Name: Joe Rogan Experience #367 - Aubrey Marcus
Uploaded: 2013-06-12T07:04:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #367 - Aubrey Marcus' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-06-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #367 - Aubrey Marcus' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-06-12. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #367 - Aubrey Marcus

keep it together folks keep it together it's so hard to keep it together we
just gotta keep it
together it's so important to keep it together i know it's hard as fuck to keep
it together
but keep it together before we get started we got some shows coming up brian
redband and tony
hinchcliffe are making their way to serrano be careful up there you fucks
because that's canada
all right it's not america you gotta be respectful don't go up there throwing
your fucking waste
products in the street be kind be gentle canadians are awesome you're gonna
love toronto toronto very
different than uh vancouver yeah i think uh well they're both awesome you know
canada's like one
of my favorite places to perform i'm doing uh winnipeg this weekend oh that's
awesome it's
fucking they're so they're so fun they're they're like they're like just like
regular like american
crowds like a really good american crowd jazz that up like five percent that's
like a really
good canadian crowd they're like super enthusiastic they're awesome sweet and
that place that you're
going to in toronto they may or may not smoke marijuana while the show was
going on the underground cafe
and you may or may not not be able to see people in the audience because you're
performing in the
fucking clouds i heard there was i think it was esther or somebody went there
and they don't smoke weed
and they said that they got so stoned that they almost had a panic attack while
just doing comedy
there no doubt absolutely no doubt a hundred percent there was no air left in
that room you were only
breathing weed wow it was insane i'd never been so high in my life there was
nowhere there was nowhere
else to go i'd hit the back of the high wall like oh here we are it's like this
is the wall this is the
300 footer i'm not gonna i'm not gonna do good this is gonna be scary for me i'm
not gonna be fine just
don't get too high before you go up there that's the thing just don't get too
high before you go up
there wow or do it get high like really early in the day so you're comfortable
around like five six
o'clock you better build up your tolerance yeah go over your notes or just do
it the stone is set
everywhere i'm just making words they're great though they're great you're
doing three days up
there yeah july 11th 12th and 13th it's a great spot the people that run it are
super cool all that
stuff about weed i made that up okay it's not even going on down there don't
worry about it
uh but it's uh you're gonna love it and tony hinchcliffe who you're taking with
you is
fucking hilarious really funny dude he's uh he's really coming up we we started
that new podcast
with him the hinchcliffe notes and man we're we've only done two episodes but i
really see this
becoming big it's amazing it's like it you know what it's like it's like
american idol for uh open
micers yeah you're doing some weird shit with him tell me exactly what you're
doing what we do is uh
we have a show and like whoever doesn't the comedy store has this sign-up sheet
where like you
every sunday or monday uh you sign up to try to do three minutes on stage and
there's tons of people
that you know pay twenty dollars parking they try to just get you know their
three minutes of stand-up
in and they don't get on so we take those people that like the people that didn't
make the stand-up
we let them sign up on this list and then they get to do one minute in front of
me tony and whoever
the special guest for the week is and then we pretty much either do this thing
called tag it or fag it
but spelled with a ph uh but we change it to that's really rude no but we it's
tough for your very
first time you're in comedy to get tagged with the ph a g i think that's a
career i think let me first
of all guess you named that right okay yeah and uh second of all you didn't run
it by any of your
gay friends first no no but we changed it this week to bag it just because
everyone got nervous
so well it's just it's unnecessary in this day and age fag is unnecessary it's
too bad because it was
because it was awesome right we got to let that go yeah you know why we got to
let it go we got to let
it go sort of in unity to our gay friends because we don't really give a fuck
if someone's gay i mean
we really don't so like if you're you're saying like something homophobic just
because it's cute
and fun to do if you really don't care if someone's gay it's like you you're
doing yourself like a
little bit of disservice you're getting lumped in with something that you don't
agree with it's
absolutely a a poop joke you know it's it's like a cheesy dumb joke you know
you would say in high
school so we changed it to bag it but last night and what we do is we pretty
much sit there and they do
their joke and we either help them like like that's a good joke you know you
hear some tags for it we
try to tag it up for them right or we just tell them to bag it and get get the
fuck out of area and we
kind of like almost do it in like a roast kind of way and but like last night
we we were there and this
guy came up he's like and he was dressed up as iron man and he was just came up
to us and goes i'm a
huge does squad fan and i wanted to come here and show and hang out with you
guys so he's our now now
our new uh security guy the guy that like gets the people off stage this guy
yes what a fucking
outfit first of all he's like part iron man part captain america yeah look he
has a microphone thing
in it i will lead that squad into battle against anyone who would threaten our
way of life
oh my god it was so ridiculous having him on board because he was he ended up
being really funny too
so like he would like you know give him chime in on some of the on the comics
but it's it's the first
episode drops this week uh on itunes okay and go to get desk squad dot tv and
