Name: Joe Rogan Experience #200 - Duncan Trussell
Uploaded: 2013-04-12T17:38:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #200 - Duncan Trussell' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #200 - Duncan Trussell' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-12. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #200 - Duncan Trussell

okay it's on i can't hear me i can't hear me i hear me now but it's not very
loud you're using
the wrong mic too i am okay i won't use it how's that one it's not any better
in fact it's lower
hello it's actually your headphones how am i how's mine hello hello it sounds
great
yeah hello hello hello hello should i add snowflakes right now hello hello
hello hello
hello hello there it is yeah these headphones suck but if you turn it all the
way up it's okay
duncan can you talk yeah hello hello hello we're good how do i drop the volume
i'm on you start
sucking its cock how do you suck its cock push forward towards me hello hello
hello hello that's
better i guess still is loud don't be gay you know you're on right now what
yeah how dare you i said
that like 10 minutes ago no you didn't yeah you're like just tell me when and i'm
like all right ready
dude you got to do a better job than that that's preposterous preposterous we're
all smoking weed
we don't know what the fuck is going on how dare you sir when i say it's gay i
spell the g-h-e-y
no take backs the jaw broken experience is brought we're about to have new
sponsors we've got some
something really cool lined up very excited in the video game world very
excited yeah can't tell you
preview but uh another uh very cool sponsor that i'm super excited about it
looks it's a you know
one of the cool things about having this podcast is you can kind of pick and
choose who sponsors the
show you know we've had some offers from stuff that we really weren't kind of
into and so we're like
how do we even do this this wouldn't even work it's not something we give a
shit about but
i'd like video games more than i want to like video games yeah unfortunately me
too you too yeah we
both had problems story in my life so we're gonna go we're gonna help uh
contribute to a lot of
people's addiction soon really cool uh a lot of it is diablo i can't tell you a
lot of them are ipad
based though it's really cool the the ipad the cool thing about the ipad is it's
a gyroscope or
whatever the fuck you call it it just detects motion it's your so you can is it
gyroscope like
it's like a sandwich and you um you can drive cars and do all kinds of things
just by moving the
pattern it's fucking incredible device really have you seen those remote
control planes that you can
fly with yes yes i have quadricopters our original sponsor though is the fleshlight
the first one the
the the one back when we were snowflakes in the back of a you stream page
on uh on the laptop back in the disney 200 episodes ago by the way folks that's
like 600
hours of listening to you it's preposterous i don't have that much to say
people say you repeat
shit i'm like what the fuck do you think man come on dude it's not like we're
talking about the news
you know we're talking about some pretty preposterous shit that i think about
all the time and i
repeat things to myself all the time i have a certain amount of memory it's all
taken up by the
fleshlight ladies and gentlemen if you go to joe rogan.net and click on the
link for the
fleshlight enter in the code name rogan you will get 15 off a very solid
product a product that if i left you alone on an island for a million years
with all the tools
in the world you would never be able to figure out you'd never be able to
figure out how to make
a fleshlight okay you wouldn't it'd be like out of salmon yeah of the average
person you would never
you would never figure that yeah and then you get those little bones in your
shirt you'd wrap some
bamboo like leaves around a salmon you know what you would never figure out
also vitamins you would
never figure out alpha brain you would never figure out new mood you would
never figure out shroom tech
sport or shroom tech immune all of these are what we call nootropics except for
shroom tech that's a
little bit of a nootropic but also more of something that aids your immune
system and your athletic
performance there's all the explanations for all these various products is
available on onnit.com
that's o-n-n-i-t check out alpha brain that is the cognitive enhancing
supplement new mood
is the 5-htp and l-tryptophan supplement both of those things are great for
boosting your your own
body's production of serotonin which can actually put you in a better mood
believe it or not a lot of
the way you feel is fucking chemical and of course a lot of it is that people
are depressed because
their life sucks let's be a lot of us are wage slaves let's be honest sure that's
not good and
i don't think taking pills while that's going on just to try to trick yourself
into thinking that
everything's groovy i'm not a really big believer in that either i'm much more
of a proponent of you
know get your fucking life in order and you'd be amazed at how much better you
feel yeah but then
again i've never had a problem with the balance of my mind and i know people
have so i don't i don't
ever say that you know you shouldn't take this you should take that everybody's
completely different
and it's preposterous to think that you know the inner workings of another man's
mind that said go
to on it dot com check out all the shit we have for sale everything is stuff
that i have taken i
believe in i take on a regular basis as a normal part of my diet i also eat
very healthy i think you
should too i eat like a fucking savage sometimes you know but i earn that for
the most part i drink
kale shakes every morning with fresh garlic and ginger and celery like the more
you take good
things into your body the more you can justify those crispy cream donuts like
fuck it i'm just going
off right now and you always feel like shit afterwards but i think rewards like
that even
your body can process that if you do it on occasion you know if you do it once
a week if you want the
