Name: "Street Karate" with Bas Rutten (from Joe Rogan Experience #335)
Uploaded: 2014-05-19T22:27:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Street Karate" with Bas Rutten (from Joe Rogan Experience #335)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-05-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Street Karate" with Bas Rutten (from Joe Rogan Experience #335)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-05-19. Transcript available.

The Joe Rogan experience?
The karate, before we forget, we've got to do the karate guy story, the street
karate guy.
What happened?
This is a funny story, okay?
We're at, Kimbo has to fight.
And before the fight, we go to a tap-out party.
And those people are there, and then these guys, these tough guys are there.
One was, I think, selling jewelry or something, and he was with a bunch of guys.
And from the guys, I think he was the toughest guy.
So we're talking, and of course, but he didn't know who I was, so that was the
best thing.
And the people were talking about fighting, and suddenly he comes to the front,
and he goes,
yeah, I used to do karate.
He says, but not normal karate, I used to do street karate.
I go, wow, street karate, so what is that?
He said, well, I can tell you one thing, that my routine has saved me like six,
seven times.
And I go, your routine?
Yeah.
I go, okay, you got to show me that routine, you know, because I would love to
learn.
So the guy comes to me, and I actually put this in the movie, here comes the
boom, you know?
That was a true story.
And I, well, that's a long story.
But anyway, yeah.
So the guy comes to me, he says, first of all, I would stand there, and then
out of the blue, I will go,
and he, no, no, no, he goes first with his elbow, he goes to me, he does it to
me, this close, right?
And then, and then he goes, and he was shaking in front of my face.
He's serious.
He's serious.
He's this close to my face, right?
Shaking, like this close.
And my friends, everybody is already like almost dying laughing.
Right.
And then he says, and then a moment, he's perplexed, but I go, I go to the neck,
and then he, they always do this.
He says, ah, he says, and I grab him, and now he kept eye contact with me,
right?
And he grabs, he says, I go, ah, ah, and he kept.
So he threw knees to the body.
Two knees, threw them on the ground.
And then threw them on the ground and stepped on.
He kept eye contact with me, and he stops, you know?
Okay.
So I look at him, I go, nah, you never did that.
Total bullshit.
I said, you practiced this in the mirror, and it looks really cool, but you
never did this.
You know, his friends were like, they were waiting for my reaction, because
they were in awe, you know?
This guy was, ah, it was his glory.
And then when, at the moment, I said, total bullshit, I started talking, and
another guy came and said, you know who he is?
You know, he's actually a professional fighter.
So the whole group left, but the fact, the face, the facial expression from all
those guys, they're all dressed the same,
like these khakis with shirts over the top, all jewelry everywhere.
You know, those guys.
Exactly.
The street karate guy, his routine saved his life seven times.
You know, and they tell you, they expect that you believe that crap.
It was the most insane thing I've ever seen.
And I did it, and here comes the boom, you remember?
Head, butt, knee to the face, throw away, stomp.
Right.
Victory dance, you know?
And I told that the backstage camera for here comes the boom.
I said, this is a true story.
Somebody told me this technique.
There's a lot of those knuckleheads, right?
Those street defense guys, the, like, fake karate guys.
And, you know, the worst part is they say, yeah, we cannot use it in the ring
because it's way too dangerous.
I said, well, if you can kill somebody like this, you can also not kill him.
Yeah.
Right?
I mean.
What?
Yeah.
Right.
I mean, if you have that kind of control.
If you have that kind of control, you just, uh.
The techniques are too lethal, boss.
You don't understand.
Like, it's like dropping a nuclear explosion on you.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
The one in sponge, all that.
Yeah.
I love those videos, like, kung fu videos, or guys are demonstrating techniques
and how they're going to work.
And have you seen the one where the old man who's got this, uh, class where he,
he throws, like, people.
And then the karate guy, no, pancreas guy comes in.
And beats the shit out of him.
And beats the shit out of him, right?
Sad, right?
