Name: Joe Rogan Experience #473 - Jim Jefferies
Uploaded: 2014-03-24T23:26:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #473 - Jim Jefferies' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-03-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #473 - Jim Jefferies' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-03-24. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #473 - Jim Jefferies

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I hate people that correct you when you use the term literally.
Fuck you.
They've used, you know, they've literally now has that term in the dictionary.
Like, it's not just figuratively.
Like, literally, if you look up, the definition of literally has changed in the
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How long did that take you to do?
Like one second.
Exactly.
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And it says, eat dick, yo.
I'm not sure about the bottom part, but everything else.
Everything else.
I'm fucking, I'm on board, son.
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Isn't nitrate what makes your dick hard though?
I think that's nitric oxide, son.
You should not be a chemist.
I take a drug called Joe Rogan.
That's what gets your dick hard?
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It's two pills.
I take four of these bitches.
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Because I'm a renegade.
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Is this girthier trial going to be a bigger dose?
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That's true.
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Jim Jeffries is here.
Why fuck around and play games when we can just get to the podcast?
Joe Rogan Podcast.
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The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day.
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You had a question about Elvis.
These are all mug shots you've got on your wall here.
Yeah.
You've got an Elvis mug shot there.
I wear a t-shirt often with the Sinatra mug shot.
Ah, I got that one.
I have it framed in my house.
That's a good one.
What was he done for there?
It was, um, uh, what is the word that they use?
Adultery.
No, it wasn't adultery.
It was, uh, so what did...
It was shagging a guy's wife, right?
Yes, it was shagging a guy's wife.
But the word that they use, seduction.
That's the word that it says on the actual mug sheet.
That's right.
Hey, that photo of Sinatra, that mug shot, he looks better there than I've ever
looked
in any photo in my life where professionals have taken it and they've taken a
thousand
photos and they still look like shit.
Well, did you notice how little he was?
Yeah.
The mug shot photo, I think it says 125 pounds.
Yeah.
Is he either 125 or 135?
He was only a slight fella.
Yeah.
But also, we even talk about Elvis.
We go in Elvis, at the end, he was fat.
Elvis was fat.
He was like 220 pounds.
I'm like sitting at a cruisy 211 at the moment.
You know what I mean?
I go down for...
I go down up to about 215.
I go down to about 195 and I go through that spectrum my whole life, right?
But Elvis was, by today's standards, just, uh, he was all right.
Yeah.
See, that's what I look like now.
That's at the very end.
He was anywhere between 220 and 230.
But what was the mug shot for?
That's only 220 or 230?
Well, he was probably shorter than me.
I'm about six foot one.
So, I get a little bit of leeway.
He's probably, what, 5'10", Elvis?
Yeah.
How tall was 5'10"?
It was Elvis.
God damn, he got fat.
But he was dead like a year later.
Yeah.
He was on his way out.
He died on my sister's birthday.
I'll never forget.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
He died the year I was born.
I always liked the fact that I was alive when John Lennon and Elvis Presley
were alive.
Well, apparently the picture was taken just for fun.
Oh, the mug shot.
So he never went to prison for anything?
No.
Elvis was a law enforcement nut and the picture was taken just for fun.
That's according to one site on the internet.
Because that could have been when he went to visit the FBI and visited Nixon
and all that
type of stuff because he was there.
He was there.
He visited Nixon for the war against drugs.
Yeah.
That's hilarious.
Yeah.
Against the Beatles, Miami's Beatles.
Yeah, yeah.
They're all doing drugs and we've got to stop that.
We've got to stop it.
We've got to stop it, man.
He was apparently arrested in the 1950s for speeding.
Yeah, that's probably right.
But that was before he made it.
Well, when did he make it?
About 1954, I reckon.
I reckon it would have been around that era.
Sun Records and all that shit.
Well, that would be him then.
That would be like right as he made it, he was speeding.
Yeah, but he was only in his early 20s.
He was like 18-year-old speeding in the car.
We all got those.
I remember the first time I got caught speeding, I was 16.
And I just didn't have the money.
So I thought if I broke down in tears, the cop would.
I thought, oh, my God, I don't have the money.
Did it work?
No, of course he didn't.
He just fucking fired me.
And the worst thing is my brother is a cop.
And he reported it to my brother.
And then my brother teased me in the near future.
My brother used to do awful things.
As a cop, my brother is named Danny Nugent.
I don't think that's a bad to say.
He's a member of the Riot Squad now.
And I was driving home at 17, which is still not the legal age to drink in
Australia.
And I'm driving home and I had two beers.
Now, I would have been under the limit, but still I'm not even allowed to have
two beers in me because I'm 17.
I get pulled up.
I get breathalyzed.
The guy goes, please breathe in the tube.
And I said, my brother was a sergeant at that stage.
And I was like, oh, you know, Danny Nugent?
You know, Danny Nugent does, you know, it's right.
And he goes, no, I never heard of him.
Right.
So, he goes off to his vehicle.
He's there for like 15 minutes.
I'm just sitting in the car, just panicking now.
He comes back out and he goes, step out of the vehicle.
Is there a problem?
Anything of it?
Just step out of the vehicle right now.
So, step out.
He cuffs me and smacks me onto the bonnet of the car.
Right.
And I start, oh, Jesus Christ.
Oh, fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Like this, right.
And then I hear my brother laughing on the radio.
Like he's actually gone back to his car, radioed the station, talked to my
brother.
And he said, let's get the shit out of him.
You know what I mean?
And because it's cops and they go, oh, we're just joking with you.
Like I'm wiping tears away from my eyes.
Like, good joke, guys.
Well done.
Thanks for that.
But, you know, I still had one more line of defense and it's mum.
Went and told mum on him.
Well, how'd that go?
What does your mum do when?
Well, my mum is still angry because I shouldn't have been drinking to begin
with and blah, blah, blah.
I still got in trouble for that.
But, yeah, it's, it's, uh, now he's like, he's in the SWAT team.
So, he's like the guy who, you know, fucking wears the helmets and swings him
with a machine gun type of thing.
Jesus Christ.
And the thing is, for the longest time, my parents were so like, oh, your
brother's the cop.
It was like, like the most upstanding job you could have in our family.
And so, my brother became a weapons trainer before he's in the SWAT team.
So, he would learn different holds and restraints and stuff like that.
There was many a Christmas where I'd stand there and then my brother would go,
yeah, we've, uh, we've been traveling over to America.
We've learned some new holds from the American cops.
And, uh, we learned one where we can basically restrain the person until their
whole shoulder goes numb and they can't like this.
And then my mom goes, do it on gym.
No, I don't want you.
I don't want you to fucking do it.
Why are you doing this to me?
Right?
Then he comes up and grabs, like, don't touch me.
He goes, see how he's resisting, mom?
See how he's resisting?
Always end with me with my fucking head in a shag pile just crying again.
Your fucking mom, man.
Your mom sold you down the river?
I would think that mom's the last thing they would see, want to see is one son
torturing the other son.
No, no.
She, because my father wasn't much of a physical disciplinarian, my mother was
very keen on using my oldest brother as, as the muscle when we got too big.
Ah, how old's your oldest brother?
My oldest brother's seven years older than me.
Oh, that's a big gap.
And then I have another brother that's five years older than me.
Oh, Jesus.
That's why you're funny.
And I was meant to be a girl because my mom desperately wanted to have a, have
a baby gir