Name: Joe Rogan Experience #419 - Lorenzo Hagerty (Part 2)
Uploaded: 2013-11-20T05:18:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #419 - Lorenzo Hagerty (Part 2)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-11-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #419 - Lorenzo Hagerty (Part 2)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-11-20. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #419 - Lorenzo Hagerty (Part 2)

is it recording yes okay good beautiful yeah we always have these things where
it hits three
hours and like god damn it we can't uh you know at least you don't have a 30 or
60 minute show
they have to put your commercials in the middle and everything by the way i'll
give a plug for
legal zoom that when i first came to california it took me two days in a law
library to get up to
speed so i could write my will and i was glad to see that there's still a
discount with rogan because
that's my project this month is to redo my will and you know i've i've known
about legal zoom for a
long time and it's a really good group that's another thing that i think the
internet sort of
made a lot easier finding out what your your rights are finding out what how
the law lawyers mainly know
how to use the library and have their secretaries type up all these things you
know because they got
go buys and so legal zoom can take care of probably 95 percent of all your
stuff how did you go from
being a lawyer to running a computer company well i was uh i was practicing law
in houston and uh we had
primarily a business law uh my partner and i owned a title insurance company
and we were doing it was in
the heyday in houston when the savings and loan thing was going on but uh one
day our our main client
came in and he had a big construction company and he wanted to sue one of his
subcontractors and
you know i looked at all the things i said well jim you know you can file a
lawsuit but you're not
going to win because he's in the right here he says oh i know that i just want
to hurt him
oh so i said give me just a minute i walked around to the next office to my
partner i said figure out
what my share of this outfit is worth i quit i'm going home and that was when i
i just i i it had
been building up to that because i've been doing stuff that i didn't become a
lawyer to hurt people
and do stuff like that and so uh i just walked away from it and uh i got
involved in uh multi-level
marketing wow and uh yeah what i found out is is that if you say hey i'm a
lawyer and i'm doing this
people just flock to you you know i signed up lots of people and because you're
a lawyer doing well
they say well if a lawyer's doing it you know it's got to be great you know so
is it like a pyramid
scheme pyramid company yeah we were selling uh do it yourself at home facelifts
what what it was it
was before anybody knew about aloe vera one of the first aloe companies and it
was really easy to sell
we do a meeting and a bunch of people that would be there and you'd paint half
their face with this
stuff and leave it on for like 30 minutes and take it off and it looked like
they're two-faced you know
one side's a little higher than the other sort of like putting uh uh what's
that hemorrhoid medicine
on your face or something what's hemorrhoid preparation preparation h yeah what
happens when
you it just tightens you up it tightens your skin up for an hour or two so when
you put aloe vera well
no this was a whole bunch of it it actually did work it did tighten up your
skin and get rid of some
wrinkles for the evening yeah oh yeah it worked for the evening for the evening
yeah it wasn't perfect
wow but uh and and we sold a whole variety of things why don't like actors do
that before they
make movies well i don't think you can get this stuff anymore you can't get aloe
vera anymore well
you can get aloe vera but this was this had some powders and stuff you use a
chemical thing you
mixed it all up what happened did it start fucking up people's faces no uh the
company went out of
business uh you know there's you know all these you know i i know a lot about
these multi-level
companies they they all spring from a vitamin company uh neutralite i think it's
called and that's where the uh
devos and van andel that started uh uh amway came neutral light yeah i think amway
finally bought
them or something like that but what's that big one that's uh the big one with
the leaves oh that's uh
uh uh i'll think of it a huge company yeah well uh anyhow the herbal life
herbal life in in fact
one of their their first vice presidents came out of this company i was in uh
ideal incorporated but
there was uh dare to be great and coscott and uh one that uh the california
governor campaign that
guy anyhow i used to know a whole lot about this and they all sprung from the
same core of people
at one time they all knew each other and i got involved in that for a while and
we were selling
all kinds of things and then my partner and i started a jewelry company and we
kind of fell out and
i was into computers so i started a computer company it was a pyramid company
and uh you know it it was a lot
of fun but uh you know i finally lost the faith because for a while i really
believed that you
could do these things you know we had a a woman who was a german refugee that
wound up making twenty
thousand dollars a month and stuff like that and so those things did happen but
they were so rare finally
uh you know i was able to uh see the light well it happened after i started
taking mdma that's when i got
out of the motivational business and everything and the motivational business
that's a slippery business
you know what's fascinating to me people that have never been successful at
business but give
motivational seminars on how to be successful at business yeah after my
computer company crashed
that's what i got into that's a fascinating thing isn't it that that people
would it's sort of like you
know like there's comedy classes that are taught by extremely unfunny people i
believe people that have
never had a career as a comedian but they decided to start teaching comedy and
then they started making
more money teaching comedy than they ever did doing comedy itself yeah it's
