Name: Joe Rogan Experience #196 - Matt Paxton
Uploaded: 2013-04-10T05:37:51.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #196 - Matt Paxton' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #196 - Matt Paxton' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-10. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #196 - Matt Paxton

The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight.
Do you sense a no nasal sort of a tone to my voice today?
I tried to give you allergy medicine, man.
It's a little bit of a cold.
I think it's mostly allergies.
You think so?
Because you, me, and like everybody I know, exact same symptoms, exactly.
Wait, are you coughing?
I'm mostly sneezing, running noses, burning eyes, shit in my eyes, and I cough
once in a while.
No burning eyes with me, just coughing and running nose.
But I don't feel bad.
I feel physically.
I feel really good.
I feel fine, maybe a little tired.
I think you're going to be okay.
But we also podcast rammed all over your face this week.
Yeah, we've been podcasting like crazy.
I don't know if that wears you out, though.
It makes me run out of things to talk about, definitely.
Like yesterday, I had to try hard.
Well, you did ones after mine, too?
Yeah, I've done the Naughty Show and whatever.
Well, at least there's a lot of people on those shows, so they can kind of keep
the ball rolling.
Yeah, but you feel like you still have to jump in.
Yeah, it's still not laying on the couch crying.
I'm not used to not doing that.
Some people out there working in coal mines, Brian.
I know.
There's real work out there.
There's real jobs.
Anyway, what I was about to say is we're brought to you by a rubber vagina.
It's not rubber.
It's like a mineral.
What is it?
He explained it yesterday.
I don't know, but he kind of hinted that I could maybe put it in my mouth a
little.
Yeah.
He wouldn't recommend it, but I bet you could eat it and live.
Yeah.
It would be like eating shoes.
Steve-O in his prime.
Steve-O in his prime would have eaten a fleshlight.
Yeah.
Or if you're Tom and Jerry.
Yeah.
You know, like, remember eating the shoes?
I think we talked about this a long ass time ago.
They ate shoes?
Remember it was like big in cartoons to always eat your shoes.
Like you cook it up and then you cut it off like a steak.
You know why?
Yeah.
I think we talked about this.
Really poor people used to actually eat their fucking shoes, man.
That's amazing.
Yeah.
Well, you know, I don't think we realize how bad it was in like the Great
Depression.
Right.
During the Great Depression when my grandma, excuse me, when my grandfather
grew up, he
had this, my grandfather always had this serious, serious air about him because
he had
seen people that like almost starved to death.
You know what I mean?
Right.
Like he had lived in an era where that was a real possibility.
Like in America, you might starve to death.
It's not going to be everybody, but it's possible.
Things were really fucking bad.
And if you can live through that, what does this have to do with plastic vaginas,
Brian?
Nothing.
Nothing.
God damn it.
It's a bump.
They didn't have them back then.
Thank God we have them now.
Yes.
First of all, it would certainly keep the population down.
Definitely.
This is an excellent tool for population control, the fleshlight.
Go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for the fleshlight, enter in the code
name
Rogan.
You save yourself a bundle of cash.
How much?
15%.
Get the fuck out of here.
No, I won't.
I'm being serious.
15%.
Enjoy it.
We are also sponsored by Onnit.com, makers of Alpha Brain, the cognitive
enhancing supplement
that I take.
I take every day.
There's a lot of information available about it on Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T.
If you're fascinated by any of this stuff, I urge you to please Google nootropics,
N-O-O-Tropics.
And nootropics are essentially nutrients that have been shown to have a
positive effect on
the way your brain works.
And Google it and read the pros and cons and do your research and experiment
with stuff.
You don't have to go out and just take Alpha Brain.
If you have some experience in nootropics, you already know you enjoy their
effects, then
go ahead and try it.
But, you know, if you don't, try out some other stuff first.
Try out some.
There's a bunch of different kinds of nootropics that are available.
And it's all available online through the wonders of this thing called the
internet.
And it's not...
So go check that out.
And it's...
Gabba is something completely different from a big, tall puppet in a suit.
Yeah, it's not Yo Gabba Gabba.
Right.
It's Gabba.
Just Gabba.
The controversy in stews.
So anyway, we have a bunch of different supplements, fitness supplements for
exercise.
There's Shroom Tech Sport.
It's an amazing endurance supplement.
I use that when I do jiu-jitsu or kettlebells or anything really difficult.
There's Shroom Tech Immune, which is a great immunity-boosting supplement.
As I talk to you with a runny nose.
What?
Huh?
We also have New Mood, which is a mood-boosting, serotonin-enhancing supplement.
It's called 5-HTP and L-tryptophan.
And when you mix those two together, both of them are responsible for producing
serotonin.
So it sort of gives you the building blocks for serotonin, and it makes your
brain produce it.
It's nice.
It gives you a little happy feeling.
So it's all natural stuff.
Check it out.
The first 30 pills that you order, there's a 100% money-back guarantee.
You don't have to return anything.
You just say, I don't like this stuff.
You get all your money back.
Okay?
We can't make it any easier.
We're trying to be as fair and as nice as possible.
And our goal always is, number one, I don't ever want to do anything where
anybody feels ripped off.
So that's why we have this money-back guarantee in place.
I'm much more concerned with not having people feel ripped off than I am with
making money.
Okay?
So there it is.
Go to Onnit.com.
Check it, bitches.
O-N-N-I-T.
Enter in my last name, which is Rogan.
R-O-G-A-N.
And save yourself 10% for now and for always.
And what was the other?
He had some new fucking code that gets you 35% off.
Oh, yeah.
Shit.
I can't remember.
I guess you have to download yesterday's episode on iTunes.
