Name: Joe Rogan Experience #486 - Brendan Schaub & Bryan Callen
Uploaded: 2014-04-16T04:08:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #486 - Brendan Schaub & Bryan Callen' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-04-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #486 - Brendan Schaub & Bryan Callen' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-04-16. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #486 - Brendan Schaub & Bryan Callen

The tuna, he keeps getting bigger, his hips are this wide.
I hate to tell you, your nephew's skinny fat.
Oh, it's awful.
You guys are live right now.
Don't say anything fucked up.
Don't say anything, Jack.
This episode.
We're talking about Brian's cousin.
Yeah, exactly.
Great story for you.
Don't say anything fucked up by your cousin.
He's just a kid.
Jesus Christ.
No, I will, though.
I will.
This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience is brought to you by NatureBox.
Brian, have you ever had delicious and nutritious NatureBox?
Not only that, they sponsor the 10-minute podcast, NatureBox.
No fucking way, dude.
It's actually pretty good.
It's great.
I order, you can order, what I like about NatureBox is that you can order
specific stuff.
Like, I have them send me all gluten-free stuff.
So I got, like, these sriracha cashews.
Oh, they're devastating.
Yes, they are.
And then there's almonds, these blueberry almonds.
Holy shit.
And they're fucking guilt-free.
There's a lot of stuff that you can get that, you know, is more like pretzely
stuff that
probably isn't the best for you.
But what they always have is no hydrogenated oils, no artificial colors, no
artificial flavors.
There's no artificial preservatives.
No trans fats.
Yeah, no trans fats.
And it's really, really healthy stuff as far as snacks go.
And depending on how you choose, you can get it very healthy.
Big Island Pineapple is another great one that I love.
They're dried pineapples.
Yeah.
That's it.
It's just slices of delicious dried pineapple.
It's basically guilt-free.
It's delicious.
Awesome stuff.
And they also, they'll ship anywhere, free shipping, anywhere in the United
States.
Nature Box is just a great alternative to, like, if you're working in an office,
you don't
want to be forced to deal with the vending machine food.
It's not that expensive either.
I think you can get, like, you can get 20 bags for 40 bucks or something.
Well, whatever it is, you can get 50% off your first box by going to naturebox.com
forward
slash Rogan.
That's naturebox.com forward slash Rogan.
They also have these chocolate almond things that are just fucking deadly.
I want some of those now.
I ate them all.
I ate everything.
I have a new package that just came.
I just saw this.
I'm about to break into the pistachios.
No, you can get those.
Get the ethos.
Those are Nature Box.
Yeah, they are.
Anyway, naturebox.com slash Rogan.
Go there and save 50% off your first box.
We're also brought to you by LegalZoom.
LegalZoom is a way of handling all sorts of things online that you would
normally have
to go to a law office, meet with a lawyer, and pay a fuckload of money, most
likely.
Instead, you could do it at home, drunk and naked.
You could be having sex, and you could do it with a laptop.
You could be giving head, if you're so inclined.
You could give head and then come up for air every now and then and fill out
some forms.
I heard about LegalZoom after they sponsored my podcast, but way too late
because I set
up an LLC.
It cost me $1,300, where you could have done it for like-
A hundred bucks.
Yeah, a hundred bucks on LegalZoom.
You can do it for $99.
You can incorporate or set up an LLC for $99.
Someone told me you could do that free online, or that is like a bunch of steps
that you
have to go through.
LegalZoom makes it way more convenient.
It's just a hundred bucks, you fucking weirdos.
I get it.
I get it.
It's a lot of money.
But it's way better than going to a law office.
Also, and by the way, I don't think it's true.
I don't think you can do it for free.
I think you have to do a bunch of different things.
The way LegalZoom has it set up, it's way easier.
It cost me a fortune.
They got, first of all, they got an A plus from the Better Business Bureau.
I love shit like that.
So you don't have to worry about it.
Plus, I know a bunch of dudes.
Aubrey formed Onnit, the first LLC for Onnit.
That was all done through LegalZoom.
Brian, when he incorporated Death Squad, that was done through LegalZoom.
Nine out of ten customers would recommend LegalZoom after they used it.
But you know what that means?
That means it's awesome because we all know one out of ten people are just whiny
cunts
that just complain about everything.
So if you get nine out of ten, that's beautiful.
If you really can make 90%.
Because everybody on the internet loves to find anything that's wrong with
anything.
Oh, God.
If the aliens come and read our YouTube comments, they're going to get right
back in their fucking
spaceship and fly away.
They're like, this is just a cauldron of cunts.
This place sucks.
This is a cauldron of cunts.
Anyway, with LegalZoom, you can get a last will for $69.
And also, they can provide you with a third-party attorney if you panic.
That's a big one.
So if you're in the middle of feeling all this stuff and it's like, oh, I can't
fucking
do it, they can hook you up with an independent attorney so someone can figure
it out for you.
Wow, that is really cool, man.
Yeah.
LegalZoom is not a law firm, but they can connect you with a third-party
attorney and provide
you with self-help services.
Anyway, go there.
Use the code word ROGAN in the referral box at checkout and save yourself some
cash, son.
Get it all together, bitch.
A last will for $69.
That's so depressing.
It's all depressing.
Death is depressing.
But yet inevitable.
And so the stunt, the sun itself, has a billion years left and then we're
fucked.
There you go.
Anyway, whatever, whatever.
Onnit.com.
O-N-N-I-T.
If you've never...
Have you used any of the Onnit shit?
Have we sent you anything?
No, I haven't.
I don't have any primal bells.
I don't know, dude.
I'm getting my primal bells.
Give me an address.
I'll have it all sent to you.
Yeah.
I'm in, man.
Yeah.
Please.
Give me an address.
We have this new thing.
