Name: Yoshi's got a "story" (from Joe Rogan Experience #317)
Uploaded: 2013-05-11T20:50:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Yoshi's got a "story" (from Joe Rogan Experience #317)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-05-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Yoshi's got a "story" (from Joe Rogan Experience #317)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-05-11. Transcript available.

the joe rogan experience you don't talk about yeah asians don't hug so much
your your reality
your situation like your family like you don't want to talk about that no i
talk to everything
do you tell everybody the whole story what you did yeah and why you can't go
back to japan no
i could go back i just can't get out you can't get out once you go back i would
imagine so there's
probably like a why is that there's probably like a criminal record yeah would
you tell it's a
little different because tell everybody what happened if you wanted to you mean
this is an
interesting this is the best story ever yeah well um if you want to listen it's
not a problem at all
okay that's the only reason why i brought this up because i know you're pretty
adamant about
expressing yourself all the time about i i would say before i finish start the
story that the day
was arrested in japan september of 2003 in the same week i was in jail in la
county so i guess we were
meant to meet each other but day apart 10 years ago said this coming september
we're in jail oh someone
sounds like a stalker that's exactly what i would send dave in an email if i
was trying to get him
to get me pregnant so what's your tell us your story so i got an email in august
2003 from my cousin
basically my writing skill in japanese is not good so he wrote in english he
basically wrote papa dead
that's their nice one dead my father was dead but they didn't know how to write
in english so that's the
the only thing they wrote and i called them and find out my dad supposed to
kill himself so within a
couple days i flew back to japan and find out what happened because i saw him
six months before early
2003 um i find out that my stepmother was cheating on my dad before marriage
during marriage and uh
they're trying they're in process getting divorced but my dad killed himself
later on we don't know for
sure he commit suicide or my stepmother had something to do with his death we
don't know but um during the
funeral i saw my stepmother killed him dude you think she killed him i think so
why do you think that
the more i hear this story she sounds like the most my my cousin's older
brother in korea she was living
in korea my stepmother so my cousin's older brother lives in korea their virgin
fbi they've checked the
background and my stepmother flew in the day before the last time they saw my
dad alive doesn't mean that
he killed her but she lied she killed him yeah she said that she was in japan
the whole time and we
find out she lied she lied about that well she lied about that that's that that
kind of guilt lying
about where you were that's very suspicious yeah so doesn't mean she did it how
did he die um hanging
so i went to police station and saw the picture and he was in the hot sun for
like two weeks so he
he was dark i mean he looked like he's hanging outside inside but that
summertime japan is so hot and humid
uh decomposed this is this is how i met yoshi he told this what was the joke it
was the darkest joke
i've ever heard in my life what did i say i'm high i'm a little high you're a
little high right now
tell the joke it's so it's not it's not a joke i just say you know he was
darker than a nigger or
whatever but uh oh yoshi that is not a dark joke or even a good one but that's
a racial slur it's darker
than bobby lee's balls yes so bobby lee have dark balls yeah there's black
balls um i can't have
i can't approve of that that joke you don't say that on stage dude yeah he did
he did i was like
this guy's crazy he's like that's ridiculous that's how you ended your act that's
highly that's a good
way to get your ass kicked not yet but um it's gonna happen but basically he
had been hanging and he
turned black yeah so he was hanging and uh basically the heat of the the house
just slowly cooked him
yeah i mean i saw the picture the cop told me i highly recommend you don't look
at the picture but
i needed to see you know because after his death my family family told me that
all the horrible
things that were happening so do you think that she could have possibly driven
him to do that that for
sure 100 yeah yeah she left hundreds of thousands of dead and he she told my
dad that she brought one of
her cousins from korea we later on find out it was her lover the whole time so
while my dad was working
she was fucking this guy pretending to be her cousin whatever just the whole
humiliation
debt and all this stuff and like was she younger 10 years younger but are you
sure she wasn't just
fucking her cousin this is why a guy like david should be afraid of marriage
okay never ever yeah
never fuck someone where you're confused as to why they're fucking you right
never well then i won't
never get you ready yeah well you shouldn't the reality is in the natural world
you shouldn't get
laid brian you should get your shit together first but so so so when that
happens yeah when you do that
man people start to resent you you ever see like a famous dude with a trophy
wife and the trophy
