Name: Danny Brown's HILARIOUS Diddy Rant
Uploaded: 2026-01-02T17:00:51.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Danny Brown's HILARIOUS Diddy Rant' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Danny Brown's HILARIOUS Diddy Rant' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-02. Transcript available.

I love the watch.
Trying.
It's great, dude.
I'm trying.
You should move to New York and chill with...
Fuck no!
It's too cold.
And I would get fat.
Why would you get fat?
It's just because you can get whatever you want at any time of day.
Like, I'm trying to eat chopped cheeses at 4 a.m.
But you want to be around those people?
I mean, where I'm at...
In Austin, Texas?
Where I'm at, it's more of a communal situation.
They don't even like me ordering Uber Eats in my neighborhood.
Really?
They don't even want, like, outside motherfuckers hanging out over there.
Oh, you're in, like, a hippie commune situation?
It's more...
It's like hill country.
Hill country.
Yeah.
Hill people.
I guess.
Yeah.
It's real communal.
It's really...
I really like it.
I go to the market.
They want you to...
It's all, like, only local shops.
Really?
So, yeah.
You wave at your neighbor?
Hey.
I mean, you got to.
Jeff?
Everybody just drive golf carts.
Do you do a nod?
No, we kick it.
They pull up.
They motherfuckers talk.
Because they...
Like I say, they want to know who you are.
You living over here?
Yeah, yeah.
Hold up.
They're in your business.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, so...
It's fun.
Who's your favorite one in the neighborhood?
In my neighborhood?
Oh, I got a...
It's a lady up the street from Michigan.
Oh, she's...
She's family.
Yeah, so, you know, she always invite me over to watch the Lions game and shit,
but...
I like to smoke and shit, so...
She doesn't like you smoking in there?
I wouldn't say that.
I just don't even want to bring it up.
Really?
Yeah.
She's like a mom.
I'm like, I can't just sit there and watch football without, you know?
Yeah, that's right.
With a blunt, you know?
Why don't you just ask her?
Why don't you ask her if she blazes?
But I'm not the biggest football fan.
I like watching football if I'm betting on it.
I'm more of a basketball.
Yeah.
And they're not basketball people.
Maybe you should get all these motherfuckers just...
But they do, though.
Like, in the summer, they were watching, like, the Stanley Cup finals and shit
on, like, a big-ass projector.
Oh, in the neighborhood?
Yeah, just outside.
Everybody's just hanging out watching the fucking Stanley Cup.
Do they know you're a famous rapper?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they think that's cool?
I mean...
That should make you the most popular guy.
I'm definitely, like, the youngest.
So you're living with...
You're, like, 60% over 60 years old.
You're living with 60-year-old Hill people.
Yeah.
And you're, like, Jeff?
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
They real passive-aggressive, too.
Really?
Yeah.
And you'd be fucking up.
Are you the only black guy?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Really?
I think so.
And you got green-ass hair?
Yeah, they like it.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
They're, like, look at this hippie over here.
Yeah, they always be, like...
But, you know, Austin is kind of like that.
It's keep Austin weird type shit, so I fit in.
Mother shit.
Mm-hmm.
Well, like I say, I'm more...
I'm literally, like, maybe an hour from downtown Austin.
Oh, so you're in the sticks?
Yeah, like I said, Hill Country.
You got a gun?
Hell, yeah.
What kind of gun do you have?
I got a staccato.
What does that sound like?
That sounds like music to me.
I mean...
A staccato.
It's, uh, it's very expensive.
It's really used for, like, Olympic shooters and shit like that.
It's, like, one of those type of professional shooting guns.
That's why I don't hear rappers rap about it, because they cost too much.
Really?
You never heard anybody say, I don't got the staccato.
But they like talking about expensive things.
Yeah, but they don't buy...
They talk about the cheapest guns, though.
They do.
The worst guns.
That's a flex.
Yeah.
Who's the biggest dickhead in rap that you've ever met?
What's the definition of dickhead?
I don't know.
Just being a dickhead.
Like being mean?
Yeah, being mean.
Probably mean.
Really?
Mm-mm.
