Name: Joe Rogan Experience #179 - Duncan Trussell
Uploaded: 2013-03-28T06:04:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #179 - Duncan Trussell' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-03-28. Transcript available. JRE #179 - Duncan Trussell.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #179 - Duncan Trussell' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-03-28. Transcript available. JRE #179 - Duncan Trussell.

Joe Rogan Experience #179 - Duncan Trussell

it's just started did you start already yeah how dare you man i'm not i'm
tweeting it hold on
people are gonna have to hear me tweet here we go here we go again on the
twitter
come on duncan sing i don't know that song the twitter dude i forgot my phone
at home
you forgot your phone i feel so fucking naked right now like it's awful at
least i just tracked it
online so i'm keeping an eye on it so it's kind of like looking at like photos
of my family you know
it's like it feels good that i know it's still alive like you know like i see
it on google maps
somebody just tweeted my phone's still alive somebody somebody listen somebody
just tweeted
what are the odds that joe rogan and duncan trussell got so high are now having
an amazing
conversation without the podcast running it's true i'm gonna tweet one or tweet
that with a hundred
percent let's just plow through this commercial real quick so we can get
started the joe rogan
experience podcast is brought to you by i said pod cat didn't i podcasts
podcast is brought to you by
the fleshlights if you go to joe rogan.net click on the link for the fleshlight
and enter in the code
name rogan you will get 15 off the number one sex toy for men duncan you're
gonna enjoy and i got a new
one for you excellent what is it it's it's a i'll give it to you later really
some girl's butthole or
something is it the iron ladies but it looks good whoever it looks like a great
little butthole you're
gonna love it yeah how do you know it's a girl's butthole well they say they
model them after the
girl's butthole it looks like a butthole it's like they yeah they do the vagina
they do the butthole
they they actually like make a mold their pussy that's why a lot of these freaks
like these uh
porn star chicks yeah they have their own fleshlights right and it's like molded
after their own box
so there's a professional pussy mold or something yeah like looks on the
outside like exactly what
their box looks like that's the weirdest job i'm 18 back in boston i want to
get inside a box
you got to touch our box that's what dudes used to say a lot that always seemed
like the worst
description of a vagina it's the least geometric shape on the planet yeah her
box the last thing
you want to fuck is a box yeah what is that i want to get inside her but boston
was a mess anyway
did they do that when you were young was that box no but i can remember i can
remember getting like
set my mom was a psychologist so she like gave me like a a sex book like when
it was time to learn
about sex and it was like lists of the of the slang for pussy and i remember
getting the box and it was
like wrecking my already vague understanding of what a pussy was because it's
like how is it anything like
a box that's hilarious isn't it more like a bag than a box it's not like a tube
either but that's
what the fleshlight is it's a tube well it's a it's a it's a it's i want to do
a fucking puppet
show with fleshlights that's what i was thinking of taking like a hand puppet
show yeah because
you can make mouth i was thinking about taking the many fleshlights you've
given me and doing some
kind of like shakespeare performance or something how many do you have well i
now there's only two
now one of them is there's only two now one of them is the frank well no one of
them this is a
gross story i don't gonna tell it what this is a disgusting story i i didn't
clean one out
and i left it sitting on top of the shower this is a gross story and i i like
so so i uh i can
remember how bad did it smell it's the smell is what i imagine the zerg hives
and starcraft smell like
it's like this just disintegrated in your mouth alien it's like the smell of it
like you know when aliens
when they go down into that fucking uh in the very beginning when they go into
the pit where there's
all the pods and the thing pops out and lands on the guy's face it's in the
very beginning of the
movie alien it's like the coolest scene it that's what an old fleshlight smells
like when you open it
it's this kind of alien pungent musky primordial smell but i i opened it up and
man it was just like
black the darkest black ooze just kind of dripped out of it and and and so i
threw that one away
oh god was it from the blood you would have to like seriously you would have to
disinfect that with
so many chemicals holy water you would have to worry about those chemicals
eventually burning the skin
off your dick well yeah and and some unknown disease leprosy a flesh rotting
imagine if that's where it gets born in the bottom of a fleshlight from some
sick
fuck that never bothered to clean it and he tried to fuck it twice
could you imagine that's the end of the world
the the one the one fleshlight that'll be told about on
big stone tablets 10 000 years from now we've traced it back to a fleshlight
and there's only a few people survived only like from one particular area of ethiopia
were able to handle it well what if it's dead i mean a fleshlight is truly a
breeding ground for
bacteria if you consider especially you keep it in like the balmy atmosphere of
your shower because
you're combining fucking you're combining so many bad elements in that thing
and heat mixing with
heat moisture and who knows what's in the water supply dna you're yeah you have
true life precursors in
