Name: Joe Rogan Experience #352 - Tom Segura
Uploaded: 2013-04-25T10:35:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #352 - Tom Segura' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-25. Transcript available. Special appearances by Bert Kreischer & Joey "CoCo" Diaz.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #352 - Tom Segura' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-25. Transcript available. Special appearances by Bert Kreischer & Joey "CoCo" Diaz.

Joe Rogan Experience #352 - Tom Segura

whoa we forgot what you were yeah this is uh this is the original spot and in
the original spot
uh now known as death squad east death squad east has cats and for some reason
brian has decided
that death squad west is a primate based it's all monkeys and scary things live
ones too right
well the studio itself definitely has a different feel you know with the werewolf
when you walk into
the place that's that's extraordinary that thing's awesome it is awesome the
coolest thing i've ever
bought in my life powerful pat mcgee guy from uh pat mcgee special effects he
makes them you can order
one and you can order one before you got married your house would have at least
seven of those in
it's so different when you live with a chick man they start moving your shit
around putting pictures
of your kids on the wall and i used to have chimps up all over my house if you
went over my house when
i was a single man back in the day i used to have pictures of chimps everywhere
and sculptures too
yeah yeah weird sculptures weird shit yeah like literally you'd walk around his
whole entire house
and there'd be a monkey or a chimp every five steps would be a different
picture really eating a tiger
one no there's no chimps eating tigers but i got them like how long chasing
after how long were you
rocking that though oh man i've been obsessed with chimpanzees since i was a
baby so even like a like
teenager style you were doing oh yeah i've always been obsessed with apes
obsessed with them i find
them fascinating my my production company's name is talking monkey incorporated
yeah sure that i got that
that was in like 1988 and that was a line i stole from a movie with um the fuck
was that dude's name
i forget his name
wait you don't god harman mark harman the thing that was his he had a a funny
movie like a summertime
movie okay it was like summer school or some shit like that yeah and he said to
a guy if you lose one
more brain cell you'd be a talking monkey and i remember that all of a sudden
put in my head
the idea of a talking mic like how stupid would a person have to be if we
really did evolve how far
back would we have to go until we became a talking monkey you know yeah what is
that and so that
became i i mean wasn't that was my initial obsession but that's why i named my
company talking monkey
incorporated i can see how an obsession with monkeys they're so fascinating man
if they didn't exist we
would be tripping the out if we if someone showed you if there was no chimpanzees
and all of a sudden
we found chimpanzees somewhere we'd be like holy look at them they're looking
at you they're thinking oh my
god they're using tools holy look at this this is like a window back in time
this is like the
fucking sensory deprivation tank in altered states we can see our past i mean
you literally can see
your past yeah i mean somehow or another i don't understand evolution
scientifically behaviorally when
when i talk like this people said well you really don't understand how
evolution works okay i i
appreciate that but i think you can reasonably extrapolate that if people exist
and then there was some
early people there was like you know homo whatever it was like a bunch of
different homos yeah right
lots of homos yeah homo australia australopithecus i think australopithecus
there was uh that one too
our direct you know ancestors that they believe it's like somehow or another we
had to be like more
primitive it wasn't like we just started out like like close to a human no
there were some steps along the
way you fuck okay and i think it's not unreasonable to look at chimpanzees and
say even though that's not our
step along the way it's from a different branch of the same tree the same primate
tree i think you
can reasonably extrapolate that there's something very similar to the way they
are that we probably
were you know at least we can put it together them and orangutans and bonobos
we can mix them all
together and try to figure out what the we were like there's different models
that have to come
along before humans yeah there has to be c class and there's an e class and
then there's the s class you
know you know what fuck fuck commercials for this podcast i don't feel like
doing any commercials this
is like a podcast that came out of nowhere we didn't even see this coming tommy
buns we put it
together last minute so no commercials suck it suck it please move on and let's
just get going
the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day
ladies and gentlemen tommy buns now this podcast may be the first podcast that
serious ever plays
well you get the full podcast oh seriously they don't have to edit it because
we don't have a
commercial in it oh that's great so what people don't know is that um i'm
financially irresponsible
and uh i i'm not that good at advertising right and a lot of times when we do
our podcast the
advertisements may take as long as 20 minutes because somewhere in the
advertisements you know
brian callum might bring up some crazy fucking book that he read and all of a
sudden we're on this
wild journey or duncan trussell blows your mind with a certain thought in the
middle of a commercial
talking about something and now yeah you're off on a tangent path but a lot of
that never makes
it to serious satellite radio i even think isn't the show like an hour long too
like they just edit
it down to an hour probably i don't know but it's awesome that they put us on
there yeah it's uh
i'm happy to be on there because it's opie and anthony who are my friends and
there's uh it's just
it's a good group of humans you know they're good guys jim norton's a great guy
i love being associated with those guys you know those those guys are i'm down
