Name: Joe Rogan Experience #542 - Greg Fitzsimmons
Uploaded: 2014-08-29T02:23:56.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #542 - Greg Fitzsimmons' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-08-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #542 - Greg Fitzsimmons' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-08-29. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #542 - Greg Fitzsimmons

hello fuckers what's cracking wait for an answer um this episode of the podcast
brought to you by
new sponsor draftkings.com while we were in denver last week i got schooled on
the wonders of what's
the best way to describe this this this new activity that a lot of you folks
are engaging
in called fantasy football it's basically the premise of our friend steve renazizi
show the
league and the john lejoie dungeons and dragons for jocks yes dungeons and
dragons for people who
are really into sports and it's uh jamie's a fanatic and it was sad seeing him
scrambled try to make his
picks uh but i know people are into it and football season is just around the
corner and you can get
your piece of five million dollars during kickoff week at draftkings.com america's
favorite one week
fantasy football site now i don't know much about fantasy football but i'm
gonna have to learn about
it now because jamie completely perplexed me this past week greg fitzsimmons is
here and he wrote a
doors logo like we're in high school and he wrote it on his fucking remember we
used to do those van
halen things with the the wings everybody used to do that rolling stones lips
yes everybody used to do
notebook anyway draftkings for fantasy football folks uh you've already been scouting
players and doing
research for your season-long team so you can use that knowledge to actually
win cash the first week
of the season at draftkings.com last year one player turned 11 bucks into 4 000
bucks in one week i heard
about that another player won a million dollars in one day just playing fantasy
football how the fuck did a
guy win a million dollars in a day playing fantasy football is that real they
must it must be real
it's on the ad that's incredible because he picked shaquille o'neal it's rookie
year well fantasy football
is exciting is it can you do that he's you have to pick people that are not
they're playing right now
oh you don't even know how it goes don't you know shaquille o'neal retired shut
your mouth
doesn't he play basketball he's retired draftkings.com is about football you
fuck
where you can win huge cash starting the first week of the season don't miss
out on week one
excitement reserve your spot now so bounce over to draftkings.com enter the
promo code rogan
that's enter the promo code rogan and you'll get a free entry into week one
five million dollar
kickoff bash at draftkings.com bigger events bigger winnings bigger millionaires
this is insane
i can't even believe i'm reading this but it is true apparently you could win a
million dollars
that's insane enter rogan for a free entry now at draftkings.com that's draftkings.com
and that
is the end of the fucking sponsors for today why have more when you have greg
fitzsimmons and his
doors logo i am yeah i am a sponsor the joe rogan experience train by day joe
rogan podcast by night
all day powerful greg fitzsimmons oh man what's up buddy smoke a little write a
doors logo settle in
greg wrote up for folks who just tuning in now greg wrote a doors logo on his
notebook like as if we
were in high school remember when we all used to do that in high school
everybody i used to do the kiss
logos big kiss fan right everybody kiss didn't the s's were like triangles on
top right you know yeah
it's like well the s's go like a z sort of oh right yeah like hey um did the
bands do that anymore
do they still have logos yeah but do they have logos the kids like draw on
their notebooks or anything
n-i-n yeah but nine inch nails is not today bro nine inch nails from the 90s
like bands of today
like the kids that were really stoned could do led zeppelin remember it had
like a million little
scribbles yeah and kids got props that were really good at that right like a
kid could do a solid
doors logo from scratch like wow well my uh one of my best friends we used to
sit in the back row
baked in eighth grade and he would draw on uh desks you know shit like the
doors logos and all that and i was
the class clown and now like all these years later he's one of the top record
uh designers in the country
yeah he worked for jimi hendrix's estate for a while doing all those like the
re-releases that they did he did all
those album covers that my uncle used to do that my uncle used to work for howard
marks advertising which
was the company that used to produce kiss album covers and i was a little kid i
met ace freely
ace freely came to the office and he had no makeup on which was just insane it
was like i was seeing
the easter bunny without his fucking clothes on i was like what the fuck i
couldn't even believe he
he's really there and the fact that he didn't have makeup on it was like it was
almost like a
life-changing event for like a 10 year old or whatever the fuck i was right
because it was just
i can't couldn't believe he this was ace really didn't have his makeup on how's
he how's he just
walking around and then i realized what a brilliant move that was they were
famous but nobody knew what
they looked like genius oh it's the greatest move of all time yeah like look
the insane clown posse
has the same thing the insane clown posse could be at the fucking 7-eleven
right next to you buying
cigarettes you would have no idea right you don't know what they look like is
that what they look
no that's ace freely that's ace freely today we're voiceover guys like they got
mad groaning and the
guys that do the simpsons voices they're making more than anybody and they got
all they can sit in a
restaurant without getting annoyed yeah that's so true well matt stone and trey
parker became famous
like they they became famous they did their own movie and then they've done so
many interviews and
they've done like they took acid went to the oscars remember that no women's
dresses no shit they were
