Name: Joe Rogan Experience #527 - Ms. Pat
Uploaded: 2014-07-30T02:35:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #527 - Ms. Pat' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-07-30. Transcript available. Ms. Pat is a stand-up comedienne.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #527 - Ms. Pat' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-07-30. Transcript available. Ms. Pat is a stand-up comedienne.

Joe Rogan Experience #527 - Ms. Pat

good lord brothers and sisters of the universe we're back we're back once again
uh this podcast
is supported by many fine sponsors let's get into them right quick number one
first and foremost
we're brought to you by on it on it o-n-n-i-t is a human optimization website
um it is a website
that has evolved and grown from the birth of this podcast essentially caused
the business to form
um what it's about is selling what we deem to be items that enhance human
performance enhance your
physical performance your mental performance enhance your mute your mood give
you healthy
choices as far as uh things to put into your body and strength and conditioning
equipment we sell
kettlebells and steel maces and ab wheels and medicine balls all these
different things like
weight vests things that really enhance functional strength um if you've never
done kettlebells
before there's a fantastic series of uh videos that are available at on it.com
um and if you've done
it a few times you understand the form the best one is keith weber's extreme
kettlebell cardio workouts
they're fantastic because there's a lot of kettlebell dvds that'll show you
like how to do the individual
exercises but they don't do the workout with you and like make you keep up with
them uh i just actually
have been going back and forth with keith keith weber so he's going to be on
the podcast uh in october
i'm very excited about that i really want to talk to him because his uh his
workout dvds are like i said
my favorite if you're thinking about doing anything like this please start slow
if you've never worked
out you smoke cigarettes and you're always drunk do me a favor please start
slow don't be dropping a
big 72 pound gorilla kettlebell in your head because you're getting crazy and
you're trying to do it all
in one day it takes time go to on it.com o-n-n-i-t use the code word rogan and
save 10 off any and all
supplements and uh this just didn't we just got in and we're drinking it now uh
on it caveman coffee
this is uh our friend keith jardine and tate have created this company called
caveman coffee because
they're both fucking cavemen and uh they have a relationship with a guy who
grows coffee in
columbia his family grows coffee and they they go direct to it's a single
source um uh farm so it's
kind of interesting um just by happenstance because tate is uh tate's a big
coffee fanatic always has
been that dude ever since we met him he wouldn't go anywhere without a venti
starbucks in his hand
you know yeah he quit alcohol and drugs and went right to coffee well that
happens man those dudes that
are on uh the program they're in like a 12-step program they love their coffee
because it gives
you a little bit of a buzz but nobody has to get crazy and you so you satisfy a
little bit of those
demons and keep everything cool you're giving yourself a little something
something but it's not
fucking you up so those guys love coffee it's very rare you see like an alcoholics
anonymous dude who
uh although you're not anonymous if you tell everybody's sober by the way right
i wonder do these people
also move on to other things like like sniffing markers no you can't do
anything like that you're not
supposed to do anything that's you know what would be the word for it twisted
you know anything where
you're feeding some some is that what caffeine is though kind of because all
those guys are addicted
to red bulls yeah but that's not markers that's not like huff and paint yeah i
guess which one's
more dangerous oh without a doubt huff and paint it's more dangerous than
coffee miss coffee's actually
good for you or about sniffing play-doh that's and people that deny this listen
you have to read some
articles on this it appears that coffee has a lot of functions a lot of
benefits you know what it is
it's like every fucking thing else you can overdo it you can overdo it you
could drink coffee all
fucking day every day and just torch your adrenals just jack your system or you
can have a little bit
of it every day it has um it gives you a stimulant effect on top of that it's
uh rich in antioxidants
there's like a lot of good things about coffee believe it or not it's actually
not bad for you we
used to think it was bad for you what's bad for you is dehydration but if you
drink coffee and you
still drink water and keep yourself uh in order just don't get crazy bitches
anyway go to on it.com
o-n-n-i-t use the code word rogan and save 10 off any and all supplements we
are also brought to you
by nature box oh and miss pat is eating some nature box right now and she can
attest to the yumminess
of this product these nuts are good they're very good everything's good the
whole deal and they natural
nuts too so mango almond pistachios kapow these are lemon pluckers pistachios
yeah these oh they're
mango almond bites that's what they are i'm eating these these are fucking
delicious but the best is
shiracha cashews nothing can fuck with them they're all gone i need to just
have them just send me boxes
of shiracha cashews if they're listening can i have one i have one uh request
can you order like i just
want to order four packs of the the cashews but it won't let you it won't let
you order four yeah like
i want to be able to and it gives you like a stopping point where you can only
order like three
extra snacks and then like you can only order a total of i think it's like 10
snacks we'll have
to move into that but let's not focus on negatives no no no no i'm just saying
because what i i use my
box so fast i just want to order more yeah well order more boxes i don't know i
don't know what to
say i haven't noticed that that's that's fucked up though you should be able to
order like 50 boxes
of just shiracha cashews only yeah and i want it once a week can i have it once