Damn it.
He's in a plane right now, too.
I can't even text him.
All right.
Whatever.
Yeah, you'll have to download yesterday's because there's a way to get 35% off.
Yeah.
I'll tweet it.
I'll tweet it what it is later.
Sorry.
Make him work for it, man.
It's me, man.
I fucked up.
I should have had that shit written down.
It was something weird, like TSK or something.
Was it?
Yeah.
I'm just making shit up and confusing people.
Somebody probably had it.
It was on the tip of their tongue.
And then you just said that.
And you just fucked them sideways.
Boom.
Into the woods.
Speaking of fuck sideways, we're talking to Matt Paxton from Fucking Hoarders,
ladies and gentlemen.
What's up?
Cue the music.
Let's start this officially.
Train by day.
Joe Rogan podcast by night.
All day.
Yes.
Now, we are talking today to Matt Paxton from Hoarders.
And you want to talk about a dude who has seen some unusual shit.
I've seen it every day.
You must have a completely different perspective on human beings than your
average person.
Yeah.
Oh, I mean, it's to a point now where I have a hard time.
Like, I mean, I live in the suburbs now.
I have a wife and kids.
I feel like I'm bored to death, like, hanging out with the guys in the
neighborhood.
Because, I mean, during the day, I'm, you know, shoveling 200 dead cats and,
you know, 45,000 pounds of shit.
And then I got to go talk to some guy about an email that he got in his cube.
You know, and I can't.
I mean, it's actually affecting.
I need the crazy shit now.
Wow.
I'm really having a hard time living a regular life.
So, you've become addicted to all this insanity.
Absolutely.
I'm a recovering addict.
My issue was gambling.
I had a serious gambling problem.
Lost everything when I was 25.
I mean, literally, rock bottom, sitting in a ditch in Lake Tahoe, Nevada, got
my ass kicked by a bookie.
And, like, had to start over.
Wow.
Like, I had literally five bucks in my pocket.
And I went and gambled it, trying to make it ten.
Jesus Christ.
And so, I hit rock bottom.
And over the last, what, ten years, slowly but surely got back out.
And I've seen it all.
And so, it works for me with the hoarders because, like, I'm not going to judge
them.
I've been in a much.
I mean, I thought about sucking dick for money one night.
I didn't do it.
But I put it on the table.
Wow.
Because I was in a lot of trouble.
And I was like, you know, it can't taste that bad.
It's not that horrible, you know.
Like, I started justifying it in my head.
And I put a lot of things on the table that night.
Wow.
Sigur and I talked about it one night.
We were like, you know, I was like, I'm going to run drugs from New York to
Miami just once.
Wow.
And get out of trouble.
Not like I knew how to set that up or anything.
But in my mind, I was like, I'm going to do it.
And so, like, I mean, there was a lot of.
I was in so much trouble, I put a lot of things on the table.
So, when I see a lady that's shit in her oven, like, I'm like, eh, you know, it's
not that bad.
Really.
She shits in her oven?
I've had one lady that did, yeah.
She actually shit in a bag and then put the bag in the oven.
Oh, my God.
To keep it fresh, right?
What was the thought behind it?
She wanted to keep it safe.
She wanted to save her shit?
She was saving her shit?
I get that.
It was a special, something like it was a, I think there was a birthday cake
involved or something.
Oh, my God.
Hey, so you can't.
So, was the shit from a particular meal that she wanted to save?
From a specific meal that there might have, yeah, there was something important
to it.
I know.
And you know what?
I'll get right at it.
These people are not crazy.
I hate that word, crazy.
They sure sound it.
Right.
But something really intense has happened to them at some point in their life
that made them.
And it got, it jump-started it and got them.
And then about 10 years of bad decisions got them there after that.
But something horrible, tragic happened to them that initiated it.
So, is it this horrible, tragic thing that happens to them?
Does it just fuck with the way they see reality?
Totally.
I mean, they're.
They block off sections of reality?
Yeah, that's why I'm so excited to be on this.
Because you're willing to, like, go into different realities and understand
that there are,
you could have a whole separate world that exists in your mind,
even though you're living in a different one.
And that's what happens to avoid it.
There's a lot of functional, crazy people out there.
Absolutely.
Oh, my God.
We've had judges and lawyers and doctors.
I mean, we had one lawyer that, or one judge,
that we literally had to clean his house from midnight to 6 a.m.
because he didn't want anybody to know what was going on.
But yet, I mean, here I am.
Hello, the guy on Hoarders that three million people in the night see.
Right.
If I'm going into your house every other hour,
it's pretty obvious I'm, you know, we're cleaning up your house.
Well, what did you have to do to the judge's house?
We'd clean it.
I mean, it was full.
It was, but his was nice stuff.
It was like art and, you know, fancy things, antiques and just things he had
bought.
It was just over-balling.
He, his was an issue.
His wife believed stuff made you who you were.
Oh, wow.
And so he wasn't really, he wasn't comfortable with, you know,
what you do as a person is who you are.
He was whatever you buy is who you are.
And so they're, and just, they were searching for more self-worth
and they just kept buying things.
Oh, I see.
And I mean, we, it does, it's all mental.
It's never about the physical stuff, which is hard to believe.
I mean, we could get deep into, these hoarders get into big, deep worlds where
they think
things matter.
And I always say it's, it's called, there's an old Avett Brothers song.
If you've ever heard Avett Brothers, interesting band.
Really cool band.
How do you spell it?
Avett, A-V-E-T-T.
Avett Brothers.
They're, they're amazing.
They drive a lot of my theories on life.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
I mean, they changed the way I work.
Like first time I heard them, I was like, wow, this must have been what it must
ha