Are you mean to other rappers?
It was a time.
You're like Patrice O'Neal?
Yeah, definitely.
You're like, you're a fucking bitch.
I definitely have.
How did you...
I really look up to Patrice O'Neal, though.
How did you do that?
Like, how did you...
Like, how did that...
Like, how did you act mean to them?
Like, how did you establish dominance like that?
Just get drunk as fuck and say the first thing to cut in your head.
You'd be like, you suck at rap.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're a bitch.
Yeah.
Is there someone you...
I wouldn't want to...
I wouldn't want to...
Is there some...
What, have you made amends?
I mean, I made amends, whatever.
You know, once you get sober, you gotta...
You gotta do that thing.
You gotta, like, hit up Drake and be like,
I think you're a good guy, actually.
Yeah.
I'm not Drake.
I've never met Drake or anything.
You've never met him?
Mm-hmm.
We gotta chill with him.
Yeah.
It's so incredible.
He got to be famous.
He's like...
How is that?
Oh, because he gives all you Jewish guys hope.
It's our dream.
Hope.
It's our number one dream.
It was so meaningful to me.
What about Jack Harlow?
He's Jewish?
I mean...
Oh.
I don't know.
I don't know how to...
What are you looking at him knowing everyone who's Jewish?
No, he's not Jewish.
He's not on my list.
Okay.
The Shindlers.
Who are some Jewish rappers?
Bob Dylan, technically.
Yeah.
I can say Bob Dylan.
Bob Dylan had some bars.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Subserene.
I don't know.
We shouldn't talk about Jewish anymore.
Okay.
I don't want to talk about it anymore.
I'm sick of it.
Mm-hmm.
I wish I could quit.
I looked up foreskin reattachment, you know?
Why would you want to do that?
Because the BB was being such a...
You can do that, though?
Apparently, but you don't regain...
It ain't gonna...
That shit gonna look.
Man, what?
You don't regain all the sensitivity.
It'd be cool if I got a different color, right?
Oh, I guess you could...
Imagine if I had a different color at the end.
Helmet.
You can...
You can get the style.
A different style.
Different style.
You can get a style, like, pick your...
Switch your shit up.
Yeah, like, go hoodie or turtleneck.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Mine would be an intellectual.
He'd be, like, a beatnik.
You can get, like...
You know what I'm saying?
You want to leave the extra skin right here, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
Get a little...
I'm all down for dick surgery, man.
Yeah.
I'm all down with it.
I'm too scared.
Like, if I...
I don't give a fuck.
If I get to, like, 60, he'd be like,
fuck it, just give me the long dong silver.
Yeah, yeah.
Just a home area.
And just stay hard all the time.
Yeah, yeah.
You get full hard.
I don't gotta have no feeling in it.
It's just to be able to fuck with them in my 60s.
Yeah, it's true.
Because I did realize...
Like, I would always think that, like,
if you can't have sex anymore, you...
That's why you see old people
and they be angry all the time at me.
Because they ain't fucking.
They got the...
You could just take a thing, though.
But...
No, I mean, yeah.
But it's all about your physical prowess.
Yeah, but my grandma's doing unspeakable things.
You know, like I told you,
these hill...
These hill country...
These motherfuckers are old and in shape.
So you think that they're having key parties?
They definitely getting freaky.
Yeah, really?
And they're judging your ass for being a rapper.
No, don't judge me.
They like that shit.
They like you.
Because they're like, man, he cool.
Yeah.
You know?
And then they know...
Like, um...
They know I got sober and all that kind of shit, so...
So they're impressed.
Yeah.
I mean, they just...
They know I'm not partying.
I don't know wild shit.
Yeah.
So it's cool.
Jeff?
I mean, because, you know,
if a rapper moved to your neighborhood,
you think he's gonna be having parties and shit or something.
I don't know.
Yeah, it's true.
Free cops, perhaps.
Baby oil.
I mean...
Were you ever invited to...
I was never that cool.
It was cool to...
I agree.
I don't think I was cool enough for the free cops.
I would have been like, I did it.
You know?
I'm freak off level now.
Yeah.
I'm white party freak off level.
