Name: Joe Rogan Experience #199 - Joey Diaz
Uploaded: 2013-04-10T07:32:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #199 - Joey Diaz' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #199 - Joey Diaz' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-10. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #199 - Joey Diaz

the Joe Rogan Experience podcast is brought to you by the Fleshlight if you go
to Joe Rogan.net
click on the link for the Fleshlight enter in the code name Rogan you will get
15% off the
number one sex toy from me that's the sound of of opening the Fleshlight that's
what it sounds like
have you seen the new ones no there's new there's a new design it's like it's
it's called I think
the pilot or something and it's really slick it looks like a like an alienware
computer of
fleshlights like it's just designed really cool like really neat form and like
do you really care
what something looks like them while you're fucking well if I'm gonna have it
on my shelf or in my
kitchen it looks better you know it's not a human though I mean oh no I don't
care really what do
you care what it's just the you know so if somebody sees it it looks cooler
kind of like why you buy
like a instead of buying like a you know a shitty computer like that you get $300
at fries you see
like that wow look at that crazy robot computer you know that's it's oh I see
it's cooler to look at
if you have it in your kitchen it's just got more nerd cred yeah you should
look at it go to
fleshlight.com you can actually see it or you go through to your website and
click on the link and
then it opens up Fleshlight and then you enter in the code name Rogan and you
get 15% off yay
we're also brought to you by onnit.com makers of alpha brain
maybe someone was on some alpha brain when they designed that shit man it looks
like some sort of a
bong yeah don't do not a lot of naked girls on that site hey here's a tip on
that shit while you're at
work do not click on Fleshjack I accidentally did that and it becomes the most
craziest website ever it
starts showing bears and guys like hugging each other while using fleshlights
like look at this let's try
you just click on this and then next thing you know it's just like hey look at
me looking at my
fleshlight and it's like what it's like a gay version of the fleshlight but it's
called Fleshjack it's
called the Fleshjack Boys and it's just a bunch of guys and fucking fleshlights
with other guys where
other guys are kissing and I don't know how I got on this one but there's one
somewhere in here there's
two really hairy men that look like Burt Kreischer and uh and uh Tom Segura
like hugging each other
while using a fleshlight on each other it's it's really horrible this is
hilarious it's dudes
masturbating into these fleshlight yeah god I wish I could find that what look
for the hairy bear
guys that are sitting on each other's laps it's it's it's uh so much effort jerking
you off a man
whacking you off with a fucking fleshlight with your dick not even in his hand
but in his little
milkshake cup and he's like how does it feel just whacking you the fuck off
where does your fucking
life go from there thank you Fleshlight for promoting freaks are us and shit
now it's tremendous
I love it some people would like it though though they would everybody's got
their own little kink
right yeah I guess some people would like that if I was gay and I had wanted my
hairy friend to sit behind me and jack me off slowly like kiss me in the back
and the neck
and start licking inside my ear wrestling with my hair but the reason to become
gay is to fuck
other people's asshole up it's not to whack off in a cup I could whack off in a
cup and be straight
and be hanging out with God you know all gay means is that they're sexually
attracted to men
they can do it all kinds of different ways right but I'd even never liked a
woman whacking me off
you imagine with a cup of woman what do I need you for it's like an oxytundrum
whatever the fuck that
apparently I talked to a gay couple after a show once who wanted to correct me
and they wanted to let me know that not everyone who's gay takes it in the ass
so I was like alright so what do you do you just blow each other and the guy
was like yeah basically
I'm like why would you care if that distinction is even out there like what why
would you why would
you even want anyone to know what your bedroom practices are like we know we
don't even do that
we don't you don't even do that okay why do I need to know this you tell me
that people don't
you know they certainly do so can't you make fun of that isn't it isn't that
okay I think it's open
waters it's open for them bear pirates I don't I have nothing against nobody I
just don't understand
why get a cup and have a guy come over and whack you off with a cup I don't get
it but if that's
your kink but if that's your kink a lot of people like anybody's not hurt by
women's feet a lot of
people like a lot of crazy people could like the craziest combinations of shit
there's a lot of
fucking weirdos out there man I used to date a chick that used to suck my
fucking nipples I hate that
yeah yeah get away from my nipples your fucking nipples she wanted to suck your
nipples because
that's how she got off yeah I used to date a Korean chick that you would have
to come on her face and
then she would have to masturbate for her to come because the warmth from the
fucking jizz on her
face got her all excited that's the only way you get her to come that's the
only way and she was a
