Name: Peter Popoff, televangelists, and The Bible (from Joe Rogan Experience #350)
Uploaded: 2013-04-29T17:24:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Peter Popoff, televangelists, and The Bible (from Joe Rogan Experience #350)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Peter Popoff, televangelists, and The Bible (from Joe Rogan Experience #350)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-29. Transcript available.

The Joe Rogan experience.
Have you heard of a guy named Peter Popoff?
He's a pastor, one of his televangelist guys.
What did he do? Blow somebody?
I saw him the other day.
I was sleeping on the couch and I woke up and he had one of those shows on,
paid shows, commercials.
And I was amazed what woke me up because I was kind of like half listening to
it while I was sleeping.
What was amazed is how the things that they say in it, it just seemed illegal.
Like they were like, oh, you know, we're going to send you some miracle water.
This water is, you know, miracle water.
You're going to open up these envelopes.
And then they start showing like testimonials of people and they're like, you
know, I sent in my – or I read the letters.
And then just a week later, I got a new house and a car.
And then the next person was like, I got $200,000.
And then this other woman was like, a guy just walked up and gave me a check
for $15 million.
And it was like the most fakest shit ever.
And so then I started really researching this guy and there's all these videos
about him online.
And I guess he's been ripping people off for a long time.
And one of the best videos is one where he just goes up and he goes, where's so-and-so?
So-and-so is here.
Like let's say Tina, Tina Fey, where are you at?
And then she comes up and goes, I heard you have arthritis.
And you're here because you want to get rid of this arthritis and stuff like
that.
And the whole time his wife is just pumping information.
Yeah, there's a whole show that she had a thing on.
It was on one of those 2020s or something like that.
Yeah.
I know we talked about this in the past, I believe.
Have we?
I'm pretty sure.
Maybe it was on another podcast.
But I was amazed that he's still allowed to do this.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, that guy –
Dick.
Well, name one that's not.
It's almost like – it's so ridiculous.
It's like the most ridiculous hustle ever.
It's like who are they tricking?
The only people they're tricking are like – they're almost like mentally
challenged.
Oh, yeah.
People with no hope.
When you're –
Just robots.
When you're down to being convinced that there's a miracle water out there that
is going to come in the mail via the postal service and it's going to –
It's going to change your fortune.
Right.
Yeah, that's the one – one of these things somewhere along the line.
They used to ask for donations.
But then somewhere along the line, they realized that they could sell things.
And they started like selling like holy water and selling like prayer services
and telling people that you would plant a seed.
So if you like spend $90, it's your last $90.
It would come back to you in tenfold.
The Bible says – and they would come out with some crazy fucking – what's
that?
That guy, Crifolo Dollar.
He's my favorite because he's got a dollar in his name.
I mean, you're a pastor and your fucking name is Dollar.
What's your real name, son?
They all have weird names.
Like that guy is like Peter Popoff.
Have you ever met any other Popoffs before?
This guy's got to have a different real name though.
He must have a real name.
What's his real name?
Wow.
His real name is Crifolo Augustus Dollar Jr.
Wow.
That's his real fucking name.
He's got a bachelor of science in education.
He's out there talking shit, smacking people.
My favorite is Robert Tilton.
You know who he is?
You've probably seen him.
There's a viral video of him farting.
He talks in tongues a lot on a show too.
He'll go,
It's hilarious.
See if you can pull up Robert Tilton talking in tongues because it's some of
the most ridiculous shit ever.
But I'll never forget this one thing that he said.
He said,
Every time you write a check to me, Satan gets a black eye.
Wow.
But doesn't part of you think that if you're dumb enough to send him that money,
like, so what?
So a guy got you with the dumbest trick of all time.
Like, you really thought that money was going to God?
You really thought that money was going to give the devil a black eye?
If you really thought that, you're fucking stupid.
I'm not looking after you.
One of the things that Peter Poffoff does, he also sends you a barley cake from
the Bible where it's kind of like the little bread you eat.
And he goes in this commercial, he goes,
And we make it with the exact ingredients that they say in the Bible and blah,
blah, blah.
Well, then if you look up Ezekiel 4.12 in the Bible, it says,
And you should eat it as barley cakes and bake it using fuel of human waste.
Fuel of human waste?
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
No, it doesn't.
You want to bet?
Type in Ezekiel 4.12.
Okay, hold on.
E-Z-E-K-I.
Hold on, hold on.
E-Z-E-K-I.
E-L.
E-L.
4.20?
4.12.
4.12.
Yeah, you're thinking about the weed law.
Okay, Ezekiel 4.12.
