Name: Bryan Callen's Mushroom Trip (from Joe Rogan Experience #150)
Uploaded: 2014-04-04T22:02:50.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bryan Callen's Mushroom Trip (from Joe Rogan Experience #150)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-04-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bryan Callen's Mushroom Trip (from Joe Rogan Experience #150)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-04-04. Transcript available.

The Joe Rogan Experience.
Thank you to whoever gave me this this weekend at the Ice House.
Some dude gave me Hunter S. Thompson's The Rum Diary, a nice paperback.
I just wanted to thank that guy.
Did his share of drugs.
Yeah, you think?
His share of psychedelics.
Have you done your share yet?
No.
Not yet.
Just mushrooms.
I took a four-hour shower on mushrooms once.
Nice.
And then I was hiking in Big Whiskey Mountain on mushrooms with my buddy.
We decided to take a back route, which you never do.
I was climbing up a landslide.
That's smart.
And I was like to my buddy, I go, dude.
He goes, what?
I go, you've got to move with the mountain.
You're not moving with the mountain.
And he's like, okay, he's a real mountain man.
So he's climbing.
I go, still not moving with the mountain.
Okay, I'm going to stay here and talk to this rock.
And I had to have a conversation with the rock.
And then, as he tells it, we're on top of Whiskey Mountain, which is a very big
mountain.
Luckily, it was in the summer.
That's when I was dating Patty back in the day.
And they were waiting downstairs.
And he turns back around, and I'm not wearing any clothes.
And I mean no clothes.
And I'm up on top of a mountain that takes like a really long time to climb up.
And I'm naked.
What did you do with the clothes?
We never found my clothes.
Oh, no.
But I did stop and eat a lot of blueberries.
Oh, no.
Oh, yeah.
And by the time we – I also took a shit squatting.
And then as I was doing that naked, my buddy moved some branches, pretending it
was a bear,
and jumped up and started to run.
And that caused a problem.
And then I came back down the mountain, all scratched up, no clothes.
And I kept stopping to eat blueberries.
My buddy was like, you stop eating blueberries.
I had a blue mouth, a shit ass.
You walked barefoot down a mountain.
That's right.
My feet were all cut up.
My skin was all cut up.
How long did it take?
I don't know.
A day.
Like a full day of walking?
Literally, literally probably four hours or something like that.
Did you sober up at any point during the walk?
Yeah.
When I finally got down, I had a blue mouth from eating blueberries.
And I was all cut up.
And Patty was like, what are you doing?
I was like, I need to dip my ass in the lake.
I have shit ass.
Because I didn't have – I couldn't wipe it.
So yet another one of my shit stories.
Thank you.
So she was like, wow, that's attractive.
You're my man.
I'll take the skinny guy with the blue mouth and the shit in his ass.
It was coming down off mushrooms.
So that was my experience with mushrooms.
How much did you take?
Dude, he, my buddy, gave me just a handful, just a big handful.
He goes, eat them.
I was like, okay, I want to have an experience.
You got to eat them in an empty stomach.
I hadn't eaten, of course.
That's really good.
And we're climbing, man.
And I just started literally just hallucinating.
You're better off that you didn't eat anything.
If you had eaten at something, you'd probably throw it up really bad.
I took a shower one time.
I wouldn't get out of the shower.
Patty was banging on the door.
And I was like, I'll be there.
I'm trying to figure something out.
And then, no, it's hard to explain, but I believe I kept seeing my profile.
And the first thing I was like is I kept saying, oh, fuck, I wish I was barrel
chested.
I'm not barrel chested.
My grandfather's barrel chested.
I'm not barrel chested.
I have a sunken chest.
This is horse shit.
And I was like, that's a terrible profile.
So then I resolved, I resolved while I was in the shower to just spend the
entire summer
on a bench press.
I was going to hire a coach just to bench, which never happened.
And then I came out of the shower.
And then I had this experience of somebody standing, like watching me and
judging me.
And I felt like it was the devil telling me that I was a phony.
So I was like, I'm a phony.
I'm a skinny phony.
Why did you think it was the devil?
I don't fucking know.
I just felt like that's what it was.
Because it was so mean?
It was just the truth and so mean.
I was so raw.
I came out like a fucking...
It was probably really God.
Maybe it was.
Maybe it was.
It just felt like the devil because he didn't want to admit the truth.
Exactly.
That's what the bad trips are.
That is, bro.
I can always tell with people.
You can just see.
It's so interesting to watch how people...
Like, I was thinking about this the other day, how people basically as adults...
Like, I would call it...
Adulthood and what they call maturity is the slow acceptance of what you will
never be.
That's kind of what it is.
Yeah.
So what happens is you start...
It's so interesting.
I was...
You see little girls dressed like princesses, right?
And that's their ideal.
They grow up with these ideals.
We stick these ideals in children.
Like, you're going to marry a prince.
And he's going to be Prince Charming.
And that shit gets whittled away.
You start settling for simulation and simulation.
It's basically your life becomes, I'll take what I can get.
Yeah.
And until finally you're dating some guy with hair in his ears and a pot belly.
Well, at least he pays the fucking bills.
Which is what I like to get them, by the way.
I like to get them when they're just going through a divorce, had their heart
broken 200, 300 times.
They're 40.
They work out way too much.
That anger and frustration is combined into this fucking...
What creates like a freaky that I can really work with in a hotel room.
The 39-year-old crazy ones.
Oh, my favorite.
Talking for attention.
Is that what you like?
Really?
Yes.
Yes.
Look at my ass.
I work out all the time.
That's fantastic.
I like them old.
Not even old.
Old.
That's young for me.
So, you're coming down the hill.
You're totally naked.
You're high as a kite on mushrooms.
Do you at any point realize...
Are you starting to sober up at any point in time?
What's happening as you're sobering up?
What was happening as I was sobering up, and because I'm such a freak, is I had
read a lot
about how when you can be on a mountain in the summer, a winter storm can brew
up, right?
They can creep up.
You can get caught in hailstorms.
You can freeze to death, actually, sometimes.
Wow.
And so, I was like, I was like, I gotta get the...
And I'd read about K2, and I don't know if you ever read about climbing K2.
It's one thing to climb Mount Everest.
It's quite another thing to climb K2.
Really?
I believe there's only one side of K2 one can climb, and for a while, I believe,
and you
can check this on Fact Check, one in four people wouldn't make it on K2.
People died all the time because storms...
One in four people wouldn't make it, like you didn't survive?
Can you do Fact Check, because I believe that was the case for quite a while.
Jesus Christ.
And so, what happened was, it was the holy grail of mountains still is, because
what happens
is storms whip up really fucking fast, like really fast, and you die.
So, what happened was, I started thinking a storm might whip up, and I suck in
the cold.
Whoa.
What does it say on Fact Check?
It's just talking about, there's been a bunch of disasters up there.
Oh, a lot of people have died on K2.
Yeah.
You don't climb K2.
Very few people climb.
When you meet a mountain climber, and they say, I got to the top of K2, that
dude is on
the all-star team.
Wow.
That's a very rare dude.
And you have to go through Pakistan, I think on the Pakistan side.
Yeah.
No bodies, and you pass bodies all the time.
No bodies, and you have to go through Pakistan.
No bodies, and you have to go through Pakistan.