Name: "Just Keep Showing Up" with Joey Diaz (from Joe Rogan Experience #513)
Uploaded: 2014-07-03T00:58:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Just Keep Showing Up" with Joey Diaz (from Joe Rogan Experience #513)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-07-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Just Keep Showing Up" with Joey Diaz (from Joe Rogan Experience #513)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-07-03. Transcript available.

the Joe Rogan experience. Joe Frazier was a motherfucker. How sad was him? We
used to go to
Philly. We used to drive past his gym on the way in from the airport, that
neighbor. And he lived
in his gym before he died. Yeah. Yeah, he went broke in the end. Look, the
amount of money that
these guys make for the time, look, they're talking about $5 million purses for
Ali and Foreman. For
the time, if you had $5 million back then, that is a lot of goddamn money. But
guess what? You live
like you got $5 million. So you're buying fucking Cadillacs and paying for this
and paying for that
and meals here and jets there. Next thing you know, $5 million doesn't even
make it to the
80s. And you know the brothers are showing up at the door. My long lost motherfucking
cousin
and shit. Yeah. Listen, man, we got adventure and this motherfucker can't go
wrong. Barbershops
in white neighborhoods. First year, you're going to make 30% of your investment.
Second year,
60% of your investment. And they just hit you with some crazy speech. How many
of those you
ever had to deal with? Three. Oh, you get them all the time.
I had to deal with one recently. Movies, TV shows, you get them constantly.
Ear beatings. All you have to do is invest money. Listen, man, I'm not a movie
producer.
All you have to do is give us a check and we'll do the rest. You don't have to
do anything. You
don't have to worry about it. Yes, I do. I have to worry about it. No, no, no.
You don't have to
worry about it. No, no. I do have to worry about it. If I give you money, I'm
going to
worry about it. Get out of here with your crazy idea. There's a reason why they
have
banks, okay? Go to the bank. If you have a really good idea and you have credit,
go to
the fucking bank. If you don't have credit, I got to assume somewhere along the
line, you've
already made some poor fucking choices. I don't want to be involved in that.
People have
this, everybody has this idea that they're going to figure out how to circumvent
this time-honored
system of Hollywood and they're going to get to Joe Diaz. If I can get to Joe
Diaz, I know
Joe Diaz has been killing it on the road. If he can give me just $2,000 and I
could start
this film, you know, Quentin Tarantino does his brah, brah, brah, brah. Kevin
Smith made
Clerks and brah, brah, brah, brah, brah. And they just think that all they need
is a couple
grand from Joey Diaz. Joey, Joey, Joey, Joey. You can't go wrong, okay? Nobody
makes movies
like me, okay, Joey? They just don't want me in. They don't want me in, Joey.
They don't
want me in, Joey Diaz. They want to keep me on the outside. No, you get them
for your
time. It's not even that you get them for money. It's you get them for your
time.
Yeah. Look at you, what you're living through. You're busy. Yeah. You're swamped.
There's
no more. There's no more. I keep telling people that and they get mad at me. No,
they don't
understand. When you have children, there's no schedule. I can't count on my
schedule,
bro. At 10.20, she wouldn't get off my fucking lap watching one, two, three
videos on YouTube.
At 10.30, I went to pick her up. Like, let's go. What? What were you fucking
talking about?
I'll be back in a couple hours. They don't know what the fuck that means. No, I
don't know what the fuck
I'm talking. You don't have no fucking idea what it is to, and I went to get,
to go into
the room at 9.30 to get out of there. I was going to get out of there early.
That little
bitch opened the gate up. I heard those stomping, and right there, there's no
argument. She
just puts her hands up. Right. Got to pick her up. Got to put YouTube on. I got
to sit
there with her. One, two, three, four, five. You know, and then she, again,
daddy, okay.
Well, the problem with people asking you to do things, too, is that you got to
do this
shit for yourself, okay? The way to do it is not to go through other people and
ask people
to pick you up and help you. That's not how it works. It doesn't work that way.
