Name: "I Heart Girl Farts" with Tom Segura (from Joe Rogan Experience #448)
Uploaded: 2014-06-13T18:53:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"I Heart Girl Farts" with Tom Segura (from Joe Rogan Experience #448)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-06-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"I Heart Girl Farts" with Tom Segura (from Joe Rogan Experience #448)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-06-13. Transcript available.

the joe rogan experience what the fuck man we're weird so weird what a stupid
culture
well you know what i can't stop thinking about the guy that farted at the sink
at the airport we talked about it for 10 minutes afterwards well dudes fart
when they pee and you
go to the bathroom dudes are constantly farting in public restrooms yeah but we
were at the sink
and the dude was washing his hands and he cut a monster fart and i told tommy
about it and i was
like dude this guy he broke he broke the rules yeah i walked out just before
this happened i
unfortunately missed the incident but you said it immediately and i was i kept
wrapping my head
around and i think what i've come to the conclusion is that if you do that all
i'm looking for is for
you to acknowledge it yeah yeah you need to say something yeah i want you to
say something about
that because i was thinking about how uh an old guy one time farted next to me
in um uh like on a tram
on the in the airport and i was like jeez he let a fucking pretty big fart and
i looked at him and he
goes snuck out of me i was like all right and i it kind of took away like you
know what was upsetting
yes yeah i was like well thank you for acknowledging your your fart right now
yeah this guy was just
washing his hands and he just the sink is not the urinal i don't think you're
gonna pass there
yeah it was i don't even do the urinal who does that do you it was definitely a
gray area it was
definitely a gray area yeah people fart all the time at the urinals that's so
common yeah i heard a
lot of farts but if you get done zip up walk all the way around you wash your
hands in the middle of
washing hands you just unload and no one said a word yeah everyone just just
let it go and then we got
outside i was like yo dude how do you feel about this yeah i can't stop
thinking about it and then
we're trying to figure out what kind of farts girls cut when they're in the
bathroom and whether or not
they wash their hands and fart on each other probably not as much not as much
but they definitely drop
heat in there for sure once they close that door i think they allow themselves
yeah they allow
themselves to to fucking fart it up you know you know they let them rip yeah
once they get in that
door they close that door they just you have to if you're taking a shit yeah
you're gonna fart yeah
but i wonder if they fart while they're washing their hands these are the
things that i think yeah
absolutely i wonder about what we need more of this in the world do you mask
your farts when you
shit in a public restroom no no let it out you gotta do what you do what do you
hold up to the camera
i love girl farts you're an idiot jesus christ you have that on your phone yeah
i love girl farts
yeah 40 year old man he's got that on his phone oh christ it's a huge fetish
now it's actually a
website it is it's amazing it's always been yeah it's amazing there's been fart
porn forever where
dudes like sniff farts right out of a girl's ass yeah i um they're naughty we
played some uh fart clips
on our show and i we were talking about it and the guy wrote in and he was like
i have a big time
fart fetish and we're like what like what's the thinking about it and he was
like i think it's just
back to the taboo of it that the pretty girl is not supposed to so he's uh you
know i mean like that
it's yeah this should be a dirty girl yes and that's yeah he loves you know a
pretty girl doing
it is like like the ultimate thing yeah that's the thing about people is like
they want people to be
naughty right just because we feel so most people at least feel so confined by
the rules and i think
women so even more so than men women even more so than men because you know
society wants you to be
a lady it wants you to a certain way sure you know and there's slut shaming you're
not allowed to be a
slut you're not allowed to do what you want to do you know like if a woman
wants to go out and fuck a
bunch of different guys like if a woman wants to fuck two guys in a night she's
a terrible person
like if you find out about that oh my god she she went to this guy's house she
fucked him then she
laughed and she went to this other guy's house and fucked him what a whore
national champion like
girls would be like what a whore yeah but if you told me so he decides he
leaves his this girl's house
and he's like you know what fuck i can call somebody else he calls somebody
else and he goes and fucks