women's dress i remember that i didn't know they were on acid that's amazing
they're the greatest
they're so important for the culture guys like that are so important guys that
can make those kind of
shows they're so did you see uh the book of mormon yes dude loved it that
opening song i started laughing
so fucking hard and then i looked around the theater and people come in and
they know it's matt
stone and trey parker so they're they're like all right this is going to be
shocking right but then
when they start singing fuck god in the mouth ass and cunt and i'm laughing and
i see the people are
pulling back half the half the audience can't handle it that makes me laugh
twice as hard and i and
they're like far into the whole next scene and i'm still doubled over oh god
that was fucking
brilliant here's here's them at the office is that why you're in the dress it's
just such a magical
evening and everyone it's just everyone looks so spectacular you know we just
wanted to be a part
of it all night of magic
it's a night of magic
that's great dude when they did that fucking south park movie and satan and saddam
hussein were in bed
together and you see satan's dick and they're allowed to show his dick because
it's fake it's
because it's rubber you know so they have like this rubber dick but it's it was
the movie it's so
ridiculous oh come on just suck my dude it was so ridiculous you're like how
are they getting away
with this they push so hard too like one of the reasons why they get away with
putting all their
shit in the movies is they put a bunch of stuff in the movies that are so
fucked up that they have
some bargaining tools yeah like they'll cut out some of this other stuff that
they weren't planning
on putting in there anyway yeah like the uh have you ever seen the full sex
scene between the two
puppets in team america no they shit on each other they piss on each other i
mean it's crazy he drops a
log on her chest it's so that's what they cut out and then they released it
yeah so the scene is
insane already it's all right i remember the scenes insane it was way over the
top in real life or the
original version but they probably they do i know they do that shit on purpose
like we used to do that
like paul sams used to do that on news radio on purpose like they would say
penis like there was a an
episode where bill uh it was uh bill mcneil was phil hartman's character had to
say penis on the air
yeah and he said penis like a hundred times you know and they they put in like
all these extra penises
so they could trim it down right and that episode like didn't air until the
third season they pulled
that episode yeah like it's too controversial all right and then they aired it
like in the third third or
fourth season did it seem weird like did you anyone like look different like
out of nowhere one week
somebody had like purple hair instead or shorter hair or you know what i mean
what do you mean because
it was a different season no no no well yeah it would definitely look different
like you know
three years people's faces change a little yeah just a slight amount you know
it was i went to the um
the phil hartman had a star of fame put on the hollywood walk of fame he had a
star and i went there
and there were some people that i hadn't seen 16 17 years like a lot of the
writers and a lot of people
that worked on staff and it was weird it's like wow we're all getting fucking
old this is strange
yeah laughing about it but it is strange to see the weathering like my friend
lou who i picture is
this like boy-faced young kid is hilarious writer lou morton he had gray hair
it's like wow
now we just got together me and a few college friends i hadn't seen them in
years and i looked
around and you start to think wow i must not look as good as i think because
they look fucking terrible
and they're my peers you know one guy is fat as shit so if you get fat enough
there is a key to
aging where if you can put enough fat into your face it's like botox and you
don't wrinkle
and you kind of have that youthful glow because you're just filled with oil
well you know william
shachner allegedly does that on purpose i could see william shachner says i put
on five pounds a
year and five pounds a year keeps his face round and i do it i just for men and
i keep it fat
is that your move yeah no you're just coming up with an excuse for keeping it
fat bro that's not true
dr pepper tan you can't say that man because william shachner actually plans it
so you can't
claim it that is an amazing thing what i used to do when i wanted to get out of
relationships it's
pretty much the same thing i just you just fatten up you fat them out do you
ever remember that
kinison bit about getting out of relationships no oh yeah the best bit he's
like you know not he's
like i don't ever break up with them he goes i get them to break up with me
that fate that way
they feel bad that they left me when i when i needed them most it's flawless
like he did this
thing where he says i just stay up for weeks and do coke and and then one they
go
sam i just you're just not the guy that you were when i met you and i'm sorry
but i have to go and
she leaves it's flawless she leaves the best part about it she feels bad
because she left you when
you needed her most and you got to go out into coke for three weeks have you
ever heard marin tell
the kinison stories oh yeah when he uh pissed on he pissed on his bed well just
how crazy they were
with coke yeah marin was on our podcast and he said that he heard voices in his
head for almost a year
who kinison did no marin did oh from just trauma so much coke yeah they did so
much coke he was hearing
voices wow dude for like a year yeah he said that kinison would just red line
it
all day he was just gone for days and days i wonder what it was like like what
what stops did he make
in because he was like on the sunset strip going to like record store diner bar
strip like in one
day he would make more stops than you would in a month yeah just ripped out of
his mind sleeping three
hours a night he sometimes didn't sleep for days apparently yeah he was an
animal he was a the funniest
thing about him was that he was a reveren