wife hates being there yeah you know and you see that that that's a that's a
sketchy situation yeah i i've
watched this dude and i watched his wife yell at him and and he's like a like
this sort of minuscule
famous guy he's a small guy and you know the wife was yelling at him giving him
a hard time and he had
just he just absorbed it and dealt with it right and it was really it really me
up because this guy's
really famous and i was like what are you doing man why are you letting this
person abuse you this is
this shitty person in your life is treating you like that what because she's
not impressed with you like what
is it yeah i'll tell you why some people weighed 130 pounds and she was six
foot tall and hot as
fuck and she really wanted to get fucked by giant black guys yeah man dingoed
giant man dingoed or
because so and maybe like when a guy maybe you like the abuse when a guy's an
old guy yeah he's got
this hot young chippy and doesn't know why she's with him yeah she's fucking
stealing from you man yeah
she's robbing your ass so what happened so i went back to the funeral and um
somehow
she was she didn't know my temperament because my dad's a very kind and nice
person he's never hit
me before but i have temperament from my mother she was you know she was
typical korean woman very
aggressive you know so i caught her at the funeral by herself uh preparing the
funeral thing for my dad
right it was like way up a hill yeah way up in the hill rest of the family down
the hill in parking
lot they didn't know what's going on so basically i went up there with my aunt
and my aunt sold my
stepmother and she goes you killed my fucking brother you fucking bitch she
leaves it was me
and her and everyone knows at this point that she was cheating on him the whole
time oh yeah everybody
knows she did all this all she even tried to poison my dad so next thing you
know she tried to poison
yeah they took the sample yeah you know those korean dish kimchi or whatever
she brought from korea
my dad kept getting sick so they took all the food from refrigerator at some
medical lab they check
and there was poison in the dish all right so your stepmom is poisoning his
kimchi and and cheating on
him and the whole family knows and she has the balls to go to the funeral yeah
she was playing this
thing she didn't know anything about me and her older sister have a reputation
of marrying a bunch
of guy and they all die in a mysterious circumstance oh so they have a history
of it they have a history of
that her and her older sister does the same thing this sounds like it's crazy
it's insane
so my aunt said you fucking bitch you killed my brother she left sounds and
then then 10 seconds
later i just started running over and just beating the shit out of her and whoa
i grabbed back of her
head and start punching her face for a long time and put her she's unconscious
no but she was shocked
because she didn't know i had in me to do that and i was a little surprised
because i didn't plan to do
that i was angry but i didn't think she was dumb enough to be separated by the
rest of her family
but she was her right so god so she was by herself you were by yourself no one's
anywhere near no one
near and then stuff grab her back of her head and just start beating her face
in and uh put on her
ground and it starts stomping between her legs her like eyeball was stomped her
pussy yeah
whoa stomach and um her face her eyeball was about to come out i was stomping
her face like after
five or six times i heard some lady that worked at the cemetery scream that's
when i kind of they saw
this guy just stomping on this lady and started screaming so how much damage
did you do to her
i think if i did it like my cousin called me like a week later and he was
actually he was laughing the
phone like yeah if you did it for another minute you probably killed her or
whatever she ended up going
to hospital for like two and a half three months but that snapped him out of it
the lady screaming
so then he ran back down the hill that's true and then like like everyone's
like what the
fuck's going on and he like grabbed his cousin's car keys no no no uh yes i
went down
and uh my stepmother's nephew was walking up the stairs he didn't know what's
going on so i
started coming down and he doesn't know what's going on so i figured by then i
already beat one
person what the difference doesn't make it so this guy goes this this funeral
was how long after japan
what like when you got off the plane and went straight to the funeral right a
day after yeah so
this guy gets to japan goes to a funeral and then just starts punching people
and then like so you
attacked him as well for what reason just because he's related to her related
to her and like what
difference does it make if i fuck everybody at this point yeah it's like porn
stars like what
difference does it make if you will fuck one hooker or 500 once you do one it's
really interesting you're
using attempted murder and connecting it to gangbang yeah well oh yoshi kills
hookers all the time
no he kills him with his aids attaboy so the edible aids or attaboy attaboy so
i went down the stairs i
saw him i sucker punch him he doesn't know what's going on oh my god and there
was a little uh do you
do you feel bad for that no not at all but he i wish i would do with it i know
but i was just angry
with her and her family right but i mean her family's just people yeah you know
i mean you don't feel
