Name: Joe Rogan Experience #186 - Ari Shaffir
Uploaded: 2013-04-09T07:22:48.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #186 - Ari Shaffir' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #186 - Ari Shaffir' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-09. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #186 - Ari Shaffir

shit out of me dude did you change the right now you are yes i did beautiful
fly me to the moon don't don't sue me that's all i can say they super that much
probably
probably get you just for the tone just the i bet you go da da da da da they
own that
those fucks those fucks the joe rogan experience podcast is brought to you by
the fleshlight
today we're gonna have sam harris on the podcast i had lunch with him today famed
neurosurgeon
prominent atheist author genius extraordinaire and on that day the fleshlight i'm
gonna tell you what
we won't be talking about you you can't be able to sponsor that one he's
sensitive yeah and rightly
so you know if uh people found his shit online and they went and researched
that and we talked for
the first 20 minutes about you know the fleshlight discredited him in some way
of sex not sex sex talk
no but the sex toy maybe what if we disguise it like we just talk about
something else you know
like what if we disguise it we don't we our deal with the fleshlight was back
when we only had one
podcast a week and you know now we do that's often three podcasts a week and we
still talk about the
fleshlight you know we never tried to charge them more money ever i think if
they skip a podcast they're
just gonna have to deal with that shit sometimes you have to if it's the
content doesn't it is what it
is we're but we're huge i'm a huge supporter of the fleshlight i i really wish
sam could just sit here
and and we could talk about it like two intelligent people you know is it
fucking up these things suck
man we gotta get new ones that thing's like a limp dick look at it it's all
floppy flop i got it now
okay you got it yeah i gotta talk right into that bitch anyway fleshlight is a
solid product oh yeah
you know everybody knows what it is you know the commercial you know the deal i
kind of mc brian
pointed this out to me yesterday it's kind of freaking me out the other day
what i really it is the
same thing i am saying the same thing yeah so even though i'm trying not to say
the same thing i'm still
saying the same thing because ultimately i have to say that to get you a
discount you go to joerogan.net
you click on the link and you enter in the code name rogan yeah all the other
things you're saying
just record it yeah well no it might not be a bad idea but people like this for
whatever reason
they like the fact that we don't yeah it's better i'm really talking i think it's
just the certain
parts where you know like when you're especially when you're talking about on
it and you're like
you know steal your own products but i think everybody does that i know they
know that but just people
that are listening to this for the first time i know it sounds crazy to
everybody else that's
been on board from the beginning we love you we appreciate you very much but we
can't do a show
just for you we have to do a show recognizing the fact that somebody might be
tuning into this
you know what i mean it's like following i don't like following shows like i
could never watch
dexter mid-season i'm not gonna do it you lost me because it's all it all falls
into each other and
yeah i don't know who the fuck that guy is this girl why is she calling him
well why is i why am i
supposed to care i like the whole years hold apart hold together year by year
yeah skip a season but
yeah you got to watch them in order yeah and you know someone could be tuning
into this fucking show
for the first time i don't want them to have to know a bunch of inside shit you
know what my favorite
thing is is people are sitting uh on twitter lately is fleshlight stuffed into
their uh mattresses in
their beds and printouts of my face like above it like on the mattress it looks
like they're
fucking it while looking at my face that's kind of hot yeah i like that why not
bro as long as they're
not mean as long as when they're done they don't stab your picture and go
fucking crazy yeah i wish it
wasn't guys you know i wish it wasn't guys yeah maybe there's some girls out
there fingering
themselves to you i bet there are just rubbing the finger by his vagina listen
this podcast reaches a
lot of human beings hundreds and hundreds of thousands there's got to be one
girl out there
that's oh brian's on oh she just fucking gets crazy she's probably one of those
girls that claws at her
pussy you ever watch like a porno where a girl she's clawing at it you're like
hey hey hey are you sure
my phone is that your phone that's brodie brodie stevens um yeah i don't like
when they claw at it
man that makes me uncomfortable you know like if i was doing that i would feel
like i was being way
too rough oh yeah i'd see like screaming like hey what the fuck you know and
this girl's just digging
in her own pussy like oh what's going on there is that thing just numb yeah you
know that's what
they say um it is actually some sort of a scientific thing no no no people that
have like genital
piercings and like especially when they have a lot of them yeah that many of
them they believe it's
connected to a disease where they don't feel uh feel things the same way we do
they don't have the
same amount of sensory input from pain so uh they have to really hurt
themselves to feel it yeah and
then there's certain people that you know there's a broad spectrum of how the
human body works and
operates and sometimes the wonky thing is their their pain is it doesn't work
it doesn't work right
yeah and they they want to experience pain so they they'll pierce themselves
especially their genitals
besides sexual abuse that's another thing with with uh with genital piercing
but it's also abuse
yeah i thought it felt better for them hmm didn't you ever hear that piercing
yeah yeah i've heard it
with like girls clits and stuff like that but i always thought they were just
crazy you know but