you can uh find the uh
how to get tickets for the toronto gig yeah uh we're also brought to you by
hover if you go to
hover.com forward slash rogan you will save 10 off your domain name registrations
hover is a company
the domain name registration company that's owned by the same people that own
ting and uh they sort of
take the same approach try not to rip people off try to provide a very good
service try to make it easy
to use and hover is super easy to use i've used it myself to register websites
and um their their user
interface is very intuitive it's super easy i'm not that technical when it
comes to the internet
i'm not like that like um i'm not that proficient you know i i fuck up a lot of
things i'm always
calling brian it's like what am i doing what's wrong like what's wrong with my
fucking phone what's
wrong with i don't i don't know that much so if i can do it and do it easily it's
not hard to do
and they offer three free things like free who is domain name privacy so that
if you have some
disgusting website if you're some sick freak that likes to beat off on feet
there's nothing wrong
you know as long as look some people like it i bet i bet they do some people
don't need to make a bet
people like fat bones through their noses and people like all kinds of crazy
shit people like
tattooing their face people like crazy shit okay you can't hate but i don't
think i should have to know
who owns that website and i don't think people should have to know that you're
a closet freak
so you can have who is domain name privacy for free with hover it's a cool
company go check it out
hover.com forward slash rogan and save yourself some money bitch that's my song
boom son go to hover
we're also brought to you by on it.com and what a shock because the fucking ceo
of on it is here
today ladies and gentlemen international world traveler psychedelic explorer
huge cock that's what i
hear well well easy easy there there's no need huge is a rude word except when
i do a boga of course
then it shrinks to the density of pluto and a small diamond but he puts t-press
in his dick hole
how dare you i don't think that would be effective maybe it would imagine if
you found that was the
best way to do it just pack it in there like a musket
tastes like watermelon can you imagine if if you could get it like because
there's some drugs that
people do take anally and they actually enjoy it like there's a girl named
neuro soup and she did a
a piece on youtube where she was talking about it's got like a billion hits
because she's talking about
taking dmt anally that she took dmt and she put it in her ass and she was one
that was in that vice
story that hamilton morris vice story where he was talking about how her
boyfriend was this gigantic
cocaine dealer oh that's an ecstasy dealer was that your hamilton morris
impression yeah that was mine
that's his real voice man don't hate um but this chick uh had this greatly
detailed video about her
putting um dmt in her ass and it was this fucking super intense ride with the
devil
yeah what happened i watched i one time watched somebody goes right into your
bloodstream apparently
i was not it's talking to aliens i was at an electronic music conference and i
do not endorse
or recommend this behavior whatsoever but i watched a girl who said she couldn't
get high from ecstasy
anymore she takes one and she puts one in her mouth and goes under her little
tutu and puts one in her
ass at the same time and was like, I hope
this works. Oh my god,
I hope this works. Did she at least
break it up before she put it in her
ass or she crunched down with her
butt and tried to slowly
massage it into a fine powder?
Dissolving it with the natural juices.
And why wouldn't you start with your vagina
first because it's definitely easier to get
juicy in there. Imagine if you just found out
that your asshole is like the best thing
ever for cracking walnuts.
You're like, there's no way. My ass has no strength.
But really, you put a walnut
in there and it just destroys it. And you're like,
wow. Have you ever tried to
squeeze on your finger? No.
I don't stick things in my ass. But a doctor
did once. I had a test once
and a doctor looked up my ass with his finger.
I'm like, wow. I've done a
colonic and that's a little frightening. Yeah, that
seems like a bad idea.
You're going to stick a pump
up your stomach and you're going to shoot
water in there and clean yourself out, including all the
good stuff. There's a whole civilization going
on inside your stomach. And you're going to blast
water through your shithole
and then they're going to examine your poop
and you're going to discuss what your diet is.
You get to watch it go through the tube.
How about I just eat salad?
It's like excavating. It's like archaeology.
You see stratosphere, like layers of the earth.
Different meals past,
years past. You got the red layer,
the brown layer, the yellow layer,
the green layer, the black layer.
Just different parts that you see from
not just your last meal, but
many meals before. I don't know how often
you need to do it, but that's what I
saw going through the tube.
So did you feel good after you did it?
The very first one I did, I've done like a
three or so. The very first one.
This week?
Yeah.
Today.
I love it.
Just fucking loving it.
Just clean it.
It's a good excuse.
Clean it.
No, the very first one I did felt like a
slight religious experience.
Slight religious.
It felt amazing.
Like I walked out of there like
feeling light and like I was cleansed.
And the other ones were mostly just
uncomfortable and I didn't really notice
very much reward.
Leading me to believe that colonics are
good like once every
five to ten years or so.
Just to kind of, in case there's some
shit hiding out and some nooks and
crannies.
Because the digestive tract has all these
little spots and nooks and crannies
and little areas where waste can collect
and start actually really rotting and
becoming septic.
So, it's good to get that out of there
every once in a while.
Did you see bullshit?
That's my theory.
Did you see bullshit on it?
Penn and Teller's bullshit?
What'd they say?
No, what'd they say?
They pretty 