Name: "Not a Tonight Show Story" with Jim Jefferies (from Joe Rogan Experience #473)
Uploaded: 2014-07-10T20:24:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Not a Tonight Show Story" with Jim Jefferies (from Joe Rogan Experience #473)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-07-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Not a Tonight Show Story" with Jim Jefferies (from Joe Rogan Experience #473)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-07-10. Transcript available.

The Joe Rogan experience.
Well, I got a story that I don't want to tell in front of my girlfriend
because it will upset her because it will make my life a bit harder.
And I don't want to tell it on any Tonight Shows or anything.
So I'll tell it here.
I just did a zombie movie in Australia, which isn't anything to do with this
story.
But I was in Australia.
And so I'm in Australia.
My parents drive to Canberra where we're at on the weekend to spend a day with
me.
And it's fair enough.
I haven't seen my parents in six months or something.
So I'm spending time with my mum and dad.
Now, back in the early 90s, my father was getting closer to retirement.
And then he found a credit card bill because my mother took care of the money.
Found out that she'd run up $90,000 worth of bills,
which meant my dad had to work an extra sort of eight years past retirement
to pay these all off.
And she'd kept it all secret.
So now my parents have got to retirement.
They own the house.
And they just get a pension of like Australian government gives each person
like $300 a week pension, which is like $260 American, right?
So my parents live off that.
And then – but my father takes care of all the money.
He pays all the bills and he balances the books because my mum can't be trusted
when it comes to shopping.
And so I'm talking to my parents.
My mum goes, all I want is my half of the money, his half of the money,
and then he can have his half of the money.
We'll split the bills and then I can do what I want with my money.
But instead, I'm given an allowance because I'm not responsible enough for
money.
I said, mum, you can't take care of the money, mum.
You can't because you'll fuck it up.
You'll go online, you've found internet shopping now.
You'll fuck it up.
You'll get rid of – you'll lose everything, get more credit cards.
It'll be terrible.
And she goes, oh, I'm not the problem with money anymore.
Your father's the one that spends all the money.
Now, we're in a public bar, by the way.
There's many people sitting around us.
It's a very public, open area.
Your father's the one who spends all the money now.
And then she points to my dad and goes, tell him.
Tell him what you spend your money on.
And I've already clicked what this might be.
And I've gone, oh, look, I don't want to know.
I don't want to know.
And then my mother goes, your father gets prostitutes.
Right?
And I've gone, oh, God, just shut up, both of you, please, for fuck's sake.
Oh, my God.
And she's gone, yep, every Wednesday, your father, before he goes to play lawn
bowls,
goes off and gets himself a prostitute.
And then my dad went, not every Wednesday.
He didn't even try to deny it.
It was just, not every Wednesday.
It makes him sound like at least three out of four Wednesdays.
It takes a week off every now and again.
Yeah.
Like, it costs him in Australian money for a very cheap prostitute.
It's legal in Australia in a brothel.
Maybe a hundred bucks for a pretty low-end sort of girl.
A rub and tug power.
So he went to a place to get it done.
He didn't get a massage.
No, no, no.
It's not like here where you've got to go to a hotel and all that type of stuff.
There's just brothels in there.
They're very legal and they're very well signposted and stuff.
It's not such a big deal in Australia.
It actually makes it a bit safer, if anything, because the girls have to get
tested.
They have to bring their results in all the time and they're paying taxes.
It definitely makes it safer.
It's like everything else.
As soon as the government says it can't be illegal when it's something that
people really enjoy doing, it doesn't work.
It doesn't work substantially.
Of course it does.
I'm sure it does.
Yeah, because I don't begrudge my dad for doing this.
I just don't want to hear about them.
They're in their 70s.
My mom's morbidly obese.
My dad's still quite fit.
Of course he wants to get his end away sometimes.
I'm sure he wants to get his end away sometimes.