Name: Joey Diaz on Tom Waits, Mick Jagger, and other music (from Joe Rogan Experience #347)
Uploaded: 2013-04-14T01:01:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joey Diaz on Tom Waits, Mick Jagger, and other music (from Joe Rogan Experience #347)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joey Diaz on Tom Waits, Mick Jagger, and other music (from Joe Rogan Experience #347)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-14. Transcript available.

- The Joe Rogan experience.
- But we are in the Illuminati, we can't hit that.
- You know, but also, no, shut up Brian.
But it's also people on both ends,
like you're choosing to get upset
about some really ridiculous shit.
- You ever read a tweet and you go to that person's page
and you go, "I get it."
- Person's page? - Once I read somebody's tweet
and I go to their main page, I get to put,
I can add up, right in one minute, I go, "I get it."
I get where he was coming from,
I understand why he said that, he's a musician,
he's that, he's a politician, he sells this,
he likes, like today somebody hit me,
when I read, he's a Paul Reiser fan, I get it.
You're a fucking mook, you know what I'm saying?
I've never met a Paul Reiser fan.
So if you're a Paul Reiser fan,
shoot yourself in the fucking mouth right now.
You know what I'm saying? - Oh my goodness.
- Once somebody's, if I go to somebody's page
and I see like music, and I know the music sucks,
that's where it ends.
'Cause if his choice of music sucks,
that's where, if I don't see fucking one of my three on there,
like I remember going to people's,
there's two things I judge on people.
I don't judge people by money or none,
I judge people by their music collection.
If I look at your music collection,
and you don't have Sabbath Paranoid,
if you don't have the staples, Zeppelin II,
those are the staples.
If you don't have Zeppelin II, why are we here?
I'm not smoking dope with you.
Why are you wasting my fucking time?
I'm over here, you got like the best of Judy Grant.
You know what I'm saying?
That's, and number two,
when you open up somebody's refrigerator.
- There's certain, yeah, it's true.
- You open it, that tells me everything.
If you're a fucking mook, if you're a mutt,
if I see like low-end beer, you're a fucking mutt.
I ain't never coming here no more.
- Aren't there certain people that they have music
laying around just because it's cool?
- Tons of them, that's why,
there's a generation of people that want to say,
and I know this, and I don't hate you,
'cause I'm kind of the same way that,
they don't want to like, Floyd,
they prefer to listen to, oh, that's so commercialized.
- Yeah.
- Listen to Morrissey.
You know, they make you feel bad.
The worst being the Tom Waits era.
Those motherfuckers are the ones
that want to punch 'em right in the fucking face.
Because they're the ones,
you're having a good time listening to something,
you're bobbing, and they want to like,
really impress like some fucking dumb chick
with freckles or something.
Everybody's fucked already, you know what I'm saying?
Everybody's fucked, all you need is tequila,
and a gram of blow,
and she'll be sucking your dick in the fucking bathroom.
But you want to be cool.
And listen to the Tom Waits.
Have you ever listened to Tom Waits?
- Um, yeah, yeah, it's not my style.
- You want to fucking shoot yourself.
- Yeah, I don't like it.
- If that's good singing,
you want that, you're fucking an idiot.
But the only reason that people would put that shit on
is to try to overpower you with their fucking Star Wars.
What do you call that?
The fucking thing with the mind jenny.
- Of course.
- The mind jenny fucking trick.
That's it.
Oh, he's so, oh my God, he likes Tom Waits.
Listen to that shit for me.
- Right, they're trying to make themselves.
- Let me sit you down with a gun next to your head.
You tell me if that's true, that's good singing.
That's good fucking singing.
That's the Beatles, I'll fucking shoot you.
I'll fucking put a gun to your fucking head, all right?
Telling me that's good music.
You're fucking 20 years old, knock it off.
Like when somebody says they like the Dave Matthews band,
I will pistol whip you.
I have satellite on the way up here.
- Amen.
- And they were doing Exodus.
- Into me.
- They were doing Exodus by fucking Bob Marley.
I almost crashed the fucking car.
- Oh, man.
Could you be loved?
