Name: "Dropping Off Luggage" with Joey Diaz (from Joe Rogan Experience #432)
Uploaded: 2014-03-01T17:45:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Dropping Off Luggage" with Joey Diaz (from Joe Rogan Experience #432)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-03-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Dropping Off Luggage" with Joey Diaz (from Joe Rogan Experience #432)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-03-01. Transcript available.

"Dropping Off Luggage" with Joey Diaz (from Joe Rogan Experience #432)

the Joe Rogan experience and I've known you forever I knew you back when you
were having a
real hard time with stand-up which to me is fascinating because you're the only
guy that
I've ever met that was having like a really hard time with stand-up and then
out of nowhere like
you hit a switch you went from having a hard time with stand-up to being a
fucking murderer
we would it was almost like you like you fucking passed through a doorway or
something like within
two years of you working at the store you just figured it out you just figured
it out one night
and we were up on stage and we were in the back brother and you were up on
stage we were watching
you we're like damn joey diaz just turn a fucking corner you just figured out
how to be funny
you figured out who you were up there it's really weird when you uh you get
into anything there's
always that jesus i'm not improving yeah i'm coming here i'm showing up and
this is just isn't working
and then one day out of the fucking blue it just starts working and it's really
weird with stand-up
you don't want to go to sleep you want to go home and keep writing yeah and
writing and then
and you're i became infatuated from 95 to like 98 but i had so many other
things going on
you know what i'm saying i had so many things going on that i couldn't really
focus focus and then i
moved to la and i had all these distractions you have all these stupid
distractions when you first
move to la and you're a comic agencies this that there's that and then one day
you just something
hits you and it goes these motherfuckers don't matter nothing really matters i
gotta go up there and
speak what's in my heart and you just start going and little by little once you
find your voice you
become a savage that's it it's like a it's like a shark tasting blood it's like
anything else where
you get that taste and you just go after it and you know the comedy store is
the fucking comedy
store man once you get in the comedy store to me that's like you know john jock
that's the comedy
store that's it's john jock machado it's those upper high level that that's it
it's a high level place
especially in the 2000s when we were down there there was there was uh some
intense comedy that was
going for your donkey and ari coming up there and you coming up there it was a
really intense time and
you you go on stage and you get this weird confidence and it's this thing you
just get stronger and
stronger then the more people you go up in front of because then in the
beginning they make you go
up in front of people you know you know going up in front of mitzi shore is
nerve-wracking and going
on after they put you on after a lot of guys that were really funny yeah and
you're going up in front
of mitzi shore you have no idea what that does to you at the six-year mark
going up i cannot describe
it i've thought about it and i've written about that experience thousands of
times and nothing was more
like i blacked out i had a blackout to go in front of mitzi shore because i
knew it was it for a guy
like me if mitzi sure turned me down you know what i was gonna go back to boulder
probably stab one of
those motherfuckers with al come out i would just wouldn't get out now i would
have been institutionalized
there's no turning back from that it would have crushed my ego her who her
taking me gave me another
five-year reprieve in my life i knew i got something to do for five more years
before i go to jail for
killing somebody like that's how i felt did you really feel like you're going
to do that because
when i met you i never got that from you yeah yeah i was i didn't get that that's
what part of the part
of the the the the the jump in my comedy was the day i wrote her the letter and
i said you can't scam
me no more you want to take the kid take the fucking kid what am i going to
fucking do wrote your
company yeah i called her up one day and told her okay i didn't know who you're
talking about yeah i
told her that i didn't you know that at the end of the day and i was being this
you know some people
really can't handle the truth sometimes you have to tell them and i had to talk
to her and then talk
to her again in 99 when i took that change it was around 2000 you met me in 97
it took me about three
years but one day in 99 before i went to bed i was clean for a couple days
maybe three days and i went to
bed early and i had my wits to me and i said i'm not gonna fuck with this no
more it was one of these
things that i was going into the lion's mouth i had to walk on a fine line with
her because i wanted
to be a part of that kid's life but it wasn't looking that way and i was going
to take her
shit no more one morning i got up nice and i went and got a calling card and i
called that
motherfucker and i just laid it out to her and i told her the opening line was
i'll never forget this
that listen between you and i and she knew me i said you know if you were on
fire i would not piss
on you the only contact i'm having with you is because of this child right so i'll
pay for a
separate phone in her room and i don't have to talk to you no more right
because she wanted what was
killing me at that time was she wanted to take and change the child's name
right and my position was
when my father died my mom remarried my poor dad that died i had to keep his
name that was just
something in my heart so i always felt that that's let her become 18 let her
decide what the
fuck she wants to write that was eaten away i mean when they had no value a
name didn't have a value
to me and this whole situation didn't have a value to me once i analyzed it and
said fuck this
bitch and what she stands for i turned that corner because i dropped luggage
