Name: Joe Rogan Experience #492 - Dave Attell
Uploaded: 2014-04-30T00:44:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #492 - Dave Attell' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-04-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #492 - Dave Attell' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-04-30. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #492 - Dave Attell

good googly moogly ladies and gentlemen that's right we're back this episode is
brought to you
by the dollar shave club dollar shave club has the funniest ads that they send
you this is they have
why are razors so damn expensive damn is spelled d-a-m and that is highlighted
and then above it
says note to host please personalize highlighted areas in i wouldn't say damn
why are razors i would
say fucking most people would right why why are these razors so fucking
expensive but they have a
good point it's this is a great fucking idea this guy's a wizard he really he
cracked the code it's
a smart move razors are really expensive if he could sell you razors that are
just ridiculously cheap
why wouldn't you do it and just have them delivered to you and tell me they're
good
qualities too and you can either you can go for a dollar a month or you can go
the six dollar or a
nine dollar the executive guess what folks our grandpas all got by on that
dollar a month type
razor they were fine they didn't need five fucking blades they didn't need
vibrating handles that you
stick up your ass why they didn't need it why is this one called the lover's
blade though i don't
because you vibrate the handle you stick it up i don't know lovers like it
really smooth i don't
know that's going to get you in trouble you're going to have to keep that up it's
like when you
show up at a chick's house with a dozen roses on the first date you got to
maintain that son
all right if you uh if you have the lover's blade and you're all super smooth
with like 15 blades and
that's the six dollar a month whammy but even that think about that folks six
dollars a fucking month
that's if you use the same razor for a whole month and you shave every day you're
a fucking pig
all right you're a disgusting person you're probably spreading diseases so this
is the way to do it
every month you get a new one if you use one i know dudes that use the same
razor for like four
months at a time i mean really this this one says that you will love this razor
and your girlfriend
can use it too that's the worst when a girl uses your razor has that cold water
in it and it's got
that little cold water the girls have cold water comes from their bodies i use
the same razor uh for
years i use an electric razor i use it once a week i have a ritual right before
i have to go like to the
ufc if i gotta go work most of the time i hit it on wednesday or thursday and i
just bang it out
wednesday and thursday every week just give it a quick wham wham wham through
the head at the same time
i do the head sometimes i do the body hair occasionally i trim the pubes you
have the right kind of hair
for that because my hair does not work on electric razors it just doesn't get
close yeah you gotta have
a rugged face son for everybody else dollarshaveclub.com is the way to go this
is the way to go though
for real if you if you're thinking about like saving money like how can i if
you're looking at all your bills
and you go there's got to be some waste in here for sure your razors are a
waste if you could whack
it down to a buck a month also they have manly butt wipes wow dr carver's easy
shave butter and
one wipe charlie's one white charlie's are the manly butt wipes they are uh way
more hygienic for
your booty hole mr hotel they were the they were the hardest to kill in nam the
one wipe charlie's
fire and forget one wipe charlie ah gentlemen use wipes the problem is
gentlemen don't have purses to
carry these wipes around what they need to do is have like a like a single use
size
one wipe charlie that comes in like a business card holder type size that's a
good idea you know yeah
you peel that open wipe first you know if you have to take a road shit yes for
the man yeah the the
businessman there's a time there's a time in every man's life where he has to
in a restaurant
i don't want to do this but i gotta do this i gotta do this and you head in
there you unload and if you
had a little one wipe charlie in your pocket of course you can make your own
single use with a small
ziploc bag that you would use for sandwiches or drugs i actually have a i have
a thing a little
small travel size one in my car use for before i go to massage parlors if i don't
feel fresh there you
go well you're very considerate brian that's you know a lot of people say that
that's the whole thing
about prostitution is that uh you know men want to abuse women but you don't
you're so considerate
you even to smell anything you hit your one white charlie's yeah they don't
need to know they don't
need to know nothing uh one one wipe charlie's as is uh everything else
available at dollarshaveclub.com
and if you go to dollarshaveclub.com rogan you can get the party started shave
time and shave money that's
that's also theirs they said that they're so wacky have you seen the commercial
the actual guy who's the
president does the commercial it's funny they're funny they're over the top i
mean so they send
you razors is that that's great for a buck that's great boom done that's always
the one thing you're
like oh do i have a right and then they're coming in the mail that's excellent
yeah for if you're a
four-blade guy let's say um you uh you get six bucks for a four-pack so one a
week for a month
wow beautiful for six dollars the dollar one though the one for a buck it says
this razor does not front
what does that even mean it's urban it's a good question what are they trying
to do no front no
front step on it's bad yeah i wrote uh don't sleep on a tweet and people were
debating what i was trying
to if i meant i meant the rapper way don't sleep on that don't sleep son that's
what i meant i didn't
mean like don't go to sleep i sleep all the time you should sleep too this is
it sleeping's important
