Name: Joe Rogan Experience #556 - Bryan Callen
Uploaded: 2014-10-01T03:45:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #556 - Bryan Callen' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-10-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #556 - Bryan Callen' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-10-01. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #556 - Bryan Callen

hey look it's the kid hey guys come on it's sure sure i look he's even got a
shirt on that says
the kid whatever in case you were wondering i got tight fitting skin i like how
the fighter
is in smaller font because he gets more letters you guys based it on like what's
what's an even trade
did you weigh the ink yeah we weighed the ink we had to we had to weigh the ink
because the fighter
is nice and long but the kid well he designs all the t-shirts i'm terrible with
clothing i'm not a
big well that fashionista you might want to look into someone who actually
makes t-shirts because
that looks like a fucking junior high school kid did that shit with a paintbrush
yeah well that was
the idea that looks like an art class that you didn't give a fuck about passing
i think that's
karate kid font though that's what i'm talking about is it supposed to be like
like kung fu movie
font yeah yeah sure i'm not i'm not part of the least creative i'm not part of
the artistic department
i love both you guys but that is one of the least creative t-shirts i've ever
seen and i love that
end thing that fighter the end the end that that the little fucking weird thing
that that stands for
end you know what is that what is the thing called and sign what is that an ampersand
that's what i
thought ampersand was an a hat like a pound like with the a that's circled no
that's uh what is that
uh at what is that what is the actual asterisk no no no asterisk is the star
right yeah
i tried to make t-shirts for maya but which one's ampersand i don't know hold
on let's find out
ampersand um ampersand and yeah okay jamie's totally correct so ampersand is
the that's the end
like fighter and a and d it's a weird little symbol it's just looks good on
your t-shirt yes you do
obviously right there man fighter in the kid fighter and then that thing over
the t that thing you just
look at it you need glasses bro i do not just because you need glasses stop
trying to get me in on your
glasses bandwagon they could you could read shit better okay the at signs
actually called a strudel in
israel okay but we're not in israel was it called in america uh it's just an at
sign just an at sign
a strudel yeah that's one of those ones that like didn't have any play for like
hundreds of years
you're like what is this useless fucking thing stop trying to bring things back
computer you would look
at like before twitter and facebook and all that shit and like in the name and
nothing you fucking
never used that thing on the keyboard on the typewriter that was a useless
goddamn key like who the
hell needs that and thing i know and you would ask like what is that it's some
shit you'll never use
meanwhile some shit everybody uses now everybody's fucking twitter handle i don't
know how many
twitter people there are changes are you a pound sign or a hashtag person well
you really should say
pound sign i mean why does it get to be hashtag it's the same goddamn thing
yeah because it has a
different connotation what was a pound sign's connotation uh that it was just
on your phone
remember what did anybody use it for you would be you would punctuate to send a
send a you know a
message or something like a voicemail yeah press the pound sign that's all but
they say the pound
sign but then all of a sudden hashtag came along like what are you making corn
beef you slinging
slinging hash what kind of hash is this twitter is this weed hash why would you
call it hashtag
hashtag question mark with the origin someone's going to send us a link on
twitter i'm sure
the origins of the word hashtag hashtag uh came from twitter right yeah and
then facebook adopted it i was
talking to this i was talking to this linguist i was saying why do why do like
southern accents for
example in mississippi never go away why do like certain regions hold on to
their accents
and he said most of it has to do with the fact that you copy the person who's
older
the person you look up to if he has an accent that's the guy you're going to
try to talk like
so it gets passed down from generation to generation and doesn't really get diluted
because they just stand out more human beings are tribal and so what they do is
you if you grew up around your
dad or your older brother or somebody you look up to who speaks a certain way
without even realizing it
you start taking on their language you speak exactly the way do same intonation
and everything
and so what happens is that accent in louisiana will always stay that accent in
louisiana it's really
interesting but then that can that can start to sort of change as as people
migrate you know what if a bunch of
bad motherfuckers bunch of badass big dick south africans came in and just
fucked everybody in that town
dominated came in with billions of dollars of cash it would be interesting if
there was a way where
you could restructure an accent just a few dominant alpha chimpanzee males with
a strange accent yeah you
know strange south african accent like if there was a way like some bad motherfuckers
could move into an
area well if everybody would want to be like them so much they would start
talking like south african if
you go to barcelona in spain they they they they talk with a list barcelona barcelona
they do and
they say that is because the king had a lisp a long time ago and everybody
started to copy that sort of
you know that that colloquialism or whatever well it is kind of weird that that
lisp is considered to be
odd the one strange sound that you make but roaring the arse is considered to
be flamboyant and beautiful
like if you say someone to speak the queen's english of course no but we have
like that we have like
categories where we'll put like this is a sound that you should make and this
is a sound where it's
