Name: "Gold Diggers & Wounded Gazelle's" with Greg Fitzsimmons (from Joe Rogan Experience #466)
Uploaded: 2014-05-19T18:52:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Gold Diggers & Wounded Gazelle's" with Greg Fitzsimmons (from Joe Rogan Experience #466)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-05-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Gold Diggers & Wounded Gazelle's" with Greg Fitzsimmons (from Joe Rogan Experience #466)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-05-19. Transcript available.

"Gold Diggers & Wounded Gazelle's" with Greg Fitzsimmons (from Joe Rogan Experience #466)

the joe rogan experience but as an individual those jobs almost exist to let
you know that you
for sure don't want to do that it's like the feeling of it being it's like
being in a real
bad relationship right like what what gets you out of a relationship and you
explode that's what
happens you get to a certain point where you're like will you just shut the up
and
leave me alone i can't take it as negativity anymore we're done we're done here
okay boom
like you have to hit this well you gotta hit the bottom in order to change yeah
and you gotta have
that mcdonald's job to appreciate a really good job and it's great to talk
about later like you and i
we talked about our first jobs it gave you the motivation to get on get on your
horse and get
out of there yeah if you didn't have that motivation and that's where when we're
talking about money like
about our society designed to sort of encourage motivation which encourages
success which encourages
financial rewards encourages you're more attractive to the opposite sex when
you're driving a ferrari
to a lot of chicks that's a fact a lot of people get really mad at that but
that's a fact
it's just a fact i mean there's just too many dudes who are ugly and old who
have really hot
wives right i mean it's just fact guys get billions of dollars in giant yachts
and they're
fucking these hot chicks and it doesn't make any sense but that's a fact you
can't deny that fact
why does that fact exist well it exists because we've got a weird system we've
got a weird system and
that's one of the holes in the system one of the holes in the system is that
achievement as as
superseded actual physical desire for a lot of these poor gold diggers and they
let this wrinkly
old cocksucker shoot his dry loads into you oh and and you gotta pretend you
love it oh baby oh yeah
put it in my mouth baby meanwhile you're like that guy who got his face farted
on threw up at naga
that's what you're thinking this old man creeps on you yeah and he doesn't
shower on purpose just to
degrade you further like it's all if it's all about the money yeah why don't
you suck it now baby well
there's a lot of guys that definitely have a resentment towards these gold oh
hell yeah for
sure especially once the woman's the the fun has worn off of the game of
pretending you're attracted to
the man which you know if you're a guy who's not attractive and you're
successful and you believe
in your head that you're something cool there's something special about you
look how well i've done and
this defines me this watch see this watch it's a 50 000 watch and this is a 20
million estate and
you get that in your head and you get a girl and she tricks you with your own
ego she you get baby
you're just amazing to be around i'm just so lucky we met each other meanwhile
she is perfect her tits
are just melons bobbing gently in this really strange thin material clothes
that she wears that
clings over her hips and just inches lower than her vagina just hanging inches
lower than her vagina
her bubble ass and perfect legs gap under the toes you know like jesus christ
and she just strokes your
cock kisses you and you're like i'm marrying this bitch wait is she asian yes
yes yes of course
tie she's like tired she's tied so she gives you that shoulder rub oh yeah and
that's the thing is you
realize with her not only am i getting the body i'm getting shoulder rubs i'm
getting subservience
the bitch can cook she treats the help well she gets it and you can go out with
her and she knows
how to treat your friends yeah she knows how to kiss you in front of your
friends in your sleep because
she realizes that she's tricked you into having a shitty will where she gets
everything because your
kids are you're she convinced you that your kids would be better off if you
didn't give them a safety net
because that would make them successful like you so she played to your ego and
you cut the kids out of
the will and gave all the money this crazy thai who starts slowly poisoning
your drink and she won
she earned it that's the thing about like anna nicole smith when his stupid
kids wanted his estate
no anna nicole was sucking his dick didn't you do a bit about this yeah yeah
yeah it was one of my
closers in 1999 it was the whole thing about them saying like oh my god she's
taking advantage of him
she's only being she's only with him for his money i'm like don't you think he
knows right
that guy made a billion dollars from scratch chances are he's a tad crafty and
it was like this whole
thing about like how do you want to die do you want to die shaking and alone in
your hospital bed
surrounded by loved ones or do you want to get a big fat kentucky fried hooker
and just blow it out
and that's what he did and it was all him dying telling her to lick his ass and
all the different
shit he did to her right before he died and the kids have done nothing and they
think they deserve
you were raised with all that money you went to private schools you had tennis
coaches he probably
bought you houses why do you need more what the did you do you didn't suck his
dick yeah you need
to get your own money stupid right you rode the ride and now it's over and i
think also and this
sounds up but that exists because it's a predatory situation you're you pray
you know if you're a
vulnerable old weak emotional guy who also has a billion dollars women are
going to prey on you they're
going to pretend to be something they're not and they might even convince
themselves that they are that
something that they're pretending to be because their instinct to try to
acquire your wealth and your
social status is so strong that they want to be the trump girl they want to be
