Name: Joe Rogan Experience #535 - Scroobius Pip
Uploaded: 2014-08-14T03:16:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #535 - Scroobius Pip' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-08-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #535 - Scroobius Pip' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-08-14. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #535 - Scroobius Pip

hello sweet bitches of the internet that's right we're back this episode is
brought to you by me
undies this is a disturbing thing that has been discovered due to an internet
survey said most
men don't change their underwear but once every seven years that shit's fucked
up it's more than
that for me that's fucked up that's your dick hammock son you need to keep that
shit clean
you don't have a pair of underwear that you know for sure that you've had for a
long ass time
i try to get rid of them but um i'm gonna be honest with you i never bought
nice underwear before
i just would buy like underwear like whatever like a big packet of them and as
long as they kept my
dick in place i get very upset if the dick hole opens up and i gotta keep tucking
yeah tucking the
hamster back into the cage that's bullshit um so until these me undies guys
sent me underwear these
are the best underwear i've ever worn without a doubt and i was thinking about
it when i put them
on i was like why wouldn't i want like comfortable underwear on my balls and my
dick like i would
right so why haven't i not like spent money on like some nice underwear i've
never spent money on
nice underwear i just bought fucking whatever so then these me undies guys they
sent me it and at first i
was like a little bit skeptical it's like it's fucking underwear man who gives
you shit about underwear you
go to get underwear at a store but they have like really high quality shit like
it feels good like
it it's like they have moisture like it pulls moisture away from your body
their their underwear is like super high-end stuff you know i've my my dick is
being strangled right
now and i think a ball is hanging out and i've always just accepted like oh
that's just sitting
that's just your choices you've got ropes around your dick what are you talking
about no my underwear
is way too tight like this underwear that i'm wearing i know i've had for a
long time and it's
super super tight do you have the same underwear for back when you lost a ton
of weight yeah oh yeah
yeah i mean i have underwear that i i know i've had for a long time because it's
kind of like if
it's if it still works why would you throw it away it's like a towel well me
undies is your solution
son okay and they will pull some moisture away from your dick and give you some
shit that fits
uh the most comfortable underwear you have ever tried on they fit perfectly
they they don't they
don't strangle your dick and they literally do pull moisture away from your
skin so that will help
you like with people that have like yeastier things going on well you should
probably clean
yourself you fucking dirty pig but once you do do that yeah i mean guys with
diabetes just feels
better yeasty dicks you know do they really yeah a lot of how do you know how
many guys with diabetes
you're blowing dude when i got that male yeast infection i studied it for a
long time i'm sure
you did i'm sure it wasn't just a cursory use glamps on uh google and then back
to business no
where do they pull the moisture to they take it to canada there's kind of there's
not a lot going
on down there we steal a lot from canada it's just that's what we give back
bald bald sweat is there
gutters to this or like like does your pants just get become wet it's becoming
like a parachute
side of your leg for bald sweat just captures it all anyway me undies.com go
there they're awesome
underwear i'm wearing them right now they're very very very comfortable and uh
you know change your
fucking underwear more than once every seven years you pigs go to me undies.com
forward slash rogan
before september 1st and get 20 off your first order 20 off of your first order
when you go to
me undies.com forward slash rogan before september 1st which is a couple weeks
from now all right
you fucks enjoy me undies.com we're also brought to you by ting ting is uh the
official cell phone
provider for this podcast the phone is uh that we use for this podcast is run
on ting ting is um
they use the sprint backbone and they use it with their own rules their own
rules like that they
decide they decided okay let's have no contracts let's have no early terminations
fees let's not
even charge people like a set amount per month um let's do it they did it two
different ways one at
one point in time they would like credit you they would knock you down to the
lower level like say if
you didn't use all your minutes they would knock you down to a lower level and
credit you the distance
the difference on your next bill and then they decided like that's too fucking
complicated but you
know what it really should be it should be people just pay for what they use so
that's their newest
thing which i think is perfect and i think that's where all cell phone
providers will eventually find
themselves it doesn't make any sense like you pay for 120 minutes but you only
use 100 where's those
20 minutes they're gone they're they're evaporated but with ting 98 of people
who use ting would save
money and uh again they use the sprint backbone they rent time on sprints so it's
a major network
and they do it in like a very ethical way in a way that uh just makes you feel
good about working with
the company i think that's how it should be like contracts and termination fees
and all this legal
bullshit with ting you buy a phone you have you buy a phone you have it it's
yours and then if you
want to cancel them you tell them go yourself and you just cancel and that's it
and you're in you're out
you do whatever you want to do that's how it should be you know this uh this
idea about you know being
able to uh control people with contracts it's gross i don't like it i don't
like it brian i don't like
it it's so cheap though and they have family plans now where you can like add
