Name: Joe Rogan Experience #209 - Eddie Ifft
Uploaded: 2013-05-04T05:35:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #209 - Eddie Ifft' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-05-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #209 - Eddie Ifft' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-05-04. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #209 - Eddie Ifft

you don't film this anymore oh it is filming you're filming right now buddy you're
on you are
online eddie ift this is real this is live i'm nervous now whenever we're live
your heart skips
a beat i start thinking there's people listening to this shit the joe rogan
experience podcast is
brought to you by the fleshlight you know all about it by now if you're tuning
into this podcast
if you don't know about it it looks like a flashlight but you can fuck it john
heffron
had the best line he said it's great they should incorporate it with a
flashlight because nobody
ever knows where the flashlight is but everybody knows where their flashlight
is right and he's so
right it's so true it's a genius analysis by mr heffron a fine comedian follow
him on twitter will
you h-e-f-r-o-n john heffron our buddy go to joe rogan.net click on the link
for the flashlight
enter in the code name rogan save yourself some money all right how much 15 god
damn are you serious
go this is the tipping point this is it's time to make the decision john heffron's
been in my a where
what the fuck is that dude's been on the road for like 32 weeks he's an animal
kettlebelling somewhere yeah he's somewhere doing push-ups in the fucking
parking lot
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it and i used all of it because it works i'm a big believer in vitamins and
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believer in that what you take into your body affects the way your brain works
for sure um i got pussy
brain joe you do it's taking a lot of pussy into your body how are you doing
that really long this is
something creepy about saying eating pussy like i'm thinking of chewing and swallowing
it's just
it's something you know a girl can suck a cock and that's totally right when
you're eating pussy it's
like it just sounds like you're chewing especially when it's like a fat guy and
you think of him like
being hungry and he's eating pussy and he's just like how you think he's just
gonna take a bite out of
it i wonder if like if you really ate pussy if it was like the most delicious
piece of
meat well it's probably pretty tender right it's probably seasoned you'd have
to make sure you didn't
cook it very fast be like salt and vinegar potato chips you would have to be
like a searing yeah you
just black and blue it yeah yeah i found out about blue steaks this weekend in
atlanta for the first
time we were at a restaurant and they that was rare and then it said blue and i
was like what the
fuck is blue so this is the coolest shit ever i tweet anthony bourdain yeah and
anthony bourdain
tweets me the answer i'm like like within a minute within a minute i'm like how
great is this world
world that we live in yeah what what was the steak place um so it was a place
in the four seasons in
atlanta i don't remember the name i know it or no wait is it chop i don't
remember there's a
i don't remember but it was really good there's a place in atlanta you got to
be a member to get in
oh jesus and and it's got like at the restaurant but then there's a member's
room it's the best steak
i've ever had in my whole life anyway this is the end of the commercial oh we
always do this don't
oh sorry no don't don't apologize this is every single week you we do it the
the uh guests do it
what we try not to make our commercials too commercially and in the process
they become
conversations about shit sometimes like eating pussy and the best steak in atlanta
but i but i i still
want to take the product now it's good stuff i'll get it for you uh on it.com
go check it out and
again if you order something you don't like it you don't have to even return
the product we are
absolutely not trying to rip anybody off everything we're selling is the
highest level ingredients that
are possible to acquire it's the best stuff we know how to make it's real i use
it go check it out on
it.com enter in the code name rogan and you get yourself 10 off any and all
orders not just the
first one all right you dirty fucking bitches
the joe rogan experience
train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day
nick diaz's will always be the greatest shout out i mean the rory mcdonald one
people were
criticizing it i'm like you're crazy bitch that's rory mcdonald
talking about my podcast that must stay in but the nick diaz just nailed it
train by day joe rogan podcast i always wondered who that was
that's nick motherfucking diaz dude
my favorite fighter to ever test positive for weed
what a good guy wait they test for weed
fucking so stupid not only that he didn't even really test positive for weed he
tested positive
for an inactive metabolite it's not a psychoactive it's evidence that some
cannabis has been in this
system but it's not evidence of marijuana it's evidence of an inactive metabolite
that's all it is
so it does you could have taken this inactive metabolite which isn't even
prevented or prohibited by the nevada state athletic commission
so why so it didn't mess it's also besides the possibility of taking it that
way you could also get it from you can no no no you can get
it from marijuana it's not a masking issue i think it's a flushing issue i don't
think you can mask marijuana prove i mean i'm sure out there there's someone
that can tell me but i'm saying why would that that's not a performance
enhancing drug well it's a pretty somehow or another what they're saying i