- Dave Matthews, a white dude with no shoes on
and a black new planer.
It fucking, it's too, it's too made up, Uncle Joey.
Stop it.
- I think he's got some good songs.
Dave Matthews got a few good songs.
- Oh, please, you got me emotional.
Thank God I got the other book here.
Fuck this shit.
I was too quiet over here.
I hate all that shit.
Just listen, you don't like it, just move over.
I can't stand fucking Tom Waits.
And the people who like Tom Waits,
look at them and go to their page,
and they'll tell you the whole thing like that.
Something ain't right.
They're vegans, something.
You know, stop the pilgrims.
They care for something that you're like, really?
- I always liked that Tom Waits is a guy
who probably has a song that I would like,
but I don't want to go find it.
- It's probably like one or two of the songs.
- Put one song, pick a fucking song.
- I don't think you're allowed to do that.
- Pick a song, and it sounds like he's taking a shit.
It sounds like a dude.
Like, what the fuck is this moron singing about?
And I know people go, oh my God, he's a revolution.
No, no, no, Paul McCartney's a bad motherfucker.
Why?
He's alive.
Everybody else is dead.
Paul McCartney won this war.
- It's true.
He beat Jimi Hendrix.
- Lenin's dead.
George Harris is dead.
Everybody's dead.
Michael Jackson's dead.
Paul McCartney's still doing plastic stuff.
- Lenin died.
- Lenin died.
- He killed the fucking Lipton chick.
Didn't her parents own fucking Kodak?
She's dead too.
Remember, he moved her.
He didn't know.
He drove her to get a fucking sandwich.
He died in the car.
Remember, dog?
Nobody fucking, then he had the one with the missing leg.
McCartney lives.
McCartney won this fucking game.
He out-won everybody.
McCartney outlived everybody.
You only want him, Elton John, Bowie, Mick Jagger, which he don't even want to
fuck with.
All those other guys think Mick Jagger's a filthy motherfucker anyway.
- Do they?
- Oh, they hate that motherfucker.
- Why do they hate Mick Jagger?
- Because look at him.
You want to just strangle Mick Jagger.
- Why?
- Mick Jagger's a different dude.
You know, Mick Jagger comes across, Mick Jagger, what was his background?
- I don't know.
- Like, look at his background.
His background's like, he went to like the best business school.
Did you know that?
- Really?
- Yeah, in England.
Like, he's like a fucking wizard economist or something.
- No shit.
- Their story, yeah, he don't do nothing unless you show up with a big bank
book.
-
- I know in Boulder, we talked about this in the podcast one time in Boulder.
You know how in concerts, the seats behind you?
- Uh-huh.
- Sell them.
- Well, Mr. Jagger, nobody sells the tickets behind them.
They won't buy it.
I'm Mick Jagger.
Sell those tickets or we don't go on stage.
- Have you heard their new shit?
- It's horrible.
- It's not that bad.
Their new song's not that bad.
- Really, it's not that bad?
I don't know.
I just think--
- He just went right with it.
It's horrible.
- I don't know.
- Let me see if I can find it.
Let's help them.
Let's promote the Rolling Stones.
I think they give a fuck.
How funny is that?
Yeah, we'll help you out, Rolling Stones.
- I know you need this little podcast.
He's got a book that somebody wrote about him, and they interview somebody.
Who's the chick that's singing, you know, "You're so vain"?
- Carly Simon?
- Carly Simon sat next to him.
- She was awesome.
- At some movie premiere or something.
Mick Jagger sat next to him and was like, "Dog, you got a joint?"
"No.
You got a quaila?
No.
You got a bump of coke?
No.
How about a blowjob?"
- How do you know if he really said that?
- Because he's, bro, this guy married his wife, and he married in a country
where fucking
it wasn't even legal to be married.
This guy's one step ahead of the game.
All he gives a fuck is getting his dick sucked.
He's 60-something.
You think Stallone's shooting shit?
This guy, oh, spit slaps Stallone with his dick.
This guy's shooting everything.
- You ready to record?
It's recording.
Oh, it is already?
Yeah.
What the fuck, son?