Name: Joe Rogan Experience #518 - Matt Fulchiron
Uploaded: 2014-07-02T02:56:45.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #518 - Matt Fulchiron' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-07-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #518 - Matt Fulchiron' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-07-02. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #518 - Matt Fulchiron

Hello my friends. Hello people out there in cyber land. Hello human beings
listening to
ones and zeros being transmitted through computers allegedly. I don't even know
how
this works. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Ting. Ting is a
mobile
service company that is an independent company that uses Sprint. What they do
is they rent
time on Sprint. So you get the same service that you would get with Sprint, but
they have
it set up their way and their way is they want to do things as evenly and ethically
and just
as they want to make it as like above board as possible. A lot of the things
you pay for
when you pay for cell phones are not necessary, especially when you have
contracts and early
termination fees and if you want to get out of things, it's very difficult.
That's one
of the things that Ting has avoided. They don't have any contracts. Cancel
anytime you want.
They don't have any early termination fees. They think it's silly. And they
also have it set up
in a very brilliant way where you only pay for what you use. So instead of
having 120 minutes a
month or whatever it is a month, whatever your pay thing is, if you use less
than that, it's not
like the company calls you up and says, hey, you should probably have a service
for less minutes
because you don't use all your minutes. And then you have all these minutes
that you didn't use,
but you did pay for them. The way Ting has it, you pay for what you use and you
would be
shocked at how easy it is to save money. 98% of people would save money using
Ting. I don't know
about the coverage, but I know because I feel like at this point in time, Sprint,
like Joey Diaz loves
Sprint. He's had Sprint for like 10 years. Don't text him on it though. Well,
you can't text him. He won't
accept phone messages. He won't accept text messages. If you call him, he wants
to see Matt Fultron
called, you know, missed call Matt Fultron. That's all he wants to see. No voicemail.
No voicemail. But this is the, this is not like some Hick cell phone company.
This is the Sprint
backbone. So it's, it's one of the best cell phone providers in the country. So
you get the exact same
service, but you own your phone. They'll sell you an iPhone five for 260 bucks.
They sell you all the
best Android phones and you actually pay for the phone instead of what's going
on when you go to
a lot of places like, uh, the bigger name places and you get a phone. It's, you
know, 500 bucks. It's not
really 500 bucks. It's probably more. Um, but you have to pay over like course
of several years that
you have your contract, you pay with the differences. So if you're paying a
dollar, uh, $199, but the
phone is actually a $600 phone, you owe them $401 that you'll have to pay for
over the course of your
contract. That's one of the reasons why when you try to leave your contract,
you have to pay money to get
out of it. And this is all something you've signed. You might not even realize
it. That's how it was
for the longest time. Contracts and early termination fees and paying for X
amount of minutes per month.
And Ting has just stepped in and stopped all that nonsense. And I think it's
going to be the model
that all cell phone companies use in the future. But right now Ting's using it.
They have that new
Nexus five, which is fucking bad-ass. They have some bad-ass Google phones now.
349 bucks. You own it.
That's it. Never have to. There's no payments. There's no, you know, sit. It's
over. Conversation's
done. And if you want to leave, you're like, fuck you, Ting. I got what I
wanted. Right over
the, what is it? Metro PCS? Hop over them. Hop over to AT&T. Who cares? They
don't mind.
But use the code word Rogan. Go to Rogan.Ting.com. The URL, Rogan.Ting.com. And
you can save 25 bucks
off of any of Ting's beautiful and delicious new mobile devices. That's Rogan.Ting.com.
We're also brought to you by Onnit.com. That is O-N-N-I-T, a human optimization
website. If you're
looking to get in shape, you dirty bitches, if you're looking to get it in gear,
start to look sexy for
the summer. Pick up some kettlebells and battle ropes and pick up one of those
Keith Weber kettlebell
cardio DVDs. Oh my goodness. Extreme kettlebell cardio DVDs. One and two. They're
fucking fantastic.
I love these videos. Because just do what he does and you're guaranteed to want
to have a heart
attack. Just keep up. Just keep up. That's all you have to do. And you see him
doing it, so you just
try to do it with him. It's fucking, it's even better than going to a gym. A
lot of times when you
go to a gym, how often does the guy lift weights with you? You know, not very
often. But when you're
following one of those DVDs, you literally have to follow him. He's doing it.
You got to do it too.
Don't be a bitch. Can't slack off. Awesome workout and really good for the body
too. It's a full body
exercise type deal. It's with kettlebells. And if you haven't used kettlebells,
the number one urge
that I have every time I do this commercial is please go to either a personal
trainer or get a really light
kettlebell and go to YouTube and learn how to lift weights. And don't get crazy.
Don't hurt yourself.
Try, start off slow. And if you're embarrassed by the fact that you're lifting
weights and it's only
18 pounds, just don't tell anybody. Keep working out, but don't tell anybody.
Watch it on YouTube. Don't
put it on YouTube. Yeah. You know, put, you know, put, you put an outfit on
like a furry, like put like a
crazy furry hat. And plus you'll be really shuddered with kettlebells in the
beginning anyway. So you'll
probably hit yourself in the head a few times. If you have one of those big
furry masks, it'll probably protect you a little bit.
Like if you have some errant cleans and they hit you in your little chipmunk
face. Yeah.
It's definitely a private, private beginning.
Anyway, go to onand.com and use the code word Rogan. You can save 10% off any
and all supplements.
