Name: Joe Rogan Experience #437 - Scott Sigler
Uploaded: 2014-01-08T04:16:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #437 - Scott Sigler' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-01-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #437 - Scott Sigler' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-01-08. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #437 - Scott Sigler

hello sweet bitches out there in cyberspace or wherever you are maybe you're on
a treadmill
right now maybe you're in your car maybe you're driving maybe you're bored as
fuck at work
wherever you are we're here for you bitches well that's the delay that's my
laptop that's
the difference between what i say and when it reaches you so think about that
while this is
going on what you're hearing is a fucking time warp okay seconds behind the
actual reality of
my words what if we go like oh no asteroid ah and everyone's like suck if we
got hit and then the
power went off and then the u-stream gets it five seconds later well if an
asteroid hit like arizona
it would take a while for we knew well not really that's too close but if it
hit like sweden we
probably wouldn't know for like a second or two yeah we probably would hear
about it like a week
in advance though if one of those dinosaur killers is on the way there'd be
fucking looting and rioting
and there would be no more squarespace.com like how i segway it's like a
professional i should be on
the radio squarespace uh by the way uh we um they made a mistake in their copy
and i was wondering
why uh because the squarespace has a new contest out and the contest is you go
to squarespace.com
forward slash joe joe joe what's my name joe the contest is i'll say it again
squarespace.com forward
slash joe sign up get 10 off your first purchase then build a website um super
easy to use squarespace
brian has made literally dozens of websites while we've been doing these
commercials and they're
excellent it's like there was a time where it was sucky man it was hard you
know i had andrew
created some of my uh my original aka menthol uh from the quake days created
some of my earlier
uh websites and brian created one of them but it's not fucking easy but now it
is now it's really easy
you could make your own badass website just with the just regular understanding
of how to use a computer
drag and drop and shit like that super easy to do and it comes out amazing so
amazing that
squarespace wants to have a contest uh if you can go there go to squarespace.com
forward slash joe sign
up get your 10 off your first purchase build a website then once you got your
site done tweet it
to jre squarespace hashtag jre squarespace hashtag is like the tic-tac-toe
thing if you're like what the
fuck is a hashtag and you don't have anybody that can tell you if you're the
smartest one you know
and you're an idiot it's very possible you could live in like somewhere bad jay
hashtag this tic-tac-toe
jre squarespace do it before january 17th and we'll pick four winners who have
designed the most
beautiful websites um squarespace will give these we'll do a whole little thing
about it we'll we'll
examine your websites we even give you some props maybe if it's a website for
your business we'll start
a fucking explosion that will lead to a financial windfall be better if i said
that without slurring
anyway these people who win these four will get a free year of squarespace and
we will send those
winners a swag bag with items like a squarespace apple keyboard a t-shirt uh
moleskin and more so
visit squarespace.com right now and use the code joe and the number one that's
joe and the number one
do that and then tweet your website to hashtag jre squarespace poor pound signs
yeah no love anymore
it's a hashtag now it's changed like out of nowhere how come they've they have
matured and moved on in
why did they allow that it's the prince it's probably someone who like had like
hashtag like
they own the name hashtag and they fucking hated the pound sign like that pound
guy's a dick the guy
owns pound fuck pound it's not pound it's fucking hashtag now and it worked we're
gonna repurpose
this whole need for existence they figured out how to do it though that's what's
amazing like
they pulled it off they actually pulled off the the hashtag coup and now you'll
get people in the next
few years who are kids now going why is there a hashtag on the phone what do
you use this yeah
once it's there it's that once it's named it's named how the fuck did they
change it it's that's
amazing it's gonna confuse so many kids it's gonna confuse the shit out of them
yeah they did a really
good job if you really looked at it from like a conqueror standpoint hashtag
dominate the pound sign
we're not gonna have a dial pad in the future i'm surprised we still do you
know yeah yeah most likely
um anyway uh stamps.com's our other podcast sponsor stamps.com is where uh
christina pozitski and tom
segura from your mom's house they send their stuff out using stamps.com burt kreischer
if you bought
those machine t-shirts he sends those out through stamps.com if you bought any
of those death squad t-shirts
from brian redband he sends them out through stamps.com we have massive
experience with stamps.com we love
them we trust them we recommend them wholeheartedly it is a way easier solution
if you send things
especially if you have a small business if you're like making your own macrame
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go to the post office
wait in line they weigh the different packages each one's there it takes a long
fucking time you don't
have to do it anymore you could do it from the comfort of your own home and if
you use the code word
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that's it you cut out that
whole disgusting process of waiting in that horrifying line and and just rotting
your life away don't do
that part don't do that part go to to stamp.com type in the code j-r-e get this
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no risk trial 110 bonus offer which includes a digital scale and up to 55
