Name: Joe Rogan Experience #207 - Tom Segura, Christina Pazsitzky
Uploaded: 2013-05-04T03:54:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #207 - Tom Segura, Christina Pazsitzky' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-05-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #207 - Tom Segura, Christina Pazsitzky' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-05-04. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #207 - Tom Segura, Christina Pazsitzky

that my theory is always it's probably not scientifically based whatsoever but
my theory
has always been that the things that are really hard to catch those are the
ones that are like
better for you and tastier tastier better for you you know it's like fish fish
are fucking really
hard to catch yeah they're really good for you you know yeah deer really hard
to catch really
good for you big fat like those japanese fucking what are those what do they
call those kobe beef
cows yeah those fucking cows they're not running from anybody you know what i'm
saying yeah
that's why it's terrible for you terrible but delicious tasty we're such assholes
we've tricked
animals to get like so obese that they're like on the verge of death because
they're just packing
fat everywhere in all their muscle tissue delicious what about foie gras we're
gonna stop having that
we're done dude june they're so stupid birds are cunts ladies and gentlemen 100
of all birds that
have ever lived are cunts the cunt they don't give a fuck about you they really
don't no birds care
about you they don't even care about they don't care about shit they look cute
when they have little
babies and they're swimming together but the reality is you're going to eat
them anyway why is it okay
to eat them it's not okay to overfeed them it's it's a really quick process i've
watched them do it
it literally only takes a couple seconds yeah with the tube yeah they take the
goose they put the tube
into its mouth they hold it there and then they pour the grain down its stomach
it's not in pain it only
takes a couple seconds and then after that's over the thing's just running
around i mean it's like
how is that bad but the way they farm pigs that's okay yeah that's legal you
know why though it's
incredible it's a winnable it's a winnable uh topic for animal people because
the people that
are in like because foie gras is like a kind of it's a it's a delicacy so it's
a it's not considered
something that it's not like they're saying we're going to try to take steaks
out of the market right
it's something that is it's for it's an elitist food choice most people don't
eat any i mean the great majority of people
don't even know what foie gras is yeah so they go out they go this is a totally
inhumane way to make
this they put it on a ballot and they get enough momentum behind it where they
can win it yeah it's
i've seen the argument and uh you know i'm certainly not one for animal cruelty
but it's not you know it
might be bad if it was a person that you were doing that too yeah absolutely
but you would never allow
any of this shit they do to chickens for a human no humans are allowed to live
like that stacked on top
of each other in their own shit you know i mean the way they're doing chickens
and pigs with these
fucking cages where they can't even move and veal whoa that's all okay that's
all okay but that's not
where this this cunty duck right well you can't fuck that cunty duck stuff that
fucking grain right
down its stupid mouth i'm getting give me your delicious liver i'm getting a
gun just to shoot
these birds outside of our window there's beautiful birds that they're building
a nest
on our house and they chirp every morning and i wake up to this wonderful bird
song i love it it enrages
my husband oh doesn't it's like let's get the gun it turns you crazy oh i think
it's beautiful i love
the i love hearing birds chirp but i have crows those those are cunts those are
evil birds you just hear
i don't i don't i don't hate bird chirping i i don't like it yeah at the hour
sometimes one time i left a
steak i had a steak and i forgot to defrost it and i figured well probably the
best way to defrost it is
like to sit it outside in the sun right i'm like that'll that's a good idea so
i put up and with
the wrapping on this fucking cunty crow was coming down there and pecking at my
steak no
shit yeah he ate like he ate like a little chunk of it before i figured out
what he was doing that
i mean i had only turned my back for like a minute that that asshole was
watching they watch what you're
doing they look to see if there's anything that you're doing that like that
could benefit them you're
right the birds don't really like you man they're hunts you've ever had a pet
bird yes
shittiest pet of all time it's a one-way relationship it's a it's moody yeah it's
in
a mood to fucking and they shit on you constantly if you pet you let them on
your shoulder they take
a shit on you yeah they fly around the house and they shit everywhere oh fuck
that it's the worst
they're dinosaurs they really are the last of the dinosaurs bunnies are bad
pets too i always
thought because they just shit all the time but then lately yeah with eddie and
a couple of
people i'm like wow these seem like maybe good pets are they smart rabbits not
they're really
affectionate you know they just want to cuddle with you and you pet them and
they just i like
that snuggle up with you that's cool yeah it's cool they're sweet they're sweet
but they're also
delicious and when push comes to shove the apocalypse is coming they gots to go
i've had
oh i like that too i like rabbit you do yeah i had it a moroccan restaurant in
the valley once
that's good you can season anything you know what if you're gamey but we had in
our old
neighborhood pretty delicious when we lived in the rampart division uh one of
our neighbors had a
rooster yeah our next door neighbor she called animal protection oh my god the
thing was crowing
all four in the morning every single yeah who the fuck would allow you to have
a rooster that's an
asshole pet to have that is a real that's an on a chain it was on a chain and
stuff yeah man it would
run through the streets and everything remember that fucking wow what a great