her and we're like that guy's an animal yeah it wasn't it wasn't even done he
wanted to fuck more
that's crazy that is crazy though that we don't you know that we have that that
double standard for
that i mean i remember in college a guy a friend uh going into a sorority house
and banging girls
in the same house in the same night in different rooms and like yeah we all
were like that's
fantastic you're such a hero like you're such a wonderful person and we were
all so happy with
his story but if a girl went to a fraternity house fucked one guy said good
night honey left and
then knocked on the door hey cracker man she's fucking under dirty bitch yeah
fucking whore yeah we
really should applaud her yeah i mean well or not you know either way we should
let her do whatever
she wants to do yeah she's just fucking people why do you what do you care were
they going to stay
together forever they're in college jesus christ if you have a problem with a
girl who fucks one guy
and then fucks another guy that night you're silly yeah you are what's wrong
you could be one of those
guys yeah so all you gotta do is throw your dick in front of her obviously she
likes him so that
suppression leads to uh like a reaction this just holding back leads to this
need to let it go yeah and
the girl just farts right in that dude's face
guys like i can't believe you did that you dirty bitch i'm a dirty farty bitch
i'm a farty bitch
fart in my mouth again it's so funny the people that own this i love girl farts
are actually watching
right now don't promote that so stupid oh my gosh that snuck out of me i'm a
bad girl
the smell and the fucking noise and the whole thing the naughtiness of it all
we hold it in
boston girls farting boy we have a thing about um about people shitting too you
know yeah no one
wants to admit they just took a shit we want to hide it and cover it up with
noise and fans and we
want to light matches and yeah it is weird i mean i i don't like uh those
single single stall unisex
bathrooms yeah when you got a shit i got shit and then there's like someone's
like you're going in
there and you're like ah fuck man why don't you go in first no you're gonna
shit on top of any shit
i know i get but you get that you know like i feel like i can't relax or you
can say can i please use
the restroom like if you're at a meeting if you're having a meeting or
something like that you say i'll
be right back after you use the restroom but you can't say look i got a shit i
can't keep talking
to you guys i gotta take a shit you say i use the restroom it's ambiguous okay
go ahead yeah and you
leave you know you can't say i'm so sorry uh i was late for this meeting i got
here on time but i
had to shit yeah right right you can't say that you gotta be upset you gotta go
to the restroom and
then you you know that the clock's running so because if you come back 15
minutes later covered
in sweat they're like wow you took a monster shit huh like you can't really put
that out there you're
like oh fuck now i gotta grind this thing out quick sometimes that's what you
have to do sometimes
you have to take a 10 minute heater yeah like sometimes you just you take a
shit and it comes
up clump clump and you're like god there's a lot more up there god damn it
happened on the flight
yesterday oh no as soon as i sat down i was wanting to go to sleep and i was
like i gotta take a shit
and it was during takeoff so then you're like waiting for it to hit 10 000 feet
you know and then
you're waiting for them to turn the seatbelt sign off and i go in there like
this is gonna be
this is like a fucking marathon shit but i didn't have time for it so i really
dropped half of it
off just like i fall asleep oh no yeah and then later on i finished it was it
was pretty pretty
dramatic it's one of the weird things about your body is that there's like this
intangible sense of
how much shit is in there yeah you know like when you're taking a shit like you
have that feeling
that weird feeling like i smell a shit or i feel a shit brewing i feel a shit
cooking in the oven
yeah and then once you're taking that shit you got this pressure thing like you
know it's in there
you know it's up there and there's a certain amount like god damn it this isn't
ready this isn't ready
yeah all right i'm gonna have to i'm gonna have to empty it and then i'm to
come back later
yeah and that's and that's the worst you like when it's all gone yeah certain
foods too will trigger
um just amazing amounts of shit that come out of you where you're just like is
my body mostly shit
like am i just a walking talking shit machine because sometimes i'll like the
amount that will
come out of me is just incredible to me i just cannot i cannot get over what's
coming out of me
if you think about how much food you eat though if you think think of like the
your entire day if you
shit once a day think about breakfast in there and then lunch in there and then
your dinner in there