And when you see him bleed, he's, he see himself, he cannot believe it.
Right.
It doesn't work.
And he's trying.
Yeah.
And that one guy, he does, the guy goes like this.
Yeah.
And then he goes, and he makes a somersault, and he falls on the ground.
It's almost like he believed his own bullshit, right?
Well, what are these guys doing?
They're all faking it.
They know.
They are, but they're probably, it's like mass hypnosis or mass hysteria.
You know, like, cult behavior.
They get locked into believing.
Like, I remember when I was in, um, my Taekwondo school was not, like, cultish
in the sense, like,
then nobody had to do anything crazy.
They didn't try to get your money or get you to leave your family or anything
like that.
But the devotion that some people had towards the instructor was pretty crazy.
It's amazing.
And they didn't exploit it, but if someone did exploit it, you could see how
they could
get some weak people that would really fall into it.
And it's, it's sort of a disturbing aspect of martial arts that I, one of the
things that
I really loved about Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu was that you didn't kind of see that.
You didn't see, like, all the bowing.
It was more, like, friendly.
Yeah.
Like, when I trained with the Machado, I was like, hey, my friend, how are you?
Come on.
And it was much more, yeah, once they show you the techniques.
Yeah.
But they're very friendly and more, more like, like, you know, they, they don't
try to place
themselves above anyone.
There's no master this.
No, because they don't need to.
Yeah, they don't have to.
They're going to let you know that it is really effective right there.
And the, on, the respect that you get from them, you'll, they'll earn it just
by being
amazing.
Yeah, but, but it's because they're good.
All the other guys who preach and talk about it like that, they're not good.
They suck.
Yeah.
Like, every guy who tells me that he is unbelievable, but he never fought.
Yeah.
He's full of shit.
Well, you know how many guys have told me?
Guaranteed.
Yeah.
It's not, it's not possible.
You never, he will not know if he can do it under pressure.
He will not.
It's amazing.
Do you know how many guys have told me, though, that they could never lose?
I could never lose, man.
You don't know about my mentality.
My mentality is.
I feel like it's choked.
I'm like an animal, bro.
I'm like, I go blank and then body start dropping.
Yeah, I go blank.
That means you don't think, right?
That's the easiest.
I had ninjas coming into my class one time.
I, I, I'm not kidding.
There's a guy walking in with a stash, glasses, and a big belly, and a blue,
blue kimonos.
And they came in my, in, in Holland, and they walked in, there was six girls
following him.
It was like a cult.
It was the weirdest thing ever.
Later on, we found out he couldn't even, like, eight push-ups.
It was, like, bizarre.
And every time when I would show something, they would say something.
Like, one time, you know, I had an arm bar, and this girl says, oh, we would
bite in the leg, you know?
So, I start slowly, but surely.
I figure, I'm not going to say anything.
But then, you know, it kept going, kept going.
I have somebody in the rear naked choke.
And I said, so, and explaining, and she goes, to somebody else, she said, we
will poke the eyes out now.
And I go, oh, excuse me, what was that?
And she said, we will poke your eyes out right now.
I said, wow.
Let's find out.
I mean, I'm going to try this with you.
Is that cool?
Yeah.
She goes, I go, sit down.
I said, put my arm around her neck.
I said, okay.
In three seconds, I'm going to go.
If you touch my eye, I'm going to break your neck, okay?
Let's go.
And she goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, what did you say?
I said, in three seconds, we're going to go.
We'll count down.
You come near to my fucking eye.
I'm going to break your neck, okay?
I said, no, no, no, what do you mean?
I said, okay.
You know what?
Normally, when somebody touches my eye, you think I'm going to go, oh, no.
I'm going to go.
My eye goes, fuck, and I'm going to go, motherfucker.
Then my eye hurts.
That face was awesome.
Never, never fuck with somebody who has a dominant position over you.
If I have you in an armbar and you bite my calf, guess what's going to break at
that moment?
It's the most idiot thing that people actually believe that if you put a finger
in my eye and
live in that situation, I'm going to let go of the choke.
