Name: Joe Rogan Experience #496 - Nick Cutter
Uploaded: 2014-05-07T01:08:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #496 - Nick Cutter' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-05-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #496 - Nick Cutter' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-05-07. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #496 - Nick Cutter

hello everybody this episode of the podcast is brought to you by 1-800-Flowers
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also brought to you by ting
ting is a mobile company that does things on their own terms and their own
terms is they decided to cut
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things like early termination fees things like contracts things like charging
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it's much cleaner and in
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you need a cell phone everybody does if you're one of those fucking weird contrarians
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ridiculous if you're it's 2014 if you
don't have a cell phone there's something wrong with you okay it's you you're
the problem but if you do have a cell phone
you you know the pitfalls ting eliminates almost all of them first of all they
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but they do it in a really simple easy way instead of saying you get x amount
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of people 98 percent would save money with ting and that is clearly just
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think about that shit and they have great phones you can bring over iphones
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iphone 4 iphone 5 you can buy one of their awesome android devices they all
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android phones they have the samsung galaxy note 3 which is what i have with
ting now i i poured my
galaxy note over to ting now um they have the htc1 they have um all sorts of
different options and even
they've gone old school you can buy one of those old fucking flip phones if you're
into it they have
all kinds of different uh styles and different different options for both uh
the the type of
phone you have and the um and the the way you uh to use your phone if you're
one of those people that
really likes to use a flip phone we were talking about the other day there's a
benefit there's something
cool about being able to open it and then shut it when the phone's off like i'm
done with you
close that phone you don't get that by pressing your thumb on glass you also
you don't get that
same feeling you get when you actually press a button to type a number i do
miss that there's a benefit
in that but that's all nonsense you could get that anywhere the bottom line is
what you can get with ting
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really good phones and you can cut out all the nonsense where you you don't you
don't feel like
you're getting fucked over you know and i think that's like one of the most
important things about
what ting offers i think every cell phone service in the future is going to
have to shift over to the
their model of pricing because i think the idea of you you know you're only
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stupid just pay for what
you use and if you use very little you pay very little and as i said for most
people you would
save money with ting 98 of people that's that's quite a claim the other thing i
like about ting is
on their second anniversary for no reason they just decided to slash prices
they slashed their prices
because they got a better offer they decided hey let's celebrate two years in
business let's celebrate
uh an ethic that people seem to be resonating with and let's just slash prices
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by on it o-n-n-i-t on it is
what we call a human optimization website what we try to carry and sell is all
the best things that we
can find whether it is strength and conditioning equipment whether it is foods
and healthy snacks
whether it is supplements like alpha brain or shroom tech sport or new mood we
try to send you or sell
you the very best nutritional supplements the very best supplements as far as
protein powders we carry
hemp force protein powder which is from canada where nick cutter aka craig davidson
is from the fine land of
canada is allowed to grow and sell hemp to these dullards in america that aren't
allowed to grow their own
because their fucking goofy government forbids it because because hemp knows
marijuana they're like
cousins they know each other real well it's fucking the government doesn't
trust hemp it's too close
too close to that marijuana criminal um you do not test positive is a big
question i get i have to answer
it i have to talk about it every time you do not test positive for thc if you
buy hemp uh i have to say
this because the fucking retards that run the uh what is it customs in new zealand's
oh my god you dummies
i had a friend who ordered some shit in new zealand and customs they took and
destroyed his hemp force
protein powder you dummies it's probably some thieves the customs they probably
stole it and they're probably
making their own protein shakes now laughing their dicks off but according to
him what they said was that
they confiscated and destroyed his hemp force because they thought it was a
marijuana product
we live in a time that will be mocked one day mocked the same way we mock
powdered wigs and putting
skirts over uh tables the way they used to put table leg dresses in the olden
days to keep people from
getting impure thoughts they will mock us they will mock us for this this thing
that we have with hemp
but we sell it and if you're in america or in a country that's not retarded you
can buy it and you
can eat it and it's good for you but you should know that you can test positive
for some things that
aren't drugs like if you eat poppy seed bagels you will test positive for
heroin i know it sounds
crazy but it is true um the other things that we carry on it things like
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sometimes you're hungry and you want a snack you don't want to you don't want
to feel guilty
afterwards folks eat warrior bar not feel guilty is that racist sounding like
an indian there
anyway go to on it.com o-n-n-i-t use the code word rogan and save 10 off any
and all supplements we got
a lot of cool shit coming on it too i wish i could tell you about the latest in
the creative kettlebell
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might have
i'll show you the newest version uh anyway go to on it.com o-n-n-i-t use the
code word rogan save
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on it as well even if you're not into buying something go there and get your
freak on all
right nick cutter aka craig davidson is here cue the music young jamie
joe rogan podcast check it out the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan
podcast by night
all day
so my pal matt staggs he sends me this book and he's like dude you got to read
this book
this book is fucked up you're gonna love it because he knows i love stephen
king and that
you know that that sort of twisted genre so he sends me this book right here it's
in this
well it's in my bag here somewhere uh he sends me your book and uh i enjoy the
fucking shit out of
it i am i want i want to pull it out because i'm it's so beat up and dog-eared
proves that's
nothing looks better oh there we go the troop and uh i guess i'm about what am
i about 200 plus pages
into it um it's really getting juicy i i'm really enjoying it man good it's
really good good good
thank you it's really fun and it's you know it's along the lines of like stand
by me or one of those
classic old stephen king books you know like the stand or or pet cemetery where
it's just twisted
and dark and there's psychological shit going on and there's horrific things
happening there's
monsters and it's really fucking cool man and um when he sent it to me he told
me that nick cutter
wasn't your real name and i was like well what's what's the deal there yeah
what is what's the deal
there well um you know i think the the most concerning thing to me would be is
that anyone
because i mean i grew up like you like stephen king is my idol steve there's no
nobody i've read
more than stephen king and beyond that like i grew up as a horror reader i mean
i i've read everything
now i mean you sort of diversify but i wouldn't even say diversify because that's
sort of like
i love the horror genre so like clive barker obviously stephen king peter straub
robert r mccammon
i mean the list goes on and on and on that was sort of who i cut my teeth on
so um so really my agent said listen you've been writing these things under
your own name and they're
kind of there i wouldn't even classify them as literary but maybe they would be
a little more to that side
rather than than than the horror genre and um he sort of felt like listen
people aren't gonna
people might be confused or or people might you know let's have some separation
basically and the best
way to do this separation is just to give you a new name put this put this
horror work because when i sent
him the troop i mean there's no way it's anything other than just like i wanted
to write like an 80s style
hard fireball and sort of horror novel like not splitting any 