like this giant mound of food that goes in your body and then snack like you
might have a protein bar
along the way and then you have all this you drink thing you might drink milk
which has got some
solids in there and then slowly but surely compress that into just logs or big
ropey shit logs it's
amazing it's not really bigger now picture a pretty girl squatting over your
face and letting that
all over you yeah well that's uh under glass like a big thing some guys coffee
some guys like women
shitting on glass coffee tables yeah i always heard that about stallone those
those like one of those
rumors probably made up it's probably like the richard gear gerbil thing yeah
just someone decided to say
it and then it sounds cool so people repeat it yeah it was stallone likes to
get under tables and
girls take big juicy shits on those tables he loves it doesn't want to fuck
them just wants them to
shit i'd like to watch people shit it's over a glass table just to see it come
out maybe once
really sure what about a guy like joey diaz that's i think that's the one that
would be at the top of
my list what if he fell and landed on the table on the table shattered and you
died glass went through
your neck shit was in your eyeballs and you died knowing that shit was all over
your face and feeling
the hot blood rush out of your neck wow sorry dog sorry dog i slipped whoops
had too much sodium i think
that it would be much more interesting to watch diaz shit than some model i'd
like to see him have
explosive diarrhea on a glass table well i would like to see a girl who's like
addicted to stimulants
like who's trying to be really skinny uh how just how little she actually shits
just the hair comes
out probably shocking to see like little tiny poops curly squirly yeah slightly
bile little yellow
smell to it like what's going on sorry that's a big one anything just half of
her shit is pills
powdery pills come out yeah like non-dissolved pills clumps yeah but i mean it
would be fun to watch
a couple times maybe watch i don't know about fun but maybe fascinating yeah
fascinating i think as an
art exhibit we're talking about art a lot this weekend it'd be great to set up
a live exhibit i've
always thought of this where you have like 10 people 50 feet up and they're
butt naked and they have
different body types and they're sitting on glass toilets with glass tubes
coming down and then the
exhibit is you walk around and they all shit at the same time like that'd be
kind of a fun and they
flush it and you see these glass tubes fill up with shit and come tumbling down
yeah and then you go
a septic at the bottom a giant large tank filled with shit that's all glass and
you have different
colored hair and you're like i this is my creation i this is if you wanted to
buy this it's five fifteen
Team.

"I Heart Girl Farts" with Tom Segura (from Joe Rogan Experience #448)

the joe rogan experience what the fuck man we're weird so weird what a stupid
culture
well you know what i can't stop thinking about the guy that farted at the sink
at the airport we talked about it for 10 minutes afterwards well dudes fart
when they pee and you
go to the bathroom dudes are constantly farting in public restrooms yeah but we
were at the sink
and the dude was washing his hands and he cut a monster fart and i told tommy
about it and i was
like dude this guy he broke he broke the rules yeah i walked out just before
this happened i
unfortunately missed the incident but you said it immediately and i was i kept
wrapping my head
around and i think what i've come to the conclusion is that if you do that all
i'm looking for is for
you to acknowledge it yeah yeah you need to say something yeah i want you to
say something about
that because i was thinking about how uh an old guy one time farted next to me
in um uh like on a tram
on the in the airport and i was like jeez he let a fucking pretty big fart and
i looked at him and he
goes snuck out of me i was like all right and i it kind of took away like you
know what was upsetting
yes yeah i was like well thank you for acknowledging your your fart right now
yeah this guy was just
washing his hands and he just the sink is not the urinal i don't think you're
gonna pass there
yeah it was i don't even do the urinal who does that do you it was definitely a
gray area it was
definitely a gray area yeah people fart all the time at the urinals that's so
common yeah i heard a
lot of farts but if you get done zip up walk all the way around you wash your
hands in the middle of
washing hands you just unload and no one said a word yeah everyone just just
let it go and then we got
outside i was like yo dude how do you feel about this yeah i can't stop
thinking about it and then
we're trying to figure out what kind of farts girls cut when they're in the
bathroom and whether or not
they wash their hands and fart on each other probably not as much not as much
but they definitely drop
