Name: Joe Rogan Experience #355 - Dom Irrera
Uploaded: 2013-05-07T07:04:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #355 - Dom Irrera' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-05-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #355 - Dom Irrera' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-05-07. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #355 - Dom Irrera

Yeah, it is, right?
It's delicious.
Wow, you recorded one.
Beautiful, Jamie.
And my fucking laptop is on.
This is my real laptop, folks.
It's not like we have a dedicated laptop in the studio.
I actually use this laptop on the road.
It's not just here.
This laptop is mine.
It's very important to me, Dom.
Thanks for warning me about the werewolf.
In the lobby, scared the shit out of me when it came in.
Did that thing make you shit your pants?
It was eyeballing me.
Speaking of shit in your pants, I didn't tell you that it was there?
No.
Jamie, tell me about the law.
Tell me about the law of shit in your pants you were reading.
There's a headline here that says, let me see.
San Francisco just, San Francisco finally able to ban people who shit on their
subway.
They finally can ban people.
Before it was considered okay.
San Francisco is a beautiful place.
It's a very unusual place.
Just go into that corner.
So it's important for a place like San Francisco to exist.
To be that far off the left wing trail.
You know what's interesting about it?
They're really conservative up there.
They're just conservative liberals.
Yeah.
That's very well put.
They're unbending.
You know exactly what they think on every issue.
This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.com.
I don't know if Squarespace is in San Francisco, but a lot of smart motherfuckers
are.
A lot of smart dudes up there in Tom Herrera.
Brilliant.
Well, they got Sunnyvale right near there with all the techno people.
Yeah.
Squarespace is a website building website.
If you've ever thought about starting your own website just to fucking write
shit down,
just to create a blog, just for fun, just to, you know, whatever.
You know, make a website with pictures of you and your friends.
Start a business.
If you wanted to do that, Squarespace is, like, one of the easiest ways to do
it.
Unlike in the past where you had to, like, get to know a program and, like,
learn Dreamweaver
or actually try to code it yourself with HTML, which is so beyond my grasp.
I don't even, I wouldn't even think about attempting to do that.
I know how stupid I am.
But with Squarespace, you can do it, and it's pretty easy.
And there's a bunch of different cool designs, and you don't have to even pay
to try it out.
If you go to squarespace.com forward slash Joe, you don't need to give them any
credit card.
Just go and check it out.
And if you want to use it, then you use the code name Joe, and what is it now?
It's five.
It's fucking May.
May.
Joe five.
So that's one word.
It's Joe and the number five together.
So squarespace.com forward slash Joe, and the offer code is Joe five.
It's a really cool website building machine, really.
It makes it so much easier than back in the Diz A.
And you can make, like, a really competent site, and you can build an online
store, like, super easy to do.
So go check it out, you fucks.
Whoa.
Got through it.
That was good.
Do you like that?
I threw that angry part at the end.
It made me legit.
It was a good pitch.
Like, even though I'm selling them something.
You got ghetto on them.
I got to get my street cred back.
Bitch.
That's what it is.
Yeah.
You know, folks, there's a certain amount of grossness in selling anything, and
I will absolutely
admit that.
There's a certain amount of grossness in saying the same thing over and over
again.
Go to Ting, and Ting's a cool company.
Yeah, but at least you don't sell shit you don't believe in.
That is true, and if I'm wrong about any of this stuff, I'll let you know as
well.
Like, what if Ting turned out to be evil?
You know, Ting was a secret branch of the government designed to get you more
happy with your phone.
People were getting discontent, so Ting came along with a better deal.
Calm everybody down.
It's another conspiracy.
Tom, we need people on the phone.
We need them on the phone all the time, man.
Let's make it cheaper.
Come on, let's make it cheaper.
Have you ever met anybody through, well, you wouldn't have to.
You've been here with somebody, but the idea, like, because I saw black people
meet black
people.
They have one commercial.
Did you see that?
No.
What is this?
It's just a place for black people to meet black people.
Like a website?
Like, they're so hard.
Why don't you just go to a black neighborhood?
Go to a bar.
They have a website.
Well, there's nothing wrong with being specific, you know?
I mean, if you...
I can't imagine Italians meeting Italians.
Hey, Antoinette!
You don't think so?
There's got to be an Italian looking for an Italian's website.
There's got to be.
Yeah, it's like J-Date.
Yeah, because Italians love other Italians.
Oh, my God.
I've never been out with an Italian girl.
Oh, they're the worst.
They're the best and the worst.
I've related to them.
They're savages, sexually.
They're fucking animals.
Oh, my goodness.
They're fucking beasts.
They're like...
Yeah, they're savages.
They're savages.
I like that.
They're too...
Hang on.
I like a girl who's not like me.
You know?
I used to like...
You used to say, she's a good kid.
She's a good kid.
But the last Italian girlfriend I had, she's like, she's likely to swing at me.
You know?
She would get crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's what my friend said to me about it.
He said, I'd never cheat on my wife.
I'd be afraid she'd stab me in the neck when I was asleep.
Yeah, this girl would like to yell.
So stupid.
You had an Italian girlfriend?
The last...
That was the last one.
I was like, that's it.
Before I met you, though.
Yeah.
I was like...
I think I was 21.
She was a great kid.
I mean, beautiful person.
But they're just wild.
You keep in touch with her?
No, I do not.
No, I do not.
Just testing you.
Ting is the other podcast sponsor.
