Name: Joe Rogan Experience #181 - Iliza Shlesinger
Uploaded: 2013-03-28T07:54:42.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #181 - Iliza Shlesinger' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-03-28. Transcript available. JRE #181 - Iliza Shelsinger.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #181 - Iliza Shlesinger' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-03-28. Transcript available. JRE #181 - Iliza Shelsinger.

Joe Rogan Experience #181 - Iliza Shlesinger

oh boy here we go again the joe rogan experience podcast is brought to you by
the fleshlight
flesh yeah no i mean it's great it is great it's not it's not right it's more
known than dildos
there's no like one dildo company that's known as much as the fleshlight is
known right isn't it
for you put your wiener in your wiener yes but it's not like just like a like
it's for
fucking like it's not yeah yeah fuck it but why what's the point of having a
light oh it's not
really a light oh it's just a joke but john heffron had a great joke about it
should have a light
because no one ever knows where your flashlight is but everyone always knows
where your fleshlight
is which is very funny it's really and very smart that noise but for the folks
on itunes brian has
just pulled the actual fleshlight body out of the bucket but even worse as you
pulled it out blanche
opened her mouth and she has horrible fish breath so the second you did that i
smelled that it was
blanche would be eliza's dog who's sitting in her lap that's blanche's uh dream
i guess a butthole
that's that she can smell anytime what i thought it was a vagina that one no
this one's a butthole
that's why blanche opened her mouth really tight vagina really tiny without
well it essentially is
right i mean that's what you're asking for sure it's the same thing i don't
know i roll both ways
whatever it's just a whole this is a fake one does that offend you like when
you see like a fake
vagina why would it offend me some people get offended some girls they don't
because you should
be fucking me instead no it's not some girls i'm sure you know needy girls that
probably would think
like that right don't you know some crazy girls yeah yeah for sure so you're
saying like girls are
like why do you need that when you could have this yeah yeah that's such odd
they can get angry
do dudes have well i don't want to ask if your boyfriend i don't want to ask
you if you've ever
had a sex toy if you want to offer up any information feel free ready now go i
will tell
you this uh i don't prescribe to that ideology because i feel that it will set
you up for
disappointment like no man is ever going to be able to move as rapidly as a
vibrator right so i just
completely abstain from that and it's fine um i've been given like i'll do
shows and they'll be like
giving out free dildos and it's embarrassing as a to walk out of there with a
bag of dildos and
like one time for my birthday a comic came and he brought like a bag of sex
toys and you know
your parents come to visit like you don't want that around and exactly i just
don't dude i'm with you
i'd rather feel less good most of the time
get that ad it looks like a squid go to joe rogan.net click on the link for the
flashlight
enter the code name rogan and you will get 15 off number one sex toy for man joe
you know a tip that
we've never thought of what is it like you could only have to buy the vagina uh
version of the
fleshlight because the other side does have something that looks like an
asshole at least an
asshole enough that yeah but it doesn't fit into the thing right you'd have to
have a different sort
of setup yeah like you can make your own probably yeah you'd have to have some
sort of a different
base to it how much are they yeah what you're saying essentially i see what you're
saying what
you're saying is it doesn't have to be one or the other it should be both yeah
you should have it on
both sides like like a real woman yeah you know but it would be in a weird it's
not the same spot
like right next to each other it wouldn't really work no i mean just make a
fleshlight that
just make a if you're on your if you're on your side they're next to each other
yeah but not like this
just make a fleshlight that you can fuck both sides it has caps on both sides
and just call it
like a flesh saber instead like a lightsaber you know difficult this way yeah
no i see what you're
saying i don't totally got a good idea what he's saying is it should be two-sided
like the butthole
should be one option sometimes i feel like sometimes i feel like a nut
sometimes i don't
i see what you're saying i feel you i feel you on this yeah with that i guess
that one would cost more
then um yeah but you know what how much more really and what i'm what a
superior product you'd be putting
out but anyway the fleshlight as it stands solid product brian and i give it
two thumbs up or there
should be a subscription base you know like you can just like have it if you
get 20 bucks a month
you can have a any fleshlight you want and then when you you cancel it you have
to send them all
back a fleshlight of the month club yeah no that's never trust the fact that
the one you were
getting had not been fucked already oh it's like the shittiest one and they
just send it because
it's your part it's part of the prescription i think it should live up to its
name and like a
carnival game the harder you fuck it the more it lights up so you know you're
doing a good job
yeah what are we what oh wow we're on such a strong delay i'm looking at the
the image on the screen
yeah that's the amazing artwork that somebody sent you yeah i gotta get that
dude's name
it's awesome it's it's so amazing that i just want to stare at it all day that's
one of those