It's Warrior Bars.
They're by the same people that made the Tonka Bar, which is a Native American
recipe of, without
any preservatives whatsoever, mixing cranberries and buffalo meat.
Each one of them has 14 grams of protein.
It's no nitrates, no artificial flavors, no antibiotics, no nonsense.
I'll be honest.
I hate it.
Four grams of fat.
I ate it.
And it was so good.
It's fucking delicious.
I gotta be honest.
I feel like I'm in the Truman Show right now.
Why's that?
Have you ever seen that with Jim Carrey?
Yeah.
With the product placement?
But this isn't product placement.
This is an advertisement.
No, I'm with you, man.
You guys love this stuff.
It's fucking delicious.
I've never had it.
What happened in the Truman Show with product placement?
The Truman Show where the whole world's watching Jim Carrey.
Oh, right.
You know what I'm talking about?
The cameras?
Yeah, that's the one where he didn't know.
And she's like, try the Nestle quick.
It's delicious and refreshing.
And he's like, all right.
I'm headed to the store.
Well, that was like he didn't know, right?
He didn't know that he was a perfect team.
Yeah, he had no idea of that show.
He was the show, yeah.
Since a baby.
I didn't see that.
It's a mind fuck, man.
It's a mind fuck.
You remember that Matthew McConaughey show?
It was a movie where they followed him around with a camera and he became
really famous
and it became like this huge disaster.
It was called, what the hell was it called?
What was it called?
Ed TV.
Ed TV.
Ed TV.
I mean, that's standard operational procedure on reality shows now.
Those are real.
And I watch every one of them.
This was before any of that shit.
Tell them your favorite show.
I mean, I don't even know where to begin.
Naked and Afraid.
I love Naked and Afraid.
I love Naked and Afraid.
Yeah.
Let me just get through this honor thing real quick.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I'll send you some shit, man.
I'll send you some shit.
I'll send you, and I'll send you some Primal Bell.
You got to hook up with the Bulletproof coffee because I make it myself.
You know what I'm saying?
You can make it yourself.
No, that's what I've been doing.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
What do you, what do you mean like hook up with what?
With the kind of coffee?
Yes.
See, we found out, this is, we actually ran some tests on it.
You're talking about the fungus and then came out some bullshit?
Yeah.
Well, this is the deal.
All right.
I don't know.
I can never, I don't want to speculate anybody's intentions.
So what I'll just tell you is the absolute facts.
There have been cases where mycotoxins became an issue with coffee.
Those cases, most of them have been resolved by going through these mycotoxin
issues and
then rigorous testing and then figuring out ways to not provide an environment
where mycotoxins
can flourish.
It's mostly ocrotoxin.
Yeah.
And homeboy heard that and took it and ran with it.
Exactly.
Good for you.
Here's the issue.
He brought me in, unfortunately.
Starbucks said no.
He brought me in, unfortunately.
I mean, because he was, you know, saying it on my podcast and I repeated it
without any
research.
It used to be an issue and it can be an issue still if someone is not preparing
coffee correctly.
But it's like when you buy really good coffee, like there's a company called
Rusty's Hawaiian,
delicious, delicious coffee.
Their bags are raided by like coffee connoisseurs where professional coffee
graders, they will
taste the coffee and check out various beans and different roasts and then they
grate it.
But they also test it for mycotoxins.
Yeah.
Like if you have fungus in your fucking coffee, you get a really low score.
It hurts your score.
That's frowned upon.
Exactly.
I don't want fungus on my roast.
They figured out a long time ago, first of all, this is where it gets really
weird, that
coffee was originally established in Ethiopia, which is a dry climate.
And all these mycotoxin issues happened when they started moving them out of
Ethiopia, put
them in other places where there's moisture.
In wet, yeah.
Exactly.
Growing them in different places.
That's why California wines have very few mycotoxins, especially okra toxin A,
which is the big
one.
Right.
Because it's so dry.
So they actually have very, very little of that, very little issues with that
at all.
Yeah.
Isn't that interesting?
And corn as well.
Corn, you know, there's a bunch of different mycotoxins.
That's the point.
If you buy really good coffee, which is mostly what you buy, most likely you're
not going
to have any issues whatsoever.
If you do have issues, according to Dr. Rhonda Patrick, she was saying that
even like above
threshold doses of these mycotoxins might even provide a beneficial reaction by
your
body.
That your body reacting to these mycotoxins that aren't necessarily like really
bad for
you in small doses, that your body might actually energize its immune system in
response.
So it might have some sort of a corresponding positive effect.
This is obviously layman's terms.
I'm a retard.
I don't really even know what I just said.
But according to her, these things make sense.
So what I'm saying is you can make that style of coffee, like coffee with grass-fed
butter
and MCT oil.
You can make that with almost any good coffee.
And you're blending it?
Yes.
This stuff that you're drinking right here is that.
Delicious.
I don't ever blend mine.
I just black coffee, scoop of butter, MCT, and stir it.
That's fine too.
It's a little more chunky.
It's a little stevia.
Yeah.
I'm used to the packets though.
This bottle, I put a little too much in.
Yeah.
Pure Kool-Aid.
Pure Kool-Aid.
It'll jack you.
You only want like a mist of the stevia.
What is stevia?
It's a plant extract.
Zero sugar.
You don't have to worry about it.
No grams of sugar.
Doesn't change your blood sugar levels?
No.
Not at all.
Wow.
I mean, it's probably like all things.
Not great if you ate it all day.
Yeah.
You know?
Even plants.
I eat it all day.
I feel great.
Plants are toxic.
I mean, plants create a lot of their own toxins.
Well, that's one of the ways they keep people from eating them.
Yeah.
Discourage predation.
When people are like juicing lots and lots of leafy greens.
I also do that.
I also do th