neighborhood what was this
lady what this was an el salvadorian neighborhood so she was from el salvador
i think it was a family because we could see it off our balcony was it an
apartment building
or a house it was an apartment apartments yeah apartment so they thought they
could have a goddamn
rooster in an apartment oh for sure how nutty is that man there was a lot of
neighbors who had to
be losing their fucking minds like we were oh my god we were the ones that like
so you can call
somebody for this shit man how the fuck does this crazy bitch think she's gonna
get away with having
a rooster in her backyard because the neighborhood is 100 el salvadorian and
they're just cool with
that i think so that's crazy they're like this is just like the village back
home that's right like
it's no different and no snitching you know you're not supposed to snitch on
your neighbors you know
what i mean wow yeah well so they just want they want to they want to get out
of el salvador but
they want to be like el salvador for sure the whole neighborhood is completely
like turn it into the
old country yeah i guess it's just yeah they had a lot of gunshots this is just
like el salvador
really oh yeah nightly yeah that was a good neighborhood yeah you used to hear
gunshots
nightly what was that daily sometimes oh my god remember you were in the living
room doing you
know what yeah i was jerking off in the living room one time yeah i wasn't
there a bullet came to the
window no but it was like two in the afternoon and i'm like like just sitting
on the couch dick in my
laptop open and i hear a fucking gunshot but it sounds like somebody's on the
balcony like you know when
it's not like a distant it's right in the afternoon like sun's out and you hear
bang you know and you're
like whoa like jump i threw the laptop and jump on the floor oh jesus like just
dick out like you know
and i call jose the guy the building manager and i go dude did you hear that
and he goes here what
and i'm like the gunshot did you hear he goes no i'm in the garage i didn't
hear nothing and i go
all right man i thought i heard a gunshot really loudly and he was like i didn't
hear anything i hang
up the phone and like two minutes later the phone rings he's like hey tom it's
jose yeah some guy just
got killed out on sixth street and i'm like oh so that's what that was it was
all blocked off some
guy had gone up to a guy on sixth street like two in the afternoon shot him
with a 357 right in the
chest one shot and then like put his hands up got arrested whoa yeah and that
was the middle of the day
yeah some people don't like each other a lot of people don't get along it's a
hateful world what a
terrible way to be able to end it too you can't just get away from that person
gotta put holes in
them and to die on shitty sixth street ah it's the worst in this neighborhood
you know what's
shit about that neighborhood is that we had the ice cream truck that would come
in like right in front
of the house and then in the same loop that yeah but it wasn't even the song
but it wasn't even the
traditional it had like a little el salvadorian flavor yeah yeah yeah some
extra horns and whistles in
it yeah it was it was it was it was on the fire and remember the swap meet on
like alvarado
did you guys feel really uncomfortable living in this neighborhood it was the
worst decision it was
my fault because i was living in silver lake and i went on vacation i came back
and my house had
been infested with rats okay there's rat shit everywhere i had a grapefruit i
left out it was half
eaten whoa and i was like i gotta get the fuck out of here man so this is the
first place i could find
like the quickest place i could find and it was relatively safe but it was it
was a two-year
disaster wow two years why two lazy broke sometimes you know it was cheap i don't
know i got used to it
and then we were like we gotta get the fuck out of here like wow and the other
thing was every night
we also were a block i don't know if you remember at this point it would be uh
almost two years ago on
sixth street just a couple blocks from we were is where this el salvadorian guy
was crossing the
street drunk and he pulled out a knife he was wheeling around and the cops shot
him like 13 or 14
times right whoa so they killed him and then the whole neighborhood rioted and
they walked up to the
rampart division police station there was riots on the streets yeah helicopters
everywhere we got on the
roof of our building there was like there's because it was nightly that we
would see helicopters like
they would get the line the light shine like it would shine through our window
like every night
but this night there was we counted like 11 and they were just in a swarm above
us like a swarm of
bees just during the riot thing and that's when we that was like that was a
couple weeks we were like
so all right we're definitely gonna move yeah we're done with this shit man wow
yeah this is too crazy
so we left that neighborhood jesus christ there was a lot of gang fights 18th
street gang we were right in
between them yeah and they would tag on our wall like our building wall i have
a buddy who lives in venison
on the corner where his daughter plays in the little playground area three kids
got shot
yeah like you know one day you're there and someone pulls out a gun
you know that that can happen people die in a crossfire shit happens yeah like
that's a
what a crazy ass neighborhood to live in dude venice apparently has a lot of
that huh
if i can burbank yeah i got robbed by a wizard
you know what happened when i lived in the valley one time my neighbor got
murdered
and he got murdered in the front yard at night shotgun shot seven times oh my
god which means they
like reloaded seven oh my god and uh i was the only one that didn't hear it
like everybody
how loud do you snore dude i know dude because i was in a deep sleep and i
remember my buddy chuck
came over me and he puts his hand on my chest he's like tommy i was like holy
shit man and he goes
you hear that shit i'm like clearly not no i was just asleep when you yelled at
me he was like there
was a lot of shots right there and this wasn't a bad neighborh