Name: Joe Rogan Experience #563 - David Choe
Uploaded: 2014-10-17T01:00:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #563 - David Choe' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-10-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #563 - David Choe' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-10-17. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #563 - David Choe

Yeah
So I like to open up my show dude, you're fucking these Instagram things that
you're doing these Hong dynasty things
What are you doing? That shit is hilarious you and Bobby Lee and these 15-second
clips. I'm hooked
I don't know what you're doing, but I'm laughing my dick off. Oh
I don't I mean first of all people always like to
Like it's publicly known that I'm wealthy because of the New York Times and all
this shit that came out the Facebook stuff
Yeah
So people always like whenever I do anything to preface it with well if I was
rich or if I had your fuck you money or you know and I go
This shit most of everything I do cost little or nothing like the Hong dynasty
is
Okay, so Instagram comes out and what vine is like seven seconds, right? I don't
have vine but vine is seven seconds Instagram is 15 seconds
We're old guys when I go hang out with my nephews and stuff and they're like
teenagers
Like they won't even watch a one minute YouTube clip
It's true if it doesn't get their attention. They're like or they'll just they'll
watch it with the the bar just fast-forward fast-forward, you know?
So I said
Let's just fuck around we film this thing on our iPhone and
It's just you know Bob Bobby Lee's actually an actor
Or you know what before we get started?
Let me just say I was on Joe's show last time and it ended with me saying
It was a dumb idea, but I was like I'm I'm extremely unhealthy. I'm out of
shape
I have like mercury poisoning high blood pressure high cholesterol all that
shit
I just got diabetes and I said I'm gonna diabetes whatever I mean everyone's
everyone's gonna have it soon, but
I said I'm gonna what would I say I was gonna spend a year to get trained and I
want to have like a UFC fight or some shit like that and
You're explaining to me how dumb it was. Yes, Bobby Lee's brother Steve Lee who's
40 years old
Who's one of those guys? He's he's like a thousand times funnier than Bobby
without trying like Bobby's like a professional comedian Steve?
Just he's just a funny crazy guy
He's one of those he's got a sort of albondi thing where he's 40 and he talks
about how we could have been state champ
If just if he just did this one arm bar or something, right?
He um and he works at or used to work at this place fat sals in Hollywood part-time
as a sandwich guy and I hired him to be on
my show full-time and and
And he started slacking it was what I thought would happen and I said all right
you and me are gonna go into this room and we're gonna wrestle and
You're basically wrestling for your job. You're doing wrestling and I'm doing
judo and I outweigh him by 60 pounds
He's like a little like tiny Asian guy, right, and I'm like yeah, I used to do
judo and
My friend was like dude don't underestimate him cuz you know he's he was almost
state champ
I'm like that was like over 20 years ago. He's like but yeah those little
wrestling guys, you know
um, you can't fuck with them and right and then his brother was the referee so
bobby says
Dave my brother, you know, he's like very relaxed and lazy about things until
you challenge his pussy or money
So steve, you know steve's on the hong dynasty. He's like a fuck. You know, he's
a crazy guy. He's always good natured. He's always funny
when I told him like if you don't win this i'm you're going back to fat sales
and
The job he has for me right now is like
They're like, what do you need to hire steve lee for what does he do?
I'm like
I literally send him all over the world to fuck as many horses as possible
Like that's his job. That's his job right now having sex with prostitutes. Yeah,
I send him I send him like him
Basically him and uh, this guy bill poon. He's 53 years old. I sent them to macau.
They're the macau brothers now
And bill bill on his normal job when he's not on my show is he drives hookers
around
He's the number one whore transporter in los angeles
um, I think he put
290 000 miles on his uh prius
And I said do the math and he has delivered
6 000 hookers to their johns wow
That makes you the number one whore transporter
Maybe there's a guy out there. That's just fucking doing meth and staying up
all night. He's trying to break that record
Well, he has he has he has his arch enemy and everything. It's it's like
Yeah, there's another guy
um, but he's like he's like, uh, what's that movie the transporter?
He's like
He never tries to fuck the hookers
He's super super. Yeah, he's serious about it. He's got like, um, baby wipes
and condom
He's like he's like he takes the job seriously, right? He's not does any creepy
shit. So
Him him and steve
I go hey
You guys you know everyone hears stories about like the set underground
Sex world and in macau and this why don't you go and investigate and by
investigate? I mean fuck all of them and
So I send them to macau we record the whole thing
That's that's going to be called the macau brothers and we're going to put that
up on dvd. I say whatever, but uh
So go back to this wrestling match. Okay, so
So you guys is it a submission thing? Are you yeah, whoever pins? Well, that's
why i'm not a wrestler
So so bobby's like bobby used to wrestle too. So he's like i'll be the referee
and yeah
Whoever whoever gets the first person down submit whatever they win, you know,
but what is whatever?
Like is it to tap out because if you get a jujitsu guy down it doesn't mean
jack shit, right?
That's when the game starts, right? But a judo guy is all about what do you
call ipon when you slam a guy?