fucking savage it's like my nipples is like getting a raft rash like when you
used to do that body
surfing thing on those rafts and the salt water and the sand would just start
like scratching your
chest up when you're a kid yeah they don't work they're dead but I have a
friend my friend Brian
Holloway from Executive Billiards and White Plains he used to love girls
playing with his nipple he'd
talk about it too he's a freak man he goes bitch be playing with my nipple god
damn I get hard as
fuck it was really funny he was a funny dude man he was like one of those guys
that you didn't hang
around with at the pool hall who always made everybody he was way funnier than
me like he was
he was always saying funny shit there what a fucking character but he always
talked about his nipples
man girl can't touch my nipples man damn I think once a girl everybody's
different you
know I think once a girl is with a guy that likes that shit it's like us we
think everybody likes
that so they try that shit at first it's okay you're like why are you sucking
my fucking lip
on it calm oh and and it makers of alpha brain which is a cognitive enhancing
supplement all the
information if you have any questions is it's very very detailed on on it calm
what's funny I got to
this point on fleshjack.com where these two whoops these two pilots likely it's
like a storyline thing
where they just take off their clothes and they're like hey we're pilots and
now we're like working
out together with our flesh like naked you want to masturbate together in this
air hanger Brian I would
not be as confident in my sexuality if I was you I just think it's confident to
watch them I think it's
so funny to watch I'm not gonna sit there and watch it alone in my house I have
to have other people in
the room so it's more of a joke but yeah that is a true thing you don't want to
be well I mean you
could it's all context you know if you're looking at something going wow that's
so fucking hot or you
know I mean you could look at murders and be like wow I mean you have to if you're
watching something
really fucked up it should really be in the presence of a lot of other people
right so you can evaluate
it together yeah that's a shocking shit watching something fucked up when you're
alone and you have
to think about it yeah and you get scared and shit and you have to take off
your clothes at least who
takes you there's a bunch of you together you're like we're all together we're
okay let's make fun of
this real quick yeah I don't like watching creepy shit by myself anyway I'll
fucking sleep with the
light on and shit I don't like none of that stuff at night late yeah like the
exorcist was on and I was just
scrolling it was like 1:15 I think it was Friday night fuck you fuck you that's
the only watch the
exorcist in the daytime bitch with the lights on with the fucking daylight on
that was at the time the
devil don't come out of the daylight dog at the time that was a fucking monster
of a movie man
move that was a scary movie there's some scary fucking movies get through this
commercial yeah honor.com
You guys know what it is listen it's all they're all nootropics
I've said this a hundred thousand times in the podcast I try not to almost 200
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So go do that check it out
Google nootropics there's a lot of other companies and have some good so bill
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He's got a great one called neuro one
I don't like that one, too. So that's it podcast about start
Now Joe Diaz is here. This is it's official. Thank you
Joe Rogan experience
Train my day Joe Rogan podcast my night all day
Powerful Joey Diaz
What's up you sexy motherfuckers?
Always good to see you my brother. What's happening? What's up bread man? Hi.
Thank you for having me on Friday night
Great time up there at the ice house chronicles the ice house has been the fun
fucking place to hang
That was awesome. We've been having a good time there
man
We're putting Pasadena the motherfucker
Get a shit. It's a fun place fucking fun place man. It's all nice people
everybody that works. There's nice shows have been fucking great all fun shows
We're doing
This Wednesday
We're doing a show in the big room. We just announced it tickets just went on
sale today
It's really stupid because the show's tomorrow night
But that's how we do you know, we don't do much prior planning
But it's at the ice house in Pasadena in the bigger room and we're gonna have a
200th episode podcast and extravaganza and Joe Diaz are you gonna be there?
No, brother, you know, I love you motherfuckers. We had I'm headed to the
fucking capital of debt. What's that Miami Beach?
Oh
Miami Beach
Yeah
Coconut Grove is all different now
It was a city of sin when we were there years ago now, it's very quiet that
whole mall doesn't have no more wet willies
No more wet willies
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
I'm staying at the Sinesta Hotel which is different. You know, they have like
Coco walk and they still got howl at the moon
And yeah, you know for people who are coked up and want to go in there and sing
songs
And you know they changed it around so it's a different vibe. I'm excited about
going down there
You know what I'm saying?
When was the last time you were there?
Three four years ago three years ago in September or something the thing with
me it was even more than that
Yeah, yeah, you just go to Fort Lauderdale
It was too crazy. They were the wildest crowd I have ever performed in front of
like consist