Name: Joe Rogan Experience #214 - Duncan Trussell
Uploaded: 2013-05-05T03:38:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #214 - Duncan Trussell' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-05-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #214 - Duncan Trussell' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-05-05. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #214 - Duncan Trussell

the joe rogan experience podcast is brought to you by the fleshlight
if you go to joe rogan.net click on the link for the fleshlight and enter in
the code name rogan
you will get 15 off the number one sex toy for men nice this wonky ass setup i
can never get
these fucking cameras and stay straight there you go fella uh fleshlight
commercial done that's it
no i'll give you a little more it's a fucking great product it's an
embarrassing product but
it's excellent it's very effective for what it does oh these things are going
to be on the space
station soon i bet a hundred dollars they should be on the space station why
should they make those
people just stay up in space and not be able to fuck a little not to mention
like jerking off in
space yeah i feel like strictly prohibited from having sex up there well yeah
because you're
gonna have your cum floating through the space station this is why the fleshlight
is great up
there because it catches your jizz that's right it's perfect for the space
station it's american
it's it's nasa it's fucking nasa well i mean it is nasa type technology i mean
it's the best
feeling false vagina you can get right i shouldn't even say false artificial
why wouldn't you say false
why wouldn't i because it's makes me feel bad i'm judging it artificial is
better artificial is
better it's not false it's a it's a real fake one it's definitely feels like
you're fucking a pussy
a really good one too and a dead one especially if you go out of your way well
you can make it warm
yeah but you don't i don't do that anytime i'm about to fuck a fleshlight it's
i'm way past
heating up the thing yeah how often do you prepare and actually like lay out
some water
have some wine with it heat a bath put the fleshlight in the bath so it soaks
in the warm warm water
you'd have to figure out what's it what's realistic is it is 100 degrees
realistic are you
fucking a girl with a fever oh yeah by the way a marathon runner a girl mid
marathon but i did
i did it once i did try to heat up the fleshlight i was like i'm gonna fucking
i put under the sink
and turned up turn the water on hot and just let the hot water run through it
and then i felt it
like fuck this i'm fucking this thing yeah you have to poach it slightly
like what temperature what if you had like a like a crazy fetish for banging a
chick that's
dying of fever and she the one last thing she wants is you to fuck her malaria
she's just so hot
and sweaty and she's just shaking and last last gasps of air and her favorite
thing is fucking so
she's like just fuck me yeah and you would fly to villages in africa that were
like afflicted with
malaria and you would go there and pay the villagers money to let them fuck
you know it's fucked up as fucked up as that thought is you know someone out
there has it
legitimately you know there's there's seven billion of us now how many people
are there
i don't know i lost count
we're also brought to you by onnit.com o-n-n-i-t makers of alpha brain i didn't
take my alpha brain
before the show let's see if i fall apart
i take it before anything important what is it it's a it's a nootropic i take
it every day
essentially but i make sure i take it like before i do the ufc i take three or
four of them before i
do comedy i take three or four of them usually i only take like two in a day
maybe four but what
it is is uh nootropics are and by the way this is just me i mean it's it's not
dangerous none of
these levels are dangerous but you might not like it you might think it makes
you too jittery like
i've had like i've taken three before in a row and i'm like man this makes me
feel like a little edgy
almost like i'm caffeined out a little bit but usually two two is good two is
good for stand
up two is good for you know anything anything intense is going to take more
than four or five
hours though i'll usually take three nowadays they also seem to combat hangovers
it's it's great for
jet lag too well whatever the fuck's going on in your brain when it's not
working that well
obviously there's a lack of something what is that i don't know but these these
nutrients
supposedly the science behind it is that it helps your body produce human
neurotransmitters and it
helps you produce all the you know all the shit that makes your brain fire yeah
it's what's that
stuff called it's called doesn't it have it's the shit you take after you take
ecstasy the next day
oh yeah five htp that's that is a nootropic yeah that's in what's the thing we
have called new mood
five htp and also l-tryptophan because l-tryptophan converts to five htp in the
body
and that enhances your body's ability to produce serotonin yeah there's ways
you can manipulate the
levels of nutrients in your body and it has an effect a real effect on the way
your brain works
but don't just listen to me please google nootropics and there's a lot of other
companies out there that
have real good products i mentioned bill romanowski's neuro one i like that one
a lot
and it's got like a little caffeine in it um i've just released mine um really
yeah what's it called
beta brain the mind of a guy who jerks off all day and does and shirks his
responsibilities it makes
it so that you can easily shirk your responsibilities without feeling guilty
like before i would play world
of warcraft for like four hours straight and i'd feel terrible now i'm beta
brain i can play world
warcraft for two days straight shit myself
no shred of guilt it's great stuff guys so you compartmentalize essentially
yeah you can't you just don't feel the guilt but you just let it go the guilt
just gets blocked guilt's
gone long naps you could jerk off five times a day without feeling like a loser
on beta brain
beta brain check it out we'll be we'll be looking into that as well if you're