I mean, you gotta...
Sometimes you gotta do shit for the story.
Yeah, of course.
You know?
Yeah.
Did you know that stuff was happening?
Fuck no.
But I was definitely entertained by the trial.
Yeah, it was pretty good.
Yeah.
I was tapped in.
Yeah.
What was your favorite little moment?
I'm just...
I mean, to be honest,
like, the way it all started out
and how much was said
and what the allegations...
Like, you know...
Like, you thought it was way more, like, crazier than...
Just to find out he was just hiding behind curtains
in a hijab,
jacking off, squirting baby all that motherfuckers.
You know what I'm saying?
We thought it was, like,
huge orgies with all famous people and politicians.
But no,
this nigga was just jerking off in hijabs,
squirting all of them niggas.
This is basically, like...
Yeah, now you're doing fine.
I would...
That's the worst jail time ever.
If you filmed that,
that's Jackass 4, you know?
Now you gotta...
You gotta go to jail for it?
But, I mean,
he was beating on bitches and shit.
He was a...
Yeah, that was not good.
So, no.
Yeah.
But...
But what they said...
Jerking off baby...
What the rumors was that was happening
versus what was presented in the courtroom
is two different worlds.
Well, I heard that he was having sex
with the dad from...
Yeah, like, all these rumors.
The dad from Urkel's show.
Yeah.
Yeah, Carl Winslow.
T.D. Jakes and all that shit, like...
But it was none of that.
It was none of that when you heard...
He just hiring...
So, he didn't have sex with Carl Winslow?
I don't know.
I don't know.
But I'm saying that wasn't in the trial.
None of that shit was...
Go home, Steve.
Imagine walking down to them
and he goes,
Go home, Steve.
That's like the shit Urkel.
Carl Winslow...
Imagine Carl Winslow ain't never met Diddy
in his motherfucking life.
He's just chilling at the crib.
And all of a sudden,
he just look up.
Everybody talking about he fucked Diddy,
fucked him.
He's like,
What the fuck is going on right here, man?
You get what I'm saying?
Niggas believe it.
And motherfuckers believe this shit.
Like, you still...
That shit happened years ago.
I believed it.
People in that room have been out...
Well, I'm just saying.
Like, I feel bad for him.
You got to have some sympathy for the guy.
Like, he ain't like...
He like some crazy A-list actor.
Like, he working all the time.
Who knows if he trying to get new jobs and shit now.
Like, he's like,
Man, I've been doing auditions.
They thinking I fucking Diddy at the freak-offs.
Like, who came up with that?
It's such a random guy and I...
That's what I'm saying?
That's why I feel bad for him.
Because I don't believe that shit.
Of course he fucked Carl Winslow.
I don't believe that shit, man.
I don't believe that shit.
No, man.
It's so easy to believe anything you're told these days.
Yeah.
Especially after hearing the trial.
Diddy ain't fucking...
I'm just saying.
I feel...
Just imagine Carl Winslow just chilling at the crib
and you just on Twitter.
Like, oh.
His mentions just started going crazy.
He getting memes and shit.
He like, oh, it's not true.
Like, that kind of shit
make motherfuckers jump off bridges and shit, man.
So not true.
Like, I feel bad.
Like, dog.
That's why I'm off social media, dog.
That's why I'm done with that shit, man.
I don't want to know.
And then just imagine if you is a motherfucker
that's off social media.
You ain't watching it.
You don't even know these allegations is out here, dude.
You just hanging out at Chipotle.
Niggas looking at you crazy.
Like, everybody giving me the one eye.
Like, what's going on?
Yeah, he just doesn't even know
that people think that.
Did somebody just say something?
Somebody get bold
and say some weird shit to you.
You're like, what the fuck is going on?
People are, like, snickering looking at you.
Yeah.
You're like, come on, dude.
That's amazing.
I think that's as good as...
That's why I hate the internet.
Yeah, I hate it, too.
Man, no one does any fact checking to find out.
Ain't nobody checked on that homie.
There's a lot of not true things.
Ain't nobody see how...
Check in on Carl.
See how he doing, man.
All right.