there's um yeah the video of the guy getting fucked to death by the horse oh
yeah mr hands that guy's
balls are all pierced up oh really yeah like like like a like a three ring
binder do you watch that
video i've watched the main times that's to me you've studied the cinematography
yeah i could tell if
you fucked with it if you like it was like the zapruder film you're trying to
cut out scenes
i'd be like no no no no no that's not what the horse didn't come yet you cut
some shit out you cut
some shit out the horse came too quick the ball was bulging there so you can
tell it's still full
of semen on it.com is our other sponsor and i i do have to say um people are
getting annoyed with
these ads as well but some people haven't heard them before so i have to say it
in a certain amount
of order and you want to take a break in the middle yeah yeah what do you want
folks the fuck do you
want me at least you're talking about it remember radio hosts just go into
their spiel in the middle
the grossest the grossest was pbs i was listening to this terence mckenna
interview and he was on pbs
and every fucking five minutes no bullshit every five minutes yeah this is our
fun drive our big
fun drives here if you want to keep conversations going guilt gets great
conversation we're having
right now with terence mckenna please donate you can donate by blee blee blee
you can offer this and
you get a cup you get your fresh air mug was he in front of terence mckenna's
saying yes and he
kept doing it it was brutal it was like i will pay you anything to not have you
do that you're torturing
people nobody wants to hear that that's a ridiculous thing you're making people
who are listening to an
hour interview listen to six fucking commercials you stop it six times fuck you
you know i heard it
already what are you doing you pestering me you who the fuck do you think you're
reaching are they
the same people do random people just start tuning in halfway through this
fucking thing they're
shaking you down you asshole with boredom cut it out weapon yeah it's all makes
you want to kill
them give me your money you're fucking delusional cunt and the only reason why
they think they can get
away with this because we rely on public funding if they didn't rely on public
funding be like fuck
you man i'm not buying your shit you're asking me to buy your shit every six
minutes it's so annoying
suck it yeah well these commercials probably after a few times out you'd
probably think the same
what happened what happened from like the 15 minutes or 15 second spots and 30
second spots to like the
10 minute spots it seems like it jumped one day you don't ever get to the
product and we have to
deal with controversy too controversy yeah there's there's always uh it's not
just new products it's
new products dealing with controversy oh one thing i can tell because of your
voices um the discount code
rogan is only good the first time you use it now it's good anytime you use it
so anytime you use the code
name rogan you get 10 off every time now that's good that's better and um we
have a new whole new
product line we're coming out with like hemp protein and shit like that and we're
going to start selling
kettlebells because kettlebells are expensive so good they're expensive as fuck
for no reason man you can
get like high quality ones made as long as you're selling them online like we
would do it not trying
to bring them to stores and shit like that right so we could sell them like
same quality way cheaper
than everybody else sells them yeah you find out a lot of things you start
selling things like how much
money people make for shit one of the things about about um on it and alpha
brain people like why is
it so you know why is it so expensive dude our profit margin compared to most
supplements is way
lower we the the ingredients are very fucking expensive all the shit that we
have in is the
best quality available we're really doing it like the worst way ever to make
money right because we're
saying you get a hundred percent money back guarantee if you don't like if you
use it it used to be you
could buy up fucking a hundred bottles and you wouldn't even have to send them
back we would just give
your money but too many people were ripping us off they were selling them on ebay
and shit so we had
to stop doing that but but if you order it you don't like it you don't have to
send it back just tell us
i didn't like it didn't do anything for me even something as strange as a
vitamin you know i mean
how do you know if a vitamin is doing something for you do you really fucking
know i mean how much time
does it take before you're so in tune with your body you can tell when you have
and have not a
multivitamin inside you it's a radioactive vitamin you can tell then you can
tell but that said if you take
vitamins on a regular basis you will notice a difference in your overall health
i'm absolutely
convinced of that that is my experience in my life and i've read studies that
say otherwise but
i've also seen studies that i know were influenced by bullshit by
pharmaceutical companies they've been
trying to license nutraceuticals they were trying to make it so that vitamins
are prescription
only for a long time that's something pharmaceutical companies have lobbied to
try to do a couple of times
we shot down the pharmaceutical companies would they would have the rights to
sell vitamin c if you
wanted vitamin c you would have to go get a prescription for it it's way worse
than we have
it it's horrific you would have to go to doctors to get vitamins you know how
fucking terrible that
would be and you would have to give you a prescription for all of them you
wouldn't you know i guess unless
we had some open you know you would have to have things that are approved and
then those things that
were approved you would have an open prescription for any uh extra dietary
nutrients i mean that's
unless you would have it every time you wanted to get something vitamin d why
would you need a
prescription vitamin b because they can make money off of it and they could
keep supplement companies
you know the i the the word right now who g