Name: Joe Rogan Experience #190 - Greg Fitzsimmons
Uploaded: 2013-04-10T01:23:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #190 - Greg Fitzsimmons' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-10. Transcript available. JRE #190 - Greg Fitzsimmons.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #190 - Greg Fitzsimmons' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-10. Transcript available. JRE #190 - Greg Fitzsimmons.

Joe Rogan Experience #190 - Greg Fitzsimmons

oh rookie move is that your phone are we live yeah perfect hey what's up hi
everybody hey
fuck's going on the joe rogan experience podcast why do i have to say it i don't
have to say the
name of it i can now say this podcast this shit you're listening to cost money
for bandwidth folks
and we are sponsored by the fleshlight but you know that you know i have to go
through with this
though here we go ready if you go to joe rogan.net and click on the link for
the flashlight and enter
in the code name rogan you will get 15 off i know you're going joe that's crazy
you're right it is
fucking crazy a lot of people don't even know what the flashlight is i've been
realizing every time i
say flashlight they're like what is it a flashlight like like somebody else
just said the other day
like amy schumer they always say it's the number one sex toy for men oh she's
playing stupid she
doesn't know what a flashlight is get the fuck out of here for people that don't
know it's a sex toy
that looks like a flashlight when i hosted the uh porn awards they were greg
fitz simmons ladies and
gentlemen hi there's uh you know normally there's flowers in the middle of a
big uh party and then
you get to take the flowers home they had vibrators and and fleshlights so i
had like of course i had
like five buddies come out from la to be there and we all had one and we're
running around to the strip
clubs all night you know using it like a puppet having fun with it and laughing
about it and then the
next day around noon i call each of them i'm like you fuck it they're like yeah
you fuck it i'm like
yeah i fucked it we all fucked it it was good right once you have it you're
gonna fuck it especially if
you got some lube handy oh you gotta have the lube and uh and then you gotta
have um an exit you need
an exit strategy like if you're in a hotel what are you gonna do you put it in
your bag i carry on i
didn't want that coming up security i didn't want it in the trash because then
the maid so i slipped
it into the pocket of the bathrobe in the hotel to be discovered at a later
date that's perfect did
you just slip it out of its shell or in its shell the whole thing went in just
right in there one one
package clean or not cleaned why would i clean it
oh of all the dark things to find in a fucking you put your robe on out of the
shower ah what the
what the fuck you you open it up it smells like a million dead fish and guess
what you do then
guess what you do then what you fuck it you fuck it wash it great for Simmons
ladies and gentlemen
endorsing the fleshlight we are also sponsored by onnit.com o-n-n-i-t makers of
alpha brain
the cognitive enhancing supplement oh i gotta take mine before the show i don't
want to be stupid
give me some of that new one okay i got the new one uh at home i have to bring
it in this is the
the old the old stuff um
see i just took two
powerful cognitive watch my how my sentences will now flow better my mind will
peak up placebo effect
you say no i'm just that quick at breaking down gelatin tablets i know how to
my body knows how to
process that shit we also have a bunch of other interesting supplements for
working out for immunity
for uh for mood there's serotonin boosting
five http supplement a lot of cool shit and go to onnit.com and you can check
it all out o-n-n-i-t
and use the code name rogan and you save 10 percent all right you dirty freaks
probably my friend the longest in comedy
greg fitzsimmons is here
hit it bitch
so that's how you have that musical opening it's very important it's surreal greg
and i started out
probably within like a week of each other yeah right yeah back in boston the
old boston stitches uh
comedy community you know and uh dude we you and i have gone through some
fucking we went to some
crazy gigs in the beginning man we we went through together we went through
like the darkest time for
stand-ups well the the early days yeah we went through our personal darkest
days but at the lightest
time in comedy we caught the wave you know i mean we were i see young comics
today and my heart breaks
because they got to scrounge up stage time you and i you know i would say what
less than a year into
doing stand-up we were driving out and making 50 bucks cash five six nights a
week it was for me it was
exactly one year i first got paid by norm lafoe to open up for um warren mcdonald
peking garden i don't
know where it was it was some bar i was on a like an apple box like literally
like standing on an apple
box doing comedy you can't fucking move and uh you know i had a good time and
then the next time i
worked for lenny clark there's a two times in a row i got super lucky norm lafoe
like got me
well you shot up you motherfucker man it was like all of us were like there was
this ascension
you would go you'd wait in line to get a spot on on comedy hell open mic night
stitches comedy club
george mcdonald welcome to comedy hell where the jokes always die the comedians
there's this whole
thing and and we ran out of booze comedy hell where you can fly fly as high as
the lights on broadway
or crash and burn in the fiery pit known only as comedy hell and that was step
one and then you and
then you would get like a guest spot on a real show and then you would start to
get these like
you know 25 to 50 mc spots where you were driving the headliner somewhere and
you jumped past all
that shit because they would send you out to feature and the headliners couldn't
follow you
because you were out of your fucking mind i mean you were nuts and uh and so
they had to headline you
so you started working like the d rooms but headlining them so you started to
get an hour together
super fast yeah i had to i had to sink or swim there's times when uh greg and i