amazing pieces of art that you can sit there and find so many things in just
random to find out this
guy's name uh he sent it to my manager just some super cool fan dude whoever
whoever you are thank you
thank you sir yeah he's art i love what you've done to this uh studio well it's
my office man
it's not really a studio i just uh threw up some pictures needed some some life
on the walls i had
accumulated a bunch of cool pictures but done nothing with them and then
finally i put them up there
this fucking room is like right out of hoarders now though it's so crazy there
is there are cat
species in the it's in a litter box to be fair but yeah it's true that is one
of the components you
need no yeah my cat she knows she doesn't really like to be anywhere else uh at
night than in my
office and that's like my kids are always wandering around the one place my
kids don't wander around is
in my office so i figure you know what i should just keep the litter box in my
office it should bite
the bullet it's so gross though it's just smelling cat shit all day dude it's
gross i gotta get in
there and open the top and scoop it out and flush it and my cat waits until i'm
there to take the
nastiest shits like she waits i know she does she feels comfortable with you i'll
come home and i'm
check my email and i hear scratch scratch scratch i'm like oh you little bitch
and she just drops a
fucking stinker i had something worse happen joe my cat recently was sick and
had like some kind of
track infection i guess you know so i tried to get a cranberry juice for a
while but nothing it's hard
to give cranberry juice to a cat does that work huh yeah it has to yeah but uh
good news and bad
news urinary tract infection gone but it was trying the cat gone it started
doing that horrible shit
where it just started peeing because it couldn't control itself and it did it
in my bed all over my bed
and and cat pee if you know anything about cat pee and i have that really nice
fucking bed and now it
just smells like cat pee and i've washed it i've tried scrubbed it i can't do
anything so i'm about
to find something that smells worse than cat pee just because i'm so sick of
that cat pee smell on it
yeah you gotta it's unfortunate but you gotta get rid of the mattress
yeah it's in the mattress that you can get that stuff that they sell at urine
gone yeah but it
doesn't really work you're in you're out i mean it works a little it's sort of
what it does is it's
some sort of citrus based thing yeah you know it breaks down the smell of cat
urine to a certain
extent but it's your cat urine is it's like glitter that's never gonna go away
it's gonna find it for
years i don't know if you your grandparents were like mine but grandparents
they start
shitting in a certain way where they it really fucking smells awful like old
people shit is like
the worst right because there's so many drugs in it you think old people shit
like because they have
so much medicine they're dying probably the diet not that healthy diet and they're
dying and um i would
go in after my grandfather would take shits and there would be a smell of like
air freshener in the air
that was like the most offensive smell the air freshener cover-up the air freshener
cover-up over
shit so it's just vanilla shit it's just it's just a terrible fucking smell it
was like poop smells
awful it's humid it's a humid smell i don't think it's a humid yeah it's a
humid smell and we're also
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really believe in them
i know they work um you know there's scientific studies that we're going to do
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the most stringent scientific test they can for figuring out whether or not
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not supposed to
take 5htp if you're on um antidepressants well those people are ridiculous antidepressants
i thought you were just gonna make the best show ever is there a reason why
they decided against the
the triple blind they just don't know what that means is there i don't think
there's such a thing
as triple blind there has to be yeah i think is two blinds enough you greedy
they should just do it
as always we say with on look i i take all the stuff there's shroom tech immune
it's great for your
immune system that actually somehow or another it's a mushroom that tricks your
body into thinking that
it's uh potentially like a bug like a cold and so your immune system fires up
for a fight that never
takes place uh so it's a it's a like a an immune system booster and probiotics
is something that we
don't sell but that's one of the things that i really recommend if you if you're
a person who really
cares about your health one of the cool things you can do is enhance your
health with organisms live
organisms probiotics and kombucha tea i'm a big believer in that that that
stuff is excellent to keep
you from getting sick i mean it really i it gives me an enhanced feeling of
wellness it's like taking
in like healthy soldiers i also take acidophilus you know i think you know if
yeah get it and get
the good stuff get the stuff that you need to refrigerate that's the real live
culture it's
great for you and kale yeah okay i love kale i drink kale shakes every day it's
so hot right now
hey so good for you man eating grass would be healthy no but wheatgrass juice
is healthy i love
wheatgrass juice is very chlorophyll it's very healthy tastes like shit but it's
very healthy
there's nothing i love the taste well there's chlorophyll in glass and grass
rather chlorophyll
yeah i think there's chlorophyll in all plants yeah and there's a bunch of
different types of grasses
you know right i don't know what grass specifically because what if we were
like desig