weekday we just eat ice cream like a fucking slop there's nothing wrong with
that as long as the
rest of the week generally speaking treat your body like you fucking love it
and it's precious
because it is bitches on dot com all of our products especially the first time
orders of 30 pills if
you order um all any anything the first order you get 100 of your money back
guarantee if you don't like
it and that doesn't mean 100 if you uh return the product it means 100 even if
you eat it all
and you go you know what this isn't what i thought it was going to be what what
is it going to be it's
going to make your your brain feel sharper that's what alpha brain does it's
not magic it's not
nothing like new what is that movie who's it ash what's his name cooper limitless
it's it's not
it's not going to turn a moron into a brilliant person but it will affect the
way your brain moves
i like it makes me feel better makes my brain work better go to joe rogan.net
click on the link
for alpha brain and use the code name rogan and you will get 10 any and all
orders not just your first
one all right bitches it is podcast number 200 wow what a fucking trip
duncan there's some rustling going on trying to find my alpha brain oh if you're
on a desert island
you would make alpha brain out of mermaid mermaid pussy dried scrapings
on the inside of a mermaid's pussy imagine that but they say the myth of the
mermaid came from horny
sailors trying to rationalize fucking seals of course fucking everything manatees
manatees yeah
they'd fuck a manatee because they were so horny and they would then they'd be
like no it's a mermaid
i swear what kind of a crazy asshole would commit back then to getting in a
goddamn boat and going
across the ocean for like four months a lot of times not even knowing if there
was some
shit on the other end oh yeah thinking it might just stop like they thought the
world just ended
in their waterfalls that's how bad europe sucked in the 1400s that columbus was
like yeah maybe it
does fall off let's go bitches come on i'm gonna live forever look what the
fuck we're eating look at
the streets we're living in people stink yeah yeah yeah that's uh they were so
upset with europe they were
like fuck this we're just gonna get in a boat and go to some place i mean we're
not even looking at it
really truly in perspectives because here's something that was really really
rare back then any one-on-one
accounts of someone who went there that liked it forget about pictures they
didn't have pictures back
then would you see some drawings no you didn't even talk to one guy probably
that went over there
himself and had a wonderful and prosperous life and was telling you listen
there's land to be had it's a
great time come on over i mean what a great mass of movement of humans in such
a short period of time
the populated or the population of the north american continent you know and
the fact that there was
already a small group of nomadic people that were living here and they were
just completely overwhelmed
like the volume and the numbers i think there was a lot of them in in north
america i think there was a
lot of native americans and indigenous people when you say a lot was there like
millions like like not
well let me say let me say even if there was a lot it's nothing in comparison
to what it is like right
now like this there's never been population numbers like this anywhere right
where the is has there ever
been a place where there was virtually no one um and then immigrants all came
in and then within a few
hundred years there's 300 million of them nope no right i mean we unless it
like was pre-flood before
the last meteor impact or something like that maybe i wonder how many native
americans there were before
you know they were killed and pushed back and you know what that must have been
unbelievable for them
the people that had lived their lives like a certain way yeah before the first
white men came
you know it must have been must have been preposterous like you know they
probably generation after
generation they had followed the buffalo and they had lived this you know very
disciplined and spiritual
and sort of in tune with the with nature and their environment and they had you
know very clear laws of
morality and how you deal with nature and how you use up your resources really
fascinating like you could
tell that they had a deep reverence and a real understanding for the resources
of the environment and
not taking too much not wasting anything because you might not have it man like
they they were under a
real concern about starving to death if they didn't get up in the morning and
follow the buffalo and they
lost those motherfuckers sure if they have no food for a few weeks like what
people your baby can die
man you might just up and run into uh you know time the season's wrong and run
into some place where you're
stuck chasing these buffalo in a place that gets snowed in and there's no food
oh yeah not to mention the
fact that bears are eating you oh yeah eaten by a bear that's a real worry for
you yeah especially if
you're in the woods and you fuck up and stumble upon its mother a mother and
the cubs forget it they're
they're fucking monsters i mean think about how aggressive people are around
their babies you know
you're dealing with a giant thousand pound fucking dog essentially it's like a
big mean dog it's a dog
with thick skin those things have such thick skin they bite themselves they don't
even hurt themselves
yeah you ever seen them go to war with each other oh yeah yeah they're taking
you know chunks of
hairs are flying and shit like that and they're fine they're fine just bit the
fuck out of each other
bit each other clawed each other scrapped they literally would have dismembered
our weak and
gelatinous like bodies in a second just torn them apart like they're nothing
just crunched through
your skull yeah what a shit life it must have been back then bad i mean man i
mean the american indians
on one hand you can say there was a lot of uh satisfaction in that life and
they probably were
happier than the majority of people today i think that's really arguable but
that's ju