Everybody
thinks they're going to figure out some fucking shortcut, because they know you,
or they know
this guy or that guy. There's no shortcuts in creating something. Just figure
it out,
bitch. I love stand-up, because there's one part of me that doesn't need
anybody. I need
a notebook. Right here. This is my tools for stand-up, and a person. I'll go to
Bob's
fucking coffee house on North Hollywood and do three minutes. You know me. I
don't give
a fuck. Yeah. When we talked about having a band, that somebody came on here
and said
that it was the toughest thing in the world for a band to stay together. You
got four
people personalities, you know. You get these people that come to you now, and
I was breaking
it down for you on the plane. They'll say, hey, Joe, how you doing? My name is
this. Read
my script. Do you like it? Yeah. We're going to get $8 million. And then you go,
okay, when
you get it, call me. I really like the script, something you're interested in,
whatever, three
days. All of a sudden, you do get a call in a year later, and they say, hey, we're
making
a movie. But guess what? We didn't get $2 million. We got $200,000. So instead
of
getting $10,000 a week, you're going to get $100,000 a day. And it's going to
be a hit.
We're going to make it happen. Nine out of 10, they run out of money for
marketing and
editing and the whole fucking thing. So your movie ends up in YouTube. They don't
have
a legit schedule, so you have to work Saturdays and fucking Sundays. Those
people that are involved
in those low-rent movies, too. They're a fucking nightmare. And it's their
dream. And I get
it. It's your dream. But don't include me in this fucking thing. Because you
want me to
do everything cheap, on my end, all the hours. And it's your fucking dream. If
it's that much
of your dream, do me a favor. Forget the 200 Gs. Go get another 300 Gs. And
make this fucking
work.
Well, not only that. You can find other actors out there that will do it for
cheap. There's
people out there that just want to act. Sort of like a comic will go to an open
mic night.
There's certain actors that just want to do something to put it on a reel. Go
find them.
There's a lot of talented people out there that are not working. As far as
acting goes,
there's a lot of fucking people that can do it. There's a lot of talented
people.
It's just, I just have a problem with people asking you to help them do it. I
get it from
comics all the time, too. Just looking for a break. What are you talking about?
You're not
going to get a break from another comic. The way you get breaks is by going on
stage and being
funny. Go to an open mic night. Be funny. The club will say, hey, Joey Diaz,
you're fucking
funny. We would like you to come here more often. The audience really enjoyed
you. Next thing you
know, some manager says, you know what, Joey Diaz? You're really funny. We
would like to
think about taking you on as a client. That's how it works. A comic coming
along is not going
to make you funnier. Then the people that do that, they always have a distorted
perception
of how good they are already. Those kids that are asking for a break, the kids
that want you
to help them, hey, man, I just need a break. If I could do a guest set for you,
it would
really help me. That's not, you don't go to the Doug Stanhope show and ask for
a fucking
guest. Although Doug will probably put you up. Doug will probably go, all right,
do 15, start it,
go up front. Doug will push a fucking open micro on his first time on stage. He'll
do that in front
of like a crowd in Norway or something. But that's Stanhope. You know, uh, it's
not normal. Yeah,
you have to do, it's, it's amazing what people, you know, we weren't like that.
Thank God. We knew
that this took work and hard. We knew that this wasn't going to happen in one
night. I was old
enough already when I started, I was long in the tooth already that I knew this
was just not going
to, you know, you just didn't walk on stage and things happen. And people come
here and they're
called desperados where they just do, they'll come up to you for a guest and
you got to ask them,
what is this going to do for you? Right. How's this going to fucking change
your life? It's like,
I've never been too much of a hanger outter. I don't believe in that. I never
believe in that
shit. You know, I believe in doing a spot. If I go to the comedy store, it's
because I'm doing a
fucking spot. If I don't go to, I don't go to the improv and my name isn't on
that list
to hang out. There's no, for me, there's no, no, no, no, no. Because if you
come up to Joe Rogan,
Red Band or Jamie and go, hi, Jamie, my name is Joey Dears. I'm a fucking comic.
I'm a funny comic.
Jamie's going to say, are you going up tonight? Because we all want to watch
you. I love to laugh.
Right. You're funny. Let's go. No, I'm just here hanging out. You ain't that
fucking funny.
If you're not on the list, you ain't that fucking funny.
Or they don't know about you yet. There is a possibility.
No, no, no, no. There's certain people that go to the improv. That's it. And
they'll tell
you, dog, you got to network. What network? You network on stage. I network on
stage.
Yeah. When they laugh and I walk off, that's networking.
Well, not only that, when you're a comic, you're sort of like a fruit or a
vegetable in that
you're growing and then one day you're going to be ripe. And when you're going
to be ripe,
everyone's going to know about it. People will find out about you. People found
out about
everybody. They found out about you. They found out about Hinchcliffe. They
found out about
everybody. You hear about Duncan.
Do you hear what's happening in China right now?
