Name: Joe Rogan Experience #393 - Tom Segura
Uploaded: 2013-09-17T02:41:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #393 - Tom Segura' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-09-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #393 - Tom Segura' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-09-17. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #393 - Tom Segura

hello sweet freak bitches from space we are here we are queer get used to it
remember that
i'm here we're queer get used to it yeah like all right jesus i marched about
10 of those
problem that is what about all the people that were used to it you know you don't
have to get
all fucking aggro i'm happy for you here we're good i'm used to it i'm used to
it do you really
have to yell outside my window though as you walk by with a million of your
friends
you know if you live in san francisco and you're on that fucking parade route
boy that that route is that's the one too don't plan on taking a nap that day
west hollywood
west hollywood one is is on it might be the bigger one west hollywood might be
the biggest gay spot
san francisco still has the reputation as the biggest gay spot yeah but how can
it fuck with
how could it fuck with hollywood there's more people here man and that area is
all gay there's
no one area in san francisco where it's all gay yeah you know there's areas in
san francisco where
there's a lot of gay folks that live but like west hollywood is that one
stretch of santa monica
boulevard with all the gay bars and all they just own a neighborhood and that
shit is it's on lock it's
like mafia run absolutely oh yeah yeah and if you go anywhere near there be
prepared to suck a dick
yeah because someone's gonna stuff one in your mouth i mean it's gonna happen
there's only way one way to
find out let's uh go to both of them like be joe rogan questions everything for
the game
gay parade how should we dress we'll get to the bottom of it definitely fucking
do that you should
go you should go in like uh some real bdsm like leather shit with a fucking
chain strap i don't
want to question that absolutely but i feel like um i don't know dude i think
wow there are neighborhoods
because isn't wasn't what's the neighborhood in san francisco i was just handed
something that says
move over new york san francisco and los angeles columbus ohio is now the
nation's number one
gay city oh yeah wow is that true yeah that's a good move i mean if you're gay
and you're on a budget
why fuck around you should get a really nice spread in columbus you know yeah i
mean why the fuck would
you want to pay la prices for a house la prices for houses are goddamn
ridiculous they are so stupid
and the money in this city too that you like you don't like mine i rent a rent
a place i rent a house
uh-huh the house across from me just sold and it sold for like 850 which i'm
like wow that's a lot
of money man 850 000 they're tearing it down the tear down started yesterday
and they're gonna put
up some jamming right but i'm saying that's the money that like it puts into my
mind where i go jesus
is like not only do i not like as an 850 000 house just out of my league like
that's a nice goal
to get to they're like no we got it i'm gonna tear that shit down i'm gonna
build some shit i want so
you spent 850 just to get the lot of land fuck the house now i'm gonna spend
money to build my house
well you know what arnold did he lived in the palisades yeah he bought the
neighbor and then just
leveled his house and said i want a yard wow that's fucking he bought like a
four million dollar house
and just fucking leveled it that's wow that's fucking he's like i want the
place to kick my ball
i mean he didn't even buy it like move his mom in or something yes i need grass
man he just leveled
that bitch she didn't want to have family closer no no thank you that just puts
it see that takes us
another level yeah that's super balling we're supposed to do commercials but at
this point
it feels like we shouldn't do commercials we just keep doing what we're doing
but i have a certain
amount of week i guess i have to do run your spot you know what i'll do i'll
just shove them all in
tomorrow fuck commercials no no commercials at all i'll shove them all in
tomorrow and uh tomorrow we
got matt fultron that should be a badass podcast full charges in the house and
then on wednesday
we got kathleen madigan oh snap old school all-time woman's great i put her top
10 all-time
women comedian of all time and people say like you shouldn't do that shouldn't
categorize uh men and
women like but you do so there you go so tough shit there's all-time black guys
there's all-time
white guys all-time drunk guys all-time gay guys who's on your all-time drunk
list stand up number
one for sure not even close he's not even close second atel's number two when
he was in his prime
yeah when atel was in his prime and he was out there fucking hammering it on a
regular he was
hammering hard he he went and he's a brilliant brilliant comedian on top he has
he has some of
the he has lines that are in our lexicon like my personal one you know i mean
like he had a joke
one time about puppies and he was like puppies p-u uppies and just he always
said like silly shit
to this day i still say p-u uppies he did um an album he recorded it at the
comedy works in denver
skanks for the memories yeah one of my all-time favorites and one of the
reasons why i want to
record my next special there i mean i have to call wendy and ask her if she's
cool with it my next comedy
central special i want to record in denver that's fucking right i want to
record in that little spot
because that club i don't think it seats even 300 people right is it about 250
perhaps the downtown
one is probably i would say it's probably just under 300 and then the other one
is much larger the
other one's a little over 400 yeah yeah but that one is perfect that one
downtown it's like the perfect
comedy club it's like literally impossible to get a better club it's fantastic
everybody's locked in
their seats the seats don't move all over the place like you're in your spot
that's your spot boom the
