Name: Joe Rogan Experience #531 - Nick Youssef
Uploaded: 2014-08-06T00:56:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #531 - Nick Youssef' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-08-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #531 - Nick Youssef' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-08-06. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #531 - Nick Youssef

I wish I knew, like, foreign languages, so I could say something like, you know,
bonsoir mon amis, but I don't know what that means, so I might be saying
something stupid.
Hello, everybody in English. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by
Squarespace,
which we were talking about before the podcast even began, so we're not bullshitting
you
when we tell you it's awesome. Powerful Nick Yusuf uses Squarespace. Brian's
made at least
20 or 30 websites, right, if you had a guess? Yeah. Yeah, probably. It's super
easy to do.
It used to be a huge pain in the ass if you wanted to get a website, unless you
were super lucky and
knew some guy who was awesome and was easy to deal with, like me, I have found
an awesome guy,
but if you, my friend Menthol, but if you don't find that, you're fucked. You
know, you gotta try
to learn coding yourself. Good luck. Good luck. It's difficult, and it's also,
it used to be really
difficult to mash things up, like for one browser, it would look great, but
then you would see it in
Safari. It would look all wonky, or, you know, it'd work good with a Windows,
but it wouldn't work with
a Mac or whatever it was. There was always issues with compatibility, like
iPhone compatibility. A lot
of times that would be squirrely. Squarespace, they have it set up where your
website will work
on everything. It'll work on an Android phone. It'll work on an iPad. It'll
work on one of those
tablets of unknown origin that you run various operating systems on. It just
fucking works.
Works awesome. You can set up an online store. Super easy to do. Just point and
click, drag and drop.
They have 24-7 support. It's simple, easy, beautiful designs, and it looks
completely professional.
Like, look at this website. He's slapping together a website right now. A Nick
Yusuf website.
And he can do it like that. Just, I mean, it's, it comes out like, like you
hired somebody. Like you
spent a lot of money. And you can bang them out quick. They just got it wired.
They figured it out.
Like, there's no need to, to, to go anywhere else anymore. You can make your
own shit, especially if
you're even remotely creatively inclined, but you were just technologically
ignorant. You know,
if you, if that was the case, this is super easy to use. Uh, Squarespace has a
logo creator. You can
create a clean, simple logo design for yourself in minutes. For a free trial
and 10% off your first
purchase, go to squarespace.com and enter in the code word Joe. Squarespace, a
better web.
Squarespace starts with your website. That's what they make you say. That's
their part.
It's really easy. It's, it's so drag and drop. Like if you want to map, like
say, if you have a store
and you want to Google map, you just drag it right there. Yeah. If I get some
time, I want to make
my own website. It's fun. I made mine in like four hours. Yeah. But you, the
one you just made is
better than mine. Um, we're also brought to you by Ting. I got my new Ting
phone here. Ting is, which the
official, I got the galaxy, uh, S5. Oh, cool. Yeah. I just got it. I'm a phone
whore. Here's my little phone whore
device. Um, it's dope little phone. I like the fact that it's waterproof. That's
pretty slick. That's the new
thing. They're all becoming waterproof. It makes so much more sense. Fuck yeah.
I can drop this phone in water,
dude. Wow. Yeah. And it's just like, what gets out of the water? What bitch?
Water resistant. Some of them are
actually waterproof. Right. I believe there's a Sony that's actually waterproof,
which is pretty
fantastic. Uh, Ting is a website or Ting's a mobile service company that uses a
sprint. What they do is
you buy your phone from them and then they, they handle all the rest. It all
goes through a sprint
backbone, but you do it by their rules and their rules are just a lot fair, a
lot easier for people to
digest. You know, I think everybody enjoys paying for things that are worth it.
You know, it's nice
when you go to a good restaurant and you get a nice meal and you pay for it.
You feel good about it.
It was like a good experience. Like that was great. You leave there, whatever
you spent was totally
worth it. It's always a shitty feeling when, you know, even if you enjoy
something, if you feel like
you got fucked over or you feel like it's too much, or you feel like it's not
fair. And for the longest
time the way cell phone companies have done business has irked a lot of people.
One of the
things being that you pay for your minutes, like, you know, you have like this
thing, like 120 minutes,
but if you don't use that 120 minutes, you don't get any money back. Like that
money's just gone.
Like all that time is out in the ether. And Ting was like, well, why do you
have to pay for shit
you're not using? How about this? How about we work out a really simple way to
do it where most
people would save money and we just do it by the minute. Like whatever you use,
that's
what you pay for. And if you don't use that much, you pay less. And if you want
to save
money, use your fucking phone less, you know, like you could really do that.
And Ting figured
out how to do it. And I think that all cell phone companies in the future are
probably going
to follow that model. I think it's going to be one of those things like,
remember we used
to pay for roaming. You'd get in your phone and you drive 20 minutes or you get
in your
car rather and you have your phone on you. 20 minutes outside of the city, you'd
be
roaming. So it costs you like some ridiculous amount of money. Where'd all that
go? All
that shit went away. It had to go away because companies like Ting come along
and they come
up with a better way to do it. And that's what I feel.
I think the minute, the whole minute thing is going to go away soon. Cause I
was just thinking
I don't, how many minutes a month I use on my cell phone talking. I barely talk
on my
phone. I could probably use a minute a month.