What's happening in China?
Ari's packing them in.
Oh, yeah.
Every night. And he goes, I can't believe it. There's white people and UFC fans.
In China.
They're coming from Macau.
Yeah.
Okay. They're not big rooms. They're 120 seater, 100 seaters. It's like coffee
shops.
Right. But we're on the internet. This shit is worldwide.
This is worldwide.
Yeah, this is worldwide.
He can't believe it. That there's fucking people walking around here going, we
came to
see you from Macau.
I can't believe it took people so long to figure it out. Ari's a fucking genius.
He's a great comic.
It's just amazing that people have misled. They think there's shortcuts. When
we got
here, what was the shortcut? If you get on The Tonight Show, that's it. How
many people
have gone to The Tonight Show and had great success?
No one cares.
A lot of people. Oh, now it doesn't.
No, but back in the day, it meant something big.
Stephen Wright days?
Look, I could finally do a technical getup.
A Turkish getup?
No, a technical getup in jiu-jitsu. I could finally do it after a year of
practice in hotel
rooms. Five a day, I would do it on my right side. You know I'm a nut, dog. You
do know
I'm retarded. People know that. I'm a little stupid. I'm geeky. I don't like
being bad at
something. And since we got the comedy work ethic, I know that you could turn
anything in life into
something if you just keep showing up. For me, jiu-jitsu has been, I suck, Joe,
but I could
finally do the whole gym hip escape. I'm a black belt of hip escapes. To me,
today, that's
what I do. I'm a hip escape expert. That's what I work on, you know?
Hip escapes are huge.
Bro, fuck, and when you learn how to do them for six months, I didn't know what
I was doing.
And then Salami taught me sometimes. All just taught me a difference. And I put
it all together
on my shoulder. And now at least I can pick up my ass and push it all the way
back.
For me, those are little things, you know? I wish I was better. But I know if I
keep going
to jiu-jitsu twice a week, which is what my body can handle, eventually, I'll
get somebody
in an arm bar. Eventually, because I got funny with comedy. I was no fucking Slip
Magoo in
the beginning.
Slip Magoo or whatever.
I just kept showing up, dog. You just got to keep showing the fuck up.
That's half a life.
That's half a life. And who gives a fuck how long? I'm not looking for a black
belt.
I'm not even looking to go to beat nobody up. I'm just looking to go to learn
how to do
a Turkish get-up. I could do with 10 pounds, a Turkish get-up. I'm up to this
point where
I put my arm down, I put my knee up, and I just go up to my elbow and I go down.
I do
10 of those, bro.
Pop, pop, pop. I don't even go over. I've been doing it for eight months,
kettlebells.
10 pounds, Turkish get-up, bitch. But I'm still doing it.
Right.
What would happen if I would have took 35 pounds? You know me, dog. I wouldn't
be here right
now. My shoulder would be in my fucking earlobe.
So, but at least I know this going in because of comedy, because of the lesson
I got from
comedy, that it don't matter, dog. Just keep showing up.
Yeah, but nobody laughs. Dog, keep showing up.
Some people, you tell them to stay home. Some people should stay home.
You know what, man? For some people, it's like me. When we did comedy, there
was eight
people who had a chance. There was another six who were funny, but they had day
jobs because
they were married or had children. Then you had two people who did it as a
hobby that every
once in a great while, they drove to a gig. And then you got three people that
just had
mental health issues.
Yeah.
Okay.
And they showed up every week and they were nice enough, but you knew there was
something
wrong there. And for them, it was the way this is for me with jujitsu. I'm not
looking
to, for them, they're not looking to be on NBC. All they want to do is one time
in their
life, make somebody laugh. How special is that?
It's huge.
And they go down there and you miss those guys. I miss those guys from my
scenes in Seattle,
even here. In LA, there's people that you see them and they're a pleasure to
talk to because
they don't want an agent. They don't want to be on movies.
They're just having fun.
They work at Universal City in the daytime as the Hulk.
There's very few of those that appreciate that.
And I respect that. I respect that, man.
But aren't there very, there's very few of those. Most of those guys have
dreams that
just never manifested themselves.
But a lot of them...
Never materialized.
I met a lot of guys that, bro, they were proud of their job. They just thought
somewhere
in their life that they could be a stand-up and they just didn't want to die
without
trying it.
Right.
And then they did it and they become addicted. How many people go to jujitsu?
It becomes
addicting.
Yeah. Stand-up definitely becomes addicting.