bad about a family of poisoning poisonous people well you know i mean maybe
they don't know what the
the the sister and her but at the time i didn't i wasn't really rational i was
just so angry yeah so
uh i sucker punching he went down and most of these eight you know i'm six foot
one most of these people
like five one five two right so even though i'm not a physically imposed in
america i'm pretty big in
japan you kick an ass in japan yeah yeah i'm anderson sova when it comes to
fighting and beating up old
women but um so how old was she when you did this tour 55 or something whoa
holy she killed his dad man
oh i understand listen there's no i lost my mind listen i would have killed her
i if i'm stomping
on a chick for five times she's dead i don't know how the fuck your pussy stomps
allowed her to live
so he knocks he knocks the nephew out i got this little that's not something to
joke about by the
way ladies and gentlemen you're right if you're outraged listening to this you're
like i can't
believe you i got that little mallet where buddhist scooped the water to clean
the cemetery i grabbed
that stuff just beat him over the head a couple times ran down the parking lot
and it's so that my
stepmother's older sister and her and her husband and i started sucker punch
him too it's punching
everybody yeah i punch both how's your endurance at this point are you getting
winded yeah i wish i
would have stretched before that but i wasn't planning that so four people joe
i don't i don't know anything
about martial art i don't know any other stuff but it was unplanned you beat
all these people up how do you
get out of the country um that's like so my my shit mike my aunt yoshi she's
the only one uh when he
started finding me back she's the one she had a cancer brain cancer actually
but she's the one you
know uh interrupt the fight start punching him and just told me to leave and i
told my cousin to drive
me out of there and he wasn't sure because he wanna so you punched him too no
no no no no i think he
hesitated because he doesn't want to a somebody who did criminal act right but
i he's smaller than i am
so if you don't think i'm gonna beat the out of it well we got in his car he's
driving me out of
there and i went to osaka international he just got to japan yeah like a day
before and then he went
and beat everyone up and then he's hiding you got right to the airport i
grabbed his cell phone and
call the airlines change my flight i'm i'm praying there's another flight
within a few hours and there
just happened to be one in four hours so i went over there but that was the
longest four hours airport
because i figured she'll call the police you just hid in the bathroom so what
happened how'd they not call
the police it never even occurred to them because they were so worried about
her they went to hospital
with her they probably didn't know where you went they figure they figure i was
hiding somebody one
of my cousins house do you think that they knew that she was guilty too oh
everybody knows how did
you find out it was your aunt that told you right yeah it was she tried to
poison him huh yeah your aunt
told you what did she say they have a medical record someone this whole time
yeah yeah but it doesn't mean
she tried to kill him oh you know she tried to kill him because of the
poisoning though that's pretty
definitive yeah and they they had a medical lab uh i don't know how they figure
out poison but they
took it to lab never eat kimchi at yoshi's house he keeps his daddy stabbed i
mean kimchi in general is
pretty strong anyways i love kimchi yeah if you have kimchi at yoshi's house
and it tastes a little weird
don't eat that damn dude so you escaped japan yeah and other criminal charges
pressed against you here's a weird
thing mostly cops in japan don't want to be a part of like family dispute
technically she's still my family
so whenever there's a family dispute they rather there's even a head stomping
well generally speaking
but um i don't want to go back to japan to find out so remember you and i think
joey diaz asked me like
to go with you and translate i would love to do it but i was a little worried
maybe as soon as i land
there's a record of it and put me in jail yeah there could be right there might
be there might be
you ready to record it's recording oh it is already what the fuck son

Yoshi's got a "story" (from Joe Rogan Experience #317)

the joe rogan experience you don't talk about yeah asians don't hug so much
your your reality
your situation like your family like you don't want to talk about that no i
talk to everything
do you tell everybody the whole story what you did yeah and why you can't go
back to japan no
i could go back i just can't get out you can't get out once you go back i would
imagine so there's
probably like a why is that there's probably like a criminal record yeah would
you tell it's a
little different because tell everybody what happened if you wanted to you mean
this is an
interesting this is the best story ever yeah well um if you want to listen it's
not a problem at all
okay that's the only reason why i brought this up because i know you're pretty
adamant about
expressing yourself all the time about i i would say before i finish start the
story that the day
was arrested in japan september of 2003 in the same week i was in jail in la
county so i guess we were
meant to meet each other but day apart 10 years ago said this coming september
we're in jail oh someone
