Name: Joe Rogan Experience #548 - Tim Burnett
Uploaded: 2014-09-11T23:28:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #548 - Tim Burnett' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-09-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #548 - Tim Burnett' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-09-11. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #548 - Tim Burnett

Hey everybody, this episode of the podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T.
We are a human optimization website, and what we sell at Onnit is strength and
conditioning
equipment, supplements, healthy snacks, all different things that can help
improve your
body, including, as of today, the new werewolf legend kettlebell.
We have this new legend series kettlebells.
If you've seen the other ones before, the Great Apes kettlebells and the Zombie
kettlebells,
we just came out with the newest one, the Legend Bells, and it's pretty fucking
awesome.
It's a 28 kilogram werewolf.
So what is that, 54 pounds or something like that?
How does it work?
2.2, 20.
More than that.
60 pounds?
Must be 60.
It's close to 60.
Something like that.
Yeah, right around 60.
Is it?
62 pounds.
Yeah, that sounds good.
Yeah, we suck at metric system.
Remember when they tried to push that shit?
Do you remember the high school days?
For sure.
They were like, it's the future.
Fuck you it is.
We got the bombs, bitch.
Inches.
Inches, pounds.
It's a kilo.
Go fuck yourself.
Kilograms.
Anyway, the new one that just came in stock is Werewolf, the 62-pound Werewolf,
and we
have a bunch of other ones that are on the way.
Maybe a Bigfoot.
I'm not going to lie to you.
Might be coming.
All the kettlebells that we have, though, we have regular ones, you know, if
you're not
into fancy shit, that are just standard kettlebells.
And then the primal bells and the legend bells, the zombie bells, all those are
3D mapped.
And what that means is they're not just good looking, they're very functional.
They're designed so that they're completely balanced out.
So when you're lifting them, there's no weird balance points.
If you have ever worked out with kettlebells before, it's essentially like a
bowling ball
with a handle on it.
And it's all about using your entire body as one individual unit to promote
what they call
functional fitness.
What that means is, you know, like if you just do bicep curls, that's great for
doing bicep
curls, but it's not going to necessarily help you run up a hill.
It's not necessarily going to help you be able to do things physically, carry
things better.
What I'm concerned with and the kind of things that we sell it on it are all
things that
promote functional strength, complete body coordination strength, things that
improve
athleticism.
So if you're involved in a sport, if you are doing martial arts or something
along those
lines, this is, in my opinion, the best strength and conditioning type workout
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We also sell all kinds of foods and supplements, including the new Warrior Bar
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Excellent.
For runners, climbers, you know, anybody that wants to keep something that's
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Keep it with you.
You can't get any better than these Warrior Bars.
I fucking love these things.
I seriously go through a box of them a week.
We also, hemp protein powder, the new Hemp Force bars, which are excellent as
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All this stuff's available at Onnit.com.
That's O-N-N-I-T.
Use the code word ROGAN and you will save 10% off any and all supplements.
We're also brought to you by DraftKings.com.
Drafting, what's that word?
DraftKings.
I need more coffee.
That's what happens when I come here after I work out.
My brain's like, what's going on?
Why are we talking?
DraftKings.com is the newest sponsor.
And if you're one of those dorks like Jamie over here who's into fantasy
football, we were
not, I see dorks we all love, my friend.
Hey, easy.
We were in Denver and Jamie was in a panic.
The kid was in a tizzy because he couldn't get online with his phone to make
his choices
for his fantasy football league.
And him and his friends, they're so serious about this shit that they had to
reset.
You guys reset, right?
You reset the whole draft.
I did it later and I had to miss it.
So you got fucked the second time.
I got super fucked.
Okay.
They got fucked the first time and then you got fucked the second time.
Yes.
That's bullshit.
You got it first.
I'm pushing for a redraft right now.
I agree with you.
I say we promote it on the podcast.
But what he's doing is just bullshit.
What DraftKings.com is doing.
DraftKings.com, you can actually win money.
Now this is going to sound ridiculous.
One player on DraftKings.com turned 11 bucks into $4,000 in one weekend.
Another guy won a hundred grand.
A hundred fucking grand.
The first time ever playing.
Now ready for this?
One player won a fucking million dollars in one day playing fantasy football.
That sounds like I'm lying to you.
I don't believe it.
But I know it's true.
It's definitely true.
I know it's true.
But I'm reading that.
I'm like, what?
You can make a fucking million dollars in a day playing fantasy football.
It almost makes me want to play fantasy football.
Almost.
But I can't do it.
I can't dig that deep into the dork drawer.
But if I could, I would do it at DraftKings.com.
God damn.
If you're into that kind of stuff, man, this is the fucking place for you.
DraftKings.com has it wired.
You can win huge cash this week.
I might do it.
You know, we should do it once.
We should do it.
I should set up.
Will you help me?
I've got one.
Okay.
You need to help me.
You need to help me.
I don't know who plays.
Good.
If that guy could, I would just.
I'm going to be honest with you.
I'll just go for all the black guys.
The biggest, blackest guys.
The strongest.
Also a great strategy.
Is that a good move?
For the NFL, that'll work.
That's all they do, right?
Is that what they do?
Yeah.
They seem to be better at it.
There's like white linebackers that are good, right?
Oh, there's a couple.
One.
I'm writing this piece because of the whole John Jones racism thing.
I'm writing this whole piece about how when I was a kid, I used to root for
white guys.
It's totally true.
I used to root for Jerry Cooney.
Ray Mercer fucking cured me of that shit.