Stand-up becomes addicting.
It becomes addicting, bro.
And it's like addicts where you see those guys that are scrambling outside,
they can't
wait to get on stage. And like, even guys who are bad, they'll see a guy who's
up there
killing, like you, be up there killing, like, man, he's supposed to only be
doing 15 minutes.
Motherfuckers are 20 minutes. Like, what do you care? What are you going to do?
You're
going to go up after Joey Diaz? What are you going to do? You're an open miker
and you're
upset. Like, they think somehow or another they, well, I'm on the non-paid
regular list.
Bitch, you're not getting up until two in the morning. You know how it works.
This is what
you do. You're on a non-paid... I was a non-paid regular. You get up after
everybody
else. That's what you do. If there's anybody left.
How fucking crazy is that? People should know this. You were on a TV show and
you were
a non-paid regular, which by law, if you're on a TV show, you're allowed to go
in there
and bump bitches. Give them the bell. You know what I'm saying?
Well, not only that, I showed up every night.
Every night.
I was there every night.
I didn't have many friends.
The biggest lesson I learned about this whole thing from you, it was news radio.
On Fridays,
you got there at 11 in the morning. Wardrobe, stupidity, laughter, food, and
then at 8 o'clock
you shoot. You'd be strolling in there at fucking 1130, bro. I respect you for
that. To this
day, that meant more to me. And you didn't need it. It was $15. It's not like
you had 19
kids and you needed the 15 fucking dollars.
I'll tell you the truth. Being passed as a paid regular at the comedy store
meant more to
me than getting on a TV show. Me too. When I was on a TV show, when I was on
news radio,
one of the things I love about you coming to visit me is like, finally, there's
another
motherfucker that doesn't belong here. Because I was always wandering around
like, one day
they're going to tell me to get the fuck off TV. But until now, somehow or
another, I'm on TV.
So Joey would show up. I'd be like, come here, man. Hey, come here. Let me show
you what
this is. This is where they keep the food. We'd wander around the set. Joey
would show up at the
set. And Joey would be sitting. They had an executive VIP suite. And the VIP
suite, they
had shrimp cocktails and delicious hors d'oeuvres. And they had it catered. A
dude who, you know,
had like one of those Mumford and Sons fucking facial hair things with a
beautiful tie, a skinny
tie. He'd be like serving people shit. And it would be all these NBC executives
and Joey
fucking Diaz with a leather jacket would stroll in and feast. He'd be sitting
there with a fucking
paper plate with like 15 shrimps on it. Oh my God. They'd be like, is that your
friend?

"Just Keep Showing Up" with Joey Diaz (from Joe Rogan Experience #513)

the Joe Rogan experience. Joe Frazier was a motherfucker. How sad was him? We
used to go to
Philly. We used to drive past his gym on the way in from the airport, that
neighbor. And he lived
in his gym before he died. Yeah. Yeah, he went broke in the end. Look, the
amount of money that
these guys make for the time, look, they're talking about $5 million purses for
Ali and Foreman. For
the time, if you had $5 million back then, that is a lot of goddamn money. But
guess what? You live
like you got $5 million. So you're buying fucking Cadillacs and paying for this
and paying for that
and meals here and jets there. Next thing you know, $5 million doesn't even
make it to the
80s. And you know the brothers are showing up at the door. My long lost motherfucking
cousin
and shit. Yeah. Listen, man, we got adventure and this motherfucker can't go
wrong. Barbershops
in white neighborhoods. First year, you're going to make 30% of your investment.
Second year,
60% of your investment. And they just hit you with some crazy speech. How many
of those you
ever had to deal with? Three. Oh, you get them all the time.
I had to deal with one recently. Movies, TV shows, you get them constantly.
Ear beatings. All you have to do is invest money. Listen, man, I'm not a movie
producer.
All you have to do is give us a check and we'll do the rest. You don't have to
do anything. You
don't have to worry about it. Yes, I do. I have to worry about it. No, no, no.
You don't have to
worry about it. No, no. I do have to worry about it. If I give you money, I'm
going to
worry about it. Get out of here with your crazy idea. There's a reason why they
have
banks, okay? Go to the bank. If you have a really good idea and you have credit,
go to
the fucking bank. If you don't have credit, I got to assume somewhere along the
line, you've
already made some poor fucking choices. I don't want to be involved in that.