dollars of free postage
that's it so go to stamp.com before you do anything else click on the old
schoolie microphone
in the top of the home page and type j-r-e that's stamp.com and j-r-e bitches
we're also brought to you
by onnit.com if you haven't been on it for a while we're constantly adding new
things we're constantly
finding new supplements new strength and conditioning equipment just new stuff
that we find that we feel
is beneficial one of the big ones is we've started a whole series of artistic
kettlebells i know a guy
like scott sigler who is a horror author can appreciate that the fantasy behind
the zombie
kettlebells or the primal bells the idea behind them is you will work out
harder if you really were
fighting against the fucking zombie invasion if you're preparing for the zombie
invasion you have
to keep your family alive you will have that extra rep in you you will have
that one extra set where
you don't want to do it anymore and if you swing around these fully functional
zombie bell kettlebells
that can that can give you that feeling they can give you that that that fear
that you need to complete
your workout my favorites are the primal bells because i'm a big fan of the
monkey community big fan of the
apes mad shout out to all the primates uh i i just love the fact that they're
artistic and they're
actually fully functional we are we had them besides being designed and drawn
and created by this guy
steven shubin jr we also had them 3d printed we all we hit 3d balanced rather
we had them to make
sure that when you're swinging this kettlebell it'll have the same functional
use as a real kettlebell
that just looks like a smooth cannonball so it's not just a design they work
just as well as a real
kettlebell and they will fucking last for the rest of your life i mean look at
the giant metal sculptures
that are heavy as fuck and you can see a look on the postman's face when he
delivers that shit like
what the fuck son what are you doing here um you don't even need a big one to
get a good workout in
i do one of my workouts the entire workouts with one 35 pound kettlebell we
sell that dvd that's the
keith weber um kettlebell cardio extreme workout it's fucking madness that dude's
a savage
he does it with a 45 pounder that fucking animal um we sell all sorts of
different things that we feel uh
help with uh athletic performance and what you would call functional strength
that's the trend these days when you see all this crossfit type stuff
and all this uh people that are training you know you see mixed martial arts
training with
club bells and battle ropes and shit like that the idea behind all of that is
that in the olden days when they used to do just like you know preacher curls
and
you know things things along those lines there were things that were good and
there's things that
were bad but there was a lot of people that were imbalanced you know if you uh
if you laugh at the
the the classic meathead is the guy who's a meatball with two toothpicks
holding it up guy who's got a
gigantic upper body and a small lower body he's not balanced he's not that's
not an athletic body
that's not a body that'll work for you that's you're being a silly bitch and
your tits are huge
you don't need that in your life okay you want functional strength stop getting
so crazy we sell
all kinds of stuff at on it.com the best shit that we can find in any and all
forms whether it's
supplements whether it's strength and conditioning equipment whether it's food
we even sell the best
blenders if we're making kale shakes and protein shakes on it.com o-n-n-i-t use
the code name rogan
save yourself 10 off any and all supplements all right scott segler's here we're
gonna get crazy
we're gonna talk about some scary shit and go
oh yeah and before we get started what do you when your shows in uh texas you
got three this week
yeah i got houston uh friday or yeah thursday tony hinchcliffe and uh tiffany
hash uh tiffany's
gonna be with our only our austin and dallas show so it's uh houston it's gonna
be john toll
oh funny guy yeah very funny guy me and tony hinchcliffe and we're doing a
podcast before our
show and then the following day we're gonna be in austin and then dallas are
you doing a live podcast
uh live podcast oh that's which one are you gonna do gonna do kill tony or are
you gonna let like
local comics go up and shit i we it's gonna be we have some local girls that
work for playboy
and uh we're just gonna make it a mess oh perfect bring in alcohol don't try to
do it's over yeah
exactly be careful you're in texas they don't play games they party hard texas
parties hard might do a
blackout podcast before the show i feel like you will whether you want to or
not why are you pretending
like you're planning this out of some piece of art it's just gonna be what it
is yeah don't be silly
son uh so uh where are these uh dates where the uh the actual clubs uh it's uh
january or this uh
thursday it's going to be in houston it's going to be at fitzgerald's uh and
then uh the following
day it's going to be in austin with tiffany haddish at the spider house ballroom
and then uh saturday
it's going to be at the curtain club in dallas texas and desk squad dot tv for
all the info on uh
all brian stuff and that's where you can also buy those t-shirts the uh all the
kitty cat desk squad
t-shirts um i'm in houston this weekend no i'm not in houston i'm in phoenix
this weekend jesus christ
you're in houston i'm in phoenix where am i i'm in the valley um i'm in uh the
phoenix stand up live
uh which is a fucking awesome venue i love that place and i'm there with the
lovely and talented
tom segura who's one of the most fucking hilarious dudes on the planet so i'm
really psyched i love
phoenix phoenix is a fun town they don't take themselves too seriously they
like to party
they like to drink they're close enough to la they're not retarded they get
they get the vibe
it's a fun place uh i'll be there this weekend with uh tommy cigar and then january
24th i'll be at
the chica