If he wants to come on the show...
I definitely...
He do need to speak his part.
I think maybe that's why
it's still lingering like this
because he ain't never really addressed it.
We need to hear from him.
Is he still living?
I hope so.
Imagine if he did
and then niggas just started saying,
you fuck Diddy.
That's my legacy now?

Danny Brown's HILARIOUS Diddy Rant

I love the watch.
Trying.
It's great, dude.
I'm trying.
You should move to New York and chill with...
Fuck no!
It's too cold.
And I would get fat.
Why would you get fat?
It's just because you can get whatever you want at any time of day.
Like, I'm trying to eat chopped cheeses at 4 a.m.
But you want to be around those people?
I mean, where I'm at...
In Austin, Texas?
Where I'm at, it's more of a communal situation.
They don't even like me ordering Uber Eats in my neighborhood.
Really?
They don't even want, like, outside motherfuckers hanging out over there.
Oh, you're in, like, a hippie commune situation?
It's more...
It's like hill country.
Hill country.
Yeah.
Hill people.
I guess.
Yeah.
It's real communal.
It's really...
I really like it.
I go to the market.
They want you to...
It's all, like, only local shops.
Really?
So, yeah.
You wave at your neighbor?
Hey.
I mean, you got to.
Jeff?
Everybody just drive golf carts.
Do you do a nod?
No, we kick it.
They pull up.
They motherfuckers talk.
Because they...
Like I say, they want to know who you are.
You living over here?
Yeah, yeah.
Hold up.
They're in your business.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, so...
It's fun.
Who's your favorite one in the neighborhood?
In my neighborhood?
Oh, I got a...
It's a lady up the street from Michigan.
Oh, she's...
She's family.
Yeah, so, you know, she always invite me over to watch the Lions game and shit,
but...
I like to smoke and shit, so...
She doesn't like you smoking in there?
I wouldn't say that.
I just don't even want to bring it up.
Really?
Yeah.
She's like a mom.
I'm like, I can't just sit there and watch football without, you know?
Yeah, that's right.
With a blunt, you know?
Why don't you just ask her?
Why don't you ask her if she blazes?
But I'm not the biggest football fan.
I like watching football if I'm betting on it.
I'm more of a basketball.
Yeah.
And they're not basketball people.
Maybe you should get all these motherfuckers just...
But they do, though.
Like, in the summer, they were watching, like, the Stanley Cup finals and shit
on, like, a big-ass projector.
Oh, in the neighborhood?
Yeah, just outside.
Everybody's just hanging out watching the fucking Stanley Cup.
Do they know you're a famous rapper?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they think that's cool?
I mean...
That should make you the most popular guy.
I'm definitely, like, the youngest.
So you're living with...
You're, like, 60% over 60 years old.
You're living with 60-year-old Hill people.
Yeah.
And you're, like, Jeff?
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
They real passive-aggressive, too.
Really?
Yeah.
And you'd be fucking up.
Are you the only black guy?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Really?
I think so.
And you got green-ass hair?
Yeah, they like it.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
They're, like, look at this hippie over here.
Yeah, they always be, like...
But, you know, Austin is kind of like that.
It's keep Austin weird type shit, so I fit in.
Mother shit.
Mm-hmm.
Well, like I say, I'm more...
I'm literally, like, maybe an hour from downtown Austin.
Oh, so you're in the sticks?
Yeah, like I said, Hill Country.
You got a gun?
Hell, yeah.
What kind of gun do you have?
I got a staccato.
What does that sound like?
That sounds like music to me.
I mean...
A staccato.
It's, uh, it's very expensive.
It's really used for, like, Olympic shooters and shit like that.
It's, like, one of those type of professional shooting guns.
That's why I don't hear rappers rap about it, because they cost too much.
Really?
You never heard anybody say, I don't got the staccato.
But they like talking about expensive things.
Yeah, but they don't buy...
They talk about the cheapest guns, though.
They do.
The worst guns.
That's a flex.
Yeah.
Who's the biggest dickhead in rap that you've ever met?
What's the definition of dickhead?
I don't know.
Just being a dickhead.