Ting is a cell phone company that uses the Sprint backbone.
And what it does is they have it set up so there's no contract.
So you can quit anytime you want.
You buy the phones.
The phones that they sell are the best Android phones available.
They have all the high-end Android devices, including the Samsung Galaxy Note 2,
which is this crazy fucking phone.
If you've never seen this thing before, it is preposterous.
It's a gigantic, preposterous phone.
What's the one that starts your car and all that?
Is there one that does that yet?
I saw it last night.
It sets the climate in the car, like if it's cold out.
It's so ridiculous.
It starts your fucking car.
How is that possible?
Is that really possible?
Yeah.
An app that starts your car?
Oh, yeah.
Because they had those remotes for a while.
They would do it like in cold, like in Montreal, cold places.
Tom Herrera, I'm not ready for this yet.
I'm not ready for apps that start your fucking car.
I'm not ready for that.
That's too much.
If the car pulls up, get in, Joe.
Jesus.
That's coming.
That's Google cars.
They're doing that already, Dom.
They already have these remote-controlled cars that they drive around the city,
and they drive themselves.
They react to cars coming at them.
They haven't even been getting in accidents.
It's nuts.
It's fucking nuts.
I still wouldn't trust it.
I can't imagine sitting in the back seat with my car driving itself.
There are a lot of fucking assholes out there, Dom, that drive cars.
There's a lot of fucking assholes.
I saw some kid the other day just weaving in and out of traffic, speeding.
He was flying past people in like a real, like, there was a lot of cars there.
Why don't they get arrested?
Well, he just was in the wrong place at the right time.
You know, he was doing the wrong thing at the right time.
There was no cops anywhere by him.
But the way he was driving was like really crazy aggressive, like cutting
people off and racing in front of them.
It was dangerous.
Like he was like, he was cutting like random strangers like off, like barely
missing their car.
It was kind of maniacal to watch.
Like every now and then you just get a person like that.
It's just really crazy.
I read an article about teenagers that their brains aren't fully developed.
And there's a reason they get in so many accidents because their perception and
their reactions are good physically, but they make the wrong choices.
Terrible choices.
I was a terrible driver when I was a teenager.
Oh, I'm a terrible driver now.
You see me drive?
Don't even watch me pull it out.
Would you be happy if Google came along with something and you could say, take
me home and the fucking robot car takes you home?
That's coming.
You mind if I open up a six pack?
I would definitely.
Now, if you're drinking and driving and your car's driving itself, can you
still get arrested?
It's a very good question because you would have to, it would have to know for
sure you know where you're going.
Right.
You know, you couldn't tell it to, hey, go fucking drive in the wrong lane of
this street.
I mean, there would have to be some sort of...
It would have to have a thing that said it couldn't do that.
Yeah.
So then it would have to be, how does it know when there's a light that turns
green?
How does it know when there's a light that turns red?
And it's going to have to like be plugged into the whole system.
There's going to have to be, you know, if you really think about it, it's going
to have to be like a Wi-Fi network or something everywhere that controls these
cars.
I mean, they would have to have like real control.
To let a car go and just drive around with no person touching the handles and
make sure that it stays on path.
Yeah.
Wow.
I would think that would be really hard to pull off.
That would be hard to trust.
I mean, I don't know how you're controlling it.
I don't understand how's it getting to it.
It's got to get there from a cell phone.
There's got to be some sort of a signal that's reaching the car unless the car
is just a robot.
Yeah.
A self-sufficient robot, which is even crazier.
That means no one's controlling it.
That means it just goes on, you know, what it knows about what's in front of it
with radar or whatever it's using, sonar.
I don't know what it's using.
Whew, that's crazy.
That's kind of nuts.
Yeah, I think.
And if that happens, that's an app.
So you get the fucking take down Marrera home app.
And you press that on your phone and your fucking car just drives you home.
Why is that so weird to me?
Of course that's coming, right?
Take me home.
Are you hungry?
That's all coming, isn't it?
It's coming.
It's coming.
It's amazing how technology has advanced so much in the last five years.
It's madness, Don Marrera.
Madness.
We have panic attacks if we forget our cell phone now.
I have a panic attack if I forget my cell phone.
Yeah.
And, you know, it's so valuable for finding shit out.
It's so valuable for, like, going on websites.
Nobody has to read anymore because they can get the answers at their fingertips.
Well, it's not that you don't have to read, but, man, information.
Information is flowing so much quicker now.
Like, if you had a question before Google, it would be, like, a really hard
thing to do to research the question.
And there was, like, a lot of people who developed some really good bullshit
arguments back in those days.
And they don't hold up anymore because of Google.
Wikipedia is not necessarily always right.
So that's the only thing you ever hear in the argument.
Yeah, there's always a – yeah, that's a big one.
People love to say that.
But there's always going to be people downplaying it.
But the bottom line is it's – no one knows everything.
It's impossible.
And you can find more things because of this.
Like, this is amazing.
Like, this is a great time to be alive.
This is your phone.
You fucking pick up your phone and you talk to it and tell it to go to websites
for you.
I mean, this is where we live.
You ever use that Google Voice?
Oh, yeah.
It's the shit.
You press it and you say Dom Herrera and it'll go right to your website.
Pulls up Dom Herrera.
I like the one where you go call Joe.
Oh, yeah.
That's great, too.
And just boom.
Yeah.
Calling Joe.
Yeah.
Almost all of them also have the 