sounds like a stalker that's exactly what i would send dave in an email if i
was trying to get him
to get me pregnant so what's your tell us your story so i got an email in august
2003 from my cousin
basically my writing skill in japanese is not good so he wrote in english he
basically wrote papa dead
that's their nice one dead my father was dead but they didn't know how to write
in english so that's the
the only thing they wrote and i called them and find out my dad supposed to
kill himself so within a
couple days i flew back to japan and find out what happened because i saw him
six months before early
2003 um i find out that my stepmother was cheating on my dad before marriage
during marriage and uh
they're trying they're in process getting divorced but my dad killed himself
later on we don't know for
sure he commit suicide or my stepmother had something to do with his death we
don't know but um during the
funeral i saw my stepmother killed him dude you think she killed him i think so
why do you think that
the more i hear this story she sounds like the most my my cousin's older
brother in korea she was living
in korea my stepmother so my cousin's older brother lives in korea their virgin
fbi they've checked the
background and my stepmother flew in the day before the last time they saw my
dad alive doesn't mean that
he killed her but she lied she killed him yeah she said that she was in japan
the whole time and we
find out she lied she lied about that well she lied about that that's that that
kind of guilt lying
about where you were that's very suspicious yeah so doesn't mean she did it how
did he die um hanging
so i went to police station and saw the picture and he was in the hot sun for
like two weeks so he
he was dark i mean he looked like he's hanging outside inside but that
summertime japan is so hot and humid
uh decomposed this is this is how i met yoshi he told this what was the joke it
was the darkest joke
i've ever heard in my life what did i say i'm high i'm a little high you're a
little high right now
tell the joke it's so it's not it's not a joke i just say you know he was
darker than a nigger or
whatever but uh oh yoshi that is not a dark joke or even a good one but that's
a racial slur it's darker
than bobby lee's balls yes so bobby lee have dark balls yeah there's black
balls um i can't have
i can't approve of that that joke you don't say that on stage dude yeah he did
he did i was like
this guy's crazy he's like that's ridiculous that's how you ended your act that's
highly that's a good
way to get your ass kicked not yet but um it's gonna happen but basically he
had been hanging and he
turned black yeah so he was hanging and uh basically the heat of the the house
just slowly cooked him
yeah i mean i saw the picture the cop told me i highly recommend you don't look
at the picture but
i needed to see you know because after his death my family family told me that
all the horrible
things that were happening so do you think that she could have possibly driven
him to do that that for
sure 100 yeah yeah she left hundreds of thousands of dead and he she told my
dad that she brought one of
her cousins from korea we later on find out it was her lover the whole time so
while my dad was working
she was fucking this guy pretending to be her cousin whatever just the whole
humiliation
debt and all this stuff and like was she younger 10 years younger but are you
sure she wasn't just
fucking her cousin this is why a guy like david should be afraid of marriage
okay never ever yeah
never fuck someone where you're confused as to why they're fucking you right
never well then i won't
never get you ready yeah well you shouldn't the reality is in the natural world
you shouldn't get
laid brian you should get your shit together first but so so so when that
happens yeah when you do that
man people start to resent you you ever see like a famous dude with a trophy
wife and the trophy
wife hates being there yeah you know and you see that that that's a that's a
sketchy situation yeah i i've
watched this dude and i watched his wife yell at him and and he's like a like
this sort of minuscule
famous guy he's a small guy and you know the wife was yelling at him giving him
a hard time and he had
just he just absorbed it and dealt with it right and it was really it really me
up because this guy's
really famous and i was like what are you doing man why are you letting this
person abuse you this is
this shitty person in your life is treating you like that what because she's
not impressed with you like what
is it yeah i'll tell you why some people weighed 130 pounds and she was six
foot tall and hot as
fuck and she really wanted to get fucked by giant black guys yeah man dingoed
giant man dingoed or
because so and maybe like when a guy maybe you like the abuse when a guy's an
old guy yeah he's got
this hot young chippy and doesn't know why she's with him yeah she's fucking
stealing from you man yeah
she's robbing your ass so what happened so i went back to the funeral and um
somehow
she was she didn't know my temperament because my dad's a very kind and nice
person he's never hit
me before but i have temperament from my mother she was you know she was
typical korean woman very
aggressive you know so i caught her at the funeral by herself uh preparing the
funeral thing for my dad
right it was like way up a hill yeah way up in the hill rest of the family down
the hill in parking