a week it won't do it
once a week it doesn't unless it's really confusing to do that you think they
would want to add you got
to check this before you say no no i can't do it i've tried it a million times
they won't let you order
one a week yeah why do i have a feeling that we're going to find out it's
really easy to order one a
week it might be but i've tried okay nature box anyway is very good maybe they
love you really good
um the the problem is that you can't get enough exactly mine goes through in
three days and that's
with the total addition you should go to a supermarket and get actual food you
fuckhead i've been actually
living off of this you can't there's not enough calories you need more
otherwise you go retarded
big cheddar potato that might be what your problem is man you just you're just
not getting enough
nutrients i just can't leave the house that too anyway they're delicious zero
trans fats zero high
fructose corn syrup and uh you could get snacks that are low in sugar uh non-gmo
and without gluten
and they ship for free it's good shit man it's really good stuff peanut butter
nom noms are really
good you ever have those baked sweet potato fries a lot of healthy choices too
a lot of choices where you
don't feel bad eating them at all and it's so much better than the shit that
you're going to get from
any vending machine period so if you keep them at work it's a fantastic option
you know you'll always
have uh healthy snacks and they deliver them to you so if you're like brian and
you don't like leaving
the house they just bring them to you and if you go to naturebox.com right now
you're going to get 50
percent off your first box just go to naturebox.com slash rogan so naturebox.com
slash rogan and you'll
get 50 off your month's first box stay full stay strong my friends go to naturebox.com
slash rogan
chili lime pistachios oh those are good too so good but i tell you what i have
a grievance with them
too then because uh there's a supermarket near my house that sells pistachios
out of the shells
and once you eat pistachios out of the shells you're like why are you giving me
any stupid
fucking shells and pretending this is a big bag of pistachios no this is a big
bag of shit i can't
eat that you expect me to take out before i eat how about you just give me the
fucking pistachios
i have shells all over my bed the shells is because you're supposed to suck the
nuts suck suck it before
you eat it it's not it's overrated crawfish yeah but it's really good like i've
been sucking on these
those are good those are delicious don't get me wrong i'll take them over
nothing however the best
option is when they're already out of the shell then you just eat the shit out
of them you can't
believe how many pistachios you get in your fucking face they cost more yeah
they definitely cost more
but it's just it's one of those things we've just become accustomed to it's
stupid that you got a
shell on that the shell's not helping anybody nature box should have a nature
bucket of just these
roasted like sriracha roasted cashews i will i will pay 40 bucks a month if i
get a bucket of these
like a kentucky fried chicken size bucket yeah nature bucket anyway naturebox.com
slash rogan go there
enjoy and uh last and finally brought to you by stamps.com stamps.com is
another awesome way to uh
stay inside your house that's what we're promoting ladies and gentlemen
essentially we just want you to
stay home and consume internet content and lose your fucking mind but if you go
to stamps.com and click
on the microphone and enter in the code word j-r-e you will get a 110 dollar
bonus offer which includes a
digital scale and up to 55 dollars worth of free postage what stamps.com is is
a way where you can
print from your own computer us postage the real deal you never have to go to a
post office again if
you have your own business like brian does at deskwad.tv where he sells all
those cool kitty cat t-shirts and
now hats see those hats all kinds of groovy shit um hoodies right you have hoodies
up till 5 a.m shipping
these from stamps.com yeah he really does have a legit job with stamps.com um
and what they do is
you know they have it so that you do everything on your computer you print it
up with your printer
you slap those babies on your boxes and you send them out how much easier is it
than going to the
supermarket or supermarket i mean rather so easy i couldn't even i couldn't
even fit it in my car
what i have to do like i would have to take four trips to the post office now i
could just do it on
stamps.com then have the the mailman just pick it up if you were less or if you
were just slightly
more organized you could have an actual business with all these shirts right
you just you have to do
it by yourself and it's almost like i'm watching one of those old time wagon
wheels going down a hill
yeah and i'm like yeah it's rolling right now but how long does it get to be
before that fucking thing
it's a rock if you look at my house right now because i moved all the merch to
my house
now and i'm doing it all for my living room it looks like i'm a psycho and it
looks like my bed is just
fucking the the pistachio shells and in my living room is just boxes shirts and
like yeah it's time to
hire employees man it's time to hire employees take this shit to the next level
how dare you
without stamps.com he would be dead there would be no time for him to eat
breathe or drink water and
he would have died long ago but with stamps.com brian has been able to maintain
a healthy business
anyway go to stamps.com again enter in the code word jre and you will get a
free digital scale and up to
55 bucks worth of free postage if you have an idea in your head and you're
thinking about starting a
business if you actually do it it will make your life infinitely better if you
could figure out a way
to get off the tit of whatever giant company you work for that doesn't give a
fuck about you and
replace you with somebody else in a heartbeat and figure out something you like
to do man like if
you like to make fucking corncob pipes or something if you like to you know
whatever you like to do
there's a way that someone can sell things 