Name: Joe Rogan Experience #357 - Daniele Bolelli
Uploaded: 2013-05-10T04:09:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #357 - Daniele Bolelli' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-05-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #357 - Daniele Bolelli' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-05-10. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #357 - Daniele Bolelli

Hey, you dirty fucks, this episode of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is
brought to
you by Stamps.com.
If you have a small business and you have to go to the post office, you know
what a
pain in the dick that can be.
That shit ain't good for you.
That's stress.
That stress can be avoided if you use Stamps.com.
What you can do is, they give you your own digital scale, you can print up all
your shit
on your own PC, or computer, Mac, Mac or PC, either one works, and you just put
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it.
You don't have to do any of that waiting online shit, you don't have to wait
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weighs your stuff and then figure it all out, you do it all from your house.
It's super easy, and people that are operating small businesses, like if you
buy any of the
DeathSquad.tv t-shirts, this is how Brian sends them.
Yeah.
There's no other way to do it.
I mean, if you have any, like a small business, or even if you're just like
getting into something
like an online store like Etsy or something, when you want to sell like some
artwork or anything
that you're shipping stuff out, there's no reason to go to the post office
nowadays.
Or if you're some freak bitch who wants to sell panties.
Right.
You know, you don't want to go to the post office and start weighing panties.
What you want to do is, how many boys are you sending panties to?
Figure this shit out.
That could be a businessman.
I guarantee you there's money in that, because Duncan knew a girl who would
wear socks and
stuff.
They would want her to get her feet stinky, and then she would send them dirty
socks.
Dirty stench?
Wasn't her name like Dirty Stench?
I don't know.
She had some sort of an unfortunate name that she called herself, but that was
like
her thing.
Like, she would get paid to wear underwear for like several days in a row.
She was the first person that I ever knew actually did that.
Not yet.
Not only did she, she fucking did it legit.
Like, if they told her she had to wear socks for like three days, she would
wear socks for
three days.
And she wouldn't let a guy do it.
Like, no, you can't wear my socks.
Like, it has to be my stinky feet.
If there had to be like a tan stain, at least.
Maybe the dude knows.
Minimal tan.
Maybe you can smell it, and you're like, there's no way a chick's feet smell
this fucking
bad.
I'm not beating off to a dude's stinky feet, god damn it.
That sounded like somebody with no Duncan.
Maybe.
Yeah.
Yeah, that does sound like someone who would know Duncan A, and there might be
something
to that.
It might be, if you want to keep an honest foot stinky socks business, you
gotta do the
right thing.
Yeah.
That was going through a phase of his life, I think, also, that he was hanging
out with
that girl.
Well, yes.
This is getting very personal.
If you go to stamps.com and click on, there's a little microphone in the upper
right-hand
corner, enter in the code word JRE, and you get this sweet deal where they give
you a free
digital scale, they give you 55 bucks in postal coupons.
It's a sweet deal.
And you can save a lot of money, too, up to 80% compared to a meter.
That's according to them.
I have done no research.
And that scale is pretty badass.
You just hook it up to your computer.
And don't use it for pot, you fucks.
This is for sending shit through the mail.
And I advise you to not send pot through the mail.
I think that's really dangerous.
That's super illegal.
Yeah.
Isn't that funny?
If you carry it in your ass, it's less illegal than if you send it across state
lines.
Like, if you stuff a half a pound of weed up your ass, they'll at least be
impressed.
Half a pound?
Yeah.
Yeah.
But if you stuff, you know, a teddy bear filled with weed, my ass is enormous.
My ass is at a broad capacity.
The only person I've ever seen that brags about how big their ass is, the
inside of their
ass, is Dana de Armand.
Oh, yeah.
She's talking about how big her butt is because she fits cat toys up there.
Yeah.
It's weird.
Like, some of those gaping videos, when you can see shadows on the wall, it's
pretty
bad.
There's no need for that gaping stuff.
That's the society gone wrong.
When they look back at us in the future, the way we look at Rome and the vomitoriums
and
all the diddling of the young people, they're going to look at us and gaping,
going, what
the fuck?
They were into gaping.
Because it won't really represent what a small percentage of the population
actually enjoys
those videos.
Just the fact that they exist, it's evidence enough that we've gone mad.
We've gone completely mad.
We're spitting inside girls' assholes.
We're opening them up and spitting in there.
And that's a genre in pornography.
It's not like a one-time thing.
Like, somebody went, and then, I lost my mind, man.
I opened up her butt and I spit in there.
I don't even know what the fuck I was doing.
Dude, don't do that again.
I mean, that's so disrespectful.
How do you think she feels?
I don't know.
I don't know what the fuck happened.
I gotta stop smoking meth.
But instead, no, it's a fucking genre.
There's like, there's, how many videos are there?
I remember when, like, a long time ago, I saw a porn, like, my first time, that
somebody
spitting on the crotch before putting that, you know, using, like, some spit lube.
And I actually did it on Katie.
I spit right on the crotch.
Don't say names.
Jesus Christ.
No gal wants that information out there.
I spit it on her crotch.
And she's like, what the fuck?
And she got pissed off.
And then she branded the bathroom and, like, washed her.
And then didn't want to have sex.
It was totally not horny at all.
You fucked up, son.
I wonder why.
I had a little chest cold, so it might have something to do with it.
Oh.
How dare you.
Stamps.com.
