, no.
He had just left the Cowboys.
Oh, he came after.
That's right.
Yeah, once Jerry and him fell out.
Dude, your wife likes, like, these kind of cars.
You have to be the most bored, unless you like it.
No, she's...
How boring is it?
When my girlfriend says, oh, did your team lose?
And I have to be like, did my team lose?
And I'm like, my feelings are hurt because I care about, like, men with great
bodies.
Yeah.
I just realized, as an adult, that we shouldn't be wearing jerseys.
No, of course.
I can't be wearing a man's name on my shirt.
Yeah, I think there is...
We came up with rules, actually, in the office.
Oh, can I hear them?
If you're...
Sorry.
If you're white, not past 13.
If you're black, like, do your thing.
And if you're...
No, and if you're Mexican, you know, come on.
You're the realest.
You're the realest of the game.
So, I think...
Pretty much like a white guy can't wear a jersey past 13.
It's ridiculous.
Here is the...
There are, to me, a couple exceptions.
I'm not a hockey fan.
A throwback.
I think hockey sweaters...
They look so good.
...just, like, look like an awesome...
They look so good.
...outfit, almost.
And I think baseball jerseys, two baseball games.
Two...
I never...
I never...
When my team's playing, I can't wear the jersey.
I'm very superstitious.
Clearly.
I can't touch the jersey, in fact.
Really?
Yeah.
And I'm primarily, at this point, into soccer.
Who's your team?
I'm an Arsenal team.
Oh, I was gonna...
Yeah.
Just because they're in first place?
No.
It's been 20 years of hell.
Oh, I mean, I...
Yeah, but right now, you're a fan there in first place.
No.
You're...
I'm just fucking with you.
It's very...
It's really...
My buddy...
This is gonna sound...
It means so much, and it's ridiculous.
So our...
The guy who does stats for the TV show, this great kid named Josh, he's a diehard
Arsenal fan.
Yeah, yeah.
He doesn't know like me.
The...
I mean, I think he probably knows a lot.
The mayor knows ball.
The mayor of New York City?
Yeah, yeah.
Zoran.
Oh, I would buy that.
I met him, like, before the election, and we were talking about our worst, most
humiliating
losses over the last few years.
Yeah.
Is his team Arsenal?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
He knows.
I play cards with a guy who is...
Come on, you can't be talking about that.
What?
Cards, dude.
Why can't I be talking about cards?
It's a big...
You're gonna get in trouble.
I'm not gonna...
I don't want to see you locked up.
I play in legal games.
You play...
What do you mean legal games?
So, this is what nobody understands about poker.
If all of us in this room agreed to play in a card game, we could play for $10
a man...
But you don't want to play with us.
You want to play with cool guys in the league.
I understand, but just hear me out.
Or a million dollars a man, and that's totally legal.
I'd play you in a million dollars, yeah?
Okay, let's do it.
I'm gonna vanquish you on sports tanks after this.
But no, the reason I was saying it, this guy, he's a diehard sports fan who
lives in New
York City, has the two best courtside Knicks seats in the building, right next
to Mike Brown
now, not Thibodeau, and has a box at Arsenal that he just goes to for every
home game.
The fuck, bro?
Yeah.
I should introduce you guys.
This guy, I don't even like him, but he just knows at the same level, and we
talk every
day about this.
The amount that I care, like if my girlfriend knew, she would leave me.
Are you in a bad mood all week if they lose?
What happens is this.
You get the games in the morning, right?
And so, it's like a Saturday morning.
You're a little bit hungover.
Your girlfriend's still in bed.
And you go to the living room, and you're sitting there, and they just ruin you
before
your weekends start.
The saying is, it's the hope that kills you.
So, yeah.
Listen, obviously the Chiefs have been very good the last half decade.
This year has been tough.
Does it feel worse and worse each time?
Yes.
It doesn't feel, each chip, each chip doesn't hit it as heavy, right?
Well, yeah.
Nothing will ever match the first one.
Yeah.
But being a football fan and having your team lose, it doesn't ruin your
weekend.
But we're doing this on a Friday.
Yeah.
Yesterday was the first day that I was not in a depression based on the Chiefs-Broncos
game.
Who's the coolest guy on the Chiefs?
The coolest guy on the Chiefs?
I mean, I'm buddies with Patrick, so I would say him.
Travis certainly had that mantle.
Travis has, you know, Travis has become so famous, he has to be kind of more
careful now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, he fell off, yeah.
No, I didn't say he fell off.
I think, yeah, I agree.
You're saying that this guy fell off.
I didn't say he fell off.
He has to be...
By far, the coolest guy on your team is Andy.
Well, he's not on the team, but yes.
Yeah, but he's the coolest guy in that vicinity.
Everyone else is a real dorkus.
I mean it.
Chris Jones is pretty cool.
I saw him at a restaurant and it's one of the most massive people I've ever
seen in my
entire life.
Did you see him run the 40 at the combine?
No, not at a restaurant with my parents.
I understand, but this is funny for you.
Oh, his penis fell out.
There you go.
Yeah, yeah.
That's fine.
I never miss a penis sports thing.
I imagine.
When Bron's dick came out, everyone relaxed.
Everyone was chill about it.
When did that happen?
Before a finals game.
He was adjusting his shorts and we saw his dick.
How do you not know?
You're in the media.
I did not know that.
You're in the fucking mainstream fake news media.
Yeah.
You didn't know that?
He's your favorite guy.
He is my favorite player.
Are you like stoked?
Are you stoked about it?
Stoked about what?
That there's a LeBron...
Come on, bro.
So you went Fox 2016.
Yes.
How have you...
You've been in TV for nine years?
Yeah.
How have you enjoyed it?
What's the vibe at Fox?
Is it like more Republican sports?
No.
So it's super...
Listen, it is super siloed.
Like the Fox sports were owned by the same people.
But Fox sports is...
I've never...
I've been doing it for nine years.
I'm a pretty openly liberal guy.
I've never had...
I think one of my most famous things ever was right when the show started, some
impassioned
Kaepernick stuff.
And I never...
How were you the only guy?
How were you like one of the...
It's like...
You want to know something...
It's so bizarre to me.
I'll tell you something.
He just caught the easiest ones.
What do you mean?
He took a knee and he's like, what the fuck did he do wrong?
Of course.
And then like, LeBron James is the best basketball player?
Oh, you mean...
Oh, that...
Yes.
You just filled vacancies that were...
I'm like, they were just there.
They were just there.
Everyone and then my hometown team becomes the greatest football team ever.
I have become very lucky.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I have become...
I'm very lucky that somehow...
How stupid are the other guys doing this?
Well, that's...
Again, I love a lot of...
Really?
They must be morons.
I'm not going to say everyone's a moron, but I will say that I...
It is...