anyway don't front on that razor because that razor don't front back man that
humble twin don't front
the humble twin son and you get that for a buck a month i mean my i our parents
had a those
screw down one oh yeah that razor of death yes well those are the ones people
used to use to commit
suicide those are not good razors that's the green mile razor oh oh you ever
watch those like lockdown
shows yeah like you know i think once a week they get to shave and it's like
this big like procedure
it's like almost like a japanese tea ceremony but they the guy like you know
you know whatever cuff
up and they put his hands out they put the lotion you know and then they give
him like this lady bick
or something you know it's like totally uh you know generic razor and then he's
like the next thing
the place is just you know falling with feces you imagine if life broke down to
that your big thrill
every week yeah shaving wow imagine like if you lived in the roman times like
having a hot shower you
would have to be a god to have a hot shower yeah you get what everybody gets in
a motel six you just
turn on that faucet and stand there and just lather up that feels tremendous
when you've had a tired day
it's amazing exactly yeah we take it for granted they had nothing no shaving
nothing i think they were
pluckers actually i think they they like uh the gladiator guys they would just
tweeze come over
they would tweeze or something spartacus i forget i'm not surprised yeah i
think that's what i would
do if i was living back then i would tweeze uh the commercials dude the
commercials over dollarshaveclub.com
we don't even have to do right i'm sorry unless uh you have a gig to promote uh
no not till comic-con
beautiful this uh friday night i'm at the libero theater with joey diaz but i
think it's sold out
holla uh dollarshaveclub.com dave motherfucking hotel what's up man thanks for
having me no no
thanks for being here man please i love it you know can i say it like this is
the third location that
we've done this podcast we're sneaky dog it's cool moving i'm moving again you're
moving around man
well what i'm also doing is i'm i'm slowly building a man cave and the next one's
gonna have an archery
range this one has a pool table but i've decided that i need like a full
warehouse an archery way to go
i'm gonna do a corolla style like adam corolla has a a soundproof podcast
studio he's amazing like
he's he's a carpenter you know like a yes yeah he is yeah he's like a master
carpenter he really knows
his so he builds everything he built his own uh like recorder desk that he
communicates out of you
know their podcast desk he built like the walls where he has like this plexiglass
thing that separates
them from the uh producers it's like really high-tech but i was there last week
i was there a couple
days ago something like that and you're absolutely right it's like a building i've
never seen anything
like inside the building he built this like like a you know like a contained
thing right he's a bad
motherfucker that guy i think constantly going too he's a renaissance man yeah
i mean he's he's got so
many like things that he's really knowledgeable about like cars talk to that
guy about cars he does a car
podcast cars uh wood crafting yeah and then boxing boxing knows a lot about
boxing man he's a really good
boxer like i saw him teaching a guy like a mma guy i believe it was uriah faber
i'm pretty sure he was
holding the mitts for him and really um instruction yeah he's a really good
boxer he really knows his
well-rounded dude very weird dude that adam carolla i can't think of another
adam carolla you know you
know what i'm saying yes like i can't think of another david tell either but
you're right here and
i don't want to make you uncomfortable i don't want to start talking about you
like that i've got some
big shoes to fill which adam probably could make shoes he makes his own shoes
following adam's cred
he probably kills his own cows hammers them up on the barn you like this belt
yeah i did it myself
leather tans the highs yeah he's very knowledgeable about houses and he's got
that show now on spike
where they bust people who are bad contractors oh cool to catch a contractor
have you seen it that's
that's that's doing like god's work because that is a that's a hard deal man i
know that myself like
you got a guy in yeah he's a bad motherfucker he was on um what is that show uh
i guess it was
loveline and he had uh ty pennington yeah i'll build those houses and he
started uh like quizzing
them about questions about like how to build houses but the guy's like a tv
show host yeah he probably
knows a little bit about houses because he's around them but he didn't get the
gig because he's like
a contractor so corolla starts throwing all these questions at him he didn't
know he didn't know
he uh well just the name alone ty pennington you know this guy doesn't know his
way around drywall
or anything like that that's a little too fancy i would say he'd either be an
awesome baseball player
yeah or maybe a figure skater yeah or butler in between the two pennington
could be a butler
he could run a butler service ty if you whenever someone's party and they had a
butler would you just
turn around it really it really would depend what kind of butler it is if it's
the old english type i'd
love it but if it's like this new kind of like you know wigger kid hanging out
yeah my name's butler
i wouldn't like it that could be a new gig people with great personalities that
walk you around
at their party temporary butler gig you know i think uh you know the cool thing
about uh out here
you know i'm east coast is that like when you come out here everybody has
somebody helping them
do something and you and you really do need it because all the driving and
stuff like that and like uh
you know i was in my hotel and like my door wasn't working so the guy came down
to help me out and
then he's like oh man i don't know how to do doors so i had to get the other
guy so i'm like even he
has like a little assistant you know i really i really you know i don't know i'm
always mystified
when i come out here the amount of uh jobs there are there's like jobs in l