People have
this, everybody has this idea that they're going to figure out how to circumvent
this time-honored
system of Hollywood and they're going to get to Joe Diaz. If I can get to Joe
Diaz, I know
Joe Diaz has been killing it on the road. If he can give me just $2,000 and I
could start
this film, you know, Quentin Tarantino does his brah, brah, brah, brah. Kevin
Smith made
Clerks and brah, brah, brah, brah, brah. And they just think that all they need
is a couple
grand from Joey Diaz. Joey, Joey, Joey, Joey. You can't go wrong, okay? Nobody
makes movies
like me, okay, Joey? They just don't want me in. They don't want me in, Joey.
They don't
want me in, Joey Diaz. They want to keep me on the outside. No, you get them
for your
time. It's not even that you get them for money. It's you get them for your
time.
Yeah. Look at you, what you're living through. You're busy. Yeah. You're swamped.
There's
no more. There's no more. I keep telling people that and they get mad at me. No,
they don't
understand. When you have children, there's no schedule. I can't count on my
schedule,
bro. At 10.20, she wouldn't get off my fucking lap watching one, two, three
videos on YouTube.
At 10.30, I went to pick her up. Like, let's go. What? What were you fucking
talking about?
I'll be back in a couple hours. They don't know what the fuck that means. No, I
don't know what the fuck
I'm talking. You don't have no fucking idea what it is to, and I went to get,
to go into
the room at 9.30 to get out of there. I was going to get out of there early.
That little
bitch opened the gate up. I heard those stomping, and right there, there's no
argument. She
just puts her hands up. Right. Got to pick her up. Got to put YouTube on. I got
to sit
there with her. One, two, three, four, five. You know, and then she, again,
daddy, okay.
Well, the problem with people asking you to do things, too, is that you got to
do this
shit for yourself, okay? The way to do it is not to go through other people and
ask people
to pick you up and help you. That's not how it works. It doesn't work that way.
Everybody
thinks they're going to figure out some fucking shortcut, because they know you,
or they know
this guy or that guy. There's no shortcuts in creating something. Just figure
it out,
bitch. I love stand-up, because there's one part of me that doesn't need
anybody. I need
a notebook. Right here. This is my tools for stand-up, and a person. I'll go to
Bob's
fucking coffee house on North Hollywood and do three minutes. You know me. I
don't give
a fuck. Yeah. When we talked about having a band, that somebody came on here
and said
that it was the toughest thing in the world for a band to stay together. You
got four
people personalities, you know. You get these people that come to you now, and
I was breaking
it down for you on the plane. They'll say, hey, Joe, how you doing? My name is
this. Read
my script. Do you like it? Yeah. We're going to get $8 million. And then you go,
okay, when
you get it, call me. I really like the script, something you're interested in,
whatever, three
days. All of a sudden, you do get a call in a year later, and they say, hey, we're
making
a movie. But guess what? We didn't get $2 million. We got $200,000. So instead
of
getting $10,000 a week, you're going to get $100,000 a day. And it's going to
be a hit.
We're going to make it happen. Nine out of 10, they run out of money for
marketing and
editing and the whole fucking thing. So your movie ends up in YouTube. They don't
have
a legit schedule, so you have to work Saturdays and fucking Sundays. Those
people that are involved
in those low-rent movies, too. They're a fucking nightmare. And it's their
dream. And I get
it. It's your dream. But don't include me in this fucking thing. Because you
want me to
do everything cheap, on my end, all the hours. And it's your fucking dream. If
it's that much
of your dream, do me a favor. Forget the 200 Gs. Go get another 300 Gs. And
make this fucking
work.
Well, not only that. You can find other actors out there that will do it for
cheap. There's
people out there that just want to act. Sort of like a comic will go to an open
mic night.
There's certain actors that just want to do something to put it on a reel. Go
find them.
There's a lot of talented people out there that are not working. As far as
acting goes,
there's a lot of fucking people that can do it. There's a lot of talented
people.
It's just, I just have a problem with people asking you to help them do it. I
get it from
comics all the time, too. Just looking for a break. What are you talking about?