like a lot of that back in
boston there was a guy that was terrible comedian who was teaching the local
comedy class and i was like
that doesn't make any like what the what's going on here you couldn't get a
real comedian to teach a
comedy class they didn't want to have any part of it and you'd be surprised how
many motivational speakers are in
great depression all the time you know we really we'd go back after the thing
would be over we'd get
off stage oh gee my wife is leaving me and i'm broke and you know all these
things we we had more
problems than our audience combined probably that's hilarious but you had some
good ideas you just had
to figure out well yeah you know yourself they they were all you know from 100
years ago you know
there's not much new in that field it's uh well anthony robbins is another one
right tony robbins
he's a super successful at that but what else has he done i mean has he like
had like a successful
real business you know when he first came on the scene i just started kicking
myself because i said
gosh i was doing that and i'm better than him you know he's very handsome he's
beautiful yeah great
teeth yeah oh yeah he's skin he's got uh he has he had a lot more confidence
than i had yeah booming voice
throws karate kicks but you know eventually you kind of push yourself to the
end he started doing all the
fire walking and stuff like that and yeah yeah that's fire walking hey my wife
did it and did not
get burned wow the first time you could do it and not get burned too well no
walk quick i could not
do it because i'm not gonna walk on fire barefoot okay but if you did you'd be
all right the whole idea
is getting through it quickly if i did i know i'd get through all right because
i wouldn't do it unless
i was sure i was going to get through all right um you could think that you
were going to be all right and
not be all right well that's what happened her the second time
how far did she walk longer the second time i think it's probably the same
really yeah yeah i
don't know i mean i didn't know her then i probably shouldn't be talking about
it i get it
symbolically you know but unless it's fuckery look we all know fire burns all
right why is fire not
burning because i don't believe it's gonna burn um boy i'm not sure about that
i think you might
be playing games here well you know the three laws of taking psychedelics are
number one cars are real
number two fire burns and number three gravity is still a law if you lifted
those three things you
can't go wrong that's like the bill hicks joke did you ever hear the bill hicks
joke young man on acid
thought he could fly jumped off the building and he's like if you thought he
could fly what did he take
off from the ground we lost a moron yeah yeah i remember that that's it's so
logical it is logical
it's like wait a minute that guy was an asshole now he was a houston guy right
yes see i i left houston
by then when i was going to law school in houston uh the only celebrity i saw
that wasn't a celebrity
then was glenn campbell was was singing for tips in this bar i used to go to
but uh i i used to hang out in
lightning hopkins bar he was a black uh blues guy and uh a couple of us would
go down in houston yeah
yeah what was that down the fifth ward somewhere the third war yeah and we'd
have to go in a little
group but we went regularly enough that we got known we're the only white kids
in there you know and wow
so uh one and and he'd you know he'd rap with us and stuff and and i said hey i
can play the spoons
and he says yeah give the boys some spoons get up here and so i start playing
the spoons while he's playing
guitar you know and he he stops and he says you're in law school right and i
said yeah he says go back
to law school you'll never make it as a musician what an asshole oh no no he
did it in a funny way
and everything you know he was he was actually right i couldn't keep a beat you
know houston had two of
the greatest comedians of all time come out of it sam kinnison oh kinnison too
yeah that's right they
had that whole houston annex down back and then they had like a real creative
group of young up-and-coming
comedians and they you know they started this thing the houston comedy outlaws
and it was hicks and
kinnison and a bunch of other guys fascinating sort of a development yeah i
went to law school there in
houston and i taught sailing at houston yacht club that's how i got there well
because of kinnison they
all had like this unique style this very aggressive in your face thoughtful
style of of comedy break
breaking things down in a very logical way you know but but making good points
but also you know being
like really bold about it well i heard you and and uh i think it was mark marin
talking about kinnison
and yeah boy that really gave me a whole new uh marin has some amazing kinnison
stories when he was on
this podcast he was talking about doing coke with kinnison and you know how he
like was hearing voices for
like a year and they did so and he was a young kid then when he was with him
you know but can you
imagine he did so much coke he was hearing voices for a year whoa man holy
break your brain batman
i was lucky i never liked coke i was lucky i never tried it i i i the the same
woman that uh gave me
mdma for the first time i gave me my first lines of coke and i said oh this is
awful man it's like
being in a dentist's office and she said oh yeah it's always like that in the
beginning but you know
after after you know 10 12 times you'll you'll get to like it and i said you
know i went through that
with scotch and it's cheap and legal i'm not i'm not gonna go through that
again yeah there's weird
things like caviar it's an acquired taste why would you acquire it why would
you acquire something that
costs ten thousand dollars and tastes like shit yeah and if you don't like it
to begin with why
acquire it yeah why acquire that that seems really silly yeah i never did the
cocaine but uh i i've
had a bunch of people near me that had problems with it i i always associate
cocaine with a lot of
negative uh things that i've seen but one of the biggest ones was uh i was
driving uh with some friends
we were in revere mass