Yeah, really.
You know, I'm going to snap the neck first, and I'm going to let go of the
choke.
Well, not only that, people don't understand how quick you go unconscious.
Like, if someone has a rear naked choke on you, especially if you don't really
know defense,
you haven't been choked a lot before, you don't know how to relax, you don't
know how to
Oh, and do you know how hard it is to poke an eye?
Yeah, it's fucking hard.
If you do this, I do that, you're out.
It's very hard.
It's very hard.
I squeeze my eye, I put my eye against the back of your neck, back of your head.
See, what you're used to doing, Boss Rootin, is fighting in a sport-type
situation where
you've got rules.
See, out on the street, there are no rules.
You know, and like, I cannot fight without rules, too, right?
It's funny.
It's like, I can stab eyes, too.
Only I can do it better, more accurate as well.
I used to do this, well, I do this radio show.
I won't name the guy, but there was a guy that they had as their bodyguard, and
he's a
fucking total bullshit artist.
And he was a ninja, and he would fucking do videos doing nunchucks and shit.
It was so stupid.
Why didn't you want to say his name?
Master Poe.
So, Opie and Anthony show.
And we were on the show once, and there's, I mean, I'm fine, you know, you do
whatever
you want, but as soon as you're on the air, you're represented, you know, I
gotta tell
the truth.
You're on the fucking radio now, and people are gonna listen to you, and if I
let you
get away with some nonsense, then that could be...
Yeah, you look stupid.
Not me, man.
Some young kid could be listening to that, and they want to start a martial art,
and they
get sucked into doing those stupid fucking street karate classes.
Yeah.
And I go, listen, it's real simple.
The shit that works on trained killers is the best shit.
Yeah.
You don't see Anderson Silva, you know, practicing eye pokes, and fuck,
although eye pokes are
pretty fucking successful in the UFC.
They're good, yeah, yeah, yeah, they work.
You don't see him doing, you know, death touch and fucking, you know, pressure
point attacks.
That shit doesn't work.
It doesn't work.
I said on camera, we had an email from somebody, it said that his master could,
with point
pressure, they could knock you out.
I got a great story about this also with the mirror.
Anyway, I looked in the camera, I said, okay, anybody in America, you're
watching right
now, if you have a person who says that he can knock me out with a punch, like
just pressing
somewhere, we invite him, we pay him, we pay his trip, he can come on the show,
he can do
it on camera, on me, he can knock me out.
I said, it's a no-lose situation for me, because if it works, I'm signing up.
I'm going to do that stuff, but I tell you, it's not going to work.
We had this guy, but you know Amira Perez, you know him also, right, my buddy?
We see these guys on stage, and the touch guys, right?
Yeah.
So, one guy goes this, tick, and this is what the person does, this.
They just fall back.
And then the guy said, did you see his eyes roll back in his skull?
That means he was out for real.
So, I go to Amira, I go, this is going to be fun, watch this.
So, these guys, they come walking down after the set.
I said, okay, do it to me.
I want you to do it to me.
You want him to knock out.
He said, are you sure about that?
I said, do it to me.
I want to know how that feels.
And he goes, you know what, I got something better.
So, he already steered away from it, right?
So, he says, let me show you this.
And he walks over to his buddy.
They start talking to each other, and then he walks away.
And in the corner, he stands like this.
I mean, crazy.
And he runs towards his friend, and he goes like this.
So, in midair, he stops, and he flies on the ground.
So, he threw like kung fu hands at him.
Kung fu hands at him.
Doesn't touch him.
Doesn't touch him.
I go, dude, I'm sold.
Do that to me.
Right.
I'm going to attack you right now.
So, I'm going to the corner, and he goes, yeah, but you have to be really angry.
I said, excuse me, yeah, really angry, otherwise it won't work.
I said, your friend just did it, right?
I said, I think I can better act than your friend.
Don't worry, I'll be in the zone.
You know, but he will.