Like being mean?
Yeah, being mean.
Probably mean.
Really?
Mm-mm.
Are you mean to other rappers?
It was a time.
You're like Patrice O'Neal?
Yeah, definitely.
You're like, you're a fucking bitch.
I definitely have.
How did you...
I really look up to Patrice O'Neal, though.
How did you do that?
Like, how did you...
Like, how did that...
Like, how did you act mean to them?
Like, how did you establish dominance like that?
Just get drunk as fuck and say the first thing to cut in your head.
You'd be like, you suck at rap.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're a bitch.
Yeah.
Is there someone you...
I wouldn't want to...
I wouldn't want to...
Is there some...
What, have you made amends?
I mean, I made amends, whatever.
You know, once you get sober, you gotta...
You gotta do that thing.
You gotta, like, hit up Drake and be like,
I think you're a good guy, actually.
Yeah.
I'm not Drake.
I've never met Drake or anything.
You've never met him?
Mm-hmm.
We gotta chill with him.
Yeah.
It's so incredible.
He got to be famous.
He's like...
How is that?
Oh, because he gives all you Jewish guys hope.
It's our dream.
Hope.
It's our number one dream.
It was so meaningful to me.
What about Jack Harlow?
He's Jewish?
I mean...
Oh.
I don't know.
I don't know how to...
What are you looking at him knowing everyone who's Jewish?
No, he's not Jewish.
He's not on my list.
Okay.
The Shindlers.
Who are some Jewish rappers?
Bob Dylan, technically.
Yeah.
I can say Bob Dylan.
Bob Dylan had some bars.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Subserene.
I don't know.
We shouldn't talk about Jewish anymore.
Okay.
I don't want to talk about it anymore.
I'm sick of it.
Mm-hmm.
I wish I could quit.
I looked up foreskin reattachment, you know?
Why would you want to do that?
Because the BB was being such a...
You can do that, though?
Apparently, but you don't regain...
It ain't gonna...
That shit gonna look.
Man, what?
You don't regain all the sensitivity.
It'd be cool if I got a different color, right?
Oh, I guess you could...
Imagine if I had a different color at the end.
Helmet.
You can...
You can get the style.
A different style.
Different style.
You can get a style, like, pick your...
Switch your shit up.
Yeah, like, go hoodie or turtleneck.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Mine would be an intellectual.
He'd be, like, a beatnik.
You can get, like...
You know what I'm saying?
You want to leave the extra skin right here, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
Get a little...
I'm all down for dick surgery, man.
Yeah.
I'm all down with it.
I'm too scared.
Like, if I...
I don't give a fuck.
If I get to, like, 60, he'd be like,
fuck it, just give me the long dong silver.
Yeah, yeah.
Just a home area.
And just stay hard all the time.
Yeah, yeah.
You get full hard.
I don't gotta have no feeling in it.
It's just to be able to fuck with them in my 60s.
Yeah, it's true.
Because I did realize...
Like, I would always think that, like,
if you can't have sex anymore, you...
That's why you see old people
and they be angry all the time at me.
Because they ain't fucking.
They got the...
You could just take a thing, though.
But...
No, I mean, yeah.
But it's all about your physical prowess.
Yeah, but my grandma's doing unspeakable things.
You know, like I told you,
these hill...
These hill country...
These motherfuckers are old and in shape.
So you think that they're having key parties?
They definitely getting freaky.
Yeah, really?
And they're judging your ass for being a rapper.
No, don't judge me.
They like that shit.
They like you.
Because they're like, man, he cool.
Yeah.
You know?
And then they know...
Like, um...
They know I got sober and all that kind of shit, so...
So they're impressed.
Yeah.
I mean, they just...
They know I'm not partying.
I don't know wild shit.
Yeah.
So it's cool.
Jeff?
I mean, because, you know,
if a rapper moved to your neighborhood,
you think he's gonna be having parties and shit or something.
I don't know.
Yeah, it's true.
Free cops, perhaps.
Baby oil.
I mean...
Were you ever invited to...
I was never that cool.
It was cool to...
I agree.
I don't think I was cool enough for the free cops.
