Name: Joe Rogan Experience #185 - Tom Segura
Uploaded: 2013-04-09T06:57:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #185 - Tom Segura' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #185 - Tom Segura' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-09. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #185 - Tom Segura

tell me when we're up we're up i gotta post it on twitter so tom i went to the
doctor what were
we talking about before we were talking about like rappers killing each other
yeah and i don't
want to stop this subject real quick because it when you know when that
happened when i'm in the
90s you know when they started fucking shooting each other and coming out with
gangster rap
there had never been anything like that could you imagine like the beach boys
you know and
and they fucking hated elvis they want to shoot him fuck you man yeah yeah
taking off bitches and it
was the first time where guys were ever able to brag about everything about
their money about their
their sexual conquest right it's like they'd never been you know like eddie bravo
was talking about
that song the other day she swallowed it it's not a good song i mean i don't
like it you know yes it's
okay mc wren had a decent verse on that yes mc wren mc wren was amazing what
happened to that guy
i have no idea yeah i think he's uh they're working on the new nwa movie right
now a movie
yeah they're redoing the whole nw they're doing an nwa movie and using like
family members who's gonna
play aids uh have they cast that yet have they cast that part yeah oh tommy
with the fucking zinger
who's gonna play aids oh shit no you didn't i think it was morgan freeman with
the last morgan
dreams that's incredible jesus christ like give me that perm the e hat and i
can nail this
shit do you think jerry curl will ever come back i hope not done it's too much
work man too much
you've had the fuck he had a head like he was like a uh a poster child for the
jerry curl yeah ice cube
had a really fucking nice jerry curl it was good if you're gonna get a jerry
curl that's how you should
should take that picture into your salon and say make me look like this was it
was a chris rock's
movie what was the movie with it before cb4 where they sprayed jerry curl juice
in their hair all the
time yeah what that what was jerry curl juice what is it just oil it was oil
what was that coming to
america the what was that soul glow soul glow remember and they keep like so
get off off the
chair and there's like a stain that's gotta be true right yeah yeah that ever
become popular just look
at hairstyles man hairstyles are are insane but that's one of the weirdest ones
ever you gotta put all
that shit in your hair and make it greasy and drippy yeah what the fuck it
ruins your clothes had the afro
like that was like a style like a statement yeah right um then member fades and
high top fate they
can get away with anything i remember when i was a kid even black girls they
have straight hair they
have white girls hair and you're like how'd you get that shut up oh yeah yeah i
know black dudes can't
pull that off you know what i was really jealous i've been like middle school
and high school
was when black guys had like uh designs in their hair yeah like oh yeah like
they had like lines and
shit would be written lightning bolts and shit yeah and i'm gonna do that and
like you cannot you will
look like a fucking there's a fighter who uh is a black guy from some some k1
guy but he carves
like designs like tribal designs in his hair before he fights yeah it looks
badass that's the thing you
get away with it but do you think a black guy can get away with wearing like a
white guy's hair like
a black girl does no oh no no no that's hilarious imagine black dudes if that
was the next thing they
all started having bon jovi hair yeah oh no they just all had bon jovi hair weaves
or what if it
was just like parted like what if they just parted it like a good boy just combed
yeah like like ted ted
haggard yeah yeah just were like cool about it you'll be like what's going on
yeah that would be so
thousand dollars man isn't it strange though what becomes popular and not
popular you know like girls
are allowed to have everything can be fake you can have fake tits you can have
fake hair nobody gives a
shit as long as you look good you look good good okay let's go you know no guy
is like really well
i mean guys are don't get me wrong but it's acceptable for you to be pretty inauthentic
we we
are held to such a lower standard another thing that we get like for most guys
like if you if you bathe
you shower you bathe regularly and you basically you know change clothes that's
considered like
yeah carry yourself you don't have to wear makeup or anything isn't it could
you imagine though if you found
out a dude was wearing blue contacts girls be like what the fuck is wrong with
this guy i almost bought
some fake contacts the other day just because i was that stone but it wasn't
blue it was the ones
where you can there's like once you can get like cat eyes yeah like completely
black and i just want
to have a pair for for no for no reason at all do you remember michael jackson's
thriller when he had
oh yeah the cat eyes yeah did they have those and they're i guess they're just
they're pretty cheap they're
like 89 bucks and you just put them in your honor oh that's right wasn't that
like the end of the
movie he looks like he's got the cat eyes thriller yeah yeah he turns back and
then the left that was a
fucking what a great music video that was that was amazing that was uh that was
an actual event that
was like a world news oh yeah i remember that yeah yeah it was huge that's when
we had far less
channels too i can't imagine what the numbers were on just that video they must
have been they must be
astronomical yeah they must have been through i think it's 13 minutes and that
was like that was
so cool i think i was like seeing that yeah and for me it was a werewolf so i
was even more excited
yeah and a cool one a really that was rick baker that did that i believe i
believe it was the same
guy that did american werewolf in london he did a lot of the star wars the