Without further ado, the full charge is here. Matt Fultron, cue the music,
Brian.
Joe Rogan podcast. Check it out. The Joe Rogan experience. Train by day. Joe
Rogan podcast by night. All day.
Powerful full charge. Are you drinking already? You're an animal. I am. I just,
I just got off the road and I've developed a habit.
And it's kind of my first day off in a long time. So this is the first day off
of how many days on the road? I was gone since June 11th. We're going to call
that three weeks. Damn, son. And I was in the Midwest the whole time. I never
came home. And it's nice to see beautiful Los Angeles, California. Those make
you appreciate the fuck out of LA. Oh my God. We got it so good out here.
People forget. They're not 80 million people out here because it sucks.
No. It's because it's off the fucking hook. It's, it's really unrealistic
though. It's very unrealistic way to live. We don't ever deal with weather.
I know. That's what's so funny. It's all anybody was talking about there. Hope
it rains today. Sure do need some rain. We never say that even though we're the
ones that need the rain.
Yeah. We don't have farms. Yeah. We're all farming. Right. When people out
there say, I hope it needs the rain, you know, they're talking, they're
literally talking about farms.
Yeah. And their livelihood. Yeah. And, uh, I saw a website out there called, uh,
farmers only.com. Yeah. Which is like a dating site, like an exclusive dating
site. Hot farmer dudes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Picking up on hot farmer gal. Yeah. Commercial's hilarious. It's great. I
wonder if farmers will do a gayfarmer.com. Can you have a, are you allowed to
say you're gay and be a farmer and pick up other gay farmers?
How many gay farmers are there? That's a good question. There's got to be at
least 11 gay farmers. Oh shit. In the entire country? Absolutely. Only 11? No,
at least. That's a worn out dating pool. Yeah. Imagine those poor 11 dudes just
banging each other.
Barns and shit. All tired from working all day. Can't even put it in. Go to gayfarmer.com
right now. Nope. It's hilarious what comes up, dude. No, I'm not having that in
my fucking history. It comes up. It switches to his first huge cock.com and it's
just guys swallowing. Yeah. That's all good, Brian. No hoes allowed. I'm not
doing that.
It'll ruin your computer. It is a weird, very specific dating site though. It's
the most. Farmer.com. Specific I've ever heard. I guess maybe they feel like a
lot of people wouldn't understand that lifestyle. Yeah. I mean, you can't. It's
hard work, man. You can't date a non-farmer. Well, here's what you can't do.
You can't be a farmer, find a guy or gal that's not a farmer from the city,
drag them out to the farm and expect it to work out. That's not going to work
out at all. It might work out. It could, but there's also that thing of,
where you're like, yeah, I'm a farmer. And then the chick's like, yeah, that's
cool. Cause I like to, I got some plants and stuff. And you're like, not the
same thing. They don't know what kind of work hours you're going to have to put
in, but they might, you know, some, some people have good work ethics and they
look forward to that sort of a challenge. It might work with the odd person,
but a lot of people who have like regular jobs where they get to sit down all
day.
Can you imagine if you went from some sort of an insurance sale? I always go
with insurance sales. Yeah. Cause it seems like one of the most fucking boring
bullshit jobs. Phone and email all day. And you're constantly like ass kissing
people to like tell them, well, you know, this, sir, the reason why this
coverage is important. Well, Joe, normally I wouldn't say this, but I think in
your circumstance, Oh, shut up.
Always saying your first name over and over again. Joe, you're going to love
this coverage. It's the best thing you can get, Joe.
Just rubbing you, stroking you all day. They get out of there. They're
exhausted, you know? Yeah. That shit wears on you. Yeah. My uncle's a car
insurance guy and he, he brings it home with him. He's adopted the voice.
Like if I call him up, he's like, well, hello, Matthew. How are you doing today?
I love him. I love him. He's great.
Oh, you gross. But he's from New Jersey. And now he lives in Northern
California. Now he talks like a regular insurance guy. Wow. That's hilarious.
Peter Fulcheron. What's up, dude? I love you. Not making fun of you.
Man, love. People always get mad if you talk about him on a podcast, man. Even
if you say good things.
If you say anything funny about some funny shit that happened, people get so
upset.
Yeah.
Listen, man, we're all retarded. Don't you listen to the things we say about us?
We're all retarded.
Yeah, I've said more worse things about myself than anyone else.
The thing that, the difference between being an insurance salesman and being a
farmer, though, is I think the farmers are a little bit more happy with what
they, I think it feels like you get something done.
Like at the end of the day, when you, you know, you brought in the crops, when
you fed the cow, I don't even know which order you do that in.
I have no idea.
You know, whatever you did to bring in food.
Yeah, no, you can see it with your eyeballs over the course of a couple months.
You can see the crops growing.
They say construction workers are really happy because they actually get to see
what they build.
They're also usually on drugs.
Well, yeah, that helps.
That helps.
But yeah, you're totally right.
I think building things, getting things like set up a farm, plant the seeds,
water them, you know, watch it.
You're essentially facilitating this whole construction process.
Right.
And if you work in an office, it just kind of resets every day.
Even as a comedian, it's like, all right, I'm going to go do another show.
I'm going to go do another show.
Yeah, but isn't that on you?
Because you can just change your act.
You could have, I mean, essentially, think about how long it takes you to write
an act.
If we were smart, what we would do is we 