there you could it could sprout a new life jesus fucking christ life form why
not right yeah i mean
we we poo poo that but could you imagine if it was that easy can you imagine if
your loads on their
own could make people they just grow like mushrooms or could you imagine i mean
we know that you have to
interact with a woman and make eggs you know you know yeah crack eggs and make
babies that way but
imagine if that wasn't the case imagine if every time you came it made people
imagine people came
out of your dick and there's just people everywhere everywhere they're like
getting stepped on the
little ones never get to be adults i mean we only we take it for granted that
the process is male and
female and that that's the only way to create life i don't i mean life is crazy
enough as it is
to think that what could have been in some bizarre gonzo parallel universe that
it's possible to just
create life with your dick and every time you come boom people a person that
would be a very
overpopulated universe just for me imagine people screaming at you because you're
beating off you
fuckhead what are you doing piling on top of people everywhere and then you
catch someone beating
off will you fucking stop it they're just making people pop that's what people
would do we wouldn't
make so many people if that was the case there would be so many people that the
world would cave in
there would be no more room couldn't work you would have people would just eat
the people in
front of them we'd run out of resources yeah we'd be just eating each other
eating the people in
front of us eating and jerking off and making more i mean at what point can
overpopulation exist
i mean if there's no structure right if you took all the people in new york
city with no structures
no buildings yeah and just pile them on top of each other yes you know how many
how much room is there
how much room is there what at what point in time could you a fucking imagine
how many people would
it take to cover the planet in a just a complete mat of people if just every
time someone came a person
was born how long before the planet just looked like an octopus oh my god swarming
with freaks no one
would stop we wouldn't stop we would not stop jerking off we would we'd have
entire continents covered and you'd
come up with a good reason why you're jerking off like you'd rationalize like
yeah well what the
fuck i gotta do what i gotta do i'm a man bang that's a new baby the government
would get involved
though and make you so you can't come like they would start neutering you who
would be the government
there'd be swarms of people it'd be unmanageable there'd be no government no no
buildings to belong
forget about that we would have never even built buildings if it was possible
we would have never figured out
anything if that was how you could come and make a person it'd be like grass
yeah it'd be like
grass yeah we'd be everywhere kudzu yeah ridiculous anyway go to joe rogan.net
click
on the link for the flashlight enter the code name rogan and you get 15 off
number one sex toy for men
best commercial ever that was the best one we ever did yeah people complain
about those i'm like
come on man i forgot we're free balling we're just having fun let us just do
this little business
thing we're also brought to you by wait wait wait and if you don't like want to
buy a flashlight don't
buy it just make your own yeah how can you do that easily melons melons fruits
but they're not going
to be as good as the flashlight if you're looking to masturbate it's a solid
tool there's probably
some you can do with jello and gumby it won't be as good as the fleshlight they
got it they got it
down they whatever that polymer is that they use to make the vagina it's
outstanding they spent a long
time two thumbs up yeah they did it's they have a great product there's how
many people are embarrassed
about the fact they like to masturbate how many uncomfortable fleshlights did
that guy
fuck before it came upon jesus christ could you imagine that poor weirdo this
one's made out of rock
man did they test them with fingers first you don't want to be crazy just just
shove your dick right
into this new retro model you know you don't want to do that you don't want to
just you have to they
they must have tested them out they used animals yeah they used animals they
let animals fuck them
no they didn't i know
ultimately the dude had to fuck like a lot of different substances in order to
create that perfect
vagina i mean how do you describe that if you're trying to make it you know and
you bring it to
a factory this is what i'm looking for something i'm gonna fuck i'd like to see
the moment when he found
it yeah this is it yeah it came like five times that last line uh well yeah
what a weird uh what a weird
thing to invent but he did an awesome job however the process was with making
light of it he needs to
write about the part how it came about yeah that's an interesting thing to know
well i think uh the dude
who invented it his um his uh his wife was pregnant when he invented it and he
couldn't have sex so they
figured out he was a resourceful fella see that yeah that's what you need man
if you want to invent
something good you've got to be you gotta be pushed you gotta be pushed pushed
in a corner yeah and then
you go for the box stick your right in our box the worst description that
description started with a
guy who had his wife had a deformed pussy we're also brought to you by onnit.com
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if you're not into working out don't fuck with it brian doesn't fuck with that
nah i don't need it
but if you're my fitbit i have my fitbit like the battery well bert says that
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