I bet 10 minutes a month. No doubt. I bet I use 10 minutes a month.
They charge for data now in the same way they used to charge for minutes.
Yeah.
Cause minutes are like nothing.
Yeah. Minutes are nothing anymore.
I still don't totally understand why data is expensive. It's confusing to me.
Like I
get storing it would be expensive and I, I, boy, I don't understand it. I mean,
is it
electricity being used? I mean, what is being used? There's bandwidth, right?
Yeah. But what exactly is bandwidth? Like this is how stupid I am. This is how
stupid
I am on something that I rely on on a daily basis. I don't know jack shit about
how the
internet works. Yeah. You're pretty much paying to use computers to transfer
data to
you. So it's, it's using computers. It's way overpriced than it should be.
Definitely.
Well, I don't know about all that. Cause imagine if you had to reset it up
yourself. Hey,
you know, the, the internet, they quit. Right. Everybody quit. Time to make a
new internet.
Yeah. How much would it cost? How, how could you ever come up with 4g on your
own? Hmm? Yeah.
No, we, we need these fuckers. I don't know how they're doing this. It would be
smoke signals
for me. That's the next step. I'm like, there's no internet. I guess I'm
yelling and starting
fires. Yelling louder. We should be, we should be so happy that there are
people out there that
are way smarter than us to figure that fucking thing out. We should be so happy.
You know,
we would have never figured out the internet. There's some like that, that just
the evidence
that the internet is real. That is one of the best evidences that there are
people that are just so
far beyond how fucking smart you think smart is. It's like, remember when you
were like five or six
years old, you had like a lot of times you had like this one kid in the
neighborhood that maybe was
like a little bit bigger, a little bit stronger than the other kids. And when
you would play with
them on the field, like you'd get like bummed out, like you'd get knocked over
and shit.
Like, remember what you thought that was like, that was a strong little kid.
But if you were there
right now, you'd be like, get out of here, you little fuck. Stop knocking in
everybody. You know,
you know what I mean?
I was more scared that he had freckles or something like that.
Yeah. You'd be like, get out of here, you fucking little weirdo. Don't be mean
to me. I'm a
grown ass man. But that's what I feel like, like technologically and just the
mental capacity
of a super genius in comparison to me. I feel like if I'm that little kid and
like, if I tried
to figure out how the fuck they figured out the internet, I'd just be like, Oh,
my brain
doesn't work that good. I can't talk to you. You're freaking me out, man. You
know, if you,
if you went into one of those dudes offices, and they had all those crazy, like
Goodwill
hunting shit on the wall, and he's doing those equations that fucking nobody
understands.
You know, that they'll work on for years. You know, even the professor didn't.
Yeah.
Like, how did you? I didn't even know that. Yeah. Remember, like, in Goodwill
hunting,
the fucking the janitor fixes the problem. They leave it open to the janitor
can work on
the problem. Really? Yeah. What if he just erased it? What if he's just crazy?
Yeah. He's
not. Why are you a janitor, bitch? This is a stupid story. You're a super
genius janitor. Get
the fuck out of here. The fuck out of here. You're smarter than anybody. You
can figure out
these equations and nobody else can. And you're also beautiful. Right. What are
the odds? And
charming. What are the odds? Anyway, rogan.ting.com. Go get a phone. They're
awesome. They have
all the best Android phones. And I said, like I said, this one I got that's
waterproof is the
Galaxy S5. That's going to make the drought worse. The Galaxy S5 is going to
make the drought
worse? Because you'll be texting in the shower for like two hours. I didn't
even think about
that. Yeah. I'll just be like. People are going to start not worrying about
like the pool and
shit. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, remember when they were dipping phones? There was
like a company
that would dip them, like dip your iPhone, and then they would send it back to
you and it'd
essentially be waterproof. Is that all? That's probably what they did with
these. They probably
just dipped them. Maybe. But did that work? Totally work. Yeah. That's what I'm
saying. Did
that work? Does anybody know if that worked? I think for water resistance, it
has to work. It's
not just dipping it. I mean, you could drop your phone in a toilet like all of
us have,
and it's still work, you know? So the dipping it, I mean, even if it's 99%
accurate, it's still
probably going to, you know, work enough. Yeah. Yeah. I bet the fine print is
like 20 pages long.
Right. Like it's got to be under four minutes and all these other things. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. It's
probably got to be like under 30 meters or something like that. They probably
have like a,
like what's like a good waterproof depth for a watch? Because they have squirrely
little rules.
So they'll say water resistant up to 30 minutes. Well, listen, bitch, is this
waterproof or not?
Right. I guess it's like water pressure. Is that what it is? That shit's legit.
I mean,
it hurts your ears. Probably would fuck with your phone too. Makes sense.
Anyway, rogan.ting.com.
Go there and save 25 bucks off a new Ting phone. You dirty savages. And last
but not least,
we're brought to you by Onnit.com. That's O-N-N-I-T. Onnit is what you would
call it,
a human optimization website. We sell strength and conditioning equipment. We
sell
delicious snacks and foods like the warrior bar, which is this. Somebody
actually brought this up.
I think this is an important point. Somebody's brought this up to me on Twitter.
There's no
added nitrates in, um, in these Buffalo bars, but there's naturally occurring
nitrates that occur
in, um, sea salt and in celery. So, uh, that's something to consider. And also
like, I don't know
whether or not, like I was, I was saying 