And he says, no, no, because if you're not real angry, it doesn't work.
It needs to be that balance.
So, I knew it was his way out.
So, I walked over to him, and I'm standing like this.
I said, kick me in the pills.
And he says, what?
I said, kick me in the pills.
I said, I'm going to be really fucking pissed.
You know?
He didn't want to do it, needless to say.
I mean, but they're idiots that truly believe that is true.
Well, it's so easy to take someone who doesn't know anything, like who's a
student, and trick
them like that, and be a con man like that.
That's, and you know what the worst thing is?
There's teachers out there, they give you a false sense of security, and then
they teach
you how to defend a knife, you know, grabbing the wrist.
I mean, it's so dangerous.
Knife is dangerous than a gun, on a short distance, at least.
And they teach him the wrong way, and then something happens on the street,
somebody pulls a knife,
and he goes to his buddy, dude, step back, I got it.
You know?
And they get killed.
Eddie Bravo has a crazy story about that.
And it's that guy's fault.
It's the coach's fault.

"Street Karate" with Bas Rutten (from Joe Rogan Experience #335)

The Joe Rogan experience?
The karate, before we forget, we've got to do the karate guy story, the street
karate guy.
What happened?
This is a funny story, okay?
We're at, Kimbo has to fight.
And before the fight, we go to a tap-out party.
And those people are there, and then these guys, these tough guys are there.
One was, I think, selling jewelry or something, and he was with a bunch of guys.
And from the guys, I think he was the toughest guy.
So we're talking, and of course, but he didn't know who I was, so that was the
best thing.
And the people were talking about fighting, and suddenly he comes to the front,
and he goes,
yeah, I used to do karate.
He says, but not normal karate, I used to do street karate.
I go, wow, street karate, so what is that?
He said, well, I can tell you one thing, that my routine has saved me like six,
seven times.
And I go, your routine?
Yeah.
I go, okay, you got to show me that routine, you know, because I would love to
learn.
So the guy comes to me, and I actually put this in the movie, here comes the
boom, you know?
That was a true story.
And I, well, that's a long story.
But anyway, yeah.
So the guy comes to me, he says, first of all, I would stand there, and then
out of the blue, I will go,
and he, no, no, no, he goes first with his elbow, he goes to me, he does it to
me, this close, right?
And then, and then he goes, and he was shaking in front of my face.
He's serious.
He's serious.
He's this close to my face, right?
Shaking, like this close.
And my friends, everybody is already like almost dying laughing.
Right.
And then he says, and then a moment, he's perplexed, but I go, I go to the neck,
and then he, they always do this.
He says, ah, he says, and I grab him, and now he kept eye contact with me,
right?
And he grabs, he says, I go, ah, ah, and he kept.
So he threw knees to the body.
Two knees, threw them on the ground.
And then threw them on the ground and stepped on.
He kept eye contact with me, and he stops, you know?
Okay.
So I look at him, I go, nah, you never did that.
Total bullshit.
I said, you practiced this in the mirror, and it looks really cool, but you
never did this.
You know, his friends were like, they were waiting for my reaction, because
they were in awe, you know?
This guy was, ah, it was his glory.
And then when, at the moment, I said, total bullshit, I started talking, and
another guy came and said, you know who he is?
You know, he's actually a professional fighter.
So the whole group left, but the fact, the face, the facial expression from all
those guys, they're all dressed the same,
like these khakis with shirts over the top, all jewelry everywhere.
You know, those guys.
Exactly.
The street karate guy, his routine saved his life seven times.
You know, and they tell you, they expect that you believe that crap.
It was the most insane thing I've ever seen.
And I did it, and here comes the boom, you remember?
Head, butt, knee to the face, throw away, stomp.
Right.
Victory dance, you know?
And I told that the backstage camera for here comes the boom.
I said, this is a true story.
Somebody told me this technique.
There's a lot of those knuckleheads, right?
Those street defense guys, the, like, fake karate guys.