interested in alpha
brain go to joe rogan.net click on the link enter in the code name rogan and
you will get ten percent
off any and all orders we're absolutely not trying to rip anybody off with any
of this stuff and that's
the reason why we have a 100 money back guarantee on the first order of 30
pills when you buy it if
you like it you don't even have to send it back to say this stuff sucks give me
my money back we are
not trying to rip anybody off this is all stuff i would be taking whether or
not i had any financial
stake in the company yeah with beta brain i have no financial stake in the
company and with the first
50 pills you order you get a lavender scented face mask for your naps it should
be with beta brain uh for
the first you know first three years of the company all the money goes to all
of your exes anyway yeah
that's right yeah it's flowers yeah yeah could you imagine if that was the way
the world worked
if you you entered into contracts and you know as you as you left like you
would have to agree
to be with this woman or pay for this woman for 10 years and then they'll have
sex with you what if
it's what's just with friendship what if you had to get married to your friend
after a certain amount
of time being friends with people you had to like sign a contract it's like we're
going to be friends
forever yeah and you can't just miss miss them on a weekend once or twice you
gotta be with them
constantly no and if you break that contract you gotta give your friend like 10
of your income
i i bet people have done i mean isn't that what gay marriage is essentially it's
just friends that
fuck each other because they're dudes right that's what marriage is right yeah
exactly
fuck each other exactly that's what having a girlfriend is it's a friend that
you
fuck right girl it's a girlfriend that's what they call it it's just a friend
that you like to put your
dick inside up that's what it is yeah absolutely but somehow that act of doing
that the moment you put
your cock inside somebody changes the game yeah oh yeah it gets so emotional
duncan yeah anyway enough of
that alpha brain talk uh that commercial is essentially over right now you know
there's new mood
trim tech sport trim tech immune and alpha brain all the different things that
we we sell it on at onnit.com
coming up we got kettlebells and a bunch of other cool nutritional things you
know beta brain also
has a mood enhancing drug it's called blue mood it makes it so that you can
like really listen to elliot
smith and i can love it i wonder if there if someone could sell pills that made
you depressed
people would buy them people would buy them i mean look at what cigarettes are
cigarettes are
something that makes you feel like shit and smell terrible and yet they're they're
like it's super
popular it kills people and it's super popular if you had depression pills and
you just had them out
there yeah it would be like a news story news at five is this new pill crossing
the line it's
marketed as depression and then you go there and there's a chick with white
makeup on a black lipstick
because she goes life fucking sucks it's always fucking sucked okay and when i
take these pills
i see reality and that's what i want if you don't like it fuck you yeah yeah
what is wrong with the
children of today and is this depression drug crossing the line happiness is
annoying when you're around
happy people they're fucking irritating if you're happy you're a fucking piece
of
shit yeah what's there to be happy about you're gonna fucking die in a few
depression wars raging
everywhere you're really gonna walk around with a smile on your face and this
economy well you know
it's really good to do depression with your girl because when you get through
it and it wears off
it's like you get to really appreciate how good how good you have it when you're
getting along great
because when you take depression it's really like going through like one of
those life-changing
experiences on weird african drugs that make you like almost die you know they
have a bunch of those
crazy drugs that they give like jungle drugs where you almost die it's not
quite a psychedelic
experience it's almost like a near-death experience like they literally they
literally almost kill you
pretty cool and you're supposed to like learn something about yourself through
through this intense and
horrible poisoning i think they're called ordeal poisons that's the actual
technical term
and and they um they they operate very similar to psychedelics in in the way
that they humble you
because it really brings you to the brink of death and your your emotions are
just blaring your fears
are blaring your you know insecurities and when you know i think you're forced
to examine your life in
a very deep and realistic way in any real true near tragic situation right oh
yeah so i think you take these
ordeal poisons and you just go through the ordeal of almost dying and you learn
a little bit about
yourself but god damn it that's the hard way to do it that is the hard way to
do it but for a lot of
people that's the only way to do it yeah they don't have enough they don't they
live in a psychedelic
free environment they can't get it to them they don't have the means to get it
to them yeah and sometimes
even i mean no people will take psychedelics and still be douchebags be douchebags
totally you know
that guy we were talking about before the show yeah yeah there's a lot of them
out there that they're
like it's almost like by taking it it allows you to be a twat because you've
had the experience and
you're allowed to like stick it in someone else's face that hasn't had the
experience they're their
children or they're a moron like that's that's that's crazy well you know you're
not you're not
better for having an experience you're just more experienced you know what what's
better is your
overall impact on human beings and if just you've accumulated some extra
information so you feel it's
okay to be cunty well that's not better at all you just moved your energy into
a different direction you're
not you're not better right you're still being a twat well you're still
differentiating yeah i mean
that's g