heat in there for sure once they close that door i think they allow themselves
yeah they allow
themselves to to fucking fart it up you know you know they let them rip yeah
once they get in that
door they close that door they just you have to if you're taking a shit yeah
you're gonna fart yeah
but i wonder if they fart while they're washing their hands these are the
things that i think yeah
absolutely i wonder about what we need more of this in the world do you mask
your farts when you
shit in a public restroom no no let it out you gotta do what you do what do you
hold up to the camera
i love girl farts you're an idiot jesus christ you have that on your phone yeah
i love girl farts
yeah 40 year old man he's got that on his phone oh christ it's a huge fetish
now it's actually a
website it is it's amazing it's always been yeah it's amazing there's been fart
porn forever where
dudes like sniff farts right out of a girl's ass yeah i um they're naughty we
played some uh fart clips
on our show and i we were talking about it and the guy wrote in and he was like
i have a big time
fart fetish and we're like what like what's the thinking about it and he was
like i think it's just
back to the taboo of it that the pretty girl is not supposed to so he's uh you
know i mean like that
it's yeah this should be a dirty girl yes and that's yeah he loves you know a
pretty girl doing
it is like like the ultimate thing yeah that's the thing about people is like
they want people to be
naughty right just because we feel so most people at least feel so confined by
the rules and i think
women so even more so than men women even more so than men because you know
society wants you to be
a lady it wants you to a certain way sure you know and there's slut shaming you're
not allowed to be a
slut you're not allowed to do what you want to do you know like if a woman
wants to go out and fuck a
bunch of different guys like if a woman wants to fuck two guys in a night she's
a terrible person
like if you find out about that oh my god she she went to this guy's house she
fucked him then she
laughed and she went to this other guy's house and fucked him what a whore
national champion like
girls would be like what a whore yeah but if you told me so he decides he
leaves his this girl's house
and he's like you know what fuck i can call somebody else he calls somebody
else and he goes and fucks
her and we're like that guy's an animal yeah it wasn't it wasn't even done he
wanted to fuck more
that's crazy that is crazy though that we don't you know that we have that that
double standard for
that i mean i remember in college a guy a friend uh going into a sorority house
and banging girls
in the same house in the same night in different rooms and like yeah we all
were like that's
fantastic you're such a hero like you're such a wonderful person and we were
all so happy with
his story but if a girl went to a fraternity house fucked one guy said good
night honey left and
then knocked on the door hey cracker man she's fucking under dirty bitch yeah
fucking whore yeah we
really should applaud her yeah i mean well or not you know either way we should
let her do whatever
she wants to do yeah she's just fucking people why do you what do you care were
they going to stay
together forever they're in college jesus christ if you have a problem with a
girl who fucks one guy
and then fucks another guy that night you're silly yeah you are what's wrong
you could be one of those
guys yeah so all you gotta do is throw your dick in front of her obviously she
likes him so that
suppression leads to uh like a reaction this just holding back leads to this
need to let it go yeah and
the girl just farts right in that dude's face
guys like i can't believe you did that you dirty bitch i'm a dirty farty bitch
i'm a farty bitch
fart in my mouth again it's so funny the people that own this i love girl farts
are actually watching
right now don't promote that so stupid oh my gosh that snuck out of me i'm a
bad girl
the smell and the fucking noise and the whole thing the naughtiness of it all
we hold it in
boston girls farting boy we have a thing about um about people shitting too you
know yeah no one
wants to admit they just took a shit we want to hide it and cover it up with
noise and fans and we
want to light matches and yeah it is weird i mean i i don't like uh those
single single stall unisex
bathrooms yeah when you got a shit i got shit and then there's like someone's
like you're going in
there and you're like ah fuck man why don't you go in first no you're gonna
shit on top of any shit
i know i get but you get that you know like i feel like i can't relax or you
can say can i please use
the restroom like if you're at a meeting if you're having a meeting or
something like that you say i'll
be right back after you use the restroom but you can't say look i got a shit i
can't keep talking
to you guys i gotta take a shit you say i use the restroom it's ambiguous okay