Code word J-R-E.
Save yourself some money.
That's how you do a commercial, bitch.
All right?
That's the only way I know.
We're also brought to you by Audible.com.
If you go to Audible.com forward slash Joe, you can get one free audio book and
30 free days of Audible service.
If you've never used Audible before, it's a really fucking sweet service for
looking for anything.
And people have said this to me, like some guy said to me on Twitter, you
shouldn't advertise that people listen to audio books when they're stuck in
traffic because that's what we use your podcast for.
It's like you're competing against yourself.
Like, do you know how many fucking people there are out there?
Do you know how many fucking people there are?
It's madness.
And water's going to go where it's supposed to go.
Okay?
It all gets the attention it deserves.
And if you want to read a fucking book on your transit, you should not be
listening to me.
If you decided, you know, I'm going to use this time to educate myself.
Well, I don't fit into that plan.
So, I suggest, if that's your mean, then you do use Audible instead of this
podcast.
How about them apples?
I think audio books are some of the coolest things that people have ever
invented if you're a commuter.
You know, because it makes flying on a plane, which is, you know, the same
thing as podcasts do.
And in fact, a lot of podcasts, one that I listen to a lot, Dan Carlin's Hardcore
History, you can get that on Audible.
You can also get over 100,000 different books.
I mean, just an amazing collection of books.
As well as shows, old radio shit, podcasts, stand-up comedy specials, just the
Opie and Anthony show.
Yeah, that's the best.
It's great.
It's a beautiful service.
And like I said, if you go to audible.com forward slash Joe, you can try Audible
free for 30 days and you can get one free audio book.
You know what's cool about it is like if you listen to a lot of podcasts and
then you instead just start listening to some audio books, when you're done
listening to an audio book, you can say, I just read a book.
You know what I mean?
Like when you listen to a podcast, you're just like, yeah, I listen to a
podcast.
So I have a radio.
Well, I told you I'm fucking in love with that Dan Carlin's Hardcore History
podcast.
And even though you can't say you read a book after you get through one of
those, it's way better than reading a book.
It's super educational.
You can't quantify it like you can a book.
But that podcast is not just inspirational.
That guy is a master storyteller.
So they're fucking fascinating stories, man.
It's really good stuff.
Ben is awesome.
And the thing about him is that he's not a – he always says, oh, I'm not
really a historian.
He's way better than any historian because he can actually tell a story.
And he has no dog in the game.
He's there to try to discern the facts as clear as possible.
He gives several different accounts of each situation as it's been deciphered,
like what people agree on, as far as numbers and how many killed and shit like
that.
Really, really, really, really interesting stuff, man.
Audible.com.
Go check it out.
You can get Dan Carlin's Hardcore History.
Do you have any of your books?
Do you have one on Audible yet?
You know, I don't know.
It pisses me off.
It's too sexy.
Your voice is too sexy.
Yeah, I know.
That's what it is.
It caused all the female population of Earth to turn lesbian since they cannot
possibly be satisfied by another man.
And the old man would be very sad.
Yeah.
I can't do that.
Or they can have men agree to only make love to them while they're wearing
headphones listening to your voice.
That's right.
That's how it's –
Well, we need to get you to do one of those because that would be badass.
You know, maybe you can just do it – I mean, didn't Scott Sigler do that?
Isn't that how he started out?
Was it Scott Sigler who had all the podcasts that he released with all of his
books, the author?
Yeah, I mean, that guy became really popular by just releasing his books in
podcast form.
He did it on his own?
Yeah, he did it on his own.
He's a go-getter dude.
You know, he just was unhappy with the publishing world, like trying to deal
with people.
You know, maybe he had a bad experience.
Right.
You can easily have a bad experience, just the wrong publisher, the wrong
people, the people with the wrong ideas of where you should go.
Yeah.
Anyway, go check it out.
We're also brought to you by Onnit.com.
If you haven't been to Onnit lately, we added a lot of shit.
Onnit basically started off selling nutritional supplements, like mostly nootropics,
like Alpha Brain and Shroom Tech Sport,
which is an endurance-enhancing supplement made out of a cordyceps mushroom.
It's a real trippy thing.
They actually grow these mushrooms on fucking caterpillars.
It's very strange stuff.
Yeah.
Apparently, the story is, the lore is that high-altitude herding populations,
they noticed that their cows, their cattle were more active when they were
eating this mushroom.
So they tried to figure out how to grow it and how to do it and process it in a
commercial way.
And it's also related to that mushroom that fucks with ants, that turns them
into zombies.
Right, right.
That is one of the weirdest, like, parasite relationships in the animal world.
How does it work?
What does it work?
This cordyceps, this different strain of the cordyceps mushroom, gets inside of
the ant, infects the ant.
And when the other ants know it's infected, they take him way out of town.
Like, they're like, we got to get him the fuck out of here, because they know
he becomes a bomb.
So they have to take him out of town, and then when they leave him there, he
explodes and sends mushroom spores into the air,
which are like some invaders of the body snatchers type shit.
Like, it just lands on other ants, gets into them, infects them, takes them
over, and then the same thing.
They explode and become mushroom bombs.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah, what the fuck?
Dude, by the way, have you seen this part on its website?
What is it?
It's all about lucid dreaming.
It's one of the most amazing websites I've ever been to.
You just scroll down, and it's all about lucid dreaming, and there's, l