table's welded to the fucking floor yeah this is that's and because of that
they've gotten all these
people in and it's plenty of room like to enjoy a show but everyone has their
own little table yeah
it's a dope setup wendy's a badass bitch she's bad motherfucker she's badass
and i call her a bitch
with all due respect of course i love her she's a very nice person she's one of
the reasons why i moved
to colorado in the first place she knows how to run a club man well i knew she
had a real community i was
like if i'm gonna live somewhere outside of la and still do stand-up i need to
go to a real
community and the thing about colorado is they're really fucking around there
there is a lot of
people there that are trying out shit there's a lot of people there that are
you know there's there's
good comedy they're like developing their own good real comedy way before
comedy i did comedy that was
my number one choice for college really denver university yeah it's so
beautiful i didn't get
you know floodings there it's crazy dude dude like roads washed away completely
horrible five people
dead hundreds missing hundreds of people are unaccounted for yeah all my
friends basements
are flooded like yeah well we saw some people on the rogan board they posted
photos and i saw some on
cnn and some other different places it's insane man it's really crazy shit look
at that look at that
look at that giant chunk of street missing there was a video that they had
online that had this giant
chunk of street just wash away in front of these people and their cars fell
into it and they were
videoing like the waterfall smashing into these cars it was like what that used
to be a street just 10
minutes ago what was happening there where i feel like didn't we we knew floods
were coming like
there was like really yeah i thought there was like news about these floods
coming do you remember
that or no i don't know i don't pay attention until it's too late i'm like what
if there's a typhoon
in japan oh that sucks yeah there's a typhoon that's gonna hit fukushima oh
they're already releasing
radioactive rainwater into the ocean what they call low-level radiation it's a
low-level poison would you go
to japan you've been to japan i don't want to go anymore because of that yeah i
think that that
situation look obviously i'm an idiot and obviously i'm paranoid so take those
two things into account
yeah but i'm worried about what happens if while you're there another
earthquake hits yeah what if
you know what if there's another earthquake it hits while you're there and they
get hit with another
fucking tsunami you know look that if it happened once just a couple years ago
it can happen again
of course and i think that situation is very unstable like they're coming up
with all these unique and
novel ways to try to contain the radioactive water like for folks who don't
understand it and i'm one
of them but i'm going to reiterate some shit that somebody said that does
understand it what they were
basically saying is you can't cool that shit down you have to continue to pump
water on it in order to
try to cool that area down it's already melted through its containment area so
the radioactive waste
is already somehow or another in the ground so there's that you know and then
there's they're
pouring millions of gallons of water on that thing millions and millions and
millions and a lot of it is
seeping right back into the ocean so you're getting all this intense radiation
entering into the ocean at
unprecedented levels in mankind there's literally never been in a moment in humankind
where the earth
had a spill like this where we irradiated an ocean most of that stuff that's on
land is much more
containable like chernobyl is more containable it's a fucked up place the place
it's a dark dark situation
in chernobyl but it's in chernobyl yeah this shit is going to go over the whole
ocean it's getting out there and
it's floating and people are like yeah man you're fucking you know you're being
a prophet of doom you know and you
you don't even really know and you're talking all this crazy yes you're right
but i might be reading
like really i'm not reading like any crazy you know uh conspiracy news sites
that are giving me this
information i'm reading like pretty much all the mainstream sites no one is
saying it's going to be
okay i haven't heard anybody that says relax about fukushima everything's going
to be cool yeah they
don't know they're trying to build a giant hole in the ground and they're going
to stick these cones
all around it and then freeze these cones to make a wall of ice so they have to
have all this
radioactive water contained in this fucking enormous several mile wide
containment area
just to try just for water just radioactive water that they're pouring on these
rods to try to cool
it off again i don't know exactly if that's this has to affect uh everything
seafood from that area too
right they've already shown a three percent rise in the radiation of some fish
really and that just
happened i mean this is a couple of years and then we consume that though uh-huh
so that it takes a
while to get to us it might even not even get to us for a year or so but a year
or so they might be
telling you hey it's probably not the best idea to go in the water that's real
like you're talking
about a massive spill that doesn't end and it's going to be like that for
hundreds of thousands of years
and i've had people like tweet me about this and they're like well it's all diluted
and you have to
realize how big the ocean is and you're totally right absolutely it's probably
i'm probably looking
at it wrong i'm probably being an alarmist but it's never gonna stop leaking do
you get that yeah it's
never gonna stop what might not be a horrific catastrophe today could easily be
one fifty years
from now they can never never get it to stop like part of the reason why people
aren't freaking out
is because we always have this optimism about like human ingenuity is that we're
gonna figure out a
way right right we're gonna figure out a way we're gonna figure out a way yeah
we're not gonna figure
out a way with that yeah okay the nuclear thing is a weird thing it's a