And, you know, the worst part is they say, yeah, we cannot use it in the ring
because it's way too dangerous.
I said, well, if you can kill somebody like this, you can also not kill him.
Yeah.
Right?
I mean.
What?
Yeah.
Right.
I mean, if you have that kind of control.
If you have that kind of control, you just, uh.
The techniques are too lethal, boss.
You don't understand.
Like, it's like dropping a nuclear explosion on you.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
The one in sponge, all that.
Yeah.
I love those videos, like, kung fu videos, or guys are demonstrating techniques
and how they're going to work.
And have you seen the one where the old man who's got this, uh, class where he,
he throws, like, people.
And then the karate guy, no, pancreas guy comes in.
And beats the shit out of him.
And beats the shit out of him, right?
Sad, right?
And when you see him bleed, he's, he see himself, he cannot believe it.
Right.
It doesn't work.
And he's trying.
Yeah.
And that one guy, he does, the guy goes like this.
Yeah.
And then he goes, and he makes a somersault, and he falls on the ground.
It's almost like he believed his own bullshit, right?
Well, what are these guys doing?
They're all faking it.
They know.
They are, but they're probably, it's like mass hypnosis or mass hysteria.
You know, like, cult behavior.
They get locked into believing.
Like, I remember when I was in, um, my Taekwondo school was not, like, cultish
in the sense, like,
then nobody had to do anything crazy.
They didn't try to get your money or get you to leave your family or anything
like that.
But the devotion that some people had towards the instructor was pretty crazy.
It's amazing.
And they didn't exploit it, but if someone did exploit it, you could see how
they could
get some weak people that would really fall into it.
And it's, it's sort of a disturbing aspect of martial arts that I, one of the
things that
I really loved about Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu was that you didn't kind of see that.
You didn't see, like, all the bowing.
It was more, like, friendly.
Yeah.
Like, when I trained with the Machado, I was like, hey, my friend, how are you?
Come on.
And it was much more, yeah, once they show you the techniques.
Yeah.
But they're very friendly and more, more like, like, you know, they, they don't
try to place
themselves above anyone.
There's no master this.
No, because they don't need to.
Yeah, they don't have to.
They're going to let you know that it is really effective right there.
And the, on, the respect that you get from them, you'll, they'll earn it just
by being
amazing.
Yeah, but, but it's because they're good.
All the other guys who preach and talk about it like that, they're not good.
They suck.
Yeah.
Like, every guy who tells me that he is unbelievable, but he never fought.
Yeah.
He's full of shit.
Well, you know how many guys have told me?
Guaranteed.
Yeah.
It's not, it's not possible.
You never, he will not know if he can do it under pressure.
He will not.
It's amazing.
Do you know how many guys have told me, though, that they could never lose?
I could never lose, man.
You don't know about my mentality.
My mentality is.
I feel like it's choked.
I'm like an animal, bro.
I'm like, I go blank and then body start dropping.
Yeah, I go blank.
That means you don't think, right?
That's the easiest.
I had ninjas coming into my class one time.
I, I, I'm not kidding.
There's a guy walking in with a stash, glasses, and a big belly, and a blue,
blue kimonos.
And they came in my, in, in Holland, and they walked in, there was six girls
following him.
It was like a cult.
It was the weirdest thing ever.
Later on, we found out he couldn't even, like, eight push-ups.
It was, like, bizarre.
And every time when I would show something, they would say something.
Like, one time, you know, I had an arm bar, and this girl says, oh, we would
bite in the leg, you know?
So, I start slowly, but surely.
I figure, I'm not going to say anything.
But then, you know, it kept going, kept going.
I have somebody in the rear naked choke.
And I said, so, and explaining, and she goes, to somebody else, she said, we
will poke the eyes out now.
And I go, oh, excuse me, what was that?
And she said, we will poke your eyes out right now.
I said, wow.
Let's find out.
I mean, I'm going to try this with you.
Is that cool?
Yeah.
She goes, I go, sit down.
I said, put my arm around her neck.
I said, okay.