for them
everybody they're my friends it seems like a good crew man they're great guys
man anthony's beautiful
human being opie is a awesome guy they're they're awesome jim norton is like
one of my favorite humans
ever yeah you know so it's like all them together we have some great
conversations you know they're not
dumb guys by any stretch of the imagination even though i disagree with some of
them ideologically like
sometimes i disagree with anthony he's like real strong like right wing
republican but he's also i
believe in a lot of things that he believes in there's a lot of shit that i
believe in especially
the gun control issue you know i'm i mean he's a bit extreme you know he's he's
a crazy gun nut and
he loves guns huh that's all i see but i honestly believe that when you see
these shooting victims
and all all these different things this is not a gun issue it's a mental health
issue it's the ability
to do that that should be so alien from our society and i liken it to a group
of close friends okay and
this is obviously an exaggeration it's really hard to do when you're talking
about a giant society of
people that are never going to get to meet each other but in a group of close
friends like us
the people in this room okay let's pretend that we were all on a deserted
island what are the odds
that one of us would become a suicide bomber okay pretty small yeah right
pretty small how does someone
become a suicide bomber how does someone become a guy who could drop a bomb off
at a marathon finishing
line how does someone do that what what what the happens to that guy that lets
you do that because
the reality is that there's a lot of that can kill people in this world
including cars and everyone has
cars and if you wanted to kill far more people than this guy did at the
marathon you could run over
people in your car the reason he did it this way is because he wanted to not be
accountable for it
he thought he could get away with it sure if this is the you know if you buy
the official story alex jones
have you buy the official story ladies and gentlemen but if you you know you
look at this guy like who
they're they're claiming this guy is that was the the older brother they think
you might have committed
three murders as well three murders outside of this yeah there was um and one
night three people were
murdered and one of them was a close friend and training partner of this guy
and uh the bodies
cash was left there and the bodies were covered with marijuana wow yeah and
this guy was very religious
apparently and become he was he had become more and more religious yeah in the
past few years now again
settle down tinfoil people this is if you buy the official story yeah i don't
know who the
the fuck this dude was you know i'm just i'm just reading what i'm getting out
of you know essentially
almost all news sources seem to be agreeing with with these stories that this
guy was like super
religious well he went he got kind of radicalized a couple years ago he went
back to to russia for six
months yeah i say that's when he he came back and radicalized you know yes
again that's the official
story alex jones will tell you this is a false flag event tommy yeah what they're
doing they're trying
to take away your guns well supposedly he listened to alex jones he was a fan
of info wars of course
well maybe he was a fan of info wars the way i'm a fan of sean hannity like i'll
listen just because
it's fucking hilarity it's funny to watch people twist the narrative like that
it's funny to watch people
that are just like so blatantly right wing that they'll just never admit ever
that anyone on the
left has any idea it's always any even compliment is said with a smirk that's
soon to follow
some disparaging remark about who they are yeah it's never like obama's a
brilliant man or even if
it's even if it's an idea that they were behind yeah there's still a spin on it
it's so it's a it's a
it's a fucking game they're in a team and they strategize to get that team to
win and they do it
within the rules but they know they're full of shit like as they're doing it
you can hear their voice they
know they're full of shit yeah but the game is so screwy it's one of those
games that doesn't make
any sense like baseball why the fuck do they dress like that look how you're
dressed look with those
stupid fucking tights and what is that outfit what is that like those socks
they've always dressed like
that god damn it they're stuck yeah they're stuck with a stupid outfit back
from when people didn't
have newspapers that's when they made that dumb ass outfit that uh that outfit's
retarded it is
ridiculous ridiculous it's stupid as it puts me in the tears to watch that game
it's well it's fun game to play i'm sure but getting stuck in that old like
that that's the
only reason why politicians are able to get away with the way they communicate
i can't i can't imagine
being a person who is into politics like really into it yeah and like you know
not be cynical and not be
like it's so disheartening to follow politics to me it just it absolutely like
kills the soul
you know what man i recognize it as i would kind of become an older man i
recognize it for what it is
it's an act right you know and you know why i know because i do an act too i
know what an act is like
i know when i'm doing stand up when i have stand up i'm going to if you know if
i want to do my best
what i do is i ad-lib quite a bit but i also have some key components that i
have broken down into
pretty specific ways of saying it right because that's the best way that has
the most response
but i'm trying to tell jokes when you hear a person give a speech and they have
that weird sort of
artificial quality to the way they're talking we should reject that yes i
completely agree we shouldn't
let them do that yeah we should be like just talk talk like a normal person
yeah what are you doing
about the budget yeah you know and how the budget yeah it's an important
priority of this administration
it's something we think about every day who the are you yeah what are you
saying if your
guy was talking to you like that you'd be like stop stop it's what you know who
else does that that
exact speech to that that type of 