Yeah, it was just uh
I guess whoever gets someone in a hold that they can't get out of or something
Undefined undefined victories. Yeah, because there just no punching or kicking
Okay, it wasn't it was grab yeah
and so
Yeah, him working for me is not like sweeping the floor or whatever him working
for me is getting to fuck really hot chicks
It's a great gig. Yeah, so essentially his face changes
And i'm like i'm probably still giving him his job even if righto and I go i'm
just all i'm gonna do is let him fuck
He's like he's like, you know, half my size like bobby size
Yeah, but like way skinnier and I go i'll just let him fuck around and then i'll
just flatten him
And i'll just it'll be it'll look funny, you know, right in less than a minute
He took me out he i go if you don't win right now you fucker you're losing your
job
His fit he goes red zone his face
And I go oh fuck dude, this guy's serious
And then he comes at me and he's small but then he just like grabs my arm or
something
Gets me down and i'm like, oh, whatever and then I can't get out of it
And then he just puts all of his might into this hole and i'm just sitting
there and I can't get out of it
I'm like, you know, um, also kira. She's just like
I've never seen you look more like a pussy in your life
And i'm like and i was sitting there thinking fuck dude
I remember I told joe that I was gonna do this shit like
People have that glamorous idea that they're gonna go and have an mma fight
And I would never discourage anybody from being an mma fighter
Like I think you live and you die if you want to be a bull rider
If you want to ride motocross if you want to drive formula one race cars
All those things are dangerous. All those things are awesome. You know live
your life, man
I I fought I did it. It's not. I mean, I fought in taekwondo and I kickboxed.
It's fucking stupid
It's dangerous. I did it for free. There was no money involved in it
I could I had no insurance. I had no health insurance
So I would never tell someone don't do anything dangerous, but you can't I don't
think you should dabble in that
That's something like there's dudes that are doing it that I know that are like
trying to make it in the ufc
Or have made it into the ufc that that's their fucking whole life, man
They get up in the morning. They're doing their strength and conditioning. They're
running. They're drinking
Wheatgrass juice and they're fucking taking all their amino acids and they're
right, Joe
I'm I'm not gonna dabble
I'm good. They made ufc their life. I'm gonna make I'm gonna make a serious
commitment to my diabetes
I'm gonna make that my life. I'm gonna eat donuts. I'm gonna fucking do you
really have diabetes?
I I just I was pre-diabetic for like the last four years and I like just cross
over the line
I just crossed over and he's like dude with with lots of
Complete nutritional diet change and lots of exercise. He's like you can go
back to not having diabetes, but whatever you would rather not
You'd rather just take insulin and eat donuts. I know it's horrible. That's so
bad. Everyone's well
They say uh 50% of everyone that's being born in america today will have
diabetes
Why don't you do this since we're on the show? Okay
You and I are talking to my friends. Why don't you hire someone see you got
boatloads of cash hire someone to
Concoct a diet for you to to feed you right hire someone that's a nutritionist
That is gonna concoct like really healthy meals all day long really low sugar
And you'll cure that shit within a few months. I mean you just met him right
now. First of all critter. Yeah critters gonna do it
Well, this is this is what happens
When I made my money, I naturally I just don't trust people so I made the
naturally before or after always
I just don't trust people right so I just made
The rookie mistake you've heard the expression before don't hire your friends
and family. Yes, and I hired only my friends and family
And I was like, you know, hey, I don't know how to work a camera. I don't care.
You're my cousin
You have to you know, I just wanted everyone around me to be someone I trusted
right
And uh, it just you don't get the
Level of work that you know, like I work every night till seven eight in the
morning still
I don't have to but I do you know and
You know
Without even because there's always in the back of their mind. They're like dave's
not gonna fire me, right?
Like he's my cousin or he's my best friend like right and then I was just
sitting there going
How come I do have all this money and I hired all these guys and i'm overpaying
the shit out of them and like i'm still at the office by myself
You know, so I fired everyone. I only hired people that
are not my friends and white and
I said no more asians i'm only hiring white people. Oh, man, that's crazy
racist. Yeah, very racist
Asians are very hard workers as long as they're not your family
um, I don't know
I just I just I just wanted to
It's first of all. Yeah, it's very racist and I was like
But it's okay because you're I want to try something different
I already rode the yellow train. I'm gonna get on the white train, you know
And uh, so I hired I hired people that aren't I'm not friends. I'm friendly
with but they're not my homies
and then and then they're they were hired for specifically what their job was
like if you're
A trainer then that's what I you know. I'm not like hey. I know you're not a
trainer, but just do it right
and uh, I found out and with this next phase of the experiment that
I
Immediately like befriended all of them like now. They're all my best friends
again
And and even if I like critter
You know, I said listen, I have diabetes
I you know, and he's also my bodyguard which everyone thinks is a joke which is
which it is most of the time
But you know weird shit happens once in a while. I said look
I
I love eating i'm a friends with lots of chefs, you know, I go to a lot of
restaurants
You know, I love I have a a piece of me. That's like
You remember just having no money and going to a restaurant a nice restaurant
for the first time and just like having that snooty
You know looking at sushi menu and going like what's what's mp
Right, like I didn't know because i've never been there and they're like that's
market price
Sir, and i'm like, well, how the fuck am I supposed?
Okay, so this uh toro, what is that?
They're like, it's the fattest part of the tuna and it's $60 a piece you mean
for the two pieces
No, no, no for one piece and i'm like
$120 for two tiny fuc