believe if i understand the legal language i think what they're saying is that
the metabolite shows that he has had it in his system
but what's really crazy is it's so stupid because they know he's a patient he's
a medical marijuana patient in california
and if you don't know that nick diaz smokes weed jesus christ are you paying
attention at all you don't know he smokes weed so what it's okay if he stops 13
days but not 12 11 days but not 10 9 days but not 8
shut the fuck up it's fucking stupid you know why because what you're talking
about is not him being high inside the octagon the psychoactive effects of
marijuana don't exist when he's in that octagon with those levels it's
impossible so he's 100% sober that should be the question you want to talk
about it's not him being high inside the octagon the psychoactive effects of
marijuana don't exist when he's in that octagon with with those levels it's
impossible so he's 100% sober that should be the question you want to talk
about it's not him being high inside the octagon the psychoactive effects of
marijuana don't exist when he's in that octagon with those levels it's
impossible so he's 100% sober that should be the question
you know he was taking it before that because he's got a card so when is it
where's this logical cut off that's crazy like the the hgh thing you know the nfl's
trying to good luck yeah it's so fucking crazy i've been reading so much about
it because i do a podcast called wadcast about crossfit oh do you yeah and
there's a crossfit place just opened up like 10 miles away from there they're
opening in fucking bathrooms at starbucks they're everywhere but they their
test they say they tested the games and like 68 000 people
tried out for the games this year right and uh these guys like if you look at
the guys that are the top crossfitters some people say they don't use some
people say they could i'm not here to say if they do or don't but they're doing
like four and five workouts a day they're just insane they're they're they're
inhuman and and just the recovery rate i'm looking at going fucking hgh would
be amazing but when they test they test the same way the nfl does which you can't
you can't catch it in a urine test only like one
time in the world has anyone gotten caught in an hgh urine test it was like a
rugby player in the uk oh at one time one time in a urine test what did they
have like crazy levels or something yeah something was wrong something was just
completely but so they have this new system that they think they're going to be
able to test but we had sean waxman who is the olympic weightlifting co he's
got waxman's gym down by the airport we had him on the other day and he was
talking about how
it's it's uh it's it's it's more of like a money making thing like there's
money being made in the in the testing world so there's like lobbying being
done to make more testing to make more testing so they can make more money
because it's just this ridiculous like i'm a firm believer why would you
prevent people from enhancing themselves like like you let people take protein
supplements that's coming from a cow we're taking the whey from a cow and we're
eating it to make ourselves better why can't we take the the growth hormone
hormone from a cadaver and use that you don't do that first of all we don't do
that because if you did do that by the way you can get really sick and you can
get fucking mad cow disease what we were talking about earlier you can get all
sorts of crazy diseases but where did it's a synthetic right yes it's actually
made by bacteria it is bacteria yes bacteria constructed well but but it's so
it's anything that's simulated it's an amazing process that you and i would
never figure out given a billion years and all the books in the world you and i
would still be sitting around telling fart jokes
we would never figure out we would never figure out you'd be a lot further
ahead than i would hormones out of bacteria oh my god fuck it i can't figure
out how a toilet works isn't it amazing how some people's minds just can do
that like there's it's it's a variation in the way the human mind works
it's so spectacular i tried to figure out i was watching the way they're
testing to figure out how the uh the human growth hormone load the way they've
got this like thing that locks on to it uh so that they can test and i was
watching over and over trying to trying to comprehend
comprehend it i couldn't i'm like i'm a fucking retard i can't get this in my
head rick ross would have figured it out he probably would have man the real rick
ross that we had on yesterday genius guy
that the the uh yeah drug dealer he was a yeah until he was 28 years old he
couldn't read really yeah amazing story not only did he teach himself how to
read but he also taught himself the law and found loopholes in the law
so he went from being like can't even read a book jack and jill to fucking
getting himself out of a life term in prison
you know fucking it was one of the most amazing i think the best podcast just
the story wise it was just amazing
and then some rappers kind of stole his identity one rapper stole his identity
oh that would piss me off
yeah you think i mean they thought they was going to be in jail for life is
what it was
he was a legend out on the street
uh like you know i had heard his name
so who's making more money
i heard his name when i was living in l.a. i wasn't even living in l.a. rather
when i heard his name
like he was that legendary
oh yeah he was legendary as far as like drug dealers in this country you would
hear him on him in the news
stores and stuff when he would when his trial was going on
so a huge huge deal nationwide was a huge how'd you guys find him is he he's
he's pretty public now
he was at rick ross or did the rapper have that
it was uh no he's uh freeway 