i don't like it and it's all based on our control see the lisp the issue with
the lisp is some people
cannot control the fact that they make that sound so they're not trying to lift
it's very difficult
for them to not lift yeah but so because of that that sound becomes
inappropriate yeah maybe it's because
when you have a lisp it's already quote-unquote a a defect so it's considered a
weakness yes so that
would be something that is well it's just because you can't control it that's
why it's a weakness
if he rolls his r's on purpose then it sounds cool he's antonio banderas yeah
but if you roll your
r's because you can't stop like your i thought that was conor mcgregor but keep
conor mcgregor
conor mcgregor he's got a little bit of his own i like to whip ass but that's a
different thing an
irish thing that's right but yeah the r's are slippery right do you know what i'm
saying yes roll what if
without it was a disease you know instead of a lisp right you know it's always
got a rasp oh the poor
bastard well you can't help it speech impediment stutters stutters are
neurological stutters are
yeah that's a neurological thing there was a kid that uh i used to be friends
with and his brother
had stutter poor poor bastard he just just would lock up man and he would lock
up in front of you
and you'd want to like help him through it yes and you have to act like nothing
my that something about
stutters endear me to the person like i want to protect them yeah we had a guy
in my taekwondo school who
would sometimes we'd line up and he'd have to say chariot cunye to like now and
he could he had such a bad
stutter so we'd all be sitting there and he'd go chariot
and we have to wait sometimes for 40 seconds wow but of course we all did and
something about
a stutter has always made me feel protective over the person if you're stuttering
all the time should
you be getting kicked in the head that's that's a good question you got a lot
of you got
shit going on there already yeah some bad connections maybe you could rattle it
loose
like you hear about those stories where like a kid gets in a car accident and
all of a sudden he can
play music yeah well there's a robert sacks did a thing about this guy who got
struck by lightning
his regular dude got struck by lightning and became obsessed with music
especially the piano and just
didn't literally did nothing but play 12 hours a day and and think piano and
and and he was convinced it
it was a sign from god so robert sacks said well you know it may be a sign from
god but is there
any way i can study your brain and he said no no this is god and i'm not
interested in the scientific
and it was just such a bummer for him what the fuck happened right what
happened that you got struck
by lightning and you became obsessed with the piano where he literally played
all day i think he's
probably scared that if he finds something that's wrong that they might like
fix it well go back to being
normal well it's very strange to me also because what they find with people who
like when they say
something like um you got to follow your passion man problem with that is that
you got to broaden
your passion because sometimes your passion can be just what you know and a lot
of people consider
their passion what they're just good at already or they they came at it with
this the right you know
emotional state so it was easier for them to learn but some passions you have
to work at really hard
before you get good at them like math or for that matter even like boxing you
know or something like
that but so right but why would you think that he would want to not have his
brain examined oh i think
that was a religious superstitious thing i think that he kind of felt he it
would go away if somebody did
something to his brain is that what you think i do yeah that's that's what sac
said i mean in effect i would
wonder if he would be afraid that it was purely psychological like this is my i
think there's a
lot of people who say they believe in god and they'll talk about the fact they
believe in god
but i don't know if they believe 100 i think they might believe like 80 and
that 20 haunts them
yeah they don't they don't want to address that 20 and when something like this
happens
where there's a tangible effect of a physical act and you attribute it to god
if someone comes along and says no you're abdullah mangala whatever got fried
you don't
have that part of your brain anymore and that part of your brain dictates
social skills like if
you're having a hard time like talking to people yeah well you lost that that
part's not there
anymore so you're basing you know all of you all your attention is all now
going to music and if
you found out that instead of like god gave you a gift that would with your
head that's right well
a lot of they say that people who the fundamentalists people who are you know
they believe and they're
willing to die for their beliefs there's always a great deal of doubt way more
doubt with those people
how much mental illness is there in this world you know it's something no one
wants to bring up
no one wants to bring up like how much of believing in unbelievably ludicrous
shit is a type of a mental illness the first question though also is this i
mean if you say
i believe in god i actually think a better question initially is what is god
first of all how do you
define god yeah i mean is god what they thought he was when they were riding on
animal skins or can we
define god as there's there's obviously a better look there's there's a way
that feels good in this
world and there's a way that feels bad in this world what feels bad tragedy
disease injury pain
suffering violence crime stealing taking advantage of robbing that oh did you
hear what that did
oh this guy got over oh this guy got beat up look at this video this guy got
this that's obviously
the worst way to go i mean we feel that right but positive is like you see
friendship and you see
happy kids playing and you see people smiling because they enjoy their job self-sacrifice
you see barbecues
you see you see like prosperity and friendship and kinship you see all this
good stuff and so if you just
obviously if you just live your life more towards the