the new girl that
trump leaves his wife for yeah i don't think it's black and white i mean if you're
a woman that grew
up in that paradigm maybe your dad had money and your mother was a stay-at-home
mom and maybe she had a
hint of that and then all of a sudden you're involved in charitable
organizations and you're taking his wealth
and you're you're channeling it to positive things so you it starts to not
necessarily be about is he
the one i would have married just based on his looks and his charisma but it
starts to become about
like well life is pairing up with somebody and being powerful like you watch
house of cards no i haven't
don't don't you spoiler alert me just to say the relationship is about power i
know that movie that
show rather is supposed to be amazing it's amazing jumping onto it next but it's
basically about how a
couple can be together because they're a power couple and it's interesting bill
and hillary most likely
right right most likely absolutely most most presidents i think probably you
have to be i don't
think you can do that thing on your own i think that's a nutty job and the
first lady has a prominent
role in our culture i mean she's constantly speaking and doing these things and
i i i think you're dead
right i think you're dead right about that and i think um it's also that we're
also talking about just two
stops on a broad range of possibilities from ultimately totally evil russian
hot prostitute who
steals your organs when you're asleep to someone who just doesn't want to work
and the guy's kind
of cool and he treats her good and so she stays with them yeah you know i've
seen both i've seen both
i've seen i've seen people get victimized and i've seen people that are just in
sort of this relationship
where i wouldn't want it but it works for them you know sometimes they're out
in the open with it the
woman will tease and be like oh honey you know i wouldn't be with you if it
wasn't for the money
oh it's not even a t and he goes of course i know that that's a movie that's in
a movie what was the
movie that was in there was a movie that was in where the tune well no the one
schindler's list
uh terms of endearment you can't even help it you do it right away you go right
to
fucking platoon picture and organs hanging out on on the beach um i forget the
movie man uh but it was
just about about a guy who lost everything and in the scene like his his wife
was like laughing
about it when everything was going great and then when he did lose all the
money she did leave him
all right well actually it was in the wolf of wall street too it's a common
theme in the wolf of
wall street obviously it was a crazy coked up maniac piece of but when he was
going under and his
business was going under that's when the wife left him right when he was doing
great the wife wanted
him when he was married to another woman i mean like it was it was a classic
story so it's not like
that's an unfamiliar paradigm to us it's nature it's a wounded antelope that
gets taken out by the the
lion it's and she needs somebody to provide for her or she doesn't but in that
role she does if she
chooses that role if she chooses the role of fucking the old wrinkly shaky man
with his
fucking pale translucent dick that he sticks inside we could see as he's coming
you can see the veins
like pump whatever blood they've got and it's like a little highway going down
his fucking saran wrapped
skin filled with viagra yeah and just shooting dust bubbles into her pussy yeah
yeah man i mean that's
her nipples you can take that choice or you know you could start an art gallery
and become a multimillionaire
on your own i mean you could do that too you know but it's but when you are
that girl okay if you are
that 25 year old girl with an adderall problem that's looking to try to hook up
with some old billionaire
dude and marry him so he'd be taken care of for life you're that that's your
role that's what you've chosen
you might have more potential than that but it doesn't mean that that's not
what you've chosen
oh you don't even know baby she's so slick she's so smart i mean that is one of
the smartest girls
i've ever met in my life when she met him and she put all together it doesn't
matter okay you're
talking nonsense she's still that girl she's a prostitute you can't say no no
listen you can't say
she's a prostitute i know her and she's powerful and what she did was you know
she's really
clever and she figured out a way to manipulate guys no no she's still prostitute
right you're
missing the whole point right she doesn't matter if she has all this potential
she reads 150 books
a week okay don't fucking tell me that girl is so goddamn smart oh my god you're
saying she's not
smart no saying she's a hooker all right she's playing the role of a hooker
that's what's the
opposite in terms of uh a female and a male because sometimes women are so hot
that the guy is getting
something out of her and he's putting up with not not having love not having
respect for her but
wanting that so bad or that status of being with somebody that's that hot that
in the same way he's
a prostitute for what he's getting from her oh yeah there's certainly i mean
there's exchanges other
than money that are unfair the reason the old man gets the girl in the first
place is because of his
fucking money that's it so it's honest both people know what they're getting
sort of but it's not
because they're playing a game called love and the game is baby i'd love you i'm
just so happy to be
with you oh you love me huh come here you want some dick i love your dick baby
they're playing a game
and somebody wins in the end there's a winner they both win he gets pussy
unless he would never get that
pussy if she drugs him it's a problem well it's a matter about maintaining that
relationship and this
allowing her to her personal trainer right she's going to sure okay she's going
to look how hot she
is she's got this little waist this dynamic body she's 25 years old and you're
90 she's gonna
her trainer right just accept it be happy that you can her and don't ask
questions pretty girl
this isn't supposed to work out early open doors with just a smile yeah rich
old man she won't
have to worry it's a great ego song man yeah it's one of the great ones y