When he beat the fuck out of Tommy Morrison.
I'm like, I'm so done.
We're only trying to root for white guys.
It just doesn't work out.
Anyway, where was I?
DraftKings.com.
You can win fucking big cash.
Really big cash.
Hurry and get a free entry into the Millionaire Maker event.
Where first place.
Oh, this is so crazy.
The Millionaire Maker event.
First place takes home a million dollars.
That's crazy.
I'm working on that.
That's how you do it, though.
You're going to quit, huh?
If you win a million bucks, will you quit?
I would never.
I would never.
I would never.
Okay.
Good.
I'll give you a raise even if you win a million bucks.
How about that?
I'll take it.
Head over to DraftKings.com right now and enter the promo code ROGAN to play
free to become
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Could you imagine if you won a fucking million dollars by going to DraftKings.com
right now using
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DraftKings.com.
Bigger events.
Bigger winnings.
Bigger millionaires.
Enter ROGAN for free entry now at DraftKings.com.
That's Draft, D-A-R-A-F-T, Kings.com.
You don't know how to spell Kings.
Fuck off.
Anyway, and last but not least, is that it?
Ting.
Oh, Ting.
We're brought to you by Ting.
Ting is the official provider, the official cell phone provider for this
podcast.
And I have a Ting phone.
I have it right here.
It's the Samsung Galaxy S5.
And my bill just came in.
This is the first month of official use.
My bill was 18 bucks.
That shit's ridiculous.
It's ridiculous.
The average bill is, mine's below the average bill because I don't really call
anybody.
I just text.
But the average bill is $21.
$21 for a monthly bill.
What Ting is, is a cell phone provider that uses a Sprint backbone.
So they rent time on Sprint, but then they do it entirely their way.
No contracts.
No early termination fees.
No packages or bundling fees or any of that bullshit.
No overage fees.
And you only pay for what you use.
Instead of having like a fixed bill every month where it's like, you know,
whatever.
You pay, you get 100 minutes for 50 bucks or whatever the fuck it is.
Instead of doing that, it's not that cheap though, right?
No, nobody's that cheap now.
Whatever it is.
Instead of having 100 minutes, if you had it like that and you only used 80
minutes, they're
not giving you your money back for that 20 minutes that you didn't use.
But with Ting, you only pay for what you use.
If you use your phone call once, I mean, if you use your phone once in a month,
you're
going to have the most ridiculously small bill ever.
If you use it every day, it'll be slightly larger, but it'll definitely be
smaller than
any other provider you're going to use it with.
98% of people would save money with Ting.
That's pretty crazy.
And again, we're talking about the Sprint backbone.
So it's just like you have a phone on Sprint.
You get the exact same coverage, including 4G, you know, and they have all, if
you go
to Ting, Rogan.Ting.com, they have all the latest cell phones, including what I
have,
which is the Samsung Galaxy S5, which I like it a lot.
It's pretty fucking dope.
And it's waterproof.
It's water, they call it water resistant.
I think that's legalese.
And it's because there's a little tab here on the bottom.
And if you pop that tab, I guess water could get in there and you're fucked.
But if you close that bitch up, like it's not that hard to do, then it's
waterproof.
Yeah, you can put it in a sink or something like that.
Oh yeah, you can throw it in the pool.
It's good for like a half an hour at the bottom of the pool.
I'm not trying that, but if you did.
It also has one of those thumbprint things.
Press it here and just slide that bitch up and it recognizes your thumbprint.
I like it.
I love it.
The screen's fucking awesome.
And finally, Apple came aboard.
And I'm sure Ting will be carrying the Apple phones, the new iPhones, once they
have them,
once they get them in stock.
But like for right now, you can get the Samsung.
We can get a bunch of different ones.
You can even go old school if you want, if you're a cheap fuck.
You can get the Samsung Galaxy S2 for $95.
And I have one of those.
That was my first Ting phone.
It's a good phone.
It's not a bad phone at all.
You can get an iPhone 4 if you're a cheap fuck.
You can get that for $137.
Or you can get an iPhone 5 for $250.
Can't go wrong.
And it's yours.
You own it.
That's it.
There's no contracts.
Meaning, when you buy a phone with most providers, what you're doing is you're
paying, like if
a phone, like if you go to, you know, fill in the blank, whatever major
provider, and
you buy a phone that says the phone's $300.
It's not really $300.
It's probably $600.
And the other $300 you have to pay over the course of your contract.
So if you don't get cell phone service in your house, and you're like, this
sucks, I want
to cancel and go with another brand, you can't do it.
Because if you do cancel it, you owe them $300.
It's kind of annoying.
And you don't think about it while you do it.
You just think, oh, that's $300.
But it's not.
With Ting, they don't have any of that bullshit.
If you buy the phone, you have it.
It's yours.
If you want to cancel, you just cancel.
That's it.
Rogan.Ting.com.
Go there.
Save yourself $25 off of any of their fantastic devices.
All right.
That's it.
Tim Burnett from Solo Hunter is here.
Why fuck around, Jamie?
Cue the music.
Joe Rogan Podcast.
Check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day.
Joe Rogan Podcast by night.
All day.
So, over the last couple years, I've really gotten into hunting.
I went on my first hunting trip with Steve Rinella and started watching a lot
of hunting
TV shows.
I've kind of always watched a lot of them.
But your show really stood out.
And this is a show, you guys on the Outdoor Channel?
Outdoor Channel.
Outdoor Channel.
Outdoor Channel.
It's called Solo Hunter.
And you 