You're not
going to get a break from another comic. The way you get breaks is by going on
stage and being
funny. Go to an open mic night. Be funny. The club will say, hey, Joey Diaz,
you're fucking
funny. We would like you to come here more often. The audience really enjoyed
you. Next thing you
know, some manager says, you know what, Joey Diaz? You're really funny. We
would like to
think about taking you on as a client. That's how it works. A comic coming
along is not going
to make you funnier. Then the people that do that, they always have a distorted
perception
of how good they are already. Those kids that are asking for a break, the kids
that want you
to help them, hey, man, I just need a break. If I could do a guest set for you,
it would
really help me. That's not, you don't go to the Doug Stanhope show and ask for
a fucking
guest. Although Doug will probably put you up. Doug will probably go, all right,
do 15, start it,
go up front. Doug will push a fucking open micro on his first time on stage. He'll
do that in front
of like a crowd in Norway or something. But that's Stanhope. You know, uh, it's
not normal. Yeah,
you have to do, it's, it's amazing what people, you know, we weren't like that.
Thank God. We knew
that this took work and hard. We knew that this wasn't going to happen in one
night. I was old
enough already when I started, I was long in the tooth already that I knew this
was just not going
to, you know, you just didn't walk on stage and things happen. And people come
here and they're
called desperados where they just do, they'll come up to you for a guest and
you got to ask them,
what is this going to do for you? Right. How's this going to fucking change
your life? It's like,
I've never been too much of a hanger outter. I don't believe in that. I never
believe in that
shit. You know, I believe in doing a spot. If I go to the comedy store, it's
because I'm doing a
fucking spot. If I don't go to, I don't go to the improv and my name isn't on
that list
to hang out. There's no, for me, there's no, no, no, no, no. Because if you
come up to Joe Rogan,
Red Band or Jamie and go, hi, Jamie, my name is Joey Dears. I'm a fucking comic.
I'm a funny comic.
Jamie's going to say, are you going up tonight? Because we all want to watch
you. I love to laugh.
Right. You're funny. Let's go. No, I'm just here hanging out. You ain't that
fucking funny.
If you're not on the list, you ain't that fucking funny.
Or they don't know about you yet. There is a possibility.
No, no, no, no. There's certain people that go to the improv. That's it. And
they'll tell
you, dog, you got to network. What network? You network on stage. I network on
stage.
Yeah. When they laugh and I walk off, that's networking.
Well, not only that, when you're a comic, you're sort of like a fruit or a
vegetable in that
you're growing and then one day you're going to be ripe. And when you're going
to be ripe,
everyone's going to know about it. People will find out about you. People found
out about
everybody. They found out about you. They found out about Hinchcliffe. They
found out about
everybody. You hear about Duncan.
Do you hear what's happening in China right now?
What's happening in China?
Ari's packing them in.
Oh, yeah.
Every night. And he goes, I can't believe it. There's white people and UFC fans.
In China.
They're coming from Macau.
Yeah.
Okay. They're not big rooms. They're 120 seater, 100 seaters. It's like coffee
shops.
Right. But we're on the internet. This shit is worldwide.
This is worldwide.
Yeah, this is worldwide.
He can't believe it. That there's fucking people walking around here going, we
came to
see you from Macau.
I can't believe it took people so long to figure it out. Ari's a fucking genius.
He's a great comic.
It's just amazing that people have misled. They think there's shortcuts. When
we got
here, what was the shortcut? If you get on The Tonight Show, that's it. How
many people
have gone to The Tonight Show and had great success?
No one cares.
A lot of people. Oh, now it doesn't.
No, but back in the day, it meant something big.
Stephen Wright days?
Look, I could finally do a technical getup.
A Turkish getup?
No, a technical getup in jiu-jitsu. I could finally do it after a year of
practice in hotel
rooms. Five a day, I would do it on my right side. You know I'm a nut, dog. You
do know
I'm retarded. People know that. I'm a little stupid. I'm geeky. I don't like
being bad at
something. And since we got the comedy work ethic, I know that you could turn
anything in life into
something if you just keep showing up. For me, jiu-jitsu has been, I suck, Joe,
but I could
finally do the whole gym hip escape. I'm a black belt of hip escapes. To me,
today, that's
what I do. I'm a hip escape expert. That's what I work on, you know?
Hip escapes are huge.
Bro, fuck, and when you learn how to do them for six months, I didn't know what
I was doing.
And then Salami taught me sometimes. All just taught me a difference. And I put
it all together
on my shoulder. And now at least I can pick up my ass and push it all the way
back.
For me, those are little things, you know? I wish I was better. But I know if I
keep going
to jiu-jitsu twice a week, which is what my body can handle, eventually, I'll
get somebody
in an arm bar. Eventually, because I got funny with comedy. I was no fucking Slip
Magoo in
the beginning.
Slip Magoo or whatever.
I just kept showing up, dog. You just got to keep showing the fuck up.
That's half a life.
T