go ahead yeah and you
leave you know you can't say i'm so sorry uh i was late for this meeting i got
here on time but i
had to shit yeah right right you can't say that you gotta be upset you gotta go
to the restroom and
then you you know that the clock's running so because if you come back 15
minutes later covered
in sweat they're like wow you took a monster shit huh like you can't really put
that out there you're
like oh fuck now i gotta grind this thing out quick sometimes that's what you
have to do sometimes
you have to take a 10 minute heater yeah like sometimes you just you take a
shit and it comes
up clump clump and you're like god there's a lot more up there god damn it
happened on the flight
yesterday oh no as soon as i sat down i was wanting to go to sleep and i was
like i gotta take a shit
and it was during takeoff so then you're like waiting for it to hit 10 000 feet
you know and then
you're waiting for them to turn the seatbelt sign off and i go in there like
this is gonna be
this is like a fucking marathon shit but i didn't have time for it so i really
dropped half of it
off just like i fall asleep oh no yeah and then later on i finished it was it
was pretty pretty
dramatic it's one of the weird things about your body is that there's like this
intangible sense of
how much shit is in there yeah you know like when you're taking a shit like you
have that feeling
that weird feeling like i smell a shit or i feel a shit brewing i feel a shit
cooking in the oven
yeah and then once you're taking that shit you got this pressure thing like you
know it's in there
you know it's up there and there's a certain amount like god damn it this isn't
ready this isn't ready
yeah all right i'm gonna have to i'm gonna have to empty it and then i'm to
come back later
yeah and that's and that's the worst you like when it's all gone yeah certain
foods too will trigger
um just amazing amounts of shit that come out of you where you're just like is
my body mostly shit
like am i just a walking talking shit machine because sometimes i'll like the
amount that will
come out of me is just incredible to me i just cannot i cannot get over what's
coming out of me
if you think about how much food you eat though if you think think of like the
your entire day if you
shit once a day think about breakfast in there and then lunch in there and then
your dinner in there
like this giant mound of food that goes in your body and then snack like you
might have a protein bar
along the way and then you have all this you drink thing you might drink milk
which has got some
solids in there and then slowly but surely compress that into just logs or big
ropey shit logs it's
amazing it's not really bigger now picture a pretty girl squatting over your
face and letting that
all over you yeah well that's uh under glass like a big thing some guys coffee
some guys like women
shitting on glass coffee tables yeah i always heard that about stallone those
those like one of those
rumors probably made up it's probably like the richard gear gerbil thing yeah
just someone decided to say
it and then it sounds cool so people repeat it yeah it was stallone likes to
get under tables and
girls take big juicy shits on those tables he loves it doesn't want to fuck
them just wants them to
shit i'd like to watch people shit it's over a glass table just to see it come
out maybe once
really sure what about a guy like joey diaz that's i think that's the one that
would be at the top of
my list what if he fell and landed on the table on the table shattered and you
died glass went through
your neck shit was in your eyeballs and you died knowing that shit was all over
your face and feeling
the hot blood rush out of your neck wow sorry dog sorry dog i slipped whoops
had too much sodium i think
that it would be much more interesting to watch diaz shit than some model i'd
like to see him have
explosive diarrhea on a glass table well i would like to see a girl who's like
addicted to stimulants
like who's trying to be really skinny uh how just how little she actually shits
just the hair comes
out probably shocking to see like little tiny poops curly squirly yeah slightly
bile little yellow
smell to it like what's going on sorry that's a big one anything just half of
her shit is pills
powdery pills come out yeah like non-dissolved pills clumps yeah but i mean it
would be fun to watch
a couple times maybe watch i don't know about fun but maybe fascinating yeah
fascinating i think as an
art exhibit we're talking about art a lot this weekend it'd be great to set up
a live exhibit i've
always thought of this where you have like 10 people 50 feet up and they're
butt naked and they have
different body types and they're sitting on glass toilets with glass tubes
coming down and then the
exhibit is you walk around and they all shit at the same time like that'd be
kind of a fun and they
flush it and you see these glass tubes fill up with shit and come tumbling