In three seconds, I'm going to go.
If you touch my eye, I'm going to break your neck, okay?
Let's go.
And she goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, what did you say?
I said, in three seconds, we're going to go.
We'll count down.
You come near to my fucking eye.
I'm going to break your neck, okay?
I said, no, no, no, what do you mean?
I said, okay.
You know what?
Normally, when somebody touches my eye, you think I'm going to go, oh, no.
I'm going to go.
My eye goes, fuck, and I'm going to go, motherfucker.
Then my eye hurts.
That face was awesome.
Never, never fuck with somebody who has a dominant position over you.
If I have you in an armbar and you bite my calf, guess what's going to break at
that moment?
It's the most idiot thing that people actually believe that if you put a finger
in my eye and
live in that situation, I'm going to let go of the choke.
Yeah, really.
You know, I'm going to snap the neck first, and I'm going to let go of the
choke.
Well, not only that, people don't understand how quick you go unconscious.
Like, if someone has a rear naked choke on you, especially if you don't really
know defense,
you haven't been choked a lot before, you don't know how to relax, you don't
know how to
Oh, and do you know how hard it is to poke an eye?
Yeah, it's fucking hard.
If you do this, I do that, you're out.
It's very hard.
It's very hard.
I squeeze my eye, I put my eye against the back of your neck, back of your head.
See, what you're used to doing, Boss Rootin, is fighting in a sport-type
situation where
you've got rules.
See, out on the street, there are no rules.
You know, and like, I cannot fight without rules, too, right?
It's funny.
It's like, I can stab eyes, too.
Only I can do it better, more accurate as well.
I used to do this, well, I do this radio show.
I won't name the guy, but there was a guy that they had as their bodyguard, and
he's a
fucking total bullshit artist.
And he was a ninja, and he would fucking do videos doing nunchucks and shit.
It was so stupid.
Why didn't you want to say his name?
Master Poe.
So, Opie and Anthony show.
And we were on the show once, and there's, I mean, I'm fine, you know, you do
whatever
you want, but as soon as you're on the air, you're represented, you know, I
gotta tell
the truth.
You're on the fucking radio now, and people are gonna listen to you, and if I
let you
get away with some nonsense, then that could be...
Yeah, you look stupid.
Not me, man.
Some young kid could be listening to that, and they want to start a martial art,
and they
get sucked into doing those stupid fucking street karate classes.
Yeah.
And I go, listen, it's real simple.
The shit that works on trained killers is the best shit.
Yeah.
You don't see Anderson Silva, you know, practicing eye pokes, and fuck,
although eye pokes are
pretty fucking successful in the UFC.
They're good, yeah, yeah, yeah, they work.
You don't see him doing, you know, death touch and fucking, you know, pressure
point attacks.
That shit doesn't work.
It doesn't work.
I said on camera, we had an email from somebody, it said that his master could,
with point
pressure, they could knock you out.
I got a great story about this also with the mirror.
Anyway, I looked in the camera, I said, okay, anybody in America, you're
watching right
now, if you have a person who says that he can knock me out with a punch, like
just pressing
somewhere, we invite him, we pay him, we pay his trip, he can come on the show,
he can do
it on camera, on me, he can knock me out.
I said, it's a no-lose situation for me, because if it works, I'm signing up.
I'm going to do that stuff, but I tell you, it's not going to work.
We had this guy, but you know Amira Perez, you know him also, right, my buddy?
We see these guys on stage, and the touch guys, right?
Yeah.
So, one guy goes this, tick, and this is what the person does, this.
They just fall back.
And then the guy said, did you see his eyes roll back in his skull?
That means he was out for real.
So, I go to Amira, I go, this is going to be fun, watch this.
So, these guys, they come walking down after the set.
I said, okay, do it to me.
I want you to do it to me.
You want him to knock out.
He said, are you sure about that?
I said, do it to me.
I want to know how that feels.
And he goes, you know what, I got something better.
So, he already steered away from it, right?
So, he says, le