coordinated dancing all the
dancing was cruel as what was that what was the message behind that you know
what a weird video and
moving i remember people were saying it was satanic i remember that there was a
bunch of protests
about it oh yeah we're upset what a fascinating guy which is the best thing
ever when you get uh
controversy like that when people when someone says this might be satanic that
was when they were
like guys fucking yes yeah michael jackson and whitney houston probably the two
most talented people
that died and everybody saw it coming yeah you know what i'm saying when we
talk about like really
uniquely talented people that everybody's like man you know how long is this
gonna last yeah how long can
you do you remember that um the bobby brown show being bobby brown yeah when
they were on the show
screaming and yelling at each other oh my god i remember when they talked they
were they were at a
dinner they were up not like buzzing like wreck screaming at each other and
they were at a hotel and
they were they had ordered like a feast and like i mean it was it was crazy
yeah like how much food was on
this table and they were both just completely out of their minds obliterated
and laughing and then
i forget what i forget who said like remember when i was i was taking that and
you had to come over
and help me pull it out my ass and it was like yeah yeah i think it was that he
was saying that one
time she had a stuck inside of her and he reached up in there and he's like i
pulled that dookie out and
she's like i gotta take a dump right now i'm gonna drop it on the one like that
was the scene you were
like i'm gonna drop it on the one yes dude yes but i'm not funny how will i
know don't justify me
how will i know and that's come pull the out of my ass yeah wow remember when i
was taking a dump
you put your hand in my ass uh-huh do you remember when they interviewed her
there was an interview
where the guy was trying to get to what the was up and he's like yeah is it
cocaine is it alcohol
and she's like at times at times at times at times all of them like at times
all of them and he's like
you know have you ever if you ever smoked crack and she was like crack is whack
yeah she said crack
i think that was to diane sawyer that she said that yeah and he also said it's
rumored that you spent
750 000 one year on drugs and she said i wish she said she said i wish as if
like i'd still be on that
ship right now yeah are you kidding me that'd be a good year could you but it
was 700 it was the
strangest interview man to listen to a person who you know when you grew up you
know the bodyguard
remember her with kevin costar she is um she was such a talent such a talent
such a superstar oh
amazing if you watch like how will i know yeah like the video i mean you see
she's so beautiful
have you ever heard when they isolate her lyrics no it's got dude yeah see i
don't know if you can play
that i would think we could play that not at all probably not not like giving
it like a little sample
of it or something i don't know let's try her range the range and her voice it's
just ridiculous it's
really stunning to listen to it's just look up how will i know whitney houston
isolated lyrics love it
use two hands you freak type with one hand i don't know what the you're doing
just taking forever just a bunch of chicken scratch on that screen
brian's gonna confuse the out of people there's a way to um take that video off
your u stream and put
it on mine uh i don't know i could find out but you definitely do it on vimeo
yeah
people are mad at you brian this is another o'brien moment they get excited
people like it when you
up do you notice that yeah they love it what is that about um makes it seem
more real it's not edited
it's raw or yeah people like a little conflict there's a dude who just sent me
19 tell brian to
shut the up in a row okay that guy's blocked oh shit kid silly um they didn't
come up wait here's one
it's uh it's a strange thing to listen to man because you know there's not you
can give me a
million years with all the coaches in the world they listen to that yeah listen
to this
god damn she was good yeah wow she was
fuck that's just a boy that's a once in a lifetime voice man that that's just a
perfect voice yeah
she had the perfect voice it's like that bodyguard days oh hot as hot hot as
that was the first time
ever there was a hot girl that a hot man was falling in love with yeah you know
that she's black and
they did a major movie about it have they ever done that before where the hot
black girl and the man get
together if ah man nobody apparently even complained now that's the main
storyline you know yeah like
that would have to be the story yeah she was such a fucking gigantic star as a
singer that they were
like let's do a movie with you i can't act who cares yeah just fucking we'll
roll the camera say
whatever you want yeah we'll tie it all together you're working with kevin costner
he'll carry you
along she could act too acting is easy as fuck man acting and shit i mean there's
there's high level
acting obviously that none of us can do but the regular acting like the bodyguard
yeah you could
do that anybody could do that what'd you say yeah yeah eight million my buddy
mike star was in that
movie too he got beat up by kevin costner oh really yeah my buddy mike star did
it we did a tv show a
long time ago called uh hardball together it was that stupid baseball show that
yeah it's a terrible show
but it was uh i made a bunch of good friends mike star was one of them he got
beat up in a bunch of
movies you got beat up in a steven seagal movie got real mad at steven seagal
steven seagal was
hitting him really hard really yeah yeah yeah he had him wound up out actually
having to put like
a chest protector on because the guy was not really supposed to hit him you
know it was supposed to
like fake hit him it's for a fucking movie you know you're gonna see steven seagal
would just light
his chest up bam hit him with that fucking wing chunk punch in the middle of
the chest he can't say
shit to steve really either he just do