It's been a long time since I read up on my good old Ezekiels.
So this is all new to me.
Bake it with dung that cometh out of man in their sight.
Hold on a second.
So he's saying the ingredients are cooked with shit.
Oh my God.
And thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man in their sight.
Well, it's in the Bible.
It's in the Bible.
Why don't you need to study the Bible and cook your bread with shit?
Have you ever tried my poo-poo barley cake?
You can fucking imagine how dumb people are.
That really hurts my brain.
Do you know Ezekiel?
Ezekiel might have been a tripper because Ezekiel was also where the first depictions
of UFOs came from.
Hey, let me pull that up.
Yeah, Ezekiel was known for – there's a Bible quote that people bring up all
the time when it's a UFO.
I bet people were seeing a lot of things after eating a bunch of shit cakes.
Male shit.
Yeah, they're eating fucking shit cakes all day, throwing up, almost dying.
There was a wheel within a wheel.
It was God's chariot.
There was guys with boats that had all the animals.
You think we should prepare the barley cake in a different way?
No, no.
It's great.
I'm trying to find this quote.
It tastes so shitty.
What a stupid fucking culture.
Cook it with shit.
Okay, Dad.
Should I write that down on paper?
I put something –
Yes, for thou art my son.
Because I got so obsessed with this minister that – so when I found that out,
I had tweeted something like Olive Garden was like Ezekiel 412 or something
like that.
And all these people got pissed off that I was doing Bible scriptures.
Oh, that's hilarious.
Well, they read that though.
Yeah, if they figured it out.
How do you not read that and just start laughing?
No.
You're telling me to cook shit cakes.
Fuck.
The Bible says cook shit cakes.
There's just one more dumb thing in the Bible.
God damn it.
I'm so tired of people pretending that book's awesome.
I'm so tired.
You stop.
That shit's stupid.
Okay, here's a quote.
And I looked and behold, a whirlwind came out of the north, a great cloud and a
fire enfolding itself in brightness was about it.
And out of the midst thereof as the color of amber out of the midst of the fire.
Okay, how is that UFO?
Hmm.
That's somebody putting two points together that don't go together.
Oh, wait a minute.
This though.
Hold on.
Listen to this.
Also out of the midst thereof came the likeness of four living creatures.
And this was their appearance.
They had the likeness of a man.
Whoa.
After eating and everyone had four faces and everyone had four wings and their
feet were straight.
And the sole of their feet was like the sole of a calf's foot.
And they sparkled like the color of burnished brass.
What a trippy book.
People were like, oh my God, it's so real.
I hear God's words when you're saying these things.
God is speaking to me through your words.
Please read on.
And they had the hands of man under their wings on their four sides.
And they had, and they four had their faces in their wings.
Somebody might have just made all this up.
And me, like an asshole, is reading these fake Bible quotes shitting all over
the Bible.
And the aliens.
But guess what?
I don't care.
I'm not reading any further.
It seems like if this is, if this really is Ezekiel's, it says it is.
God damn it.
It's all nuttiness.
They walked up with their four faces and they said,
Why are you guys cooking things in shit?
And the living creatures ran and returned as the appearance of a flash of
lightning.
Now as I behold the living creatures, behold one wheel upon the earth by the
living creatures
with his four faces.
These guys were tripping hard, eating shit cakes.
Oh yeah.
Losing their mind.
What grows on shit?
Mushrooms.
That's right.
Leave your shit cakes out.
They're covered with mushrooms.
Eat your shit cakes.
Trip your balls off.
Start talking nutty, man.
When those went, these went.
And when those stood still, these stood.
And when those were lifted up from the earth, the wheels were lifted up.
That guy is, this is glossolalia.
That guy's just, that's word salad.
That guy's high as fuck.
He's just rambling high as fuck on shit cakes.
I saw the same thing in Joshua Tree one time.
This is the stuff, by the way, that they kept in.
He's just rambling high as fuck on shit.
He's just rambling high as fuck on shit.
He's just rambling high as fuck on shit.
He's just rambling high as fuck on shit.
He's just rambling high as fuck on shit.
He's just rambling high as fuck on shit.
He's just rambling high as fuck on shit.
He's just rambling high as fuck on shit.
He's just rambling high as fuck on shit.
He's just rambling high as fuck on shit.
He's just rambling high as fuck on shit.
He's just rambling high as fuck on shit.
He's just rambling high as fuck on shit.
He's just rambling high as fuck on shit.
He's just rambling high as fuck on shit.
He's just rambling high as fuck on shit.
You ready to record?
It's recording.
Oh, it is already?
Yeah.
What the fuck, son?