would make
agreements to steal each other's shit if we were bombing you remember that they'd
say dude you got my
whole act if you're eating dick up there feel free to just and he would come
back do that blowjob joke
it was fun for us because we knew we would neither one of us should there was a
point in time where both
of us were doing like middling gigs and we really didn't have the time we
really didn't have a real
solid half hour so it's sometimes you just when you when we're when you're a
young comic and you slip
in the beginning of your set like the odds of you pulling yourself out of the
fire
oh yeah i remember one time i was having a good set and i knocked over a drink
and i didn't address
it yeah that was it the audience turned on me they didn't know i was they
smelled blood yep they knew
i was scared they knew i was i was killing it's all about there it's all about
their uncomfort and you
denying i remember being on this was probably the cruelest thing anybody ever
did to me when i was on
stage it was like you know half filled room back it was always like the back of
a chinese restaurant
where they had a banquet room yeah that they just put a microphone up in and
call it a comedy night
and i'm up there tanking it and i'm not acknowledging that i'm tanking it and
during one of the silences
that should have had laughter in it after one of my jokes i heard this middle-aged
woman whisper to
her husband i could hear a whisper and she just goes the poor bastard
worse than any heckle oh god jesus christ
it just you know it would it would be real hard when we'd watch each other you
know you watch a
friend eat dick in the beginning too because you know how devastating yeah you
know there's some
times where you know this guy is not going to pull himself out of this and he
has 15 more minutes to
go yeah oh yeah watch him slosh through it up there is there a way out of it do
what do you have to
do like do you just have to like stop or do you just we would just make fun of
the material
that's where we'd come in yeah that's where we'd steal a great joke i knew that
there were
grenades that i had in my waistband that were joe's yeah that they were just
take the fucking top off and lob it and you're back in the game yeah it's like
we would help each
other yeah well there was a time where i was headlining where i had no fucking
business headlining
there was no way i barely had 40 minutes and they were letting me headline
these rooms and i would have
to stretch it all out and if something went wrong man it went wrong hard yeah
that's there's no better
motivation to creating new material than when you just those shows happen and
you just have to get
to work like you need more weapons man you run out of weapons too quick you're
up there dying well
especially like you can do the hour when it's going well you can take that one
bit and you can stretch
it out add to it you're you're doing improvisational jazz and that hour fills
up yeah but when they're not
laughing all of a sudden it's like concentrate everything shrinks down and now
what you had as
35 minutes you just ripped through in 17 and now you're scared so you're tense
and then you got
nowhere to go except the crowd so you start with the crowd they don't like you
now they're not there
that they don't like you you're not making them comfortable so there's not like
a nice flow of energy
and so yeah you're uncomfortable yeah you can feel it and the thing about boston
is and i think it was
kind of unique to a lot of uh other comedy cities is it it is a punchline town
it's bam bam bam bam
you know they don't want to see something esoteric they don't want to see a
storyteller
they want you to grab them and just smack them around and then walk off stage
with your hands in
the air well there were guys that were doing it that were so good at the best
yeah we came up in an
era where you know i've talked about this a hundred times on the podcast and
people always go yeah yeah
yeah we know they were really good comedians back then i don't think people
even understand what a
it was like a utopia boston was like this stand-up comedy utopia there was at
one point in time there
was five clubs in a tiny little area seven night a week club yeah remember
there was i mean just that
one block of warrant warrant there was nick's comedy stop and then there was
duck soup and there was a
comedy connection and then mike mike clark had the comedy club in the charles
playhouse above
the comedy and then on the weekends you cut over to dick darty's comedy vault
right over there yards
away yeah craziness yeah and then you get in your car you drive down the
stitches on com ave it's like
holy well and the best part really was um and those were for short sets you're
doing five seven
minutes those were the big clubs those were the big ones but then you and i
would get and this is the
thing people don't get today is that we would get it for a year we get in
either you get my car i get
in yours we drive to providence one night for a 15 20 minute set for free all
the time then we go to
hartford one night then we go to worcester one night then we go to maine one
night we would go
anywhere they'd give us especially a longer set yeah and then you know we were
lucky enough to come up in
a time where the word comedy in front of a place drew a crowd you didn't need
to have a big name they
just were comedy crazy and we just happened to be dropped in the middle of it
in a city that was a closed
system they didn't have headliners come in from out of town so the local there
were four or five big
local headliners that drew and the and the clubs otherwise they only booked
based on do you crush
are you funny are you original so it was a meritocracy yeah and no one ever
thought they were going to get
famous they're what career if someone used the word career people would have
looked at them confused
like what are you talking about all anyone wanted to do was become a big boston
comic yeah it's like
the fame that you wanted was just the being accepted amongst your peers and
having crowds come to see
you that's it that's what everybody comes to see you i think wasn't until later
i think for us it was just
i can't it's like you know when you'