somebody for really cheap
so if you have a girlfriend you could throw her on your plan check it out you
can just go to plans
go to ting look at the different yeah rogan.ting.com if you go there you can
see uh all the different
cell phones they sell as well like brian was showing them on the screen earlier
they have um
like some serious high-end android phones the one i got is the samsung galaxy s5
i just got it
i love it you know what else i love about it it's water resistant like it had
the bottom of it it
plugs in and you can throw it in the toilet if you wanted to it'll be okay you
use it as toilet paper
and throw i don't think you're allowed to do that until you can't wipe your ass
on it because then you'll
get like but if you just dropped it have you ever dropped your phone in the
toilet i've dropped my phone
never yeah i got yeah we all have while on poop and i had to grab it yeah yeah
i've dropped it while
brushing my teeth in the sink i've got water all over it i've phones up before
dropping them but with um
these uh galaxy s5s you don't have to worry about that actually the bottom
closes up it's got a little
tab that closes in on the bottom and the top apparently you can you could go
underwater with
these things a lot of people think i was stupid when i said that story about
having to suck the water out of
my phone like because a lot of people throw it in rice and i'm always like get
the water out of there
first smart and it's right but uh a lot of people said that that was the dumbest
thing they ever heard
and so i went online to all this howard forms and i researched it no that's
totally makes sense get the
water out of there maybe use a vacuum cleaner if you have one probably wouldn't
be as good as your
mouth because your mouth would like seal it you know and you could get a good
amount of yeah you can get
a good amount of suction with that yeah and just be a man about it and you know
brush your teeth
afterwards just suck your phone this guy's invented this pack that you put a
phone in if it's got wet
and it's you put it in this in more liquid which sounds crazy but it counteracts
what the water's
doing really it's absolutely bizarre it was apparently it would have been huge
because their plan was to
put it in airports but because it's a bag of liquid oh it didn't go because
because that's the perfect
thing to have at airports like but yeah you put it in and it's so yeah i don't
know it counters
what the water does somehow so it's not just it's the it's not just the fact it's
liquid it's something
in it that erodes everything that's fascinating i wonder what it is i remember
they were doing those
things where they were dipping phones you remember that you'd send off a phone
to a company do they
still do that yeah they even sell it now at just like lowe's you can buy the
same chemical now
really yeah you could dip your own phone yeah i think we shared the commercial
on on this podcast
no no no did we yeah i wasn't paying attention i was trying to avoid you hey
no i don't remember that at all man i really don't yeah they sell it now you
can do it yourself
yeah maybe you did it on one of yours but no no i remember it because we talked
about it and we
showed a commercial about it i don't remember there's been too many goddamn
podcasts so how how hard is
it to do is it easy yeah it's pretty easy and why doesn't everybody do that
then i don't know
you can like dip your clothes in it like if you work outside a lot your shoes
your your shoes so you
do you throw the whole phone in this bullshit or do you because what about the
screen does it
fuck with the screen i don't i don't know here i'll show you no let's just get
through this
commercial people are mad yeah i get so many tweets about how long these
commercials are tough
shit you know how to use the fast forward bitch use it uh anyway go to rogan.ting.com
save 25 bucks
off of any of their uh awesome new phones rogan.ting.com enjoy it and that's it
this episode
of the podcast the commercials are now officially over scroobius pip is here
let's just get cracking
with this thing we'll shall we
the joe rogan experience train my day joe rogan podcast my name all day what's
happening fella i'm
good man how you doing this has been cool to talk to you uh from the moment you
got here 25 plus
minutes ago been hanging out we did a lot of talking yeah yeah jack black who's
a very cool dude
been telling us some some crazy stories of russia but yeah yeah he's talking he
was telling us some robin
black was telling us some awesome stories of uh these uh russian dudes that uh
he partied with
these uh sumo wrestlers it was insane is it like what he was saying was like it
was so ridiculous the
stories of excess and drinking and waking up covered in urine and uh we videotaped
it so uh jamie jamie
will put that shit up later but it was really funny he was a he was a cool dude
man i really like robin
yeah good guy yeah interesting guy um from another country he is as are you sir
yes indeed
i am yeah all the way from england i i saw your shit uh on my message board was
the first time
i saw your shit yeah some people have put up uh one of the videos was of you uh
you're cutting your
hair yeah yeah yeah introduction yeah introduction that's a great fucking rap
dude that's really fun
spent a hundred pounds on that on that video did you that was my complete
budget can we play that
yeah yeah let's play that let's play that and talk about it brian pull it up it's
uh intradiction
you gotta tell him i spell it i can't spell it it's my fault as well for
picking a name that's
ridiculously hard to spell and pronounce and yeah it's it's screwbius pips a
tough one for twitter
it's not easy no it's not easy to fit in some people do they try oh you yeah
yeah they try oh
u s yeah hmm screws yeah they get it in the end eventually here we go
i saw a dead fish on the pavement and thought what did you expect there's no
water around this stupid
should have stayed where it was wet you gotta see this hello my name is pip and
i would like to speak
some lyrics into this microphone that's amplified so you can hear it this piece
of diction is the intro
to distraction pieces that's all