I would have been like, I did it.
You know?
I'm freak off level now.
Yeah.
I'm white party freak off level.
I mean, you gotta...
Sometimes you gotta do shit for the story.
Yeah, of course.
You know?
Yeah.
Did you know that stuff was happening?
Fuck no.
But I was definitely entertained by the trial.
Yeah, it was pretty good.
Yeah.
I was tapped in.
Yeah.
What was your favorite little moment?
I'm just...
I mean, to be honest,
like, the way it all started out
and how much was said
and what the allegations...
Like, you know...
Like, you thought it was way more, like, crazier than...
Just to find out he was just hiding behind curtains
in a hijab,
jacking off, squirting baby all that motherfuckers.
You know what I'm saying?
We thought it was, like,
huge orgies with all famous people and politicians.
But no,
this nigga was just jerking off in hijabs,
squirting all of them niggas.
This is basically, like...
Yeah, now you're doing fine.
I would...
That's the worst jail time ever.
If you filmed that,
that's Jackass 4, you know?
Now you gotta...
You gotta go to jail for it?
But, I mean,
he was beating on bitches and shit.
He was a...
Yeah, that was not good.
So, no.
Yeah.
But...
But what they said...
Jerking off baby...
What the rumors was that was happening
versus what was presented in the courtroom
is two different worlds.
Well, I heard that he was having sex
with the dad from...
Yeah, like, all these rumors.
The dad from Urkel's show.
Yeah.
Yeah, Carl Winslow.
T.D. Jakes and all that shit, like...
But it was none of that.
It was none of that when you heard...
He just hiring...
So, he didn't have sex with Carl Winslow?
I don't know.
I don't know.
But I'm saying that wasn't in the trial.
None of that shit was...
Go home, Steve.
Imagine walking down to them
and he goes,
Go home, Steve.
That's like the shit Urkel.
Carl Winslow...
Imagine Carl Winslow ain't never met Diddy
in his motherfucking life.
He's just chilling at the crib.
And all of a sudden,
he just look up.
Everybody talking about he fucked Diddy,
fucked him.
He's like,
What the fuck is going on right here, man?
You get what I'm saying?
Niggas believe it.
And motherfuckers believe this shit.
Like, you still...
That shit happened years ago.
I believed it.
People in that room have been out...
Well, I'm just saying.
Like, I feel bad for him.
You got to have some sympathy for the guy.
Like, he ain't like...
He like some crazy A-list actor.
Like, he working all the time.
Who knows if he trying to get new jobs and shit now.
Like, he's like,
Man, I've been doing auditions.
They thinking I fucking Diddy at the freak-offs.
Like, who came up with that?
It's such a random guy and I...
That's what I'm saying?
That's why I feel bad for him.
Because I don't believe that shit.
Of course he fucked Carl Winslow.
I don't believe that shit, man.
I don't believe that shit.
No, man.
It's so easy to believe anything you're told these days.
Yeah.
Especially after hearing the trial.
Diddy ain't fucking...
I'm just saying.
I feel...
Just imagine Carl Winslow just chilling at the crib
and you just on Twitter.
Like, oh.
His mentions just started going crazy.
He getting memes and shit.
He like, oh, it's not true.
Like, that kind of shit
make motherfuckers jump off bridges and shit, man.
So not true.
Like, I feel bad.
Like, dog.
That's why I'm off social media, dog.
That's why I'm done with that shit, man.
I don't want to know.
And then just imagine if you is a motherfucker
that's off social media.
You ain't watching it.
You don't even know these allegations is out here, dude.
You just hanging out at Chipotle.
Niggas looking at you crazy.
Like, everybody giving me the one eye.
Like, what's going on?
Yeah, he just doesn't even know
that people think that.
Did somebody just say something?
Somebody get bold
and say some weird shit to you.
You're like, what the fuck is going on?
People are, like, snickering looking at you.
Yeah.
You're like, come on, dude.
That's amazing.
I think that's as good as...
That's why I hate the internet.
Yeah, I hate it, too.
Man, no one does any fact checking to find out.
Ain't nobody checked on that homie.
Ther