off there's nothing
sometimes in comedy sometimes in life you're just carrying around some luggage
man that doesn't let
you move yeah the box is five feet but the door is only three sorry and you got
to drop that
shit and until you drop that fucking box you ain't gonna go through that door
too many people get
locked into those relationships uh whether friendships friendships former ex
you know ex-wife and husband
whatever you want to call that relationship exes but they're like two deer with
their fucking horns locked
together and they can't separate and they fucking every day is a push-pull they
with each other on
purpose you know i've i've known people that went through horrible divorces
where you know you could
tell that like they would they would like be setting up each other like you
know him make him pay more
you know uh let's let's agree to one thing and then change the terms just keep
keep the bills coming in
and like i've heard people talk like that it's a it's a horror show it's crazy
and it's scary and this
is this was the bad end of it joe that this is the already i had the job in boulder
that paid the
most for an uneducated schmuck like me i was working for a sports advisor and
that you can make anywhere
from 20 to 60 000 a football season in six months you can make some cash that's
insane there were some
guys that make a hundred grand there was some i had a month in december i made
25 grand working the
fucking phones you just got to get some fish to bet and send you money believe
that you're his
you're going to take them through the bowl season listen bro you want to make
50 it's going to cost
you 20. go to the western union send me 20 000 and we'll talk about sending so
they're basically buying
your knowledge on your knowledge but you're buying your it's bad karma also
really but this is what i was
doing so i knew this i knew this all right i come to l.a mitzi sure don't pass
me maybe the improv
passes me but my dream was mitzi sure who the are you kidding my whole thing
was the store from day
one people told me to go to the store that's your house that was my fate if she
turned me down i would
have probably gone back to colorado probably gone to work over there you know
you would have you done
sets in seattle you were doing yeah i couldn't go back to go to seattle i would
have gone back to
colorado and tried to be a dad and one day dog i know me one day the car breaks
down
they're snowing out you get one of those bills overdue bill and that's it you
bump into this
mook and he gives you that attitude with his flip-flops on i was going to run
over this
and i was going to do 50 years yeah so you know what as much as i the comedy
store has that much
power in my life in your life it came along at the right time it came along at
the right time do you
think the people create that i mean that's like the big uh the big hippie new
age uh argument about
lives that you create these possibilities in life that you you're responsible
for all these different
events that are happening to you they're not random events these are invent
events that are
sort of created by your own intentions yes do you feel that sometimes
absolutely one thing i
learned was that until you take responsibility you ain't gonna move forward
there's motherfuckers
that get off the stage bro the audience sucks the sound yeah i watched the guy
eat the plates of
shit and that was hysterical i bombed yeah and that's it and everything else
and until you come
through that you can't really and that was big for me that i believe that you
know listen i go to bed now
i go home i put my feet up i watch the news and i go to bed like nothing you
know 20 years ago i didn't go to bed
like nothing i had to shut my window a certain way and close my door some way
and i couldn't leave the
light on at night because i owed money to a drug deal i robbed somebody i
created all those scenarios i
didn't i didn't make that kidnapping up i went there with a gun i knew what i
was doing but it's funny
that how quick the turnaround was between like 99 you know like it's it all
just sort of stopped it all
stop luggage and it kept stopping you know it kept stopping kept getting so
what you're telling me is
that i never did blow again after 2006 that's what you're trying to tell me who
me that's what you're
trying to tell me that why would i say that no i'm just saying what do you
think i'm crazy that's the
weirdest way to phrase that sentence never saying that so you're telling me i
haven't done balls so one
day so one day i went home so one day i went home like arguing with a chick so
one day i went home and
just stopped doing blow that's what you're trying to tell me never did it again
that's not what i'm
saying i'm saying about being a criminal no no no no i'm busting your balls i
can't believe what i'm
fucking telling you that's night 2006 one day i went home brian one day i went
home and just stopped
doing cocaine no rehab no hug i didn't call nobody i didn't pierce my ear i
didn't give my life to
cocaine there was none of that shit okay whatever the fuck that shit is you can
never get there was
nothing whatever the for uber game whatever that fucking shit is so my point is
that what happened
was i dropped i kept dropping the pain that i had and that luggage that i had i
forced it out i just
didn't fucking stop doing drugs i overcame whatever was making me do those
fucking drugs society
wasn't making me do drugs obamacare how funny is it they found heroin in the
bronx with obamacare envelope
boston i'm sorry boston hysterical it said obamacare on it was on heroin
obamacare like people would just let that through we created everything we
created everything
in a lot of ways you know there's random things that happen as well right bro
there's sometimes
people wake up on the wrong side of bed and they come at you and you gotta stay
on your
ground and you gotta say no and people get their feelings hurt yes but no i
created
a lot of the that happened in my life there's no way you also have to stop silliness
or it'll invade
your life and ruin your quality of life like if you don't get upset at people
sometimes there's times
where people are infringing on your happiness with their bullshit bullshit no
and you're like listen man