lot they didn't know what's going on so basically i went up there with my aunt
and my aunt sold my
stepmother and she goes you killed my fucking brother you fucking bitch she
leaves it was me
and her and everyone knows at this point that she was cheating on him the whole
time oh yeah everybody
knows she did all this all she even tried to poison my dad so next thing you
know she tried to poison
yeah they took the sample yeah you know those korean dish kimchi or whatever
she brought from korea
my dad kept getting sick so they took all the food from refrigerator at some
medical lab they check
and there was poison in the dish all right so your stepmom is poisoning his
kimchi and and cheating on
him and the whole family knows and she has the balls to go to the funeral yeah
she was playing this
thing she didn't know anything about me and her older sister have a reputation
of marrying a bunch
of guy and they all die in a mysterious circumstance oh so they have a history
of it they have a history of
that her and her older sister does the same thing this sounds like it's crazy
it's insane
so my aunt said you fucking bitch you killed my brother she left sounds and
then then 10 seconds
later i just started running over and just beating the shit out of her and whoa
i grabbed back of her
head and start punching her face for a long time and put her she's unconscious
no but she was shocked
because she didn't know i had in me to do that and i was a little surprised
because i didn't plan to do
that i was angry but i didn't think she was dumb enough to be separated by the
rest of her family
but she was her right so god so she was by herself you were by yourself no one's
anywhere near no one
near and then stuff grab her back of her head and just start beating her face
in and uh put on her
ground and it starts stomping between her legs her like eyeball was stomped her
pussy yeah
whoa stomach and um her face her eyeball was about to come out i was stomping
her face like after
five or six times i heard some lady that worked at the cemetery scream that's
when i kind of they saw
this guy just stomping on this lady and started screaming so how much damage
did you do to her
i think if i did it like my cousin called me like a week later and he was
actually he was laughing the
phone like yeah if you did it for another minute you probably killed her or
whatever she ended up going
to hospital for like two and a half three months but that snapped him out of it
the lady screaming
so then he ran back down the hill that's true and then like like everyone's
like what the
fuck's going on and he like grabbed his cousin's car keys no no no uh yes i
went down
and uh my stepmother's nephew was walking up the stairs he didn't know what's
going on so i
started coming down and he doesn't know what's going on so i figured by then i
already beat one
person what the difference doesn't make it so this guy goes this this funeral
was how long after japan
what like when you got off the plane and went straight to the funeral right a
day after yeah so
this guy gets to japan goes to a funeral and then just starts punching people
and then like so you
attacked him as well for what reason just because he's related to her related
to her and like what
difference does it make if i fuck everybody at this point yeah it's like porn
stars like what
difference does it make if you will fuck one hooker or 500 once you do one it's
really interesting you're
using attempted murder and connecting it to gangbang yeah well oh yoshi kills
hookers all the time
no he kills him with his aids attaboy so the edible aids or attaboy attaboy so
i went down the stairs i
saw him i sucker punch him he doesn't know what's going on oh my god and there
was a little uh do you
do you feel bad for that no not at all but he i wish i would do with it i know
but i was just angry
with her and her family right but i mean her family's just people yeah you know
i mean you don't feel
bad about a family of poisoning poisonous people well you know i mean maybe
they don't know what the
the the sister and her but at the time i didn't i wasn't really rational i was
just so angry yeah so
uh i sucker punching he went down and most of these eight you know i'm six foot
one most of these people
like five one five two right so even though i'm not a physically imposed in
america i'm pretty big in
japan you kick an ass in japan yeah yeah i'm anderson sova when it comes to
fighting and beating up old
women but um so how old was she when you did this tour 55 or something whoa
holy she killed his dad man
oh i understand listen there's no i lost my mind listen i would have killed her
i if i'm stomping
on a chick for five times she's dead i don't know how the fuck your pussy stomps
allowed her to live
so he knocks he knocks the nephew out i got this little that's not something to
joke about by the
way ladies and gentlemen you're right if you're outraged listening to this you're
like i can't
believe you i got that little mallet where buddhist scooped the water to clean
the cemetery i grabbed
that stuff just beat him over the head a couple times ran down the parking lot
and it's so that my
stepmother's older sister and her and her husband and i started sucker punch
him too it's punching
everybody yeah i punch both how's your endurance at this point are you getting
winded yeah i wish i
